Forbidden Heart

by Quinn, Paula

  “What d’ye know of how much I do?”

  The lad shrugged his scrawny shoulders. “I see ye doin’ everythin’. Ye train the garrison and earned the respect of the men. Ye hold council and listen to every grievance, doin’ whatever needs to be done to offer help. Ye are always first when Scotland needs her sons to fight.”

  “Nine?” Galeren asked, and then smiled. “Yer ability to understand such matters is impressive. But ye mustna worry yerself over these things.”

  “It doesna matter whether I worry or not. ’Twill still be ye doin’ it all even when we are all old.”

  They were still. Even Margaret, who now leaned her elbow on Galeren’s shoulder, did not speak or move.

  Galeren didn’t want to be here that long. He missed his kin. His nephews and nieces knew him less than the steward’s children. But he would not mention home to Alex or Margaret. He knew the steward’s wife and bairns loved him. His garrison and Dundonald’s tenants loved him. They would not want to see him go.

  “Even then, my lord,” Galeren told him, “’twould not be any concern of yers.”

  “Ye are my friend,” the boy insisted.

  Galeren stood up and put his hand on the lad’s shoulders. “Ye are loyal. Ye would be welcome among my soldiers.”

  “I would rather serve ye than any man I know.”

  Galeren’s heart swelled and his eyes burned. Here was a lad of nine summers earnestly pledging his life to him.

  “I am honored, my lord.”

  “And I want to come to Invergarry one day and meet yer father.”

  Galeren’s smile widened and he bowed.

  John and Matilda’s bairns were intelligent and easy to mold with encouraging words. He would have been proud to call any one of them his own.

  Alex was an exceptional child. He could often be found alone, playing or thinking—or obviously noticing the captain of the garrison’s workload.

  “Aye,” Galeren told him. “Ye will meet him but, fer today, ye will play.”

  “I miss the kittens,” Margaret said before long.

  “Do ye wish to go see them?” Galeren asked.

  “Aye!” both children squealed and jumped up and down.

  Annabelle didn’t live too far away and, soon, Galeren found himself watching the children play with the kittens.

  “D’ye know which one ye want?” he whispered to Margaret.

  She nodded and picked out a little orange kitten with large, blue-green eyes.

  Galeren was disgusted with himself that a kitten reminded him of Silene.

  When it came time to leave, “Daffodil” came with them.

  “She will live with me until I can think of what to tell yer mother.”

  The children didn’t care what rules he put into place. They would abide by them. They would feed the kitten and clean up after it when they took it home. They would play with it and keep it with them when he asked.

  When they stepped into the great hall, Galeren was not surprised that no one raised an eyebrow when they saw the children with him. They walked through the hall without a nurse or teacher calling after them. No one would expect the steward’s bairns to be left alone. He found Louise, the steward’s servant. “Take them to their mother. I will send fer them shortly.”

  “Aye, Captain, but where is Gwen, their nurse, or Mr. Darby, their teacher?”

  “I am aboot to find oot.”

  With Daffodil cupped in the palm of his hand, he left them and made his way to their teacher’s room. When he reached the door, he knocked with the other hand.

  “Captain,” the teacher said, opening the door. He was not dead. Pity for him because that would have been the only acceptable reason to leave the children alone for the day.

  Galeren heard a sound in the hall and turned to see Silene leaving her room. She had to pass him to get to the great hall, if that was where she was going.

  “What can I do fer ye, Captain?” Mr. Darby asked politely.

  “Greetin’s, Mr. Darby. Are Alex and Margaret with ye?”

  Darby’s eyes widened a bit. “Ehm…nay…I just sent them to Gwen fer—”

  “Did ye say ye just sent them?” he verified. When the teacher nodded, his jaw muscles danced at the anger brimming upward. “Then how d’ye explain that they were with me fer the last pair of hours?”

  Silene grew nearer, walking slowly forward. Galeren wondered briefly if it was his tone that drew her or his angry, unblinking gaze at the teacher.

  Darby’s mouth closed—for just a moment. Then he astonishingly tried to defend himself. “I just woke with a fever.”

