Stirring Up Dirty

by Kacey Hammell

  She tightened her arms around his back and squeezed his ribs. “I couldn’t believe it when Glory handed over the check to us this morning. I could hardly stop crying all the way over here.”

  “This is outstanding. Jesus, Eric, this is far more than we need.”

  Eric stepped back, his arm still around his sister. “Yeah. So we’ll definitely need to uphold everyone’s stipulation of making a donation to the church.”

  “That’s a great idea! They’ll appreciate that,” Melissa agreed.

  “The town came together for us. We have to give something back. And that amount… I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.”

  They all fell silent. Eric wanted to believe his siblings were reflecting on all they had and had been given like he was. Even if it took him days, he’d send out a personal thank-you card to each and every person who’d donated their time, bought a piece from the auction, or who’d come out just to support them with words and kindness.

  Humbled, Candy’s wounded face filled his vision. His words had cut her in half. And he hadn’t meant to hurt her.

  Sure, Melissa would always be on a pedestal in his eyes, and Candy should be there with her. She’d offered so much of herself and asked for nothing in return, just like Drew said.

  All the times Mel had talked about her over the last year, he’d had an idea about her that was farthest from the truth. Though he’d seen her physical beauty in photos and made a premature judgment about her, he was nowhere near accurate.

  Her heart was pure gold and she didn’t have a selfish bone in her body. She lived and acted tough, oozed confidence and a devil-may-care attitude but beneath the surface, she was an angel who gave whatever she could to those in need.

  She’d rushed headfirst into solving the problem that he’d created. Rallied the town and his family, all of whom had also fallen in love with her.

  Also?

  Love?

  As he tried to make sense of the word, his heart opened, and a rush of breath escaped him.

  “Eric, are you all right?” Melissa asked, holding tight to him.

  “Uhh, yeah. I guess.” Dazed, he tried to think about what to do now.

  He’d never been in love before. How did a man live with the thought of losing the woman he loved? And he had. His earlier words were unforgivable.

  The need to see her was strong, pulling at him from the inside out. Heart pounding, he kissed his sister’s cheek, then moved to the back door and shoved his feet into his shoes.

  “I have to go see her.”

  “I think big brother just realized he’s in love, little sister.”

  “Don’t be so smug, Drew. Where the fuck are my keys?” Glancing around the counters, he bit his lower lip, urgency filling him.

  “You mean…you’re really in love with Candy?”

  “Yes. I don’t think she’ll be happy to see me, but fuck it. I have to apologize. Tell her I love her. Ask her to stay. Tell her you’re going to Europe.” He lifted his head and glared at her. “With proper supervision, by the way. And I can’t find those fucking keys.” His voice rose with the last word and he wanted to scream.

  A jingle behind him had him turning fast.

  Drew held his truck keys on one finger. “They were hanging on the hook. You know, the one that has the block letters and spells keys.”

  Eric wanted to punch the pleased look right off his brother’s face but that would have to wait until later. “You’re a bastard.”

  At the door, he turned and looked at Melissa. “You’re a remarkable woman, Mel. I’m sorry I didn’t notice it sooner.”

  He rushed out the back door to his truck and hopped in. His hand shook as he pushed the key into the ignition.

  Doubts clogged his thoughts. Candy hated him right now and he didn’t deserve her forgiveness. But he had to try. He had to tell her how much she’d come to mean to him, and there was no way she was leaving town without hearing him out.

  Worried, he spun out of the driveway. He hoped he’d get there in enough time. Her flight wasn’t scheduled to leave until very early tomorrow morning but she could have called the airline and arranged an earlier flight.

  One that would leave today.

  Stomping on the gas pedal, he cursed and wished the speed limit was higher.

  He had a woman to convince that he loved her. That his earlier words weren’t true and he needed her to understand he’d only been trying to protect his sister.

  Liar.

  Okay, so he had wanted to protect himself, too. Now he understood that with love also came pain and heartache sometimes.

  For however many years he might have with Candy, and with a lot of wishful thinking at the moment, he would relish and cherish every hour and every minute.

  Life had finally begun for him.

  And he wanted to share it with the woman in his heart.

  Chapter Twelve

  Candy wiped her face once again of the tears that didn’t stop coming.

  She tossed another top into her suitcase and slammed a pair of shoes in along the edge. Anger sliced through her. So stupid. That’s what she’d been. To think that a few times in bed with Eric meant something. There may not have been real high hopes for a future together, but she’d at least thought she had his respect as a person.

  The family didn’t owe her anything for helping bail them out of trouble. Going in, her initial purpose was more for Melissa than anyone else. She adored the young woman, and regardless of her future as a model, that would never change.

  But now she’d been tossed aside. After spending countless hours organizing and shuffling people here and there for the event, and now that it was over, the truth had come out. And she was left with nothing but a bruised heart, a feeling of being used and betrayed as if her friendship hadn’t mattered.

  Tossing most of her makeup and lotions into her overnight bag, she left out some mascara and eyeliner she could throw in her purse later. She wouldn’t need much fancying up in the morning just to get on a plane to go home. Plus the less she had to remember in the morning, the better off she’d be.

