Forbidden Heart

by Quinn, Paula

  She carried three apples, one for each child, and approached them.

  “Sister!” Morgann called out to her, meaning to stop her. “They could be ill.”

  She turned to look over her shoulder at him with her vision blurred from tears. “They are hungry, Morgann. Today, they will eat.”

  He muttered something and then pulled out a few of the carrots they had left.

  “We will not hurt you,” she promised the children as she and Morgann came near. They looked afraid but their eyes stayed on the food. They ranged in age from three to seven. “Are you hungry?”

  The two younger girls looked up at the boy, unsure if they should answer.

  “We will feed you,” she promised and moved closer.

  Morgann stopped her from going any closer with a hand on her arm. “That is close enough, Sister.”

  “Any coughing? Chills?” she asked the children. “Pain, here or here?” She pointed to her underarms and groin.

  They shook their heads.

  “What are your names?” she asked them as she stepped closer and handed them her apples.

  “I’m Adam,” said the tallest, a boy with scruffy, dark hair falling around his face. “That is Katie, my sister,” he said, pointing to the middle girl with long, tangled, dark hair and huge brown eyes as somber as Morgann’s. “And that one is the babe, Bethany.”

  Silene’s smile warmed on them as they bit into their apples. “I’m Silene.”

  “I thought you were a man,” Adam confessed and wiped his mouth.

  She laughed and turned to a smiling Morgann. “This is Morgann.”

  Adam stared at Morgann’s sword with wonder and awe.

  “What is this?”

  Silene, Morgann, and the three children looked up at the captain returning with a sack tossed over his shoulder.

  “They were hungry,” Silene told him, only slightly worried. She knew he wouldn’t be angry that she’d given the children the apples and carrots.

  She noted Adam staring wide-eyed at all the weapons hanging from the Highlander’s belt.

  “Where are yer father and mother?” he asked the boy.

  “My father is at work in his shop. My mother is home.”

  “Where is home?” he asked.

  Adam pointed to a small cottage half-hidden beneath trees and two other bigger houses.

  “Go and bring yer mother here. Tell her the high steward’s men are here.”

  “My sisters…” Adam hesitated.

  Silene moved forward and put her hand on Katie’s shoulder. “They will be safe with us.”

  They watched the boy run off then Silene turned to the captain. “What do you intend to do?”

  “Feed them.”

  “Cap, we dinna have enough coin fer us and them,” Morgann pointed out, a worried look on his face.

  Silene didn’t take her eyes off the captain. Would he—

  “We will have enough,” he said with a flicker of resolve brightening his green eyes. She sighed when he left to get more food. Ten more Hail Marys.

  She smiled and then turned back to the small, dirty faces before her. “Do you have a favorite story?”

  They shook their heads.

  Silene told them her favorite and while she was in the middle of telling, Bethany crawled into her lap to listen. Many times in the past, she had thought about having her own children, of being a mother. But that desire faded as her love for God grew, though it wasn’t gone completely.

  Smoothing Bethany’s dirty curls away from her cheeks, the child stirred the desire in her again.

  She didn’t notice the captain standing off to the side with two sacks in his hands, watching her in silence that was louder than Adam calling to them with a woman nervously in tow.

  Silene set Bethany gently on the ground and stood up with a soft smile to greet the children’s mother.

  “I am Sister Silene of St. Patrice’s Priory in Bamburgh.”

  Adam’s mother narrowed her eyes on Silene’s hair and her clothes. “You do not look like a sister.”

  Silene lifted her finger to her hair and looked at the captain—why him, she did not know.

  He stepped forward with the bags and dropped them at Silene’s feet.

  With a grateful grin, she bent to take a look inside. One bag was filled with grain and one with figs and other fruit.

  “The captain has graciously supplied your family with food,” she told Adam’s mother. She let her gaze drift to him. All this must have come with a high price. “Thank you, Captain.”

  “Aye. Thank you, Captain,” Adam’s mother agreed, her gaze transfixed to him. And why would it not be? What female with a pair of eyes in her head did not want to look at him? “I’m Katherine, wife of Simeon, the tailor,” she said, finally remembering to introduce herself.

  The captain nodded. “Morgann will carry these bags back to yer home. Sister Silene will accompany ye and yer children. I will return with more food.”

  The children’s mother nodded numbly and smiled. She turned to Silene. “God bless you and these men, Sister.”

  “And you, as well.

  But Silene didn’t go to the children’s home. She hurried to keep up with the captain when he strode off.

  “How did you come by so much?” she asked him when she caught up. She ignored his scowl at seeing her. “Morgann said you barely had enough coin for the five of you.”

  He looked around at everything but her until he finally took hold of himself and lifted his gaze from the ground.

  “I can get…more from female vendors by doin’ the …ehm…simplest things.”

  “What kind of simplest things do you mean?”

  He cleared his throat. “By lettin’ my gaze—” he paused for a deep breath, “—or my smile linger. If I…ehm show her attention, touch her hand.” He looked as if he wanted to crawl out of his skin. “Sometimes I dinna have to do anythin’ at all. They like to give me things.”

