by Peak, Renna
I winced. There was no way I could go out with him. Not only would my father find out, but I couldn’t do it to myself. I couldn’t be alone with him. “I am, actually.”
“With what?”
I felt him edge a little closer to me and my stomach did a flip, sending another jolt through me. I scooted myself away, a few more inches than I had been before. If he touched me, even touched me… “I’m playing.”
“Really? Where?”
I wriggled myself over a little more. “A nursing home. It’s not a big deal.”
“Can I come listen? I love hearing you play.”
I shook my head and threw some more bread into the water.
“After, then. Dinner.”
“I can’t do this, Brandon.” I stood up and turned my back to him, walking toward Cade. I just wanted to leave—homework be damned. I wasn’t ready to talk to him, even if the psychiatrist thought I was. And I definitely wasn’t ready to move on. I knew I wouldn’t be able to end it, knew he still had the same hold over me he always had. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let him back into my head, at least I couldn’t do it knowing that I would be risking his life for my own selfishness. Brandon had been the first person to tell me what my father was capable of—I didn’t want him to become another one of his victims.
Every nerve in my body fired when I felt his hand on my shoulder.
“Jen, wait.”
I closed my eyes and stopped walking, knowing if I turned around to make eye contact with him, I was done. Tears stung behind my eyes and I scrunched up my face to hold them back.
“Just talk to me. Just for a minute. God, I’ve missed you.”
My voice dropped to a whisper. “I’ve missed you, too.” I was sure he couldn’t have heard it, not with all the screaming children on the playground behind us.
He trailed a fingertip down my arm. “I’m very, very happy to hear that, Jen.”
My body ached for his touch. He was a terrible addiction and we would both be destroyed if I gave in to my desires. I kept my eyes closed. “I can’t.”
“Jen, just five minutes. If you don’t want to see me after that, I won’t bother you again.”
6
I turned to face him and my stomach did another flip. “Why are you here?”
“Can you look at me? Just look at me. Please.” He touched a fingertip under my chin to lift my gaze to meet his own.
I closed my eyes. “Brandon…”
“Jen, open your eyes. You’ll see nothing has changed.”
I did it then. I opened my eyes and let them meet his. He was right—nothing had changed. I still felt like I could drown in him, like I would drown in him if I didn’t end it now. “I can’t do this.”
He tipped his head down and his lips threatened to brush across mine until I took a step back. He let out a long sigh, almost exasperated.
I released the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “I just can’t right now.”
“Just talk to me. Just for a few minutes. This was my fault—all of it. I need to explain.”
The pain in his voice made me wince. I couldn’t even imagine how hard the past several weeks had been for him. “I don’t know if I want to hear it.”
He nodded and motioned for us to sit down on the bench near the pond. We both took a seat facing the water and he gave me plenty of space this time. “Jen, I’m sorry.”
Fresh tears stung behind my eyes. “I’m sorry, too.”
He shook his head. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. I should have been here. None of this would have happened if I had been here.”
I nodded. That part might have been true. I wouldn’t have gone to that bar with Melissa. Daniel wouldn’t have kidnapped me—or maybe he would have found another way. There wasn’t really anything to say about it, so I just nodded again.
“I should have been here. I should have been the one protecting you.”
I glanced back at Cade who was still sitting on the swing, now looking at his phone. He glanced up when I looked back and nodded at me. I turned back to face Brandon. “I don’t blame you for that.”
He looked out across the water. “I still should have been here.”
“Where did you go?” I tried to get him to look back at me, but his gaze was fixed on the other side of the pond. I already knew his part of the story. Krystal had told me everything he had shared with her, but I needed to hear it from him.
“I went to L.A. That wasn’t a lie.”
I nodded. “Who were you seeing there? Robin?”
He shook his head. “It isn’t important.”
“It is important, Brandon. Why do you think it isn’t important?”
He turned to face me, tilting his head. “Because it isn’t.”
I shook my head. “You said you were going to explain…”
He interrupted. “I’m sorry.”
He pulled my hand into his and another jolt of electricity shot up my arm. He was right about one thing—nothing had changed about my feelings for him. My attraction to him. How I could feel him, even if he wasn’t touching me. He still had the same hold on me that he always had. There was some inexplicable force that bound us together, and I still had no idea what it was. I just knew it had to end before it got one of us killed. I pulled my hand away. “Stop apologizing and just tell me.”
He looked down at my hand but didn’t try to hold it again. “What do you want to know?”
“What happened in L.A.?”
He shook his head and turned his gaze back out over the water. He paused for a long moment, obviously considering what to tell me. “It’s a long story, Jen.”
I shrugged. “I don’t have to be at the nursing home until six. I have a lot of time…”
He chuckled and shook his head. “The business I’m in—it’s not without its risks.”
“I gathered that.” I motioned with my head toward the injury I knew was under his shirt. “Someone did that to you.”
He nodded. “I deserved it. I’ve had it coming for a while.”
