I, Psychopath

by Ph. D. Stephen M. Kahn

  I had done the job on my own and except for the idiot who would rather be shot than follow my orders, the job had gone off very well. I had two bags of money and if they had a sizable amount contained in them, there would be no need to pull off another heist for awhile. I would take it easy until enough time had passed and the crime had been relegated to the bottom of the news heap. At this moment, I was starting to feel elated about my success and couldn’t wait to see how much money was in the bags. I drove around the suburbs for an hour until sure that police were not following me and then headed for home. It was dark when I arrived at the apartment and parked in my space. Before I got out, a careful sweep was made to be sure that no one was nearby and could see me carrying the bags. Satisfied that the coast was clear, I got out and walked briskly to my door, went inside and put the bags on the bed. I closed the blinds and dimmed the lights before turning my attention to dumping the money out and counting it. I added up the total three times before believing it was accurate and just sat there on the bed in amazement while staring at the pile of cash in front of me. The total had come to almost five thousand dollars and considering that the crime was a solo act, I was highly impressed with my skills. After several minutes of congratulating myself on the accomplishment, I gathered up the money and hid it with the rest of my loot thinking that eventually, this much cash would be safer in a bank. I would have to come up with some way of depositing the money so that no undue attention would come to me. I knew that banks had to report cash deposits of more than ten thousand dollars so great precautions would be taken to avoid any snooping on their part.

  I was curious to see what the news would say about my “fait accompli” and turned on the late news at eleven. There were more important events happening in the world today and my story didn’t come on until fifteen minutes had passed but it was the first local news story. The reporter gave eyewitness accounts of the brazen and daring daylight robbery of a suburban diner by a single thief aiming a pistol at the victim’s heads. They described the shooting of the manager as a vicious and cruel act by a cold blooded murderer who seemed to take pleasure in what he did The manager had died on the way to the hospital and the reporter went on with a sob story about his wife and children being left fatherless by this cowardly crime. I suppose that some sympathy is in order for the family but the jerk caused it to happen by trying to be a hero for some dumb ass diner that would replace him by tomorrow as if he never existed. I agreed that it was a waste of a life but if people try to do stupid things, then they take the risk of needlessly dying to protect someone else’s property. Well, I couldn’t concern myself with the guy because he got what was coming to him and anyone who argues with a gun is asking for trouble. I have to take care of my life and do whatever it takes to survive in this harsh, inhospitable world. I might be selfish, but my needs always come first.

  Now that I had done my first independent job in a professional and successful manner, it was time to reap the rewards of my labor and I couldn’t think of anyone better to do it with than Allison. I walked over to her apartment with the intention of asking her to have dinner with me and discovered that she wasn’t home. It was still early so I decided to leave a note telling of my plans and asking her to call if she wanted to go out with me. I sat in my apartment watching television and hoping that Allison called but after a few hours had passed, decided to cook something to eat and take her out another day. When I have a lot of money, it’s hard not to spend it and enjoy the satisfaction that comes from obtaining rewards that were earned by the hard work that it took to accomplish my feats. I could feel my annoyance at Allison building up but kept it under control since there might be a compelling reason for her to be away. She might even have been called in to work and in another city right now. When it seemed evident to me that she wasn’t going to phone me tonight, I decided to see a movie and get my mind off of her. I didn’t want to become obsessed with the girl or that would cause trouble for me. I always had to remain commitment free and able to move in any direction necessary but she had been able to infiltrate my inner thoughts and that annoyed me to no end. I drove to a movie and watched a decent film for three hours before heading home. A curiosity still pervaded my thinking and I wanted to see if Allison was home yet. As I approached her door, no lights from inside were showing and it looked like she was out for the night. I couldn’t let this get to me and had to think that it was a mere inconvenience to my plans at this time.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  My sleep was not very good as thoughts of where Allison might be ran through my mind and moved me through fits of jealousy and anger. I was acting stupid but couldn’t help it and found myself in the very situation that used to be avoided at all costs. I didn’t want to make a pest of myself so I left one message on her answering machine asking for a return call. I was trying not to knock on her door anymore and hoping that she would take the initiative but as the hours dragged by, my optimism was beginning to wane. This situation was taking all the elation away that my successful heist had given me and I could feel a downward spiral of mood that did not bode well. I didn’t hear from Allison that entire day until eight in the evening when the phone rang and her voice came through. She explained that her job had called her in after another stewardess took ill and in all the rush to make a dash to the airport, had neglected to call me. The airline didn’t give her any time off between flights and she flew from one city to another nonstop until finally returning home. I can’t even describe the relief that flowed through my body as her words were heard. In my twisted thoughts, she had run off with another guy and jilted me but now I could relax in the knowledge that we were still on the best of terms. At this time, Allison was going to sleep and would call me later when she was awake so we could get together and make up for lost time.

