“She’s suffered more from this than you have,” Marshall told her harshly. “She’s known about you for eight years. At least you had the benefit of what you thought was a real marriage.”
“And you didn’t?” She looked outraged.
“I knew the truth.”
Liz realized then that she was the only one who hadn’t. He had played at marriage with her five days a week, and spent two days a week in L.A. with the girl he really loved, and their children.
Liz went back upstairs then to talk to Lindsay, and Marshall slipped quietly into one of the guest rooms and went to bed. Nothing more of any use was going to be said that night, or possibly all weekend. All that was left were insults and recriminations as Liz looked back over the last eight years, now that she knew the truth. And as she got into bed, she remembered that John was coming home for the weekend and bringing Alyssa, and she couldn’t let them come. She texted him that they needed a family weekend, and he couldn’t bring Alyssa to the lake, and he called his mother as soon as he saw the message. He sounded angry and embarrassed.
“Why not? I invited her weeks ago. You can’t cancel on her now, Mom. That’s rude.” And he thought his mother sounded strange. “Are you sick?” She didn’t know what to say, and she didn’t want to tell him the news on the phone.
“I have a cold. It’s just not a good weekend to bring her. Tell her I’m sorry and she can come another time.”
“That’s not fair. Then I won’t come home either.”
“You have to,” Liz said, sounding desperate. “Just this one weekend.” Her voice wavered then. “I need you here.”
“Why?” He sounded belligerent and unhappy, which was unusual for him.
“I just do.”
He hesitated for a long time and then capitulated. His mother sounded really sick.
“All right. But it’s really rude, Mom,” he scolded her, and she apologized to him, and said she’d apologize to Alyssa herself the next time she saw her. And after that, Liz lay in bed, remembering everything Marshall had said to her, and she knew she’d remember it for the rest of her life. Twenty-seven years, gone in the blink of an eye. And he had a mistress with twins. The whole thing was beyond belief and right out of a bad movie. But the bad movie had turned out to be her life.
When John arrived the next afternoon, his parents were waiting for him, and Lindsay was sulking in her room. She had refused to speak to her father since the day before. And Liz had called Tom that morning and asked him to come to Tahoe, but he refused. He said he had other plans. So Liz knew she’d have to call and tell him after she spoke to John. She would have preferred to tell Tom in person, but he had no desire to see his father. And Liz knew he’d have even less once he heard what he was doing and why. Tom would never forgive him. Everything Tom had said about his father for years had turned out to be true.
When John walked into the house, he saw the serious look on their faces and knew instantly that something terrible had happened. He could see now that his mother wasn’t sick, she was crying. And his father looked uncomfortable and stressed.
“What’s going on?” John asked them both. “Is Tom okay?” He had had the same thought as everyone else. Only a death in the family could have justified how they looked. And there had been a death, their marriage. But Liz was quick to reassure her younger son.
“Tom’s fine. I talked to him this morning. I asked him to come up, but he couldn’t.”
“So what is it?” John asked with a look of panic.
“It’s Dad and I,” Liz said quietly, trying not to cry. “We’re getting a divorce.” She burst into tears again as John stared at them in horror. It had been his worst fear, especially lately. He’d had the feeling something was wrong.
“Why?” John asked them, starting to cry too, and his father didn’t answer. Marshall couldn’t. It hurt him more to see his son look so devastated than it did to see Liz. He knew how much his son loved and respected him, and he didn’t want to lose that too. He was afraid that John would hate him now. Lindsay had declared war on him the day before and called him a liar and a monster, and he was used to that from her. And his older son had hated him for years. Tom had seen right through him, and said he was a fraud. And Marshall wondered if he was right. Maybe Tom instinctively knew. They had never seen eye to eye since he was a little boy. And it would only get worse now. He had lost an entire family in one fell swoop, but he had expected that. And it was a choice he had made when he had decided to save his career, leave Liz, and stay with Ashley.
“Your father is involved with another woman,” Liz explained to John, through her tears. “They’ve been together for a long time.” She looked at Marshall before she said the rest, but she had to tell him and Marshall didn’t try to stop her. “They have two children, twin girls.” She delivered the coup de grace, and John’s eyes flew open wide.