  A knock sounded at the door. Laying the dress she was folding in the suitcase, she wiped her eyes and headed to the door. It had to be the room service she’d ordered when she came in. She wanted a burger, fries and a milkshake in that order. Nothing like comfort food to make a girl feel better.

  Opening the door, she gasped, then tried to shut it again.

  “Candy, wait, please. Let me explain.” Eric pushed on the door, his foot between the door and the trim, preventing her from closing it. “Just give me a few minutes. Please.”

  Turning her back to him, she strode back to the pile of clothes on the sofa and continued folding them. He could say whatever he needed to. Didn’t mean she had to respond.

  “Okay, I guess I’ll talk and you’ll just listen,” Eric said from behind her.

  She added two more shirts to the pile and remained silent.

  “What you heard back at the house, I’m sorry. It all came out wrong and I sure as heck didn’t mean it to be so cruel.”

  Her heart lurched in her chest remembering his nasty comments about her. How was she supposed to interpret them as anything but the truth, or as hurtful? They’d cut her to the core.

  “I love my sister, you know that. I want whatever is best for her and I’m threatened by you. The thought of her being gone for however long she will be, in a country of strangers who might not take care of her properly—well I feel like I’m losing her. To you.”

  Candy stopped handling her clothes, then turned to sit on the couch, keeping her eyes downcast. His sincerity was crystal clear and she wanted to hear what he had to say. She owed him nothing, but deep behind his words were pain and anxiousness. Tucking a pillow against her chest, she stayed silent and waited for him to continue.

  In her peripheral vision she saw him pull a desk chair to the other side of the small coffee table opposite her.

  “I�
��ve lost so many people I loved over the years. My father, Lou, my mom… It’s been very difficult. Not that it’s any excuse for my behavior back there but I’m trying to let you know that the very thought of losing anyone else tears my heart apart. I can’t protect Mel when she’s a million miles away. And it’s hard for me trust anyone else to do the job. Plus, what if something happens to her over there and we lose her forever?”

  The agony in his voice tugged at her already broken heart. She understood his concerns, hated that he’d been through so much pain over the years, and disliked that there were no guarantees she could offer him.

  For Melissa, she’d try, though.

  “Everything else aside, you have to know that I will never let anything terrible happen to her. Whatever is inside my control to do for her, I’ll do. I have a flat over there that has very good security. No one is given entrance without calling the tenants for verification. And it only has three other flats in the building, all of which I know the owners very well. They’re all in the business and I’ve never had a worry there.” She pulled the pillow tighter against her, protecting herself from the pain of looking at him right now. “There are two bedrooms. She’ll have one and I will have one. For the first little while, until she’s comfortable, there will be very few times we’re apart. I’m running the company from there for now, so everything will be centered on her and the few other girls that I’ll be meeting with. You won’t have anything to worry about. And I’m sure she’ll want to fly home to see you guys every other weekend or so. I’ll take care of it for her.”

  Picking at the bits of fluff on the pillow, she fell silent and hoped he believed her sincerity.

  “I had the idea that you’d take her over there, she’d be put up in some place where she’d be alone between whatever jobs she had. I appreciate you looking out for her like that.”

  She lifted her head and pierced him with her eyes. “You’re such a jackass. I adore her like I would a sister, just as I do my best friends. She’s come to mean more to me than you will probably ever know. I hate that you think so little of me that you believe I’d drop her off and forget about her. It’s obvious you know nothing about me.”

  “I know you won’t do that to her. Deep down I do trust you. But…” He dragged his fingers through his hair. “Fuck, nothing sounds right. I worry about her. I can’t help it. It’s the way I am. I promised Lou and my mother I’d guard her with my life.”

  Candy understood the promises he made and loved him for it.

  Tossing the pillow aside, she stood and paced. There was no place in this room for that word. He’d tossed her aside and made it very clear what he thought of her. How she could think of that word right now pissed her off.

  Eric swiveled around in the chair, following her with his eyes. “Everything I said at my place came out wrong. I want so much for my little sister. And it’s always been more than a model spread out in magazines. I don’t mean to devalue you and your worth. I’m so sorry. It wasn’t what I meant. Maybe I don’t know as much about the career she wants as I thought I did.”

  She stopped and glared at him. “I never, ever, used my body to gain anything in my life. Nor do I crave male attention, not the way you made it sound, at least. You don’t understand anything about my world so you had no right speaking about it like that. And what makes you a saint, Eric? You nearly flushed your family’s business in the shitter. You, who speaks of promises and guarding his siblings. How is that even remotely taking care of them if you don’t trust them enough to help you. That’s what family is, isn’t it? Taking care of one another and leaning on each other when moments get tough?” She drew in a deep breath and walked some more.

  “You know, I always dreamed of having a family like yours. Siblings to talk to, parents who didn’t make me feel like an outsider in my own home. You said once that I was spoiled and had money falling at my feet. I’m proud of that fact. I’ve done it all by myself. Years of hard work, dedication and pushing men away who got too handsy and thinking that I was a loose woman who liked the limelight. I’d give away all my money, everything I own, to have a family like you have. My parents still don’t understand me. Their world doesn’t include me. You have no idea how lucky you are, how lucky you’ve been for years to have a loving foundation you know won’t break. Not all of us get that in a lifetime.” She turned back to him. “And you can’t trust anyone. Your fear of losing people makes you miss what you have now. Everyone leaves us someday, but you have to live the moments you have with them as if they’re your last.”