  I now realized that Allison meant more to me than anyone else ever had and something had to be done to show her my liking. We had only known each other a short time so something really expensive didn’t seem appropriate but I could buy her a nice piece of jewelry that would show how much she was liked. Maybe we’ll go to the mall and look in some jewelry stores until I notice an item that catches her interest. I would buy it for her right there and say that it is just a friendship token which would still keep my level of commitment to a minimum. I decided to stay in the rest of the afternoon reading the newspaper and watching television until hearing from Allison The media was rife with reports on the robbery murder of yesterday but for me, the good news was in learning that no suspects had been identified. Police were saying that the crime had a similar M.O. to another series of robberies except that the prior bunch was committed by two suspects. These accounts were followed by the usual tear jerking stories of the poor man’s family going through a terrible time. Money was being collected for the children and a number of flowers had been left at the diner to mark the spot where the killing took place. I was thinking that the family was probably doing better without the man and in some stretch of my imagination; I had done a good deed. I was getting sick and tired of listening to all this claptrap about the stupid manager when the phone rang and to my surprise, Bart said hello. He wondered if I knew anything about the diner robbery since it so closely resembled our previous jobs but my denial was very emphatic. I told him that my time was spent relaxing and enjoying the companionship of a new woman friend and didn’t need to do any jobs since I had enough money to get by for many months.

  I didn’t know how convinced Bart was by my words but since he made no more mention of the event before hanging up, it probably meant that the matter was settled to his satisfaction. I never asked him about his financial status or how he spent money and really didn’t care either Hopefully, he would not become a problem and keep turning up in my life. That chapter was a closed book to me and I was heading in a new direction that excluded his presence. A few more hours went by before the phone rang again and Allison asked me to come over. I told her that we would go out to eat and then spend some time at th
e mall so that a few items needed for daily living could be obtained. When I went to her apartment, she greeted me at the door in a transparent negligee that immediately caused blood to pump wildly throughout my body. We spent the next two hours in her bed and it was the most wonderful time I ever had. Afterwards, we were both feeling hungry and went to an Italian restaurant located in a mall where our ravenous appetites were satisfied. What a great day this had turned out to be and the best was yet to come. While walking around the mall, I led Allison into a number of jewelry stores and looked at various pieces while carefully noticing what she found interesting She had asked the clerks to show her a few bracelets and seemed to really like one of them but went no further. When we left the store, I made an excuse to return and told her that it would only take a minute. Once inside, I asked to look at the bracelet and while it did cost two hundred dollars, bought it and had the clerk put it in a gift box. When I rejoined her outside the store, she was given the box and her eyes opened wide with delight as the bracelet was exposed. I said that it was a friendship gift and hoped that she would wear it. It was quickly put on her wrist and so many hugs and kisses followed that anyone watching us would think I had just asked her to marry me.

  By the time we got back to her place, she was beaming with pleasure and telling me over and over about how much she liked me. I liked to hear those words and told her that she was special to me also in a way that had never occurred before. We spent the entire night together and I didn’t return to my apartment until Allison had to leave for a flight in the morning. I was exhausted but feeling fine and looking forward to seeing her later. Watching the news again brought a nervous flash to my system as the reporter stated that a lead had been developed in the robbery killing when someone came forth with a description of the getaway car. I had some anxious moments until learning that the person was not describing my car but someone else’s who must have driven by minutes after the shooting. The make, color and type of vehicle did not match my car but the chill I felt in my body made me realize how vulnerable my situation was and how careful every aspect of the job had to be. I suppose that no matter how great the planning, something could always occur that causes a problem. Working alone was not the easiest way to go but having associates also brought problems. At this time, it was hard to know which would be the better of the two. Before I committed another heist, there were many scenarios to go over that provided the best methods that avoid identification and ultimately, apprehension by the police. If I did need another person to help, then it wouldn’t be Bart who was just too unpredictable and unstable in his home life.

