by Peak, Renna
I pulled my phone out of my purse and dialed Mel’s number. “Hey, where’s the nanny?”
“Shit.” I heard some shuffling on her end. Her voice lowered to almost a whisper. “God, I’m sorry, Jenna. I totally forgot. Can you keep him for a little while?”
“Forgot what?”
She let out a long sigh. “Amanda fired her yesterday. I was supposed to interview someone today and keep the brat with me. I totally forgot.”
I returned her sigh. She had been forgetting a lot of things lately, not that I didn’t understand. She was in love, and it hadn’t been that long since I had acted that way myself. “Mel, I would any other day, but I have an appointment this afternoon. And traffic is a bitch…”
“Shit. Shit.” I heard some more shuffling. “Can you keep him if I reschedule your appointment? Can you do the appointment tomorrow?”
Another sigh escaped my lips. “He’s booked solid. I’ll just call and cancel for today. It isn’t like I did my homework, anyway.”
“You are the best friend a girl could have, Jenna Davis. And I’m not just saying that. I’ll be there to get him in an hour. Two, tops.”
I rolled my eyes. “You had better get him before dinner time. He’ll starve if you don’t.”
“Oh, shit. It’s Tuesday, isn’t it? Lunch is quinoa and vegetables today. Can you handle that?”
“I burn water, Mel. You’ve seen me try to cook.”
“Shit. Okay, just don’t feed him any carbs, okay? Whatever you do, please. Just no carbs, no sugar. Amanda will kill me—fire me probably.”
“Then tell her I did it. Then she can fire me. The kid doesn’t like me anyway. I think he really hates playing the piano.”
She groaned. “She’s determined to have him play. You can’t quit.”
I frowned. “I’m sure there are plenty of fine piano teachers in Palo Alto. It’s not like she’s doing me a favor by making me come down here.” I glanced around the room. It didn’t even look like people lived there, and certainly not a little boy. The white carpet was just a little too white, the white furniture a little too perfect. The kid probably never had any fun, ever.
“She only wants you. Hell if I know why, I’m just glad I still have a job.” There was more shuffling. “Shit, she’s coming. She has a fit if she sees me on my phone. I’ll meet you there in two hours. Three, tops.”
“Mel, you said two, tops…” It was too late. She had already hung up. Great, what was I supposed to do to entertain a four-year-old boy for three hours? I went into the kitchen and found Cade looking through the cupboards. “Cade, what did you like to do when you were four?”
He shrugged and flicked his head to get his graying hair out of his eyes. “I don’t know. Play in the mud?”
I nodded, figuring that was probably what most four-year-old boys liked to do, too. “What are you looking for?”
“Food. You wouldn’t believe the rabbit food in this house. Everything is vegan and low-carb. What are they trying to do to me?”
“I guess I’m taking you boys to lunch. Just let me make a call.” I dialed the number for the psychiatrist and canceled my appointment for that afternoon. I was doing fine, anyway. I was sleeping a little better, at least for a short time each night. And I wouldn’t admit to anyone that I was feeling depressed, even if I was. My stomach sank thinking about what he had asked me to do last week. After Krystal called to tell me Brandon was back in town and I almost had a panic attack thinking he would come looking for me. I forgot that he didn’t know where I lived anymore. That I had a new phone number that he wouldn’t have been able to find, not unless Krystal gave it to him, anyway. Just thinking about the “homework” assignment for the week was enough to turn my stomach. At least I wouldn’t have to explain why I hadn’t done it. It was too soon, anyway. It hadn’t even been two months since everything happened—it had only barely been six weeks. I waited over a year before I tried to move on from Daniel, and look where that had landed me.
I blew out a long sigh and went to look for Mason. I found him in his room, curled up on his bed with one of his Encyclopedia Brown books. I still couldn’t believe a four-year-old kid was reading something that difficult. “Hey, buddy, want to go to lunch with me?”
He rolled over and looked up at me with his big blue eyes.