  Galeren took a step closer to him and reached his free hand to the teacher’s face. Darby cringed, obviously thinking Galeren was going to strike him. “Ye have no fever. It didna just break since ye are not clammy.”

  “I—”

  Galeren stepped back and held up his palm to stop him. “Pack yer things and leave Dundonald. Ye failed yer most important duty to the steward’s bairns.”

  He turned away, unfazed by Mr. Darby’s cries. He loved the children and Darby had put them in danger by neglecting his duty. If he showed mercy, others would not respect the highest duty there was. What was more precious than the lives of the young? Nothing.

  “’Tis a good thing they were with me and not with one of the steward’s enemies,” he said with disgust. “Ye are relieved of all further duty, Mr. Darby.”

  He settled his gaze on Silene as he passed her. She was just as important. He moved toward her, unable to help himself.

  “Leave here. Come away with me.”

  Chapter Ten

  “Go wait ootside of Darby’s door,” the captain ordered one of his men who was passing by. “Make certain he leaves Dundonald.”

  The man nodded and left to take up his station at the door.

  Silene saw and heard his power. He didn’t need the steward’s approval with big decisions. He was trusted. It was good to know.

  “Is that a kitten?” she asked when they were out of range.

  He scowled at first and then smiled. “’Tis Daffodil,” he said, grabbing the kitten an instant before she leaped from his hands.

  “I must take her to my room and put her down. She needs food and likely needs to find a spot.”

  “Where did she come from?”

  “From Annabelle’s,” he told her. “Margaret has wanted a kitten fer a while now. Her mother has refused. Annabelle said the kittens were goin’ fast and I didna want Margaret to lose the one she wanted.”

  What kind of soul was this that cared for the wants of a child who was not his own? He warmed her heart and made her feel the need to pray. “What will you tell their mother?”

  “Nothin’,” he answered. “Not fer a while anyway. I will keep Daffodil with me until Lady Matilda gives in.”

  He smiled a bit mischievously, charming her senseless.

  She giggled.

  “May I hold her?” What was she doing? She should be walking the other way. Hadn’t she decided to stay out of his path? Instead, she giggled.

  “You said the children were with you. You mentioned it to that gentleman, who I assumed is their teacher.”

  “He is that no longer.”

  Silene shivered at the finality of his voice. “I did not know you could be so void of compassion.”

  “My compassion is fer Alex and Margaret and their parents who trusted someone to watch over their bairns.”

  “Is Dundonald so dangerous?” she asked him.

  “Anywhere can be dangerous when ye have as many enemies as the High Steward of Scotland. And not just enemies but accidents can kill also.”

  She liked that he worried about the children, that he’d kept them with him for a pair of hours. He would make a good father. Her face flushed at the thought of it, but she couldn’t stop it.

  “Katherine from Hamsertown gave me a gown. I refused it, as I have no place to wear it, but she smuggled it into my bag. Do you think I should give it to Matilda
?”

  “No. I think ye should keep it.”

  She looked up at him and wondered why he thought she should. She wanted to ask him, but she wasn’t that bold.

  “My chambers are lovely,” she told him next, unable to keep her mouth shut. “I am unused to such extravagance.”

  He smiled, tempting her to do the same.

  “I share my room at the priory with many other girls. My friends, whom I miss very much.” Her eyes misted and she sniffled. “I even dream of them.”

  “Ye will tell me aboot them.”

  She nodded. “I often think of dear Agnes the most at night. She has night terrors and the other girls do not care to help.”

  “Ye are kind-hearted,” he remarked.

  They smiled at each other and continued down and around the hall.

  Why was she accompanying him? Didn’t he say he was taking the kitten to his room?

  “Well, here you go,” she said quickly, not knowing where his room was. She handed him Daffodil and turned her body to go. Her face did not wish to follow—or her eyes, which she could not pry from his.

  “Captain McPherson?”

  They both turned at the sound of Alex’s voice.

  Silene smiled at him. She doubted he remembered her. He’d been almost five when she saw him last. Quiet, pensive Alex. He’d been courteous and shy.