“You what?” he said, turning to his father. “Somebody please tell me this isn’t true!” he shouted.
“It is,” his father confirmed to him. “I brought pictures with me, if you’d like to see them. They’re your sisters.” John stared at him as though he were insane.
“Are you crazy? You’re going to show me pictures of my sisters? How old are they? Fifteen? How long has this been going on?”
“Eight years,” Marshall answered him in a somber tone. “They’re seven, and they’re beautiful little girls. You would love them.”
“I am never going to meet them,” John said in an anguished tone. He felt he owed his mother at least that. And he didn’t want to see them anyway. They were living proof of his father’s betrayal. “Did you bring pictures of your girlfriend too?” he asked, looking shocked, but his father only shook his head. He had actually thought they would all want to see pictures of the girls, out of curiosity if nothing else, but he had been wrong. None of them wanted anything to do with his twins, or Ashley. Marshall left the room then, and sent her a text from the guest room. All he said was that he was in Tahoe, taking care of things, and he loved her. He didn’t tell her that his entire family was devastated, and they all hated him now, and her even more. He thought he could at least spare her that. And he didn’t want to make her feel guilty for their pain. He was doing this for her, but for himself as well, and he was willing to take responsibility for that.
It was an agonizing weekend with endless tears. No one would speak to him except to make accusations, or hurl insults at him. But he stuck through it, and when he left on Sunday afternoon, no one would say goodbye. He had told Liz he was calling a lawyer on Monday morning, which made it even more real, and she told him she wanted him moved out of the house in Ross by the time she got back. He said he was moving out in the next week, and he would stay at a hotel.
As he drove away from the house in Tahoe, he felt as though he had been beaten all weekend, and he had been. And he knew he deserved it. What hurt him more was the sight of all of them miserable. And in some ways, Liz’s fury at him by Sunday was a relief. He could deal with rage better than tears. And the sight of John sobbing had nearly broken his heart, and worst of all was when his son had looked at him and said, “I am so disappointed in you, Dad.” He thought it would kill him.
Liz called Tom to tell him, and he said he wasn’t surprised. His father had just proven everything he’d thought of him for years.
And John had called Alyssa on Saturday night and told her everything he knew, even about the twins and Ashley. It had been his worst fear all his life, and now it had happened. Alyssa kept telling him that he’d be okay, that they’d get used to it, and in some ways it would be better later. But he didn’t believe her. Their family as he had known it had been destroyed, and his father had turned out to be a liar and a cheat, and he didn’t see how any of them would recover, especially his mother, who suddenly seemed a hundred years old and hadn’t stopped crying all weekend. None of them had. And as they sat around the dinner table on Sunday night, after Marshall left, they looked and felt like the survivors
of a shipwreck. But at least they had survived, and as they started to eat dinner, Liz glanced up in surprise as her older son walked in, and for the first time in two days, John smiled.
“I figured you guys needed a hand here,” he said gruffly. He was a tall, handsome boy who looked like his father in his youth, but the resemblance ended there. Tom sat down and ate dinner with them, and afterward the two boys talked late into the night, and John felt better to be able to share his thoughts. At least Tom had come home. It was the only good thing about the weekend. And Liz kissed them all goodnight when she went to bed. It was the worst weekend of her life, but all her children were there, and they seemed closer than ever, as they joined forces against their father, and took sides with their mother.
The two boys drank a little too much beer that night, and they handed two to Lindsay. She had been talking to all her friends on the phone and telling them what had happened. All of them were shocked, although most of them had divorced parents too. But they thought the Westons had seemed so happy.
Marshall sent Ashley a text that night when he got back to Ross, and told her he loved her. But Ashley didn’t respond. And Marshall was too tired to think about it or call her, and went to bed. He was emotionally drained after a nightmarish weekend. As he fell asleep, he reminded himself to call Connie Feinberg in the morning and tell her everything had been taken care of. And he drifted off knowing that his job at UPI was safe. He couldn’t think of anything else.
