Ruined

by LP Lovell

  He holds his hands up. “Hey, no judging here!”

  “Okay. Alex. Sex, hot sex, and…well, he kind of said this afternoon that he wanted to make things official.” Lilly squeals before I can finish. She’s bouncing up and down on the sofa with a huge grin on her face. She may well be Alex’s biggest fan. “Hugo is…my friend.”

  Lilly waves her hand dismissively. “Hugo is Hugo. He’s everyone’s friend, until he realises he can’t get in their pants.”

  My eyes flick to Georges and I spot a flash of sympathy. “It’s not like that.” He says, shaking his head. “He…cares about her. It’s weird. I can’t explain it.”

  “Well try, one of you?”

  I sigh. “He came with me for dinner with my dad yesterday.” I say quietly. Silence. I glance at Lilly, whose eyes have gone wide. She knows all about my dad, and she knows how much I must trust Hugo to have shown him something that honestly, I’m ashamed of. I hate that I allow my father to treat me the way he does. I’m ashamed of the fact that I allow him to make me feel so shit.

  “Why?” She whispers.

  I shrug. “He offered.”

  “Why?” She repeats, as I evade her question.

  I sigh. “He just, he gets me. I never feel like I have to hide from Hugo. I never feel like I’m not good enough. He makes me feel…good. Like I’m good enough.”

  She nods, but says nothing. “I bet your dad shit himself.” George blurts, a smile pulling at his lips.

  I smile back. “He didn’t realise who Hugo was, until he did, and then he just looked like an arse. Hugo stuck up for me.” I shrug. “And afterwards he took me back to his and we got drunk…and stoned.”

  Both their eyes bug out. “What the hell Molly?!” Lilly shrieks. “Who are you and what did you do with my best friend? You did drugs?!”

  I frown. “Don’t act like you haven’t…”

  “That’s me. You’re…”

  “Good?” She nods. I laugh. “Maybe I’m not all that good.”

  George tilts his head to the side dramatically. “It’s only a bit of weed Lill’s. You act like she’s shooting up crack.” I laugh, because he’s so right. “Anyway, why were you wearing Hugo’s shirt this morning?” He wiggles his eyebrows again, as a wide smile stretches across his face.

  Shit. How do I answer that? I can feel the flush creeping up my neck and over my face. “Oh my god!” Lilly shouts. “You just sat here and told me you’re not fucking him!”

  “I’m not!” I defend. They both look at me with impatient expressions. “I don’t think. I can’t remember anything. I woke up with no underwear on, and my shirt ripped open. I have a vague memory, but…”

  “Well, did you ask him?” Lilly says pointedly.

  I sigh. “I left before he woke up.” I admit.

  “Walk of shame!” George squeals. “Oh, let me get more wine, and then I want everything you can remember.” George claps and scrambles off the sofa. He’s back seconds later with a new bottle of wine and an extra glass for me. He pours out my glass and tops up his and Lilly’s. “Okay, and go!”

  I take two big gulps of wine, and squirm under their probing gazes. “So, I got drunk, like a bottle of vodka drunk…”

  “Okay, so we will not judge anything that you now say. Vodka is the devil in disguise.” George says.

  “Amen.” Lilly confirms. “Not that we would judge anyway. I mean, hell, I’m just living vicariously through you guys now.”

  “I was stoned, and then….” I hold my head in my hands. “Then I was touching him.” Shit. I started it! That makes this so much worse. I can’t blame it on the fact that Hugo is a whore.

  “You remember the time I fucked that old dude, because I was stoned…” George says.

  “Oh god, yeah. That was bad.” Lilly laughs.

  “Same thing.” He says, waving his hand toward me. “Stoned out of my face. I swear he looked just like George Clooney, turns out, he was just a middle aged balding guy. I almost puked in the morning.” I laugh. The thing with George is, there isn’t much that I could do that he hasn’t already done, and usually considerably worse. “So, no judging. What did you do?”

  My face is red hot as I remember his mouth on me. Shit. “So, I came onto him, like big time.” I stutter. Oh god, I don’t think I can say it. I take a deep breath. “Things got out of hand. He ripped my shirt and my underwear, hence my lack of clothing this morning. I know he went down on me, and then I can’t remember anything after that.” I blurt in a rush.

