One Chance

by Best, Victoria J.

  I was so used to people hurting me, never giving me the benefit of the doubt, that I immediately went on the offensive.

  What the fuck had I done?

  “Fuck, Jax. I fucked it all up, didn’t I?” I shook off his touch, turned around and put my head in my hands.

  “Slow down. Tell me what happened.”

  The calmness in his voice did little to set me at ease, but I took a deep breath anyway and explained what had happened.

  “Shit, Harry,” Jax cursed softly as I finished recounting the details.

  “What have I done? She was so upset, Jax, she could barely breathe.” I paced the kitchen as I spoke, tugging at my hair. “Fuck. I have to go to her. I have to apologize. I have to explain.”

  I tried to rush past Jax, to get out of the kitchen. He put up his hand to stop me, pressing it against my chest to hold me there. “You can’t, Henry. You have to give her time. That’s why I came over here. I thought you’d be upset about an unplanned pregnancy, which is understandable. I didn’t think you would be an asshole on purpose. Liza said it’s really bad, bro.”

  He held up his phone for me to see the text that Liza sent him this morning. Nausea soured in my gut as I read the words that Liza wrote.

  Liza: I’m going to murder your asshole cousin, Jax. Nicolette is catatonic. I was so scared I called her dad. We’re taking her to the ER.

  “It’s mine, Jax. The baby is mine and she thinks I don’t want it. She thinks I don’t want her. What the fuck am I going to do?” I tried to get around him again, but he stopped me, wrapping his arms around me to keep me from going anywhere.

  The urgency to get to Nicolette reverberated through my body, through my bones. I had to make it right. I had to take back the awful words I’d said to her. I had to fix the way I left her. But Jax wouldn’t let me go and he was bigger than I was.

  “Let go of me,” I barked at him. Exhaustion and grief gave way to a burst of adrenaline, and I broke away, running towards the door.

  “Henry, don’t. You can’t. Not while she’s like this. You might make it worse. She could lose the baby.”

  His words finally reached my ears and I dropped my hand from the doorknob as the fatigue returned, knocking into me like a bulldozer. I sank to the floor, my head in my hands as dry sobs wracked my body.

  My baby. It was my baby and she could lose it because of me. What the fuck was I going to do?

  Chapter 38

  Nicolette

  I didn’t remember much from that night. Henry’s angry words. My incapability to speak or tell him the truth. The way his face crumpled with rage and sorrow as he spoke. The hard floor as I lay curled in a ball, sobbing.

  Somehow, I’d ended up in bed, though I don’t remember how. But when I woke the next morning I was under the blankets, my knees to my chest, my head aching. I didn’t want to get up, couldn’t have if I’d wanted to. Nothing mattered anymore. Not after Henry’s words. Not after the awful things he’d said about me. About my past.

  I had been trying to protect him by keeping the baby to myself for a while. I had been trying to help. But I’d fucked it up. He thought I was lying to him. He thought it was someone else’s.

  He thought I’d betrayed him.

  He’d never know how much I loved him. How much I still loved him.

  “Nicolette, honey, you have to get up. You have to tell me what happened. Please.” Liza had let herself in with the key she still had when I hadn’t answered the phone.

  She was worried about me because Jax hadn’t been able to find Henry last night. She was worried because Jax hadn’t told Henry everything.

  I didn’t move or look at her as she spoke. My eyes were fixed to a point on the wall, not seeing anything except the look on Henry’s face as he’d walked away from me.

  “Please, Nicolette. Talk to me. I’m going to call your dad,” Liza pleaded with me.

  But I couldn’t answer her because I couldn’t speak. I was too tired, too grief-stricken to care. All the plans I’d made, all the things I had wanted to say to Henry, all of it was lost when he’d tossed me aside the night before. All of my good intentions and excitement for the life that was growing inside of me.

  The life we’d created together.

  I’d thought he would be upset. This was unplanned, and we were just starting this relationship.

  I never dreamed it would go the way it had.

  I never dreamed he would throw my past in my face.

  I thought he trusted me.

  He’d said he trusted me.

  Tears leaked from the corners of my red and swollen eyes as Liza continued to plea with me to get up and talk to her. She left the room. I could hear her talking in muffled tones to someone. Probably my dad.

  None of it mattered anymore.

  “Please hurry,” she said as she walked back into the room.

  The bed dipped as she sat next to me, stroking my matted hair back from my face.

  “He’s coming, Nic. Your dad is on his way. We’re going to take you to the hospital. Everything will be okay.”

  I didn’t answer her. I didn’t nod. I just lay there while she stroked my hair and closed my eyes.

  Nothing would ever be okay again.

  * * *

  Three days later, I was in a hospital bed with monitors beeping and IVs dripping. My dad sat next to the bed, his face drawn and tired, eyes worried. I lay on my side, my back to him, still not speaking. There was nothing to say. Nothing that would chance anything.

  “Nicolette, Dr. Harper is coming in to see you today. She wants to talk to you about some things,” my dad said to my back.

  I just nodded. At least I was responding, they said, though it wasn’t more than the odd head movement here and there.