Chapter 19
That Saturday, Ashley and the twins had spent the day at the beach club with Geoff. They all swam for an hour, and then had lunch by the side of the pool. Kezia and Kendall went back in the water almost as soon as they finished eating, and Ashley and Geoff lay on deck chairs in the sun, while she watched them dive in and play with their friends. As she looked at Geoff, it seemed amazing that he had only reappeared in her life days ago, and now he seemed like part of the family. It had all happened so quickly, and seemed so comfortable to be with him. He was working on his scripts, but he had made time to be with her and the girls. It was as though they had been waiting for him to arrive and hadn’t known it, and now it seemed like the most normal thing in the world to have him around, and even the twins acted as though they had known him all their lives. He had that kind of easygoing quality about him. He could already tell the girls apart, which most people couldn’t, and even Marshall made a mistake sometimes. Geoff seemed completely at ease with them, and he and Ashley with each other, as though he’d never left and they’d been friends for the past eighteen years.
And the romantic undertones between them seemed strangely natural too. Ashley had to keep reminding herself that Marshall was coming back, and he was finally divorcing Liz to marry her. She didn’t feel like someone who was going to get married, and it didn’t seem celebratory now, only sad, understanding the real reason why he had finally agreed to leave Liz. She knew the catalyst had been the board of UPI that had made him choose, and he did it not for his love for her, but for the love of his job.
Geoff was dozing in the sun as she watched Kendall and Kezia, and once in a while one of them hopped out of the pool and came over to say something to Ashley. And after a while, Geoff opened one eye, smiled, and looked at her.
“I’ve died and gone to heaven, right? I’m just checking, not complaining by the way. Ten days ago, I was living in a miserable flat in London, where I’d been alone for four months after my cheating girlfriend left me, and I’d been feeling sorry for myself. Presto magic, turn the dial, great new job, terrific apartment in West Hollywood for half the price, find childhood friend again, lying in sun at beach club, playing with her gorgeous kids, and trying to forget she’s probably going to marry someone else, but falling for her anyway. Come to think of it, already have.” He summed it up in a few words, and she looked over at him and smiled.
“The flip side of that coin is me crying over my married boyfriend for eight years with no one to do anything with on weekends.” Bonnie was still working straight through on her current film, without a day off. “And now you’re here, and I’m lying here like a lizard in the sun with you as though I always have, while we watch the girls.” And she reached for his hand. She didn’t add, “And yeah, falling for you too, and trying not to think about it so I don’t freak out.” She was still feeling confused. Marshall was breaking Liz’s heart that weekend so he could deliver the good news of it to the UPI board on Monday morning, and to her. Or maybe he had changed his mind again, and was having fun with them in Tahoe, and planning to dump her, which knowing him was possible too.
What she didn’t know now was what to do herself. Should she just be grateful that he was willing to have a life with her, and would probably marry her to satisfy the board? Or should she look at the fact that he’d come to Malibu three days before and slept with her one last time before he was going to end it with her, but didn’t? And that he could dump her anyway, anytime it suited him? She had never felt so insecure with any man, or had so much at stake as she did with him. She had been hanging by a thread with him for eight years. And now she could no longer kid herself that he loved her and that his promises were true. He had shown her that he did and said what worked for him in the moment, and he could fire her whenever he wanted, without ever looking back. She knew he was capable of that.
And she wasn’t looking to Geoff to solve the problem, and didn’t want to. They didn’t know each other well enough anymore, and he’d been gone for a long time. But it was odd how he had turned up at just this moment, and they were so comfortable. And she couldn’t help wondering what would have happened if he had come back before she met Marshall. Would it have worked with them? Could it ever? Or were his kisses and willingness to spend time with her just a distraction or a temptation to throw her off course in her real life? She had absolutely no idea, and knew Geoff didn’t either. It was much too soon, or too late. And she couldn’t risk everything she had waited for, for him. He wasn’t even asking her to do that. He wasn’t asking her for anything. They were just taking it day by day. But being with him felt frighteningly right, more than it ever had with Marshall.
“What were you thinking just then?” Geoff asked, as he looked at her. She was wearing a tiny pink bikini, hardly bigger than the ones her daughters were wearing, and it looked great on her. She had been frowning as she stared into space.
