Harlequin Historical July 2021--Box Set 1 of 2

by Virginia Heath

  ‘He mentioned you had been ill.’

  ‘I was more than ill, Hope. I was mad. Twice apparently. Though I am certain one of those was not entirely of my own doing, so I try to be kind to myself about that one.’ Maria was staring intently, carefully watching Hope’s reaction and obviously dreading it at the same time. ‘Though I am not any longer, thank the lord. At least I do not feel mad. I suppose that could be more delusion on my part than actuality, as heaven only knows I have been prone to delusions a time or two, but I don’t think it is. At least it doesn’t feel like it is.’ She shrugged and smiled without humour. ‘This little episode of panic notwithstanding, of course, which I hope you will not judge me for.’

  ‘You need feel no shame nor fear nor judgement from me.’

  ‘But I do, Hope. I fear your pity, because I would hate for you to view me as a lesser, more feeble person because of my past and because sometimes certain situations temporarily overwhelm me.’

  Maria squared her shoulders bravely, humbling Hope with her honesty and her trust. ‘But it is temporary. I become overanxious occasionally, especially in confined or unfamiliar places as I did just then—but it passes, as you can see.’

  ‘I can see, and to be brutally honest with you, Maria, had Luke not confided in me, I would never have guessed you had been ill. He led me to believe you were much more fragile than you are.’

  ‘That is because he is unnecessarily, and dare I say it, annoyingly overprotective and terrified I will lose my wits again. He sees every little panic as evidence of my inevitable decline, the wretch, so I try to hide it from him. Hence I am here and not in there, as he will frogmarch me home and wrap me in a blanket, and treat me like an invalid again.’

  ‘He is annoyingly overprotective.’ Which as irritating traits went wasn’t so terrible.

  ‘And you won’t tell him you saw me in a state?’

  ‘I can think of no earthly reason why he needs to know.’

  Maria smiled. ‘Thank you. It’ll only send him into a panic when even my physician says that there is a stark difference between occasional anxiety and certifiable insanity.’

  ‘A crowded ballroom can be daunting at the best of times, especially if you are not used to it or fear the judgement of others.’

  ‘Alas much as I fear them judging me, it is Luke I would prefer to protect. I should hate for my past to taint his future or make his new life here any more difficult than it needs to be. I so wish I could stop him worrying about me having a relapse as I have absolutely no intention of having another one again.’

  Hope reached out to squeeze her hand. ‘From what Luke has told me, you wouldn’t have had a relapse if his callous brother hadn’t had you committed in the first place. He said you were quite well when they took you away and had been for years.’

  Maria’s smile was filled with regret. ‘I was well. I am glad he remembered that...’ She stared down at her hands. ‘We do not tend to talk about it...at least not as openly as you and I are talking about it now. I know that he worries about my mental state and any mention of it distresses him because he felt so impotent about it all when they took me away. And I never bring it up because I hate seeing him distressed. It’s silly really, I suppose, as one cannot erase the past, but I so wish I could properly apologise to him for it. I feel it sits between us—the great unsaid—always hovering in the air but never cleared.’

  Hope squeezed her arm. ‘You have nothing to apologise for. You were the victim of Cassius. He is entirely to blame.’

  ‘For Mill House and what happened there, yes. Undoubtedly. I know without a shadow of a doubt that dreadful place drove me mad, and on purpose too. But when after Luke liberated me from that cesspit and worked his fingers to the bone getting me the very best care and treatments to make me well again, I came to understand what had sent me mad in the first place and I wish I could apologise to him for it all in a way that doesn’t make him feel responsible for that too.’ Tears were swimming in her eyes now. ‘For I blamed him for it for years and was a dreadful mother to him as a result.’

  ‘Why would you blame Luke for what happened?’

