I, Psychopath

by Ph. D. Stephen M. Kahn

  Even though I had to watch my actions very carefully, the inclination to cause harm was still present but since it was going to be difficult for me to achieve satisfaction from hurting kids or animals, then getting back at society by committing crimes would have to suffice. My two cohorts, Cal and Bart, had been itching to smash a few more gum machines for the money but I didn’t think that the few dollars we acquired was worth the effort. From watching many crime shows on television, it was evident that much more money could be made from committing more daring and riskier crimes. The only obstacle was our youth and inexperience which at this point, couldn’t be changed. We had to find suitable ways to overcome our lack of size and brawn. The three of us put our heads together and discussed various methods that would not only make money, but offer us a measure of excitement. We thought about purse snatching from elderly people, breaking into cars by smashing the windows, and stealing stuff from stores and running out fast but none of these were safe enough. The chance of being identified was too great and none of us wanted to face the prospect of juvenile detention. We wanted to narrow down our choices to crimes that were very hard to solve and even tougher for an identification to be made by an on looker. After days of going round and round, the three of us came to a consensus that the best opportunity lie in breaking into houses during the daytime when occupants were out. Once inside a house, we could look for cash, coins and other small items that could be of personal use to us. We had to be very careful since any adults who saw us break in could easily capture and hold us for the police. We were really too young to fight off an older person and didn’t have access to weapons. Our biggest assets were stealth and fast legs, but they were not sure things to keep us from avoiding capture.

  I was feeling pretty proud of myself for what had been accomplished so far in my young life. It gave me a superior attitude that raised my self esteem way above anyone else’s, including my mother. It was a powerful feeling that intimated I could do no wrong and that others existed only for my amusement. I realized that at this time in my life, there were limits to what could be accomplished. Even though patience was not one of my strong points, going slow and making strides according to my development would have to be accepted. My two allies, Bart and Cal, were a cut above the ordinary citizenry but they were not at my level and they would eventually realize that fact and act accordingly. There would be a time in my life when I could act alone but for now allies were needed because at our ages, there was strength in having more people involved in our actions. After going through the various crimes we could actually commit, the three of us had decided to pull off our first house break in very shortly and I wanted to make sure that we all knew the steps to follow. After school, we would meet in the park and go over the best methods for a successful operation. We hadn’t really decided on a house but I knew that some neighborhoods were easier to move around in than others. The best location would be a quiet residential area where few people walked through in the afternoon and cars were not visible in driveways. To us, it meant that occupants were at work and no one would be around to disturb our movements. A few more days of exchanging ideas finally produced a perfect target in exactly the kind of area we desired and it was now time to get serious.

  The area we picked was within walking distance of our school and easy to reach without taking transportation. We decided that entering through a back yard window would be best after one of us knocked on the front door as a ruse to see if anyone was home. Should someone answer the door, we would ask for an imaginary person and then leave. If luck was with us and no one answered the bell, we would make our way to the rear of the house and look for a suitable entry point. Our plans were now made and each of us was very eager to get started within the next day or two. We decided to meet tomorrow after school and put our plan in action without further delay. The hours seemed to slow down after returning home and I tried to keep busy with games and schoolwork to make the time move faster. Even my mother noticed the restlessness in me and asked if anything was wrong. I always had a good excuse to give her that evaded any direct answers which she usually accepted. I spent the rest of the evening in my room to avoid further contact and continually went over the plan for our adventure. Sleep did not come easily and I was very thankful when dawn came and my mother knocked on the door to wake me. This was going to be a momentous day for me and even without getting a sufficient amount of sleep; I felt a tremendous surge of energy rushing throughout my body that gave me a feeling of super power. I was now on the road to a great life.

  Some of the things we did at school that day made time move a little faster. Although being there was torturous during a few junctures, the final bell rang and we were dismissed for the day. I met Bart and Cal by the front door and could see that they were up for our new venture. We walked to a nearby park and went over the plans once again before making our way to the neighborhood where our target house was located. Within ten minutes, the house that was to be our first successful break in stood directly in front of us. We were a little nervous but there was no stopping now and two of us stood across the street while Cal walked to the front door and rang the bell. He rang it a few times and when no one came to the door, we joined him and swiftly walked around to the back making sure that no one was watching our movements. The rear of the house had several windows that were set low to the ground and would allow for an easy entry. All we had to do was find an open one and climb in. We tried a few before coming to one that was already opened about two inches. Pushing it up to allow us room to crawl through produced several creaks that may have alerted anyone inside but luckily, no one appeared. We climbed in and found ourselves in a utility room that led into the main house. Trying to be very quiet, we walked through all the rooms looking for anything of value that could be stuffed in our bags and pockets. The most desirable items would be cash, perhaps jewelry and any kind of hand held electronic games. While the others went through the ground floor rooms, I headed upstairs to search the bedrooms. I didn’t notice anything particularly valuable until the night stands caught my eye. I pulled the drawers open and saw something in one of them that gave me such an electrifying feeling that a shout almost came from my lips. There, in front of me was a stack of bills that was the most money I had ever seen. I hastily grabbed it and noticed that many of the bills were tens and twenties. Putting them in my bag, I quickly went through all the other drawers but found little else of value. I shut all the drawers and went downstairs to tell the others that we should leave while giving them a little peek at my haul. Smiles were on all our faces as we climbed out the window and cautiously made our way to the front gate and across the street. We had committed the deed in a very calm manner, walked away from the area and made our way back toward our neighborhood. I couldn’t wait to count the money and find out how much we had scored.

