by Peak, Renna
He frowned, but it wasn’t the angry look I had expected. “You may be surprised to hear it, but that was the response I expected. The one your mother expected, as well.” He reached down into his briefcase again and pulled out a set of keys. He dropped them into my hand. “A couple of things, Jenna. First, Brandon Richardson was never engaged to that actress. Krystal informed me of that last week. I expect you’ll be hearing from him when you get back home.”
“What?” My heart raced. He wasn’t engaged? I had been so isolated that there was no way I would have heard anything about it unless Krystal had told me. She had been to see me and had called with updates, but there had never been a mention of his relationship with Robin. Not so much as a word. I thought she wasn’t telling me to protect my feelings, to keep my heart from ripping back open, which it seemed to do every time I thought about him. “Why didn’t she tell me?”
“You’ll have to ask her that question. The point of my telling you this information is this: you will not rekindle that relationship. If I hear so much as a word that you’re seeing him again, you will be moving back into this house permanently. Is that clear?”
I shook my head. “You can’t tell me who to date. I’m not doing this again. I’m not going through the pre-arranged or pre-approved courtship thing again.” A wry smile came to my face. “You set up the thing with Daniel. Look how well that turned out.”
His eyes narrowed. “You may think that you can meet someone and fall in love, but that isn’t how it works, Jenna.” He shook his head. “It’s better to use relationships to your advantage. Love is fleeting; feelings are fleeting. A good match, one like your mother and I have—that lasts forever and survives anything.”
I nodded, my heart thudding in my ears. “Like a child with another woman?” I saw his hands ball into fists and I flinched. I had never spoken to my father this way. Not even once. My stomach turned from the realization that I was being hugely disrespectful to him. I don’t think I had even acknowledged how much anger I had about finding out that Marian wasn’t my mother. I suddenly realized why the press had been so fascinated by how I was doing. It hadn’t made any sense to me before—I had only thought about how horrible it was that he had done that to Marian. I hadn’t even thought about what he had done to me. Why his actions, no matter how long ago they had happened, also affected me. Was I really so out of touch with my feelings that I couldn’t see that? I was angry. It was almost a relief to finally acknowledge it.
He turned his gaze back to the wall, his voice measured and even. “The keys are for your new condominium. It’s not far from where you’ve been living in that hovel you called an apartment. The new building is secure and you’ll be the only resident on your floor. There is room for your security detail there and it will be easier for them to keep you safe.”
I turned the keys over in my hand. I had no intention of moving out of my “hovel.” I wasn’t going to let him control me anymore. “It may take me awhile. Moving can be slow…”
He cut me off. “It’s already done. Your mother chose the furnishings and your things are already in the new place. She seemed to know that would be your choice when I presented you with your two options.”
I smiled. For as awful as Marian had been to me over the years, as critical and mean as she was with me for what seemed like no reason, she knew me better than I thought. Better than he did, and he was the parent who cared. He was the one who had been there for me as I grew up. He was the one who cared, or at least that was always how it had seemed. Now it seemed like I didn’t know either of the people who called themselves my parents.
“You’ll be working in the governor’s office. You start next month. It’s already arranged.” He let out a sigh. “You will not see Brandon Richardson again. Is that clear?”
“No.” I took a step back, sure he was going to lose it with me. I don’t know where my new found bravery had come from, I just knew it was there. “No. You’re not going to dictate my life to me. I’ll think about the job, and I’ll think about what I want to happen with Brandon. But you won’t make those decisions for me.”
“Jenna, I don’t believe you understand what I’m saying to you. This isn’t something that I’m asking of you. I’m telling you that you will not see that man again. I can see that you care about him, and that’s wonderful. I’m happy that you’ve had that in your life. I’ve cared for people that way myself. However, your relationship with that particular person puts your safety in jeopardy, and I won’t have that. It’s not an option, not a question. You will have no further contact with him. I will make sure of it.”
And that was it. Even when I had the illusion that my life was my own, somehow, something would pull the rug out from under me again. It didn’t matter how brave I was or how much I could stand up to my father. He was a powerful man and he had the power to make sure I never saw Brandon again. I suppose I should have been thankful that my father hadn’t already pulled the plug on him when he had been lying in the hospital, vulnerable and alone. Without me when I could have been there for him, holding his hand. Holding him.
My independence was nothing more than a mirage and probably always would be. My father would introduce me to another “perfect match” again—someone who could get him something politically or whose family could benefit him in some way. I was nothing more than a pawn in a game—a game I was only vaguely aware of and a game where I didn’t know the rules. I had always felt small and weak, almost marginalized by my parents’ political gamesmanship. And twenty-four years after I had come into the world, born of some unknown woman, I knew I hadn’t grown into anything more. I couldn’t let anything happen to Brandon and I knew my father was one to keep a promise like that.
The game was already lost.
3
“I owe you an apology.”
I glanced up from my cup of coffee, my third that morning. My hands were shaking, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the caffeine or from anger. It’s likely it was a combination of the two. I couldn’t even make eye contact with her. I flicked my gaze back to my coffee cup.