“I was just thinking how confused I am and how crazy I feel sometimes, and how weird life is. You wait eight years for something until it almost kills you, and then it falls into your lap looking like this big, gorgeous gift, until you see there’s a worm in the apple, or a snake’s handing it to you, and you don’t know whether to eat it and risk dying, or walk away. I don’t know what to believe anymore, or what to think.” He wasn’t sure either, but he thought it was interesting that she was comparing Marshall to a snake. Geoff was in total agreement without ever having met him. Trusting Marshall again sounded like a bad idea to him. But he also knew she loved him, had waited a long time, and had two kids with him. And sometimes it was hard to walk away from what you had wanted so badly, even if you knew it was dangerous, or bad for you. It was easy to tell yourself everything would be okay, even when you knew it wouldn’t.
And Ashley was no longer blind to what and who Marshall was. She had seen it clearly that week. He was a man who always served his own needs first, at everyone else’s expense. Marshall wasn’t the husband Geoff, as a friend, would have liked to see her with. As a man, he wanted her for himself, but he knew that was self-serving too, and he knew he was no better than Marshall on that score. As someone who loved Ashley, he wanted what was best for her, and he wanted to protect her, not put her at risk, and he would never have lied to her.
Ashley could sense Geoff’s feelings about her. Why did a good man have to cross her path now, just when the one she wanted was within reach? And to make matters worse, the kisses with Geoff unnerved her. She hadn’t even looked at another man in eight years, and now she wasn’t s
ure who the snake was, Marshall, Geoff, or herself.
“Life is just too weird,” she commented as they lay there side by side. If she pretended for a minute, she could imagine being married to him, while he wrote for TV and she painted, and they brought up the girls, just as though he’d always been there. But he hadn’t. And who knew what paths their lives would take? She knew now that you couldn’t trust anything or anyone, because in the blink of an eye everything you’d ever dreamed of could disappear, or your dreams would change. “Maybe I’m too old to change course now, and I just have to stay on the path I’ve been on.”
“Not if it’s heading off a cliff,” he reminded her. “And if you’re too old at thirty, I guess we’d better both throw in the towel, and I should be sitting here crying over Martine because I invested four years with her. I’m not. I’m counting my lucky stars that she left. And I was doing that before I found you again. You can’t just stick with something because you’ve been doing it for a long time. Maybe life is giving you a message here, and I don’t mean me. I mean you. Something opened your eyes this week, Ash. Don’t just close them again without taking a good look. At least know where you’re headed and if it’s safe for you or not.”
“Is that you sitting there, or my shrink? She said the same thing when I called her yesterday. She said to go into this with my eyes wide open and be sure it’s what I want. And that history repeats itself, and people don’t change. What people did to you before, they’ll do again.”
“She’s a smart woman. I kept going back to Martine every time we broke up, or she cheated on me, and I’d try to work it out with her again. And I couldn’t. She did the same damn thing all over again every time, and I kept acting surprised. And the last time, I just let her go and wished her well.” And then he thought of something else. “But then again, we didn’t have kids. I guess that’s different. You have to do what’s right for them too. I only had to think of myself, and I didn’t want her to throw me under the bus again, and she would have. She’s already cheating on my friend, and he doesn’t know it. I figure he’ll get it eventually, and if he doesn’t, it’s his problem now, not mine. And he was willing to screw me over too. They deserve each other, so maybe it will work for them.” Martine was an entirely different woman from Ashley, and he’d never really respected her, he had just been besotted with her. Everything he felt for Ashley was different. “This isn’t about you and me, you know,” he reminded her, “it’s about you and him. Maybe I just showed up to give you a breather, kind of like a life preserver so you didn’t drown. But you won’t drown even without me. And maybe the right answer for you is some other guy you don’t even know yet who’d be perfect for you. Maybe I’m just a space saver for you until he comes along. Or maybe the right answer for you is no guy for now, and just you and the girls for a while. Or Marshall. You’ll figure it out, Ash. You’re a smart girl. You always were.” He had faith in her, even if she thought she was confused.
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