  She stared at him, not knowing what to say. It took her a moment to realize he was serious. She fixed her gaze on his dark, golden hair falling over his temple, and then onto his mouth, and his chin. He certainly was handsome. She could understand why women wanted to get to know him better—but they gave him food without coin?

  She slanted her gaze on him and then smiled and shook her head.

  “What?” he asked. “Say what ye would.”

  “You enjoy it.”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “No, I dinna like bein’ given food at no cost when there are children ootside the doors starvin’.”

  She wanted to say something, but what? “Aye,” she finally said in a low voice. “I agree.” There was more inside she wanted to say, but she held her tongue. She wouldn’t flirt with him, no matter how wonderful she thought he was.

  “The thing is…” he began slowly, in a soft, deep tone that made her bones feel a little soft, “…people dinna realize that if they find me so pleasin’ on the eyes then mayhap others do as well. And the same compliments over and over again have become empty.”

  “Hmm.” Her heart banged rapidly and she felt lightheaded. Was he telling the truth? Was he so vain that he thought everyone considered him so delightful? She knew Lucifer had been a beautiful angel before his fall. Mother taught all the novices that was why beautiful men, or even women, could not be trusted.

  Silene didn’t believe it. That would mean the prioress and all the sisters were not godly. Of course, she’d never seen anyone as handsome as Captain Galeren. She prayed he wasn’t beguiling her.

  “I know how that must have sounded,” he said after she remained quiet. “But I do hear it often. Even at my childhood home I am called Galeren the Bonny.”

  “Truly?” she asked on the verge of another smile. She believed that all the compliments didn’t please him. And that pleased her.

  “Aye,” he replied. “Everyone always has an instant opinion of me—whether good or bad.”

  “Your men know who you are.”

/>   He smiled. “Aye, but ye know what I speak is true. Surely ye hear the same.”

  “Me?” She laughed. “Hear what?”

  “That ye are beautiful,” he said and deliberately walked away.

  Had she heard him right? Did he say she was beautiful? No. She would have laughed if she didn’t want to cry. She remembered hearing her father say she was no beauty and no man would likely want her anyway, just before her parents gave her up to God. She knew there was a different kind of beauty, the kind that comes from within. Mother had told her she possessed that kind. Is that what the captain saw? But what had she done to cause him to say such a thing?

  She lifted her hand to the russet waves on her head and thought about it while the captain reached a vendor selling oils and spices. He left Silene to go inside.

  From her vantage point, she could see him speaking to a pretty maiden, who was either the vendor or the vendor’s daughter. She watched the woman smile at him and touch her fingers to her hair. He offered the maiden a slow, blatantly sensual smile, exposing that dimple that somehow made him even more handsome. He laughed at something his admirer said and then leaned over the table separating them, took her hand in his, and kissed it. A few more words and well-timed smiles later, he left with a sack of goods over his shoulder.

  It was the same at almost every vendor they visited. They all wanted to give him free goods. And today, he accepted.

  It was all for the children’s mother.

  Silene knew in that moment that if she were blind and had never seen his face, she would consider him the most beautiful man she’d ever met.

  They returned to the cottage and met up with Morgann. The children ran out to greet them, eager to look inside the bags. They stepped inside and into a small kitchen, lit by the sun through a wide un-shuttered window and a dying fire in the hearth. The table was bare. Shelves stacked around it held vessels of clay, some now filled, thanks to the captain, with grain.

  They gave Katherine the rest, placing the bags on the table. Apples rolled out of one and three little hands reached for them.

  Crunching could be heard from all around. It made Silene content to see them fed.

  “Come, I have a gift for you,” the children’s mother said, taking her hand and leading her away.

  “Oh, no. I could not.”

  “You must, else I could not lay down my head and sleep at night. I am a dressmaker. I have the perfect gown for you! By looking at you, I believe ’twill fit.”

  “But I have no reason to wear a gown,” Silene insisted.

  “You might.” She handed Silene a gown of rich purple with white lace around the shoulders.

  “Oh, Katherine, ’tis the finest gown I have ever seen!”

  She shouldn’t keep it. She would accept no gift for doing the right thing.

  “I just cannot accept it.” She felt terrible saying it, giving it up. She hurried away and joined the others.

  Katherine appeared a little while later without the gown. Silene offered her a soft smile.

  When it was time to go, Silene kissed Katherine and the children on the cheek and promised to visit them again.

  They reached their horses and the rest of the men who had returned before them and discussed what they were doing next. “We should reach Dundonald by tomorrow afternoon if we make all the stops,” Mac said.

  The captain mounted his horse and moved closer to hers while she did the same. “Are ye hungry? D’ye wish to stop and eat first?”

  “Aye,” Padrig chimed in. “I have some new spices I would like to try.”

  Silene wasn’t hungry but she would do anything to postpone arriving in Ayrshire. Would she ever see the captain again?

  “Aye. Let us eat,” she told them, much to Padrig’s satisfaction.

  For some reason, that made her want to weep, she felt that this would be her last meal with them all together. It was the same feeling she had when she knew she wouldn’t return to St. Patrice’s.

  A sob rose up from some deep, sad place she’d felt since the plans for her to stand before the church were made. The sound escaped her lips. She hadn’t meant for it to and lifted her fingertips to her mouth.