  Maria stared at her feet. ‘Because it was having him that sent me mad, Hope. Insanity of childbirth my physician calls it...’ Her expression turned wistful. ‘I was so looking forward to becoming a mother. Of having something to love and nurture but...’ She roughly dabbed her tears away with the corner of her shawl. ‘The moment I had my baby I lost my mind. There was no joy, none of the overwhelming love and instant bond I was promised by every woman who had experienced childbirth. Only a deep seated and toxic sadness which ate away at my brain and as a result of it, I neglected to love my sweet, kind and innocent boy for years, allowing the servants to bring him up while I wallowed in my own pit of despair and leaving him to run wild.’

  ‘You weren’t well, Maria.’ And her heart bled for them both. ‘Luke doesn’t blame you for any of that, and I doubt he even realises you felt those things.’

  ‘That is because Luke has always been a rescuer at heart who flatly refuses to accept the fact that he cannot change things. He’ll work tirelessly until he has found a way around the problem, or over it or under it, and he’ll eventually fix it because he cannot bear to see anyone distressed.’

  ‘He is a good man.’ One who, ironically, filled her pessimistic heart with hope.

  ‘He was still very young when he found a way to fix me which all my husband’s expensive physicians failed to find. Somebody, and it shames me that I have no idea who, taught him to read, and he started reading to me. Book after book after book until all those pages built a bridge between us and dragged me back. He did that again when he rescued me from Mill House too.’

  ‘He never told me that.’

  Maria sighed as she smiled. ‘He loves you.’ As much as that warmed her, Hope had no idea how to respond to that, and settled for a slightly dismissive shrug because it didn’t feel right discussing those things with his mother when they hadn’t talked about it first. ‘It isn’t catching you know...my madness...in case that is why you are reticent about committing to him.’

  Hope paused and blinked, shocked that the woman would even say such a thing. ‘The notion hadn’t even crossed my mind.’

  ‘I am relieved to hear it and confess I have been working on that long speech to explain it all to you in case my condition was the thing which was holding you back.’ Maria threaded her arm through hers. ‘But if it isn’t that, then what is it? As I confess I cannot fathom why you are both so keen to pretend you are not head over heels for one another when any fool with eyes in their head can plainly see that you are. Your mother and I are baffled by it.’

  And there Hope had misguidedly thought she had been hiding her true feelings so well from her nearest and dearest. Clearly not if Maria and her mother had discussed it, doubtless over one of their many daily cups of tea. ‘She hasn’t mentioned it.’ Which now she considered it, was a trifle odd as her dear mama had been trying to get Hope to find herself a nice gentleman for years and Charity had not been subtle.

  ‘We agreed not to, my dear, as your mother said any interference would likely make you dig your stubborn heels in further and Luke flatly refuses to talk about it either, even though he is not usually so backwards about coming forward. To be frank, all this tight-lipped secrecy is most unlike him when he is normally one for jumping in with both feet once he has made up his mind.’

  Hope stared at her hands while she weighed up how to answer such an obviously pointed and probing question, then decided that after Maria’s stark honesty about her illness, she owed her the same. ‘It is my fault... I have never been good with trusting men. So many of them have proved to be such predictable disappointments, I am wary of jumping in with both feet now in case...’

  ‘My son disappoints you too?’

  She nodded. ‘I suppose you think that is unfair of me.’


  Maria stared at her levelly. ‘I know it is unfair of you as he has done nothing to deserve it.’ She smiled to soften the admonishment. ‘But I understand more than anyone how hard it can be to trust, especially if your trust has been shattered by others. However, if I might be annoyingly philosophical and wise for a moment, I would ask you to look at it all another way. A way my physician helped me to separate my fears from reality. Instead of standing still, paralysed by fear and waiting for the worst to happen, try striding forward to embrace it. You’ll have no control over it otherwise.’ Then she slanted her a knowing glance. ‘And, let’s face it, Hope, you’ll never stride anywhere if you remain rooted to your balcony, staring at him longingly across those pesky railings while he stares longingly back at you.’