I shook my head. “No one has something like that coming. There’s nothing that you could have done…”
He turned his head to meet my gaze. “I did. And I did have it coming. I needed some information, and I knew that there was a risk.”
I waited for him to continue, but he didn’t go on. “You needed information from someone who wanted to kill you?”
He shook his head. “No, no. It’s more complicated than that.” He looked into my eyes. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is keeping you safe.”
My brows knitted together. “I’m safe now, Brandon. Cade has his own room in my apartment now. It doesn’t get much safer than that.”
I saw his lips twitch up into something that almost looked like a smile. He looked over at Cade and I turned my own gaze toward the man who had been protecting me for the past several months. It looked like the two made eye contact for a moment before Brandon turned his gaze back to the pond. “So you did move. Krystal wouldn’t tell me. I’ve been to your place about a hundred times in the past few weeks.”
I nodded, deciding to change the subject. “I’m sorry I left you at the hospital.”
He shook his head, but didn’t turn back to look at me. “I don’t blame you for that. The thing with Robin…”
“I overreacted. I should have asked, but Krystal was so sure.”
He shook his head again and glanced over at me before turning back to the water. His hands tightly gripped the edge of the bench. “I would have done the same thing if it was reversed. If I thought you were seeing someone else. Someone behind my back.” He closed his eyes and shook his head again. “That was my fault, too.”
I stared out across the water myself, trying to determine what he found so fascinating in the trees that lined the opposite edge of the pond. “I threw the ring at you. I threw the ring and I overreacted that morning.”
“I should have explained it, but I didn’t have time. I was ups
et about the call, then you told me about the job in Sacramento… I don’t blame you for anything.”
I nodded and watched the ducks swimming around the little pond. None of this made any sense to me. “Can you explain it to me now? About the job, I mean?”
He shrugged. “You can’t trust anyone.”
“I can’t trust anyone? Does that include you?”
He shrugged again. “Probably.”
I smiled and we sat in silence for a long moment. “Why are you here?”
I saw his gaze drop to his lap. “I needed to see you. I don’t expect you to forgive me for anything I’ve done, but I needed to see you. I needed to know you were okay.”
I nodded. “I’m okay.” I turned my gaze toward him. “Are you okay?”
He smiled and shook his head, keeping his gaze on his lap. “Yeah. I guess I’m a fucking miracle.”
His words made me smile. “I heard.”
He nodded. “A miraculous recovery. I should have died.” He lifted his gaze to mine. “You saved my life.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t do anything.”
He reached out and took my hand into his again. “You were there when I woke up. I don’t remember much, but I remember that.”
I didn’t pull my hand away. It felt so right, so warm holding his hand. Perfect. “Yeah.” I looked back out over the water. The sun peeked out from behind a cloud and the water glittered. “I waited. I mean, I was in Virginia, but I was there. I left when Krystal said it was safe to go home. I didn’t want to, but…”
He shook his head. “You don’t have to explain anything to me, Jen. I wouldn’t have stayed—not after everything I put you through.”
I didn’t really have a response. He didn’t know about the conversation I’d had with my father and I never wanted him to know about it. His being here with me was dangerous enough. I just had to hope that what Cade had told me all those weeks ago was true. When the shit comes down, I would want Brandon on my side. He’s one of the good guys. I had to believe that he had meant what he had said when I was holed up, hiding at the beach cabin. That he and Brandon were on the same side, even if my father didn’t know it.
We sat there in silence, holding hands for another long while.
“Did he hurt you?”
“I don’t know.” I still had no memory of that night, even though the psychiatrist was trying to help me remember. Telling Brandon that I didn’t know was a lie, of course, but only a lie of omission. It was funny that those lies from Brandon pissed me off beyond measure, but telling them myself seemed like the kindest thing I could do. Maybe it was the same for him. Maybe he didn’t tell me things because it was the kind thing to do for me.
“I’ll kill him if I ever see him again.” He knew. I don’t know how he knew, but he did.
I squeezed his hand. “Don’t say that.”
“He’ll try again. It’s not safe for you here.” He glanced back at Cade. “It isn’t safe for you if he can find you.”
I glanced at Cade and saw he was still in the swing, watching over me with every bit of care that he ever had. “What is it you’re suggesting, Brandon?”
He shrugged and turned back to the pond. “I’m not suggesting anything. I just think you’d be safer if we got you out of San Francisco. There are a few places we could go.”
I couldn’t help the smile that came to my face. The thought of leaving with him, of being anywhere as long as I was with him, brought me more joy than I could even imagine. There just wasn’t anywhere I could go that would be out of my father’s reach. Nowhere that he wouldn’t be able to find me, and more importantly, to find him. He was wrong thinking that I was the one in danger. I knew that I had to protect him, not the other way around.
I turned to look up at him. “I’m not going anywhere. I have a life here. I’m teaching piano lessons…” Maybe if he thought there was no chance, maybe then he’d leave me alone. Save himself.
“I know. I know you don’t understand. I know it doesn’t make sense. You just have to trust me.”