  “Holy. Shit.” Lilly breathes.

  “I have a boner.” George says.

  “George!” She swats at him.

  “Babe, he ripped her knickers off her. That is so totally hot. Admit it.”

  She looks at me as if I’ve grown two heads. “Stop looking at me like that.” I whine.

  “Sorry. Just…I wasn’t expecting that. I mean, you have a thing with Alex…”

  “Neither was I!” I shriek. “I am beyond mortified.” I drag my hand over my face.

  A phone starts ringing, and I look up to find George squirming around, trying to get it out of his pocket. He glances at the screen quickly. “Oh, I have to get this. Sorry.” He jumps up and leaves the room, heading towards the hallway that leads to the bedrooms. I hear his bedroom door shut a few minutes later.

  Lilly and I sit in silence for a minute. I don’t know what to say, and clearly neither does she. Eventually, I can’t take it. “Lilly, at least say something.” I say. “You said you wouldn’t judge.”

  She smiles apologetically. “I’m not judging sweetie, I’m just thinking.”

  I roll my eyes. “You are so judging.”

  “I’m not judging what you did.” She clarifies. “Sex is sex. It’s Hugo.”

  I nod, because I totally understand. Lilly likes Hugo as Theo’s friend, but she can’t stand him having anything to do with me. It’s not a double standard, simply that she thinks he’s not good enough for me, and she feels responsible for bringing him into my life. After the whole hooker thing, she never quite forgave him, even though I have. She thinks I’m being soft, and maybe I am, but she doesn’t know what it was like while she was in that coma, and I would never tell her, because it’s the last thing she’ll want to hear. Hugo and I, we bonded over something far deeper than just sex. Our relationship changed completely over those two weeks. I saw a deeper side to him that I hadn’t seen before. Lilly struggles to comprehend this change, because she didn’t see it happen.

  “Hugo and I are just friends.” I repeat.

  She cocks an eyebrow at me. “No, you’re not.”

  I sigh. “Look, it was a moment of weakness. I’ll admit that I’m attracted to him. I can’t help it. He’s just the bad boy that the good girl in me loves to rebel with, in the most drunken, stoned and slutty ways possible.”

  “Oh, you’re rebelling with him alright.” She laughs as she takes another gulp of wine. “Lesbians and drugs…”

  “Look it was a one-time thing. It won’t happen again. Especially now that Alex has shown his hand.”

  She nods. “Okay.”

  “That’s it? Okay?” Lilly always has so much to say. That’s suspiciously easy response for her.

  “I think you should give Alex a shot, like a real shot. He could be really good for you. George says he treats you really well.”

  I frown. “Yeah, he does, which is why I am giving things a go with him. Isn’t that what I just said?”

  “It’s not what you’re saying.” She watches me closely. “It’s what you’re not saying.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  HUGO

  I haven’t heard from Molly for over a week. I’ve called her and texted her. I’ve had a couple of texts back saying that she’s busy and she’ll hook up with me soon, but that’s it. Why she can’t just cut me loose and get it over with I don’t know. She left my flat that morning without so much as a goodbye. It’s not like I fucked for fucks sake. I’ve never had such blue balls in my life. There’
s nothing quite like eating a girl out, and getting so turned on you can’t see straight, only for her to pass out. I thought my dick was going to drop off, I beat that motherfucker so hard. I didn’t even come on her unconscious body, she should be fucking grateful.

  Why do I even care? Fuck, since when do I get pissed because a girl leaves my flat and doesn’t call me? I’m usually praying for that shit.

  Maybe I should just stop bothering her. Maybe we just can’t be friends, I mean I do spend approximately ninety percent of the time I’m with her fighting the urge to try and fuck her. It’s not her though, it’s just spending that much time with a woman without having my dick inside her. My cock can’t help but try and give me a push in the right direction.

  I have no idea what the fuck this is, but I feel like I’ve lost something vital, something I didn’t even know I needed.