His eyes reminded me of Brandon every time I looked at them. I tried to shake it off—the memories of his blue eyes, anyway. “Melissa is going to come back in a little while, but it’ll be after lunch time. You feel like going out?”
“It’s Tuesday. I have to have quinoa and vegetables for lunch on Tuesdays.”
I nodded. “Okay. We can try to find a restaurant that has that. I don’t know how to cook quinoa.” I cocked my head at him. “Or vegetables.”
He sat up on the bed. “What do you know how to make?”
I shrugged. “Coffee? I can probably make you some if you want. Actually, I probably don’t know how to use your mom’s fancy coffee machine, so I could probably just get you a glass of water. From the tap.” I grinned down at him.
He giggled. “Kids aren’t supposed to drink coffee.”
“I know. That’s why we have to go out to get something to eat. What do you like?”
He shrugged. “Quinoa on Tuesdays.”
I rolled my eyes. “Well, I hate quinoa. I like hamburgers, though. What’s your favorite thing to eat?”
He looked up at the ceiling, deep in thought. “I had a hamburger at my friend Sophie’s house once. My mom was really mad and wouldn’t let me play with her anymore after that.”
That sealed it for me. This kid was getting carbs and I was going to get fired. Hallelujah. “If you could have anything to eat in the whole, wide world, what would it be?”
“Ice cream. I ate that the same day as I ate the hamburger. It was at Sophie’s birthday party.”
My grin took over my whole face. “Mason, you are a man after my own heart.”
5
We stopped at the grocery store before going to the frozen yogurt shop.
“I’m not allowed to eat that kind of bread, Jenna.”
I looked down at the loaf of white bread in my hand as I opened the door for him. “It’s okay. It’s not for you.” I set it down on one of the little tables near the ice cream machines and handed a cup to him. I helped him pick out his flavors of fro-yo, then turned him loose at the condiment counter. It was fun to watch him pile the candy on top of the ice cream. Mel was going to kill me if his mother didn’t first.
“This is the best thing I’ve ever eaten in my whole life!” He gobbled down the candy and ice cream.
It was better than watching a kid in a candy store—ice cream and candy was so much better. This poor kid had probably never even had candy on his forced vegan diet. I snickered to myself a little, thinking about how this would get me fired from being his piano teacher. He wasn’t a bad kid, certainly not the brat that Mel painted him to be. I was pretty sure she just didn’t like being the backup nanny after Amanda fired them every week.
“Did you ever have a secret, Jenna?” He looked up at me with his big blue eyes again, ice cream and chocolate covering his face.
I shrugged. “I suppose. Why, do you have a secret?”
He nodded and spooned another huge mouthful of ice cream into his mouth. His mother really was going to kill me for this.
I grinned. God, he was cute. I thought about how I would have loved to have a kid just like him someday.
His mouth was still full of ice cream when he spoke. “I can’t tell you. My mom said.” He put another spoon of the dessert into his already full mouth.
“You had better slow down there, buddy. You’ll get a huge headache.” I took a small bite of the lemon fro-yo I had purchased for myself. I chased a raspberry around the bowl with my spoon. “Ice cream headaches are the worst.”
“What’s your secret?” He took another huge bite of candy and ice cream.
I winced, knowing he would start cryin
g when the headache started. “I don’t know if I have any right now.” None that I could share with a four-year-old, anyway. “Why do you want to know?”
He shrugged and took another bite.
“Is it a bad secret? Your secret, I mean? You should probably tell a grown-up if it’s a bad secret.” I pressed my lips together and looked down at him. “You don’t have to tell me, but you should probably tell your mom.”
He shook his head. “My mom told me the secret. I already told a grown-up.”
My lips curled into a smile. “Good. Does your head hurt yet?”
He shook his head and took another bite. “I told the man on the airplane. He said he was your friend.”
I lifted an eyebrow. As far as I knew, I didn’t have any male friends. I glanced over at Cade. None that flew on airplanes without me, anyway.