  Her smile confirmed that their secret courtship, which Hope had been at great pains to keep private, wasn’t the least bit private at all. ‘Do you love him?’

  Yes. So completely it petrifies me.

  ‘I might.’

  ‘Are you going to marry him?’

  ‘He hasn’t asked.’

  ‘He will.’ Then Maria grinned a lopsided grin exactly like her son’s. ‘As I doubt the three dozen rose bushes he’s already ordered to be planted at Tregally this month are for me. All yellow—quite a specific order don’t you think? When I can assure you, he has never taken the slightest interest in gardening before.’

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Where the blazes was Hope?

  Luke stalked around the ballroom again searching for her, failing to understand how a statuesque woman draped in seductive scarlet silk and with such vibrant red hair could remain hidden for so long. He hadn’t seen hide nor shimmering copper hair of her for over an hour. She wasn’t with her parents, he had checked. She wasn’t with her sister either, because Charity was dancing and Hope never danced—even with him—and had given him strict instructions not to ask her because dancing inevitably led to more speculation and they were the victims of quite enough of that already.

  That edict had been issued between the strict instructions not to spend more than ten minutes with her all evening in case it led to more speculation in the gossip columns, and to make sure there was at least twenty feet of space between them at all other times—as if that would make the slightest difference. Nor was he supposed to compliment her anywhere where they could be overheard, which basically meant she bristled if he dared say anything charming outside of the balcony.

  Then there was the bizarre rule about not looking at her longingly, which was frankly impossible when she was the most beautiful woman in any room and his eyes couldn’t stop drinking her in at the best of times. How she thought he would be able to stop something which was already ingrained in habit, and when she was wearing that seductive red gown to boot, he couldn’t fathom. But again, she wasn’t ready to make their relationship public yet—even to their own families—because it was still early days.

  Early days be damned! As far as he was concerned, hiding it was dafter when they had no earthly reason to hide it at all and he personally couldn’t care less who knew they were a couple. However, Hope still had silly notions about him having second thoughts about exactly what he wanted from her. He understood she was reluctant to throw all caution to the wind until she was sure he wasn’t simply obsessed with her physical attributes. So he had humoured her and begrudgingly gone along with it all. Trying to do his best to reassure her of his honourable intentions even though he was desperate for her to lead him astray and indulge some of the dishonourable ones too.

  If anything—and he should probably tell her this if he ever found her—with all the admiring male glances which she attracted like bees to honey her life would undoubtedly be much simpler with a big brute like him on her arm. She’d feel happier in her positively sinful body and he’d be happier simply because everyone would know that she was his so that he wouldn’t have to keep rescuing her from those panting dogs in the first place. Two birds with one stone and undoubtedly the most sensible solution.

  Instinctively his eyes narrowed as he frantically searched for Lord Harlington and Lord Ealing as a new worry clouded his mind. What if she had taken refuge from those scoundrels in the garden and then been waylaid there by one who refused to take no for an answer? His pace quickened as he rushed towards the French doors before he instantly skidded to a stop and almost groaned out loud.

  ‘Hello, Lucius.’ Abigail looked suitably tragic stood all alone and blocking his exit. ‘Are you still angry at me?’

  Yes! Of course he was. She had grievously insulted the woman of his dreams and rubbished her entire family. ‘Can we not talk about this now?’ Not when Hope might well be at the mercy of another drooling scoundrel who did not understand what the word no meant!

  ‘I never intended to upset you... I was trying to protect you, Lucius.’

  ‘No, Abigail, you were trying to protect yourself. Heaven forbid your precious reputation be tarnished in any way by my scandals.’

  ‘I will make no apologies for trying to protect you from making a grave mistake but I do not want us to fall out over it. Especially as so much of my life is still too miserable for words.’

  Code, no doubt, that she only wanted to heal this latest breach because she still didn’t have the deeds to the Mayfair house clutched in her grabbing claws. ‘I’ll chase the solicitor again in the morning!’