  Tears filled her eyes. He was pig-headed, and he probably didn’t hear half of what she said. And now wasn’t a good time to be vulnerable around him. There were too many wounds open from his earlier words and knowing they were definitely over. Now she needed to learn how to be indifferent to him and move forward. She hoped to work with Melissa for years and Eric would be present from time to time. It was time to start building a wall around her heart, barring him from ever getting too close again.

  But right now, she was too weak. She needed to get far away from him and St. Albert in order to put distance between them. Then she could erect her fortress against him.

  “You’re so right.” Eric placed his hands on her shoulders. Candy jerked away and moved back to the sofa. She heard him sigh when she sat down. “I know you’re angry with me, and I am ashamed of everything I said. But I really didn’t mean them like that. It was frustration and fear talking. You’re right. I am letting fear control my life. I need help in order to find a way around it.”

  He came over and perched on the edge of the coffee table in front of her. Reaching out, he clasped her hands in his, holding tight when she tried pulling away. Giving up, she allowed him to loosely hold her fingers. She trembled, wishing her body didn’t react to his touch.

  “I know I hurt you with my words. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean them to come off that cruel and without clarifying. I think you’re one of the most intelligent and creative people I know. The way you’ve taken Mel under your wing…” Pausing, he drew in a deep breath. The sheen of tears in his eyes surprised her and jerked at her heart. “She’s blossomed into such a young woman under your guidance. Now that I’m a bit more open to the idea of her taking on a new career, I see how much she’s matured and how proud she wants to make you especially. The stars in her eyes, the desire in her voice when she talks about pursuing her dream… I want that for her. I really do. If you hadn’t come here, shown me that she will be taken care of… I’m sorry I was blinded to everything you were doing for her. For all of us.”

  “Eric—”

  “No, let me say this. Please.” He gripped her hands. “I can’t thank you enough for bailing my sorry ass out of trouble. I can’t believe the amount of money raised last night. The way you brought everyone and all of it together.” He chuckled. “I’m simply amazed. You’re amazing. Thank you for everything.”

  Candy gazed back at him, observing the honesty and the admiration in his eyes. If only she could hold on to that forever. She believed his apology and his realization that Melissa would be okay following her dreams.

  But it wasn’t enough. She wanted more. Being with his family, with their community, she yearned to have it all to herself too. They shared so much rich friendship and love for one another here and surrounding the family. Everyone should get to experience it at least once in their life.

  And she had. Momentarily. But without Eric to share it with, it would never be the same.

  “I want you to know how much you mean to me, Candy. Hell, Drew saw it before I did and he’s smug about it. You know he drives me nuts most of the time, and you can’t tell him I said he was right, but when he told me I was floored. I mean, how could I fall in love with someone in such a short period of time? Barely two weeks and he says ‘you’re in love with Candy,’ and I had to deny it.” He shrugged.

  Candy swallowed hard, her head spinning. Had he just…

  “Denying it is what men do, righ
t? It took me a few moments to understand that he was right, a few minutes to let it sink in and it hit me like a rock upside the head.”

  “Eric, stop. Just stop.”

  “But—” He opened his mouth to yap some more but she couldn’t take it. She slapped a hand over his mouth and waited for him to breathe steady before she removed it.

  “You have to slow down. I can’t keep up with your thoughts bouncing all over the place.” Her heart skipped beats, making her breathless.

  She couldn’t so easily forgive him. “You hurt me. Really hurt me. How can I trust you after that? And I’m supposed to believe you’re in love with me?”

  It was hard to comprehend. Those we loved shouldn’t hurt us like that. However, her parents’ faces filled her mind. They’d never uttered love words to her, or to one another. They cast her aside often, rarely giving her a sense of family or togetherness. She’d lived that way all her life and refused to settle for anything but strength and true love.

  Calm washed over her as she realized how much she truly wanted out of life, a family, and of love.

  “I do love you. I have never said that to any other woman in my life outside of family.” Eric scooted forward and onto his knees in front of her. Kneeling between her legs, he gazed at her, his face open and clear of any burdens she’d seen there so many times before. “I will never stop worrying about my sister. Or Drew. But I can’t allow that fear and control of ensuring they’re always okay to run my life. I’ve never really cared about having my own life, finding my soul mate, before because I wanted to take care of them.

  “But it’s my turn. It’s okay for me to fall in love.” He grinned. “And I love you. From head to toe. Every sassy thing that comes out of your mouth, every sexy swing of those fine hips and the love and care you have for others. Hell, I’d say we’re two peas in a pod, always looking out for others and putting them all first.” His palms slid over her thighs and surrounded her waist. “It’s our time to be happy, too.”

  Tears filled her eyes, making her throat tight. Could it be this easy? Should she make it this easy for him? Loving him was easy. He’d asked for forgiveness for hurting her, and professed his love for her. But doubts crept in.