“Jenna, I didn’t have a choice. Your father made it clear…”
I shook my head, effectively cutting her off. “I don’t want to hear it, Krystal.” She was only here to give me a ride to the airport. I didn’t need to hear her confessions or apologies. They didn’t matter now, anyway.
“Let me explain. Even if you just do it for me. I need to tell you why…”
“I said I don’t want to hear it.” I stood up from the stool. “You can go. I’ll call for a cab.” I wasn’t only angry with her. I was at least as angry with myself for trusting her, for believing that she was on my side. I should have known better. She had worked for my father for all these years—I had been an idiot for believing she was looking out for my best interests. A pathetic idiot who now had nothing but a new condo to go back to. I had no idea how a relationship with Brandon could have ever worked. Especially given his well-known desire for vengeance against the people he deemed responsible for his parents’ death. Considering my father was still at the top of his list, it seemed unlikely that a real relationship could have ever worked. It also seemed less likely every day that he wasn’t using me in some way to get to my father. No matter how much I wanted my father to have no power over me, the things he said made sense. I had known my father my entire life and had only known Brandon for a few months. Why did I suddenly trust him more than I did my own father?
Although I probably shouldn’t have directed my anger at her, Krystal was an easy target. She was Brandon’s older sister, after all. She was there in front of me trying to explain why she hadn’t bothered to tell me that the whole “engagement” thing had been some scam of Robin’s, probably to twist Brandon’s arm about something else. I tried my best not to care, not to think about it. But that was much easier said than done. I cared too much, so much that it probably did put my life in danger. I hated that my father was right, but I knew in my heart that I real
ly couldn’t see him again. That I needed to keep whatever it was that we’d had exactly where it was—over, in the past. It would make it easier for everyone.
“You aren’t taking a cab. I’m driving you. Let’s go.”
I gulped down the rest of my coffee and picked up my suitcase. As much as I didn’t want to be alone in a car with this woman, I also knew it would take at least an hour for a cab to get to the house to pick me up, and I didn’t have time for it. I was getting the hell out of Virginia, away from D.C. and all the problems that this insane world brought with it. The memory of that morning with Brandon, the last one we had spent together, floated through my mind. He didn’t want me around politics. For as pissed off as I had been with him that morning—so angry at the mere suggestion that he knew better than I did—he had been right. Politics was not where I was supposed to be. I didn’t care about what the men in my life thought about my safety. I just didn’t want any part of the craziness anymore, the incredible stupidity that seemed to surround the entire political machine. It was a circus, and I didn’t want to be a performer.
We sat in silence for a long while after we started driving. The airport was a fairly long trip from my parents’ home and I dreaded sitting there with nothing to say. Actually, I had plenty to say, I just didn’t want to vent it on her. I knew that she wasn’t to blame for any of this.
“Jenna, I’m sorry. I should have told you as soon as I found out.” Her words came out on a single breath.
I closed my eyes. “I don’t blame you. Not really. I know you’re caught in the middle.” God, not just between two people, either. Between three. “How is he?”
She paused. “He asks about you. A lot. Telling him about you is the only way I can get him to do his physical therapy.”
I smiled, keeping my eyes closed. It was nice knowing that I was useful for something, even if it was only as a bribe.
She continued. “He’s a lot better. Driving me crazy, though, having him at my place.”
I nodded. “Does he know where you are now? Driving me, I mean?” I opened my eyes to turn to face her. My heart raced a little, mostly from fear, thinking he might follow her to see me. I didn’t want to endanger him like that.
She shook her head. “No. If he did, he would have insisted on being in the back seat. One of the home care nurses was coming this morning to take some blood and change his bandages, then the physical therapist. He’s distracted today, so it worked out perfectly.”
It ripped at my heart a little, thinking about him being reliant on other people like that. I wanted to be there for him, too. But now he wasn’t the one keeping me safe by staying away me—I was the one keeping him safe by staying away from him. I had no doubts at all that my father would keep his word if I so much as called him. He’d be taken care of alright—I was sure of that, but not in the way that I wanted to take care of him.
“I wanted to tell you. I did. I found out a few days after he woke up, after that bitch finally left.” She shook her head. “I should have told you, but your father insisted it was better that we keep you apart.”
“You don’t have to explain.” I couldn’t even imagine being in her position. She had worked for my father for longer than I had even been alive, practically raised her younger brother. And then she had the weird, almost motherly connection to me, too. Three competing interests.
She nodded and glanced over at me. “Well, I’m sorry. I’m not going to tell him anything for now. It’s… safer. Safer for both of you if I don’t.”
I just nodded. It still didn’t seem real that the tables had turned like this. That now I wasn’t the only one who had to worry about safety. That he was in at least as much danger as I ever had been.
“He’s too sick, anyway. He can still barely get across the room without a walker.”
I must have winced because she stopped talking. I didn’t want to think about him like that. I wanted to remember him the way I had always known him. I wanted to be able to think of him for the rest of my life as the hero he would always be in my mind, not as someone who was bloodied and weak. He was only that way because of me, because of what he had done for me, how he had saved me. How he had risked his own life for mine.