  Theo and I are currently sitting in the VIP section of Allure. Things have pretty much gone back to normal, with him vowing not to work for the next six months. Apparently Rome was hard core.

  Gaz got that chick knocked up, and is going to be a dad. He’s freaking out a bit, but he’s coping.

  And I’ve been fucking my way through my fellow sex therapy patients. This week there was this woman called Maggie, another big bird, but fuck me, that woman fucks like a race horse on narcotics.

  Things are exactly the same as they were before, and yet…they’re not. I feel like something is missing, and I don’t like it, so I’m drinking and fucking that feeling away.

  A blonde woman is currently rubbing up against my arm. She’s wearing a short red dress and sky high hooker heels. She’s hot.

  Theo is sitting opposite me smirking. “Still got it I see?” He nods toward the girl.

  I snort. “Dude, I’ll never lose it. Don’t you worry about that.”

  He cocks an eyebrow and I know exactly what he’s thinking but isn’t brave enough to say. He thinks I’ve become pussy whipped or some shit, like Molly has made me change or something.

  In some ways I almost wish I could change for her, and if I were ever going to, she would be the girl worth changing for. I’ll never change though, I couldn’t even if I wanted to.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  MOLLY

  “I can’t believe Theo has let Hugo organise a stag do.” Lilly grumbles as she sips her coffee. She’s been moaning about this for the last ten minutes. I don’t know what she thinks is going to happen. Well, strippers. Strippers are going to happen. That’s a given.

  I shrug. “Who else was going to do it? Let’s be honest, Hugo was pretty much born for this moment. Fucked up debauchery is exactly his thing.”

  She leans her elbows on the table and puts her face in her hands. “He’s going to kill him, or leave him somewhere. I don’t even know where they’re going.”

  “What he won’t tell you?” I laugh.

  She lifts her head and glares at me. “No, Hugo won’t tell him where he’s taking him, and the stupid fucker is just going to follow that liability of a ‘friend’ of yours to fuck knows where.” I don’t miss the way she says friend, but I ignore it.

  “Hugo is a twat, but he won’t do anything too awful.” I don’t think…okay, so he might.

  Her phone vibrates on the table, and she picks it up, glancing at the screen.

  “Damn, I have to go. Talk to that fucker, and when you do, tell him that if he loses Theo in some foreign country I will kill him personally.” She points at me with raised eyebrows as she says it.

  “Will do.” I wave her off absentmindedly. I don’t mention the fact that I haven’t spoken to Hugo since the incident. I’m trying to play it off, pretend that it’s all fine, but I just can’t face him. I’m mortified.

  Anyway, she’s fretting for no reason. The guys will do whatever they want, whether she stresses or not, and they sure as shit won’t listen to any threats from me. Well, Hugo won’t anyway. Theo may do, simply for fear of having to spend way too much time with his hand otherwise.

  She stands up, furiously typing on her phone as she goes. Lilly is pretty much always working. The life of a solicitor.

  “Bye babe.” She looks up from her screen and bends down to kiss my cheek, before leaving the coffee shop in a flurry of red hair and expensive threads.

  I check my watch. I still have another half hour of my lunch break, and I am not going back to that hell hole one second before I have to, so I dig around in my bag and find my ipad. I haven’t had much time to read lately, but I do love it. I like the raunchy romance books, where the love story is so twisted that the characters were quite literally made for each other.

  I’m right in the middle of a seriously hot shower scene when the chair beside me moves, and a body drops into it.

  “Sweetness.” His voice is rough and low, and I’d forgotten how much I love hearing it caress that word. Every time he says it, it makes me act like a giddy girl. Now though, there’s a layer of apprehension surrounding it.

  “Hugo.” I look up from my screen at him. His eyes lock with mine and narrow. He looks pissed. Great.

  He throws one arm across the back of my chair, brushing the side of his body against my arm. I lean forward slightly, trying to move away from his touch.

  There’s an awkward tension between us. I left his flat over a week ago, and I haven’t seen him since. He calls and texts. I keep blowing him off with excuses. I just can’t face him. He reminds me of what a dirty slut I am. Just looking at him makes me feel cheap and nasty, because that’s what I am around him. He says a few words and gives me a couple of drinks and I practically throw my knickers at him, regardless of who I’m hurting in the process.