  We went to my house since no one was home and emptied our bags on my bed. The other two had found a few worthless trinkets and a couple of small games but they were nothing compared to the contents of my bag. We looked at the cash for a few minutes and then counted it quickly. The amount came to one hundred and eighty dollars which meant sixty dollars for each of us. We never had so much money before and now new vistas were going to open up in our lives. We each took our share and my two allies left while I continued to hold and smell the bills. Life was going to be very easy for me from now on.

  CHAPTER TWO

  It was not easy to keep from buying a lot of desirable items with the money that was stashed under my bed. I wanted to impress schoolmates who had always felt superior to me because of their possessions. However, even at my young age, I knew that spending lots of money would create a good deal of unwanted attention and there would be no way to explain where my cash came from if someone should ask. I had spoken to Bart and Cal about watching their spending habits but there was no way to be sure that they would have the discipline to avoid buying sprees. I wasn’t always prudent and bought a game and a tee shirt but most of the mone
y was spent on eating at fast food stores and magazines. Eventually, the stash grew quite small and I had to face limiting my spending habits which was an annoying prospect. From talking to the others, they were facing the same outcome and soon all of us would be back to square one. I kind of liked having a supply of money even if it only stayed under my bed. Having lots of greenbacks gave me a sense of importance that could only be known to me at this time. I knew that it would soon be time to think about another break in and those thoughts created a great deal of excitement and a small amount of fear. While I didn’t think that we would be caught by police, it was still a distinct possibility that stayed in the back of my mind. Luckily, I was able to dismiss that factor and concentrate on how successful the next job would be.

  The next time that I met with my two pals, a discussion arose about what to do in order to obtain more money. We had been so good at the last burglary that it seemed sensible to stick with that type of crime. Watching television news and looking through the newspaper for an account of our crime had turned up nothing about what we had done. I suppose that the crime was too insignificant for the media to bother with. At the time in the afternoon when we committed the deed, there was really no one around to notice little boys lurking about. If someone had seen us, then police might have come to my school which was the closest elementary school to the robbery. To avoid that problem, I thought that our next job should be further away so if we were seen, our origin might not be so obvious. The more we talked about another break in, the better our plans became. We decided that taking a bus a distance away from the school and getting off several blocks from our next target would be the safest way to go. It was now a matter of figuring out where the busses went and finding the next neighborhood to scrutinize for suitable better class houses. We decided to ride a few bus routes after school and see what kind of areas they passed through. I was looking for an upper class, fairly isolated house that was surrounded by fences and bushes. A one story ranch would be ideal since it would only involve a ground floor but if all we could locate was a two story house, then so be it. For the next few afternoons, we rode busses from our starting point through various neighborhoods and noted the types of dwellings and their proximity to the nearest house. We were ideally looking for large bush covered spaces between the buildings so that entry could be made without anyone seeing us. Riding busses for two days was very boring but we did find a few good possibilities miles away from our home base. We noted the distance that the bus stopped from the houses and by getting off several stops from the target, any connection between us and a burglary would not be evident. After the job was completed, we could casually walk back to the same bus stop or even board a bus from a different location to avoid being seen together. Of course, that would limit our haul to what could be carried in our bags and pockets but since our main goal was finding cash, it wouldn’t be a problem.

  Now it was time to compare notes and select a house, determine a date and time and get the job done. I wanted to commit the robbery almost at once but we decided to wait two days until Thursday, which was usually a very quiet ordinary day. We would use the same criteria as last time and make sure that cars were not in driveways or people walking the streets. After we picked a house, our time to arrive there would be about three thirty in the afternoon and if luck was with us, streets would be deserted. The next day, we took one last bus ride on two of the routes and narrowed down our choice for the break in. The house was a large one story ranch with a fairly huge space between it and the next house. It was shielded from neighbors eyes by a high wooden fence covered with greenery all around and seemed to be vacant at that hour. That was going to be the one and I could feel an electric charge running all around my being as we prepared to make our final plans for the job that could bring us a fantastic amount of loot. I was ready and all that was needed for my preparation was a good night sleep to give me plenty of strength and alertness.