I turned to face her again, the memory of why I was even there in Virginia suddenly fresh in my mind again. “What about Daniel.”
Her face twitched and she stared straight ahead. She took in a deep breath. “No one has seen him.” She glanced over at me before turning back to the road. “You’re sure it was him?”
My brow furrowed. Of course I was sure. Wasn’t I? Who else could it have been? He was the last person I had any memory of seeing that night, him and that woman that had taken me to his table. Lexi. I was sure that had been her name. “I’m sure.”
She nodded. “It’s not that I doubt you. Brandon thinks it was him, too. Actually, he’s positive it was him, and Brandon…” She glanced over at me again. “When Brandon is sure, he’s sure. He doesn’t make mistakes. But under the circumstances…”
“Because of the stabbing.”
She nodded. “It would help if you knew where you were. Where in Baltimore, I mean. Brandon won’t give that information up.” Her eyes darted over. “If you could remember where you were when Brandon found you. An address, anything…”
Why wouldn’t he tell her? I barely remembered anything about it. I had a vague recollection of pulling him into the car, but that was it. Nothing else. I barely even remembered the car ride to the hospital or what had happened once we arrived. Everything about that day seemed like it happened in a dream. Foggy. Disconnected.
She pulled a pill bottle from her purse. “Take one of these as soon as you sit down on the plane. You need to sleep.”
I took the bottle and glanced at the label. I was pretty sure I recognized the name of the drug as one of the many pharmaceuticals my mother used from time to time. I shoved the bottle in my bag and looked out the window.
“I made an appointment for you with a doctor. He makes house calls, so there won’t be any chance of someone snapping a picture of you going into his office.”
“A psychiatrist.”
She let out a long sigh. “You need to talk to someone, Jenna. You can do it in your own home, so there won’t be any stigma. No one has to know.” She took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m worried about you. You’ve been through a lot. You have a lot of things to talk about, to get out.”
I knew what she was talking about, but it was something I hadn’t even allowed myself to think about. My stomach felt queasy even letting the suggestion float through my mind. Daniel had raped me after he drugged me. I knew he had. I didn’t remember it, but I knew it. The fact that I had once been engaged to a man that was even capable of doing something like that to me… I couldn’t let myself even think about it.
“It doesn’t have to be forever. Just for a little while, until you get your feet back underneath you…”
I interrupted. “Fine. I’ll see him.” If I had learned nothing else from my past dealings with mental health professionals, it was that it was best to just not argue about it. If Krystal hadn’t been the one to bring it up, it would have been my father. Or even worse, my mother.
She gave my hand another squeeze before dropping it. “Good. He’ll be at your place Thursday at five. I’m sure he can work with you once you know your work schedule.”
“I don’t really want to work there. In Sacramento, I mean.” I watched out the window as rural Virginia became suburban Alexandria. “I haven’t decided what I want to do yet.” I could only think about how much Brandon hadn’t wanted me there. Regardless of what my father thought of him or wondered why I trusted him, I knew he hadn’t steered me wrong. There had to have been a reason Brandon didn’t want me working in that office.
“That’s fine. I’ll let them know. Maybe in a few weeks, you’ll feel better about things. You’ll be ready to go back to work. Be productive.”
I rolled my eyes, glad I was
still staring out the window. Be productive. Because a woman with a trust fund needed to go to work so that she wasn’t in danger of become something horrible like a socialite. As if I could ever be one of those types of women.
We rode in silence for the rest of the trip to the airport. A security guard met us there and escorted me through security to the first class lounge, where he waited for me near the door. He must have been one of the ones Melissa referred to as a rental cop, because I didn’t recognize him. Not that it made a bit of difference—I was just tired of having to be escorted everywhere by these guys. I needed to learn how to take care of myself, and having someone constantly following me around didn’t help.
Krystal was right—I needed sleep. My brain was turning to mush from a lack of decent sleep over the past three weeks. I couldn’t remember the last time I had slept decently. Probably the last night I had spent with Brandon. My chest ached at that thought. I would never sleep in his arms again. He would never hold me again. I would never hold him again. And I knew I would never be the same.
4
Three weeks later.
I flinched when his fist crashed against the keys of the piano again. “Okay, buddy, I think that’s enough for today.” I tried to reach for his hand, but he had already jumped up from the piano bench and was running down the hall.
“I will never, ever be as good as you!”
I flinched again when I heard the crash of his bedroom door slamming. I spoke under my breath. “And there’s the reason Mel calls him a brat.”
I still hadn’t seen Amanda, even after the past two weeks of trying to give her son piano lessons. The nanny also seemed to be missing. As far as I could tell, Mason and I were all alone in the house. Well, except for Cade, my body guard who was probably off somewhere looking for food. Cade hadn’t left my side since I had come home from Virginia, not even to take a day off. I thought he might still feel a little guilty about not having been there that night, the night Daniel decided to kidnap me.