  “What is it?”

  She opened her eyes to the captain then wiped them as tears spilled over her lids. “Nothing, I—”

  “Mac, make camp close by. We will find ye.” He turned to her. “Come.”

  He rode off in the opposite direction.

  She hesitated for a moment, unsure if she should be alone with him. Finally, she flicked her reins and followed him.

  He stopped between the trees and waited until she reached him. “Now, ye will tell me why this is the second time I have heard that wretched sound escape yer lips.

  “’Tis just a feeling I get that makes me feel sad.”

  “What kind of feelin’?”

  She drew in a deep breath. “I do not know why I feel these things!” She threw up her hands and dismounted.

  He was there with her immediately, beside her, his wonderful scent covering her. “What is it, lass?”

  She grew still and stared into his eyes. If he thought as her mother and father had that she was touched, either by God or the devil for having premonitions that sometimes came to pass, he might tell her uncle. The church leaders would not wish to speak to her. Her uncle would lose his tie to the church. She thought on it, trying to decide whether or not to tell him.

  He waited patiently while she weighed everything.

  “This will be the last time we will all eat together.” Perhaps she was mad for caring. “I do not know why I feel it so powerfully about some things and not others.” She tried to stop speaking but everything came pouring out. Why? Why tell him? “’Tis as strong as knowing I will never see St. Patrice’s again. I do not know if ’tis because I will die.”

  She was surprised to find the captain’s face pale.

  “You believe me?”

  He nodded. The color still hadn’t returned to him. “Does this feelin’ tell ye that ye are goin’ to die?”

  “Nay, Captain, but…Captain, are you feeling ill?”

  “Aye. Aye. I am. It came upon me quickly. I must be hungry.”

  Hunger. Aye. She nodded. “We should get back to the others.”

  She turned to gain her saddle but his fingers on her wrist stopped her.

  “I willna let ye die.”

  She smiled at him. She wanted to tell him she believed him, but he was dangerous to be around. He made her question things—like if she was fit to be a nun.

  “I will keep ye safe, Silene, and then I will take ye home.”

  Her smile could do nothing but remain at his vow. “Thank you, Captain.”

  “Ye are free to call me Galeren,” he told her, his green eyes steady on hers. His mouth was slow to smile but, finally, he did. “I would give up my life to keep ye alive.”

  Her throat burned with emotion—this time, mostly for him. “I pray that you will never have to face such a decision.”

  “Trust me, Silene.”

  Why? Why should she? She barely knew him. Still, there was truth in his eyes. “I will try.”

  Something made his eyes go smoky and deep. For a moment, she felt something—like when lightning strikes close by and she felt it in her blood.

  It made her look away, guilty at the foot of her vows.

  “Let us get back.”

  Emptiness engulfed her when he rode away, a cold void that assaulted her and made her look toward him once again.

  He made her weak and guilty.

  When she reached the captain, she slowed her horse and then came to a complete stop.

  He wasn’t alone. Three mounted men blocked their path. One of them eyed her curiously, trying to tell it she was a lass or lad. Finally, he grinned with naked male intent, coming to whatever conclusion he’d made.

  “Take yer eyes off her or I will do it fer ye.”

  Silene’s blood went cold in her veins at the captain’s threat.
The foolish man laughed. He moved his mount forward. “I’m going to f—”

  The captain’s blade slid from his sheath before the other two had time to release theirs.

  Silene wanted to hide behind her hands. Three against one was terrible odds. She wished she could help. Do not let him die because of me.

  His blade flashed against the low-hanging sun as it descended on the would-be thief. She watched as the captain’s blade smacked against the other and knocked it from the man’s hand.

  With one fluid movement, he shifted his wrist and smashed the hilt into his opponent’s head. In the time it took to breathe another breath, he swung his sword at the next man. His movements were savage yet graceful and merciful. He could have killed the three attackers at any time, but he beat them all with his hands and knees.

  Silene wasn’t sure how many of the three had any teeth left. But she was safe and unharmed once again.

  They left the men where they’d fallen and rode away. She had never seen such violence as she’d seen in two days on the road. How did anyone who wasn’t skilled in battle get from place to place without getting robbed or killed?

  “There is ugliness in all the beauty around us,” he said setting his gaze over the surrounding landscape.

  She nodded. “I was thinking the same thing. But there is beauty also.”

  He cut her a side glance and slanted his shapely lips.

  What amused him? He didn’t say. Was it because they shared a thought or two? She did like him. Was she supposed to dislike the man who fought to keep her safe? How? Was he sent to test her? No! She was afraid she would fail.

  “Silene.”

  She closed her eyes. She liked how her name rolled off his tongue on his lyrical burr.

  “I’m sorry ye are seein’ so much so soon. ’Tis a harsh world. ’Tis why yer uncle chose me to escort ye. He cares fer ye.”

  “Does he?” she asked solemnly.

  “Of course,” he told her, not truly believing it.

  “He cares that the church thinks he has ties to the church through me. He cares for me because I am to be a nun.”

  It was the first time she had confessed it. It tasted bitter in her mouth.