  As usual before a big event in my life, the next two days crawled by and I found myself moping around while waiting for time to pass. When Thursday finally came, I suffered through a day of school and then met the boys for a last minute pep talk. We started our venture by walking several blocks to the bus stop and boarding the bus together for the ride to our destination. No one talked until we got off at a stop about six blocks from the house and then a decision was made to walk separately toward the target to further minimize identification In about twelve minutes we converged across the street from the ranch house and looked all around the area very intently. Cars were parked in driveways of some nearby houses but the driveways of interest to us did not have vehicles in them. Cal approached the house and knocked on the door, but no one answered. Then we crossed the street separately and made for the bushes that surrounded the house. None of us had noticed any people in the vicinity and it seemed safe to walk toward the rear. The fence was very high and the bushes were thick so it was unlikely we could be seen from either of the adjoining dwellings. There were several windows that could be possible entry points if one of them could easily open for us. In the event everything was locked tight, I had thought of smashing a pane with a cloth covered rock to muffle the noise and open the window. We didn’t have to resort to that strategy because two of the windows were slightly open. I was astounded that people were so careless in protecting their property but it sure worked out better for us. We looked in to see where the open windows led to and opened the one that would put us in a room that looked like a den. Bart was supposed to keep watch while Cal and I went in but he wanted to join us and there was no use arguing about it at that point. The three of entered the room very quickly and immediately fanned out to search the premises for valuables. I went to the bedroom areas and looked through the night stands and chest drawers but found nothing small enough that was worth taking. I was very disappointed and hoped that the others were having better luck. When I joined them in the living room, they had big smiles on their faces and it was evident that something real good had turned up. Without having to ask, they opened their bags and in them were several nice pieces of jewelry and a stack of bills and coins. I was relieved that we found something or else this job would have been a waste of time. We quickly went through the rooms again and were satisfied that nothing else of value was available. Going through the window and closing it to its original position, we made our way to the front of the house. Cal walked out into the street to see if anyone was in the area and signaled that all was clear. We followed him out, crossed the street and left the area separately for our trip to the bus stop. As I walked along, there were a few people who passed by but no one gave me a second look. It seemed that adults didn’t really pay attention to children walking the streets. About fifteen minutes later, I met the other two at the bus stop and waited for the ride back to our area. I suppose that we could have taken separate busses and got on at different stops, but every plan is not perfect and at our ages, the thinking was still pretty good.

  We got off near our school and walked to my house again where we could examine our goods. Once in the house, we congratulated each other and put everything that was in the bags on my bed. As the money tumbled out, I could only see a few bills but there were a large number of quarters and half dollars which in total amounted to fifty eight dollars. I had hoped to do better in this seemingly ritzy house but then the jewelry caught my eye. There were several rings and bracelets that sparkled like a very bright light and I was hoping that they were diamonds. None of us knew anything about precious stones so if they were worth a good amount, we would have to find someone reliable to advise us of their value We split the money and I put the jewelry under my bed. Our discussions were unproductive since we didn’t know what to do next. It looked like we would have to risk revealing our secret to someone if any cash was to come from these pretty items. There was no use going on and on about it now, the boys wanted to go home and my mother would be back soon. We would take up the matter tomorrow when we met at school.

 
While lying in bed that night, I spent a good deal of time thinking about all the aspects of our break in. I was unhappy with the risk of being identified by bus drivers and passer bys and would have to find other ways to commit these jobs in the future. Taking jewelry did not feel right to me because we were too young to turn the pieces into cash and using someone to help us gave our identities away. Trying to sell these items also increased the chance of other people becoming involved in our business. Even at my young age, I realized that the more go betweens we used could only heighten our risk of identification and arrest. I wondered if we should just throw these pieces away and settle for the money. It certainly would give me more peace of mind and hopefully, do the same for my allies. I finally drifted off to sleep and freed my mind of this burden. The next day at school, I told the boys that we had to talk during recess about important matters. They probably thought that any discussion would have to do with unloading the jewelry and in a way they would be right. I met with Bart and Cal in the late morning and herded them over to a private area where they could listen to my concerns and provide their comments. They were dead set against throwing the goods away after having gone through all the trouble of obtaining them. Cal thought that the pieces were worth plenty and wanted his share of the proceeds even if it meant bringing in other parties to make a sale. They would not agree with my argument that once this stuff was sold, there would always be some chance of tracing it back to us. Our discussion became very heated and the boys were hinting that I wanted to keep the loot for myself by telling them it was to be thrown away. There was no way I was going to win this debate and finally conceded to their demands. Now, the only problem was how to find someone who knew how to unload the jewelry for a fair price and could be trusted not to cheat us on the value. Eight year old boys do not know people who can accomplish such transactions and we had to find someone known to one of us for help.