  “Aye, my lord?” the captain answered him with Daffodil climbing up his chest.

  “We are here.”

  “I see that,” the captain said. “Did Louise not take ye to yer mother?”

  “Aye,” replied Margaret. “But Mother brought us back oot. She said we were disturbin’ Lizzie. She gave us to Gwen, but we saw ye and told our nurse we were meetin’ ye here. Ye were comin’ to get us, were ye not, Captain?”

  He nodded and grinned at Silene. “I have enlisted my lord and lady to help me care fer the cat.” He opened the door to his chambers and put Daffodil down inside. The children hurried in after her.

  “A fine decision,” she told him. “There is much to be taught in caring for a pet.

  He angled his head as if to see her from another perspective. “They are quick learners.”

  The light shining in his eyes did not go unnoticed by her. He cared for the children. Another man’s children.

  “They will be compassionate leaders,” she pointed out.

  His gaze on her warmed, going a deeper, richer shade of green. “Would ye care to wait ootside the door with me?”

  She shouldn’t. She mustn’t. “I…I cannot…” she stopped. She couldn’t finish. She opened her mouth to say a quick Hail Mary. It wasn’t what came out. “Of course, Captain. I would enjoy waiting with you.”

  His smile widened. He bowed slightly, making her feel as if she were the princess on some far-off land in a more ancient time.

  “Thank ye,” he said in a low, quiet voice as he straightened and then leaned against the door frame.

  “Tell me more about yourself, Captain,” she said to keep herself from thinking of melting against him. “Tell me more please about your vow of chastity.”

  He crooked his mouth to one side. “I took my vows at St. Michael’s in Edinburgh six years ago.”

  Fascinating. She wondered what kind of man made such promises. “May I ask you why you did it?”

  He paused, looking as if he were thinking of his answer. “Israel’s King David vowed chastity before every battle. We all agreed ’twas a good practice. I needed the most discipline.”

  “You?” she asked, chuckling with disbelief. “Not Will?”

  He feigned insult. “Ye think Will more handsome than me?”

  “Nay,” she vowed with a shake of her head. “He seems more confident with women.”

  “Ah.”

  “I like that you are not like that,” she told him. “I think if you let your charm fall full force on others, you would have crowds of women after you. You hold back.”

  His smile widened, deepening his dimple, making his lavishly green eyes dance. He wasn’t holding back now.

  They heard the children running through his chambers and something crashing to the ground. He hunched his shoulders and shook his head.

  “Why did you not take the kitten to the barn? There is a barn in Dundonald,” she said. “I remember it.”

  “I dinna think a baby cat would be safe withoot its mother in the barn.”

  “Nay,” she agreed, “you are correct. But will you leave your duties to be here to let the children in and out. Daffodil should be let out three times a day at least. She needs food at all times and, mostly, she need attention.”

  “What d’ye suggest, lass?”

  “I could help.”

  “Aye—”

  “Sister Silene!” a women’s voice called from down the hall. It was Lady Matilda. “What are ye doin’ here alone at the captain’s door?”

  “Lady Matilda—” the captain tried.

  “It looks indecent, Captain. Are ye tryin’ to ruin John’s position?”

  “Of course not,” he said, insulted.

  “Ye will give account of this to my husband this evenin’.” Matilda didn’t give him time to answer. Nor did she look inside his room to find her children inside. “Come away,” she said, tugging on Silene’s arm.

  “Ye must be cautious of Captain MacPherson,” she said when they were out of earshot. “Dinna let him beguile ye—”

  “What are you talking about?” Silene dug her heals into the wood floors and stopped Matilda from dragging her around. “Is he some kind of terrible monster that I do not know about? Will he try to force himself on me?”

  “Nay!” Matilda gasped. “Captain MacPherson would never—”

  “Then what is it?”

  “People will whisper. Yer good name could suffer.”

  And her husband’s name, of course.

  “The captain has been kind to me, my lady. He is my friend. Should I just forget him and everything he has done for me because of a few wagging tongues?”