  ‘The longer it all drags on, the more anxious I feel. And with you and me not speaking, I have been so...’ Luke instantly stopped listening when Hope and his mother tumbled through the French doors laughing.

  ‘There you are!’ The relief that she was not being mauled by dogs was palpable. ‘I have been looking for you everywhere.’

  ‘You see, dear, I told you he was besotted.’ His mother was wearing her most meddlesome expression as she nudged Hope, but Hope’s expression had hardened at the sight of Abigail.

  ‘My lady.’ She didn’t curtsy either, but instead dragged a layer of frost into the alcove which effectively froze everything, including his mother who was also bristling simply because Hope was.

  ‘Miss Brookes.’ Abigail’s eyes swept Hope’s bold gown with more than her usual customary disdain. ‘Scarlet is most definitely your colour.’ Then her eyes flicked to his mother and all hint of disapproval disappeared as she dipped into a deep curtsy herself. ‘My lady...it is an honour to finally meet you.’

  As Hope and his sister-in-law already seemed to be properly acquainted, and clearly hated one another, politeness dictated he should say something to relieve the awkwardness. ‘Mother, this is Lady Abigail Thundersley, the Marchioness of Thundersley... Abigail, this is my mother Lady Maria Thundersley, the Dowager Marchioness of Thundersley.’

  His usually friendly and talkative mother barely inclined her head and, for the first time in her life, never uttered a single word.

  After several truly excruciating seconds of complete silence, an obviously uncomfortable Abigail slid her hand through his arm. ‘I was about to see if I could convince dear Lucius to dance with me as I haven’t waltzed in for ever.’

  ‘Unfortunately, he promised it to me.’ Hope was daring him to contradict her, perhaps not realising she was actually the cavalry and he was so relieved he could kiss her for it. ‘I presume that was why you were searching for me, Luke?’

  ‘That it was.’

  ‘Then you had best get to it as it’s starting.’ His mother had apparently found her voice, and with it, she sailed off into the crowd.

  In case he was tempted to linger, which he really wasn’t, Hope’s arm now claimed his proprietorially. ‘And if you will excuse us too.’ Without any further ado she led him to the floor.

  She waited until they were in the very centre of it before she dipped into a graceful curtsy, her beautiful eyes never once leaving his as she held out her hand. It was only then that he noticed her silly fichu was gone and th
e acres of creamy, feminine skin now exposed instantly made his mouth dry. As she moved into his arms, there was something interesting swirling in her green eyes as they started to move, and he got the distinct impression, whatever it was, it had little to do with proving her point to Abigail.

  ‘I thought you wanted me to maintain a respectable distance from you at all times.’

  ‘It is a lady’s prerogative to change her mind.’

  ‘Even though tongues will wag?’

  ‘There is no point closing the stable door after the horse has bolted.’ She shrugged, her smile as affectionate as the ones she bestowed when they were all alone. ‘I have just discovered your mother knows about us. And by know, I mean she is aware we have adjoining balconies and that our relationship isn’t exactly platonic.’

  ‘Well, I certainly didn’t tell her.’ Even though frequently of late, he had wanted to shout about it to everyone.

  ‘My mother knows too, though probably not about the balcony as you are still breathing and I am not in a nunnery. And if she knows then my father knows because my mother tells him everything. And Charity has known since the outset, including the kiss by the fountain because she used blackmail to prise it out of me—although I never told her about you being naked that time—though I wouldn’t put it past her to know we meet out on the balcony too because once she has an idea in her head, she’s like a dog with a bone. And if Charity knows, then you can be sure she has made sure that Faith knows too.’ She sighed then and stared out at the sea of people who were doing their best not to make it obvious they were watching them with interest. ‘Look at them. They all know.’ She jerked her head in their direction. ‘The newspapers know. Apparently everyone knows about us.’