A wave of anger washed over me. I’m not sure where it came from, but a sort of laugh escaped my lips. “Really? After all this? I still have to take your word for it? You still haven’t told me what set you off that day you left. Why I couldn’t take the job in Sacramento…”
The quick turn of his head and fire in his eyes cut me off. “Because it isn’t safe.”
I shook my head. “What isn’t safe? What aren’t you telling me?” It was difficult for me to believe that he knew about some grave danger I was in when he didn’t even know about the grave danger he was in himself.
He set his jaw and I saw the same look of fury flash across his face that had that morning. His grip on my hand tightened. “It isn’t safe.”
A cold chill ran down my spine. My voice dropped barely above a whisper. “Why?”
He looked into my eyes and I could see his own fear. “There are people there who don’t have your best interests at heart.”
I wrestled my hand away from his and tilted my head. “And you do?”
His gaze narrowed. “More than you can imagine.”
I shook my head again. “I don’t understand. I know the governor. My father has known him forever. I played with his daughters when I was little…” I don’t even know why I was protesting. I didn’t want that job. I didn’t want anything to do with it. There was just something about the men in my life trying to control me that made me want to rebel.
“Jen…” He shook his head and turned his gaze back to the pond. “You just have to trust me. It isn’t safe for you to work there. It isn’t safe for you to be alone. San Francisco isn’t safe.”
I rolled my eyes. “What are you talking about? I’m safe. I live in the safest place in the city. And I just told you that Cade…”
His head spun to meet my gaze again. “Where was he when Daniel took you? Knowing Cade was there was the only reason I left you alone.”
“It was a mix-up. A mistake with the schedule…”
“Jen, you’re never left alone. That’s the arrangement that’s been in place since your father announced his candidacy.”
“I’ve been alone. I do things alone…” He was right, though I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I never was alone. There was always someone with me at all times—him, Melissa, Cade, whomever. Someone was always there.
He shook his head and turned back to the water. His hand crept over to mine and he pulled it into his again. “I just want to keep you safe. Everything… everything I’ve done. All of it. It was just to keep you safe.”
I tilted my head and caught myself before I started another argument with him. It wasn’t worth it. I knew that nothing I said would change his mind or would make him see how frustrated I was with this entire line of conversation. “We can’t do this anymore. Whatever this is. It’s hurting both of us.”
He shook his head again. “How can I make you understand, Jen?”
I stood up and looked at down at him. My heart ached in my chest, knowing what I needed to do. “You can’t.” Tears filled my eyes and my vision blurred. “I have a box of your things at my place. Cade can bring them over to you if you want.” I thought my heart was going to crack in a million pieces as I felt the tears start to slide down my cheeks.
“Jen, don’t do this. It doesn’t have to be like this.” He stood up and pulled me into his arms. He whispered into my ear. “It doesn’t.”
I breathed him in. I drank in his scent, knowing it was the last time I would ever be able to be this close to him. I closed my eyes and nestled my cheek into his perfect chest, my arms lacing around him in a last, perfect embrace. I wanted to remember this forever, how he felt, how he smelled, how I could feel him. I knew I would never have this with anyone else. I knew I might fall in love again someday, but it wouldn’t ever be like this. Nothing would ever be like this.
I took in another long breath, letting my cheek graze his chest before I pulled out of his arms. I had
said it to him before—so many times before. I said it after the first night we spent together. I said it to him at the hospital before I left. This time when I said it, there was a different finality about it.
“Goodbye, Brandon.”
My homework was done.
7
“You are a lucky woman.”
I looked over at Melissa, my forehead creasing beneath my confusion. “What the hell are you talking about?”
She nudged me on the shoulder in the direction of the restaurant. “You’re lucky I saved your job.”
“Phht.” I shook my head. I certainly didn’t see anything lucky about the fact that Amanda had blown off my deliberate attempt to undermine my position as her child’s piano teacher. “If she was smart, she’d know I’ll do something even worse to her kid next time. Maybe I’ll let him play on the white furniture in the living room…”
“You wouldn’t.” I could see the look of shock on Melissa’s face was plastered there playfully. We both knew I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize her standing with Amanda, even though I didn’t give a damn about my own standing with her. “Besides, I think she’s actually going to come next week.”
“Right.” Unfortunately for Mason, I had heard that before. In the three weeks that he had been receiving my piano lessons, his mother hadn’t shown up even once.
She turned to me with a grin. “So what’s the story, morning glory?”
I rolled my eyes and narrowly avoided tripping over a crack in the sidewalk. “What are you talking about?”
“Your homework. I’ve been so busy, I haven’t even had a chance to ask. How did it go? He showed up, right?”
I nodded. Since I had moved back to San Francisco, I had only barely seen my best friend. Between Ryan, the new love of her life and her job with Amanda that kept her running up and down the Bay Area, it was almost impossible to find a time when she was available, even for a quick chat on the phone.
“And?” She nudged me in the ribs with her elbow. The grin on her face told me she hadn’t been listening when I had explained what my “homework” was.