  The only way I could find someone suitable for my purposes was probably by accident because my circle of acquaintances was quite limited and no one came to mind at this instant. I wouldn’t need money for quite awhile but eventually something would have to happen so that my career could resume. My mind was being weighed down by these different questions and I decided to put them on hold until a later time. In the meantime, I had Allison to fill up my time with pleasure and went shopping for clothes as another way to reap the rewards of my efforts. It didn’t take long for me to realize that although these pursuits were enjoyable, they did not provide the kind of excitement that committing a crime brought to me. My mind just couldn’t keep from thinking of ways to maintain the thrill of theft and the money that came with it. Even a simple act like holding the gun and aiming it at people gave a tremendous rush of exuberance that very little else in life could rival. It seemed even stronger than having sex with Allison and there was nothing I could do to tone it down. It had become a powerful addiction that had to be satisfied regularly or I would find no peace in life. The problem was continuing to commit crimes alone without getting sloppy and leaving some means of identifying me at the scene. Even though I never expected to be caught by police, these kinds of actions were unpredictable and one never knew when a slip up could occur. Just one person, unknown to me, could note my car license plate or see my face when the mask came off and that could be the fatal error that brings me down. I didn’t relish a life in prison and had to keep my obsession from taking full control of my behavior at the risk of not looking out for my safety and freedom.

  While I could commit a few more solo robberies, the more my mind wrestled with the problem, the greater was my impetus toward having an accomplice who was trustworthy. I had already ruled Bart out so the person needed had to be found somewhere from my past. I racked my brain trying to come up with the names of people who were in the juvenile camp with me but so much time had passed that it was just not happening. I thought about calling Bart and asking him if he ever ran into any of the inmates who were incarcerated with us but my concern was that he would think my intentions were to exclude him from further participations. I started to feel a little more certain that Bart was convinced of my involvement in the diner robbery and probably wanted to work with me again. He was a very suspicious guy and once something was in his mind, it just stayed there forever. I would have liked to get some names from him without arousing his interest but knew that it wouldn’t be an easy task. However, I would have to give it a try since nothing else loomed on the horizon and this matter needed to find a solution. That evening I phoned Bart and chatted about our lives He did not seem desperate for money and that was a good sign for me because it implied that his guard could be down Very casually, I brought up our time at the camp and reminisced for a few moments about the years spent there before asking about some of the other inmates who we had known. Bart was in a talkative mood and may have been high on some drug which worked to my advantage as he mentioned a few names of people who were still in touch with him. In my most innocent manner, I asked for the names and where the men could be found and was provided with two leads to reach the guys Oddly enough, I recalled who they were and would make a strong effort to reach them and see if our motivation and interests were similar. If so, this arrangement might turn out to be very productive and certainly much safer for me.

  A few minutes later, I told Bart that we would keep in touch and hung up the phone. He had given me the names of Wesley who worked downtown and the phone number of Jensen. I recalled those two as being older than me and in a small way, looking after my interests by keeping those who wanted to take advantage of my youth at a distance. I was sure that they would remember me since we spent years at the camp together but whether they would be interested in my proposal was an unknown. I would have to know what they were up to and how they felt about their criminal past before revealing my plans to them. I couldn’t tell them very much until certain that they were more than interested and if they weren’t, then tell them how nice it was to see them again and go my own way. Since we had not really been bosom buddies at the camp due to the age difference, my memory of the two guys was somewhat vague. I decided to try Jensen first and see if our thinking meshed because it was possible that he had gone straight and was not interested in my type of lifestyle. I phoned him that evening and heard a voice reply that was unfamiliar to me but who said he was Jensen. After telling who I was and where his number was obtained, our conversation became quite friendly as we reminisced about many things that had happened in the past. He had wondered what became of me and was pleased that I had looked him up. After telling Jensen that I would like to discuss some matters of importance in person, we made a date to meet at a restaurant known to both of us and the phone conversation ended.

  So far so good, I thought, as it could have ended with Jensen not wanting to talk to me at all for reminding him of the past. It seemed better to put off contacting Wesley until I knew how things would work out with Jensen. There was no use in having too many people involved in my plans if they were not needed. Our meeting was not until tomorrow night so this evening seemed well suited to spending time with Allison who should have arrived home by now from the airport. I sometimes envied her for being able to travel to other cities and get away from the usual routine that occurred day after day. I also liked the fact that she w
asn’t around all the time and couldn’t smother me. Our relationship seemed to be working out pretty good and I could not think of any reason for the structure of it to change. Later on, I walked over to Allison’s place and had the usual good feelings associated with seeing her happy face. I appreciated someone who was always happy to see me and never bothered to bring my spirits down. We spent a nice evening together watching movies and eating a pizza that was delivered. It was a simple but very satisfying time and I could feel myself becoming fonder of the woman each day in spite of my proclivity toward avoiding commitments. She was wearing the bracelet and said that it never came off, even in sleep. While I did like spending time with her, it was fortuitous that she would be out of town for two days which allowed me to attend to more important matters.