“He said my mom was right and I shouldn’t tell you when you started teaching me piano.”
“Oh.” I nodded. “Wait, your secret is about me?”
He nodded. “But I can’t tell you. My mom and the man said.”
“Oh, okay then.” I smiled. Four-year-old kids and their secrets were too cute.
“Do you like Mickey Mouse, too?”
I shrugged. “Sure, who doesn’t like Mickey?”
His head bobbed up and down and another bite of ice cream went into his mouth. He spoke with his mouthful again. “Your friend does, too.”
My mouth turned into a full grin. He probably dreamed it or something. “So, Mason, I was thinking we could go to the park after this. Would you like to do that?”
His eyes widened. “Like one with slides? Will you let me slide?”
“Of course. And we can feed the ducks.” I pointed to the bread that was on the table. “I got this for them.”
“Ducks don’t eat bread, Jenna. They eat grass and bugs. And you aren’t supposed to feed them bread. Everyone knows that.”
My face fell a little. “Oh. I just thought it might be fun.”
“You can feed them after I slide if you want. Will you swing with me, too?” His eyes glittered with anticipation.
“Sure. I bet Cade likes to swing, too.” I glanced back at him, sitting near the door with his bowl of ice cream. I turned back to Mason. “He looks like a guy who knows how to have fun at the park.”
“Why does he come everywhere with you? He isn’t your dad.”
I cocked my head. “How do you know he isn’t my dad? He could be.” I looked back at Cade. I was sure he was old enough to be my father. Maybe Mason’s mom had told him about me, who I was. That was probably the secret.
“Because your dad is Pat.” His eyes widened and he covered his mouth with a hand.
My brow furrowed a little bit. “Right. His name is Pat. How did you know that?”
He shrugged and took another bite of ice cream.
Okay, that was a little weird. “Was that the secret? That you know who my dad is?”
He nodded and shoveled in another mouthful of his fro-yo. Then another and another. It was almost like I had caught him telling his secret and he was avoiding my questions.
I decided to drop it. “Are you almost done, buddy? Melissa is going to meet us at the park any minute.”
We walked the few blocks over to the park and I sat down on a swing next to Cade and watched Mason run around the way a four-year-old little boy should. He went down the slide about a thousand times, each time looking over at me to make sure that I was watching. I felt a little bad for him that he wasn’t allowed to play the way most kids his age were. Even my mother had allowed my nannies to take me to the park or let me swing on my swing set.
The boy had more energy than I could even believe. He ran—just ran for the hour or so that we sat there waiting for Melissa to arrive. Part of it was probably from the sugar rush I had given him, allowing him to eat the carbs he was never allowed to eat, but mostly it just looked like joy. The unbridled joy that all kids should have.
Melissa pulled up in her car after Mason had almost burned off all the excess sugar from his ice cream lunch. I felt a little guilty, knowing I was going to get Mel into trouble if Amanda saw him like this, his face still sticky with chocolate and his clothes covered in dirt. If I ever had kids, I wanted them to look like that every day. That’s what baths were for, after all.
We walked over and sat down on a bench, our backs to the water where I was sure the ducks would be eager to eat the bread I had brought for them. Mason was just having so much fun, and seemed so desperate for my approval, I hadn’t had the heart to turn my back to him to feed them yet. Since I had canceled my appointment with the psychiatrist, I figured I had all afternoon to feed them myself, anyway.
Her words came out on a long sigh. “Please don’t hate me, Jenna.”
“Why would I hate you? We’ve been having a great time. And he’s filthy, which is even better.”
She tilted her head toward him to get a better look. “Oh, shit. You gave him carbs, didn’t you? Amanda is going to fire me…”
“Nah, tell her it was my fault. I want her to fire me. Seriously.” I shrugged. “I’ll find you some names of teachers closer to her house. I don’t think he really wants to play, anyway.”