  “Aye. Forget it all,” Matilda warned. “Captain MacPherson is…mesmerizin’. ’Tis understandable that ye could be taken with him. As I told ye, everyone is.”

  Silene’s eyes widened. “I do not know what to say.”

  “His vow of celibacy is almost over,” Matilda went on as if she hadn’t heard her. “Ye must—”

  Silene held up her hand to stop her. She didn’t want to hear another word. “Your words insult me, my lady.”

  Matilda’s eyes opened wide. “I am tryin’ to save ye from further insult.”

  Silene nodded. Her uncle’s wife was correct. But staying away from the captain was already impossible.

  “How is Lizzie feeling?” she asked, cutting off the bickering. And she was genuinely concerned for the child.

  “She seems better, Silene.” Matilda’s smile softened on her. “She was up and playin’ fer a bit this mornin’. Will ye not come and pray fer her again?”

  “Of course.”

  Matilda showed her to her chambers.

  Silene’s first afternoon at Dundonald passed with her thoughts and prayers on three-year-old Lizzie and no one else.

  Matilda invited her to sit with her and the steward at supper and Silene accepted.

  The captain would be there to obey Matilda’s demand that he give account of why they were alone outside his door. Would they eat together? Would the other men be there? Was her premonition incorrect? She hoped so.

  “I purchased a new habit and all this—” she circled her fingers in front of her face, “that ye wear. ’Tis waitin’ fer ye in yer bedchamber.”

  “You found one so quickly,” Silene remarked.

  “Aye. Well, ye are John’s tie to the church. We want ye to look perfect. Now, I couldna find a white gown, only gray. But there is a white overcoat so ye should feel fine in it.”

  Silene thanked her, though she was only supposed to wear white, and finally retired to her chambers to change for supper.

&nbs
p; She eyed the folded purple gown from Katherine, Adam’s mother. She was tempted to run her hand down the soft silk. She’d never possessed anything so fine.

  Why had the captain told her to keep it?

  Louise arrived a short while later to help her into her clothes. Silene didn’t like the serving girl serving her. If Silene wasn’t a novice, she would have a lower duty than Louise had.

  “I should be serving you,” she remarked while Louise fit Silene’s wimple and veil into place and tucked all her hair underneath.

  Louise laughed and promised to let Silene braid her hair later.

  “Tell me, what do ye think of Captain MacPherson?”

  The question surprised Silene and she wasn’t sure how to answer—though she was getting sick and tired of answering it.

  “I think he is well liked by everyone.”

  “Even ye?” Louise asked.

  “He is my friend, Louise.”

  The servant eyed her. “No one wants the captain as a friend, Sister. I only ask because there are whispers goin’ aboot that the captain cares for ye and he is…betrothed, after all.”

  What? Betrothed? No! He would have told her! Silene did everything she could to keep quiet. She wanted to weep but she had no right.

  “’Tis surprisin’ and disheartenin’ to many of us.”

  “Why is that, Louise? He is betrothed. What should you or anyone else care about what he does?”

  “He doesna love Cecilia!” Louise nearly yelped.

  “Who is this Cecilia?” Did she truly want to know? “Is she here?”

  Louise stared at her, looking hopeless. “He didna tell ye of her,” she spoke Silene’s fear out loud. “She is Lady Cecilia Birchet and she isna well liked. Well, not by the other ladies. The men like her well enough. She is, after all, considered to be the most beautiful lady in the three kingdoms.”

  Silene didn’t think it could get any worse. She was wrong. He was betrothed to the most beautiful woman in the three kingdoms? How could she be such a fool to think he would care for her? She was plain. Oh, she wanted to crawl in a crevice somewhere.

  “She was here earlier,” Louise continued, clearly up on the latest gossip. “She left with her father. I heard she saw the captain and he hardly spared her a glance. I wonder if ye are the reason.” Louise gave her a good looking over and shook her head with distaste. “But why should he love ye? Ye are not shapely and yer hair has been shaved off. Ye are not what any of us would have expected him to care fer.”