  I’d heard what the hospital psychologist had told my dad and Liza. He’d said I had a psychotic break, “a nervous breakdown” was what they used to call it.

  I called it grief.

  “She doesn’t like the way the psychologist here is handling everything.” He continued to talk, droning on about Patrick and his latest real-estate deal.

  I just lay there, staring at the window but not out the window. My hand rested on my belly, the baby my only concern right now.

  “Any change?” Liza asked as she came into the room, the scent of coffee following her.

  “She’s nodding. But she won’t look at me or talk to me,” Dad said.

  Liza sighed. “I don’t know what to do for her.”

  They were talking about me like I wasn’t in the room.

  “I can’t believe that motherfucker did this to her,” my dad hissed.

  Liza didn’t say anything for a moment. “Jax says it was a misunderstanding. He’s blaming himself. But I don’t understand why Henry didn’t just talk to her before he jumped to conclusions.”

  I heard her pull a chair over next to my dad. I wanted to turn around and talk to them. I wanted to tell them how I felt. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

  I was just so tired.

  “Please talk to us, Nicolette,” Liza begged, leaning closer to me.

  The sadness in her voice broke what was left of my heart, but I couldn’t turn around. I couldn’t speak to them.

  Because if Henry didn’t want me, didn’t want us, nothing mattered anymore.

  Chapter 39

  Henry

  “And finally, I need you to contact Theodore Johnson about his portfolio so that he can come in and discuss the changes he wanted to make this week,” Walters droned on as I scribbled notes onto the notepad I held in my hand. I was only half listening. The other half of me was far away, at Lenox Hill Hospital, with Nicolette.

  I had been in there every day the last two weeks since she’d been admitted to the psych wing, but I never went into the room. Her father and Liza were practically camped out there, sitting vigil over her bed as she lay there, not talking, barely eating, because of me. They never saw me. I hung back in the hall, peeking into the windows to get
a glimpse of her.

  “Are you listening to me, Henry?” Walters barked, not for the first time.

  “Huh? Yes, Mr. Walters. I wrote it all down.” I tapped my pen against the notepad.

  “I should hope so. I took a risk in hiring you because your father and a few others vouched for you, but you’ve been awfully distracted lately. I hope your work doesn’t suffer for it.”

  “No worries, sir,” I said through clenched teeth.

  Walters was an asshole and I didn’t give a damn about what he thought. But I needed this job.

  “Have that information to me by the end of work today,” he said, hoisting his large frame from his chair and waving me from the room.

  I headed back to my cubicle, my phone vibrating in my pocket as I walked. Snatching it out, I almost lost the notepad as I checked the screen to see who it was. I was waiting for Liza or Jax to give me an update, to call and say that Nicolette was doing better.

  But it was just my mother.

  “Yes, Mother,” I said into the phone. I had little time or energy for her antics but knew she would keep calling if I didn’t answer.

  “How is she?” she asked. I heard concern in her voice, which was new.

  “I, uh, I don’t know.” I wasn’t sure how to answer her. This was the first time I’d heard from my mother since everything fell apart.

  Since I’d destroyed the one good thing in my life.

  “That poor girl. I spoke to Jax about it the other day, but he said she was still the same. Have you gone to see her, Henry?” I heard the reproach in her voice. She was blaming me.

  And this time I agreed with her.

  “Yes and no. I’ve gone in, but not into her room. Her father and Liza are there. They don’t want me in there.”

  Mother sighed, dramatic and loud. “Clearly, I have not raised you the right way. When you wrong someone, you apologize, Henry. You get down on your hands and knees and you beg her to forgive you. I remember when her mother died, ten years ago. It rocked our community. Madeline Fowler was a wonderful woman. I always worried for that girl.”

  Shock made me stop in the middle of the hallway. “You knew her mother?”

  Mother tsked. “Of course, I did. Madeline was part of my charity, dear. She was a good friend. Why do you think I set Jackson up with Nicolette in the first place? Danny has had a lot to deal with in the last several years, and now this.”

  I learned something new about my mother every day.

  “What should I do, Mother? How can I fix this?” I’d never asked my mother for help, but I was at a loss. I just wanted Nicolette to be okay. I didn’t care if she forgave me or even spoke to me again.

  Her voice softened. “Admit you were wrong, darling. Tell her you’re sorry. You’re just as human as anyone and you sometimes make mistakes. We all do.”

  “That’s the first time you ever said that to me,” I said in amazement.

  My mother sighed again, but this time it was a real sigh. “Henry, I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last week. Your father and I had a long talk with Dr. Gerard as well. I’ve not been the best mother to you recently and I’m sorry for that. But we have time to make up for that. Right now, you have to make amends with Nicolette. Don’t wait too long, darling, or you won’t be able to forgive yourself. Trust me on that one.”

  The way she said it led me to believe she was talking about our relationship. But I didn’t press her for more information. I just thanked her and said goodbye.

  I had to talk to Nicolette. I had to fix what I’d broken.

  * * *

  “How is she?” I asked Liza as I crept into the hospital room.