She shook her head and stood up. “You don’t get it. He doesn’t have a choice. She wants him to play piano, so the brat will play piano.” She took a few steps toward him before turning back around to face me. “And don’t hate me, okay?”
“I don’t.” I shrugged again. “It was fun.” I gave her a sharp look. “But I am not for hire as a nanny. Don’t even think about it.”
She shook her head. “As if she’d hire you after giving her kid sugar…” She cocked her head. “Just don’t hate me.” She winced. “Seriously, you’ll understand in a little while.”
My forehead creased and I watched her walk over to Mason, chiding him about the dirt all over his clothes and his grubby face. I smiled to myself, hoping I would get a call in a few hours announcing my dismissal as the kid’s piano teacher. Somehow, I knew my luck wasn’t that good.
I turned myself around on the bench and opened the bag of bread to feed the ducks. I looked over at Cade, who was still sitting on the swing checking something on his phone. He saw me looking at him and he raised a hand to wave. I gave him a little wave in return and turned back to my ducks. I reasoned with myself that the weather was going to start getting colder now that it was almost fall, and they would need fattening up for the winter.
I tried to toss pieces to the smaller ducks that kept getting trampled in the melee that happened every time I tossed a bit of the bread into the water, but it wasn’t working. I climbed off the bench and plopped myself down in the dirt next to the little pond and hand fed the smaller ducks after I tossed bread toward the fighting larger ones.
“So, are the small ones called underdogs or are they under ducks?”
The hairs on my neck stood on end when he sat down next to me, sending a shiver down my spine and raising goose bumps on my arms. My heart raced in my chest as the familiar electrical jolts raced through my body. My homework. That’s why Mel thought I would be upset with her. I let out a long breath. “I’m pretty sure they’re still underdogs.”
“You don’t think they take offense to that? Being called dogs?”
I shrugged. “They don’t offend easily.”
“Hmm. And you don’t think you’re doing them a disservice? Giving them food? Survival of the fittest and all that?”
My brow furrowed. “You’re arguing Darwin with me?”
I saw him shrug from the corner of my eye. “I wasn’t sure if it was part of your homework.”
I smiled. “What are you doing here, Brandon?”
“I heard there was some unauthorized duck feeding going on, so I decided to do my civic duty and check it out.”
I looked back over at Cade, who smiled and waved at me again. He had to have been in on it, too. And for as thrilling as it was to have Brandon sitting next to me, I wasn’t
sure if my racing heart was from my overwhelming attraction to him or from the fear I still had. I knew that my father would have him killed if he found out he was talking to me.
It had been over six weeks since I had seen him lying in that hospital bed. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to shake off the overwhelming need I had to smell him. Of all the things I missed about him, it was hard to believe that smelling him was near the top of the list. But that was what I missed.
I had to do my homework. I couldn’t leave it like this. “How are you?”
“Are you going to look at me, Jen?”
I couldn’t do it. I knew if I looked over at him, I would cry. It would be more than crying, though. It would bring up all the emotions I didn’t want to deal with, the emotions the psychiatrist told me every week I had to deal with. He was wrong, though—I wasn’t ready. “I hadn’t planned to, no.” I stared at my favorite duck of the twenty or so that had gathered for the feeding. She was little, brown and plain. As small as I felt, knowing I was powerless to do anything about our relationship but end it. I tossed a piece of bread at her, but one of the bigger mallards came over and stole it from her. I threw a handful of bread at the bigger ducks and tossed another piece toward her. She finally got her meal. Sometimes, you just have to get the men out of the way for the woman to be alright. It was a metaphor for my life.
“I heard you had some homework you didn’t want to do. You know how I love to help with homework.”
I lifted an eyebrow and tossed another handful of bread at the bigger male ducks and some other pieces at the females. I blew out a long sigh. “I’m trying. I asked how you were.”
“I’m swell, how are you?”
I shook my head and did my trick with the bread again. If I looked at him, I knew I would break. “Swell.”
“Good, we’re both swell. Now we can move on to something else. Are you busy tonight?”