  I like Hugo. He’s one of the best friends I’ve ever had, and he gets me in ways that even Lilly doesn’t, but he’s toxic. He makes me feel free, but that freedom comes with a price, because all actions have consequences. Hugo may act on a whim all the time, doing whatever he wants whenever he wants, but I can’t be that person. I care about people other than myself, and how my actions affect them. Did I want Hugo to kiss me in Allure? Yes, of course, but if Alex knew about it, it would hurt him.

  I don’t want to hurt Alex. He respects me. I’m not going to throw that away for a spark of passion, because that’s all it ever is with Hugo, an explosive bright spark, and then before I know it he’s moved onto the next girl.

  I don’t know what is going to happen here.

  “So…” I say, drumming my fingers on the table nervously.

  He sighs. “Fucking hell Molly, will you stop acting like this is some big deal. It’s been nearly two weeks. Seriously?”

  I turn to face him. “This is a big deal.” His blue eyes search my features, before he drags his hand over his face.

  “No, you are making it a big deal. Fuck knows why.”

  “Why?!” I practically shriek, before checking myself and lowering the volume. “You got me stoned, and then I…we…had sex, and I’m with Alex. You are supposed to be my friend. It’s all fucked.”

  He raises both eyebrows at me. “Okay, drama queen. Firstly, we didn’t have sex. Secondly, I am your friend, and thirdly, you’re with Alex now?” We didn’t have sex? We didn’t have sex! But we did do other things.

  “I remember certain things, but it’s hazy.” I admit.

  He sighs. “Okay, so I’ll fill you in. I ate your pussy.” He practically fucks the words as he says them, making my skin break out in goose bumps even though I suddenly feel like I’m on fire. “You came, then you passed out.” A blush creeps over my cheeks. “And then I wake up in the morning and you’re gone. I call you and text you. Nothing. That’s a bitch move, sweetness.”

  “I…” I stammer. I don’t know what to say. “I didn’t know what to do. You and me, it’s just... I can’t deal with whatever this is that keeps happening between us. We’re friends, but we get drunk and have accidental encounters. Clearly this isn’t working.” My chest gives a little squeeze, because I love being around Hugo, and I don’t want to l
ose him, but I feel torn.

  “One time.” He argues.

  “You kissed me in Allure, and then barely a week later that happens.”

  He nods, keeping his eyes trained on mine. “Okay, so twice.” He chimes in.

  “Twice that we’ve acted on it.” I correct, fuck knows how many others that I’ve wanted to but restrained myself.

  “You were drunk both times, and stoned the last. You cannot possibly be held accountable for anything that you do whilst drunk. Everyone knows that.” He says confidently.

  “And you? Were you drunk?” I whisper. Something crosses his expression, but it’s gone before I catch it.

  “I wasn’t as smashed as you, no.”

  “So why did you do it?” I need to know.

  “Uh, you have met me, right?” He smirks. He acts like he’s so care free, but I know him now. I can see when he’s just pulling his bullshit to distract from the truth. He comes across as so uncomplicated, but in truth, he’s one of the most closed off people I’ve ever met.

  “Hugo, this is serious. I don’t want to be some cheap whore you think you can pick up and put down.” I growl.

  “Hey.” He grabs my chin and my skin tingles under his touch. His expression turns serious, all humour gone. “Never.” His eyes are fierce as he speaks. “I would never treat you like a whore, Molly.” He trails his thumb along my jaw and to my bottom lip. His eyes fix on my lips before they darken into something so sinful I find myself unable to breathe properly. My blood feels like it’s raging in my veins, and my skin suddenly feels too tight. His fingers on my skin send what feels like an electric pulse over my body. Ten days. That’s how long it has been since I last saw him in person. I think spending time with him most days built up my resistance to him, but now I have none. He invades my senses in every possible way.

  “Hugo.” I breathe.

  His eyes lift from my lips to my eyes. “Yeah?” He looks calm, but his eyes are turbulent.

  “You need to stop touching me.” I whisper.