  Liza glared at me and for a moment I thought she wasn’t going to answer me. “The same. She’s been eating some. But she won’t talk to us. She won’t tell us how we can help her.”

  “I’m sorry, Liza. I . . .” The apology felt trite, but I continued anyway. “I made a mistake. I should have let her explain. I shouldn’t have accused her.”

  Liza shrugged. “You can’t go back. You can only fix what’s left.” She waved a hand at Nicolette and stood up. “I’ll give you a few minutes. Mr. Fowler will be back soon.”

  I nodded as she walked out of the room, throwing a worried glance back at us before she slid the glass door closed. We were alone, Nicolette and I, for the first time since I’d decimated her with the awful things I’d said.

  I walked to the bed and sat on the corner. Her back was to me, moving up and down slowly with her breathing. I couldn’t tell if she was asleep or awake, but I didn’t check before I began to speak. “I’m sorry, Nic. I’m sorry for what I said. I’m sorry for the way I did it. I’m sorry that I didn’t give you a chance to explain. I was wrong. I should have trusted you. I should have given you the same consideration you gave me. But I’m not as strong as you are. I’m not as kind. I’m selfish and stubborn.”

  I paused, waiting for something, anything to indicate that she’d heard me. But she just lay there, staring at the wall.

  With a sigh, I continued. “I love you, Nicolette. I think I’ve loved you from the moment you walked into that restaurant. Silly, right? But something about you, your energy, your aura, spoke to me the way none other ever has. You made me want to be a better person. You made me want to find the person you saw in me. You believed in me when no one, not even me, did. You helped me find my way back to a life I didn’t even know I wanted. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to hurt you. I don’t expect forgiveness. I just wanted you to know.”

  I stood up, my chest aching so badly I thought for sure I was having a heart attack. With one last glance at her back, I started to walk away.

  “You broke my heart,” Nicolette croaked, her voice hoarse.

  I spun around, rushing back to the bed. She was facing me now, tears drying in white tracks down her cheeks. I crouched on the floor so we were face to face.

  “I never meant to break your heart. When I thought . . .” I shook my head. I wouldn’t make excuses. “I let my pride get in the way of how I felt about you. I let the way everyone had treated me in the past cloud the way I saw you and our situation. I should have trusted you. I should have given you the same respect you gave me. But I didn’t. I was an asshole and I deserve all the pain I’ve felt since that moment in your apartment.”

  Her blue eyes filled with tears again as she stared at me, listening to my words but not saying anything else. But I didn’t leave, not this time. I sat there, crouched on the floor until my thighs burned. Until her father returned and threatened to have security remove me. Until Liza called Jax to physically remove me. But she didn’t speak again. She didn’t say another word.

  She only stared into my eyes, the heartbreak and pain radiating from them making me bite my lip to hold back the sobs that wanted to break free.

  “I love you, Nicolette. I will always love you even if you can’t forgive me. Even if you never speak to me again. But don’t let my mistake keep you here. Don’t let my mistake ruin your life, our baby’s life. Get well and show me that you don’t need me. Just get well.”

  I whispered the words as Jax lifted me by the arms, pulling me up from the crouch I’d held for over an hour. My legs were stiff, numb and unwilling, but I stood and let him lead me from the room.

  But my heart remained there.

  Chapter 40

  Nicolette

  “Are you sure you’ll be all right?” my dad asked me for the five-hundredth time.

  “Yes. I’m fine. I promise,” I said, shooing him out the door.

  I had been home for four days, four days that my father had spent in the other room. I was ready to be alone again. I was ready to get back to normal.

  “If you need anything, anything at all, no matter the time, just call me,” he said as I pushed him into the hall, closing the door.

  “Yes, I know. Thanks, Dad. I love you.”

  He stopped, looking back at me for a moment. “I love you, too, baby girl. Don’t you ever scare me
like that again.”

  I nodded. “I won’t. I promise.”

  He nodded but didn’t look convinced, threw me one last look and disappeared into the elevator.

  After Henry came to see me in the hospital, I had a turning point. He was right. Even if I couldn’t forgive him, even if I never did, I owed it to myself and this baby to get my shit together. I wasn’t going to be like my mother. I wasn’t going to check out, to give up, to let someone else raise the child I loved more than anything already just because my heart was broken.

  So, I did what he said, and I got well.

  It took some time—two weeks, in fact—before the hospital and Dr. Harper were convinced that I wasn’t in danger anymore. I began to talk, to eat, and to dig into my therapy in a way I hadn’t in a long time. Dr. Harper was impressed. She said she knew there were things I hadn’t touched on with her in the past year relating to my mother and my depression but that she had the confidence that if I continued to see her and be honest, I would begin to heal.

  I agreed with her.

  Though my heart still ached from Henry hurting me, I was beginning to feel like myself again. I was ready to get back to work. To help get the website and marketing campaigns for our spring line ready to roll. Beatrice told me to take more time if I needed it, but I needed to work, and she caved. I was going back on Monday.

  With a sigh, I leaned back against the door, my hand going to my growing bump. This baby was the kick in the pants I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and to work on getting better. I wouldn’t let her down.