by Ruff, K. S.
Kadyn tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “He hadn’t changed, had he?”
Cade jumped up on the couch. He walked a couple of tight circles, then curled up next to me.
I tangled my fingers in his fur. “He was on his best behavior until we were married six months later, but within weeks of the wedding he was restricting my activities, hitting me, and tearing me back down again. He threatened to kill me if I ever left him again. Cade tried to protect me as best a nine pound dog could, so he ended up battered too. It wasn’t long before I was locking myself in the bathroom at night and sleeping on the floor with Cade. It was the only place I felt safe enough to sleep. Eventually, I confided in a couple I had grown very close to... Gra and Pa. They were like my honorary grandparents. They said they’d help me when I was ready to leave Tom.”
I took a deep breath and slowly continued. “He was raging at me when I ran out on him. The only thing I took then was Cade. I snuck back to the house with Pa while Tom was at work the next day, so I could pack some clothes and take some furniture my father had made. I told my parents and a handful of friends about the abuse, then I filed for a divorce. All of my phone numbers are unlisted, and very few people know where I live, still to this day. It has been a year since I left Tom, and I’m still terrified he will try to kill me, just like he promised.”
Kadyn pulled me into his lap. He tucked me against his chest and wrapped his arms around me. “You’re safe now, Kri. I won’t let him hurt you ever again.”
Kadyn held me for so long that I eventually fell asleep. I woke with a start three hours later and found myself fully clothed in bed with no recollection of how I’d gotten there. Kadyn was sleeping in the armchair next to my bed, snoring softly. I didn’t want to wake him so I eased back under the covers and watched him sleep until I could no longer keep my eyes open. When I woke the next morning, he was gone.
* * * * * *
I received a text message from Kadyn shortly before I left for work. I know last night was difficult for you. Thank you for trusting me enough to share your story. I hope you will give me a chance to help you replace those memories with much more happy ones. I read the message twice more, then sighed. Kadyn knew my darkest secret, and still he wanted a relationship with me. Why?
By the time I got to work, I felt lighter, happier, and more at peace than I had been in a very long time. I was thrumming with energy and ready to tackle Congress head on. As I sifted through the mountain of paperwork and e-mails that had accumulated while I was out sick, I discovered that I finally had the support and the cost analysis I needed to introduce the Medicare Early Buy-in Bill. I pulled together some talking points and drafted a congressional record statement so Senator Rockefeller could introduce the bill later in the week.
I was ecstatic about the accomplishment, so I called Kadyn to share the news as soon as I got home. We were on the phone for over an hour, which I thought was hysterical considering he lived within throwing distance of my apartment. I suddenly couldn’t wait to see him, so I invited him over for dinner on Wednesday just before we ended the call.
I scrambled to pull together a menu so I could go grocery shopping on Tuesday. I raced home from the office on Wednesday, then tore through my house half in and half out of my work clothes while I tried to pull myself and dinner together before Kadyn arrived.
Cade barked seconds before the doorbell rang. I bent down and picked him up on my way to the door. “Good boy,” I soothed as I burrowed my head in his fur.
I flung open the door and smiled what I was certain was a winning smile. “Hi!”
“You didn’t even look through the peephole,” Kadyn grumbled without smiling.
I glanced at him questioningly. “The peephole? Why? I knew it was you.”
Kadyn stared at me. That blank, stoic look, which he’d obviously perfected at some point in his childhood, was locked onto his face. The look screamed “idiot,” only not in so many words.
“Okay. Okay! I’ll use the peephole,” I relented in mock exasperation. I shoved him back outside and swung the door closed between us. I smiled smugly at Cade. “He deserved that.”
Cade’s head cocked to one side as he looked up at me. He didn’t think Kadyn deserved it.
Kadyn knocked this time. Three slow raps sounded from the other side of the door.
I peered through the peephole. I wasn’t sure he appreciated my sense of humor. Kadyn was leaning against the building across from my door. My eyes widened when I saw he was holding a box. I swung the door back open. “Is that for me?”
Kadyn just stood there, holding the box.
“I used the peephole!” I exclaimed.
A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He was clearly trying not to smile.
“Is that for me?” I repeated teasingly while slowly articulating each word.
“Yes,” he responded. He pushed off the wall and handed me the box.
I set Cade on the floor so I could examine the address on the box. “Yay! It’s a care package from Kimme.”
Kadyn folded himself into one of the high back stools at my breakfast bar. He looked thoroughly amused.
I grabbed my scissors and stabbed through the tape excitedly. “I love care packages.” I eased the box open, then gaped at the contents inside. The box was completely full of chocolate. Not just any chocolate, Ghirardelli’s dark with sea salt and caramel. “Oh! She remembered.”
Kadyn raised one eyebrow quizzically.
“It’s my favorite,” I explained as I handed him a piece. I ripped the foil from one of the chocolate squares and popped it into my mouth. I sifted through the chocolate and discovered two “Made in Montana” coffee mugs. I also found a little black book, simply entitled “If.” I read the subtitle aloud for Kadyn, “Questions for the game of life.” I handed Kadyn the book and dove back into the box. I pulled out a small plastic dog. “Scooby Doo!” A huge grin spread across my face. Scooby looked like he might have come from a McDonald’s Happy Meal.
Kadyn looked thoroughly confused by the gift. “That’s random.”
“This from the man who bought me Eeyore pajamas?” I laughed teasingly. “You would have to know Kimme.” I smiled as I placed Scooby on the counter next to my French Press. Then I turned my attention to dinner. “I hope you like clam linguine. Interestingly enough, Kimme is the one who taught me how to make it.”
“I’ve never tried it before, but it smells great.” Kadyn cracked open the “If” book and read the first question. “If you could have dinner with anyone from history, who would it be?”
I handed Kadyn a Sprite. “That’s easy. Jesus.”
Kadyn looked thoughtful as he considered my response. “Yeah. I’d pick him too.”
I lifted the lid from the clam sauce. The rich aroma of clams, garlic, and white wine filled the kitchen. I tossed the linguine noodles into the clams, then snipped parsley over the top. I piled the clam linguine and some French bread on two plates, set them on the breakfast bar, and slid into the chair next to Kadyn.
Kadyn read the next question. “If you could cure only one disease, which one would it be?”
I buttered my bread. “Cancer,” I responded, “without a doubt.”
Kadyn nodded. “I agree.” He read the next question as we dug into the linguine. “If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?”
I had to think about that one. “Paris, France,” I finally replied.
Kadyn looked surprised. “Why?”
I set my fork down. “I don’t know if it’s the architecture, the food, or the emphasis they place on the arts, but I’ve heard so many wonderful things about that place. I would love to experience it firsthand. What about you?”
“Australia,” he responded between bites. “Kri, this linguine is really good.”
I nodded. “Australia would be my second choice. Seriously, who doesn’t want to see koala bears and kangaroos?”
Kadyn shoved a few more forkfuls of linguine into his mouth befor
e asking the next question. “If you were forced to live without a limb, which limb would you choose?”
The question was so disturbing I had to stop eating. “Do fingers count?”
Kadyn shook his head. “I’m thinking arms and legs.”
I winced. “A leg then.”
Kadyn reached for his Sprite. “That’s what I’d choose too. I wouldn’t want to give up either of my hands.” He flipped to the next page in the book. “Here’s a good one. If you had to choose between saving the person you loved most in the world, saving two hundred people from your hometown, or forty-thousand people on the other side of the planet, which would you choose?”
I shook my head. “That’s an impossible choice.”
Kadyn raised an eyebrow. He was clearly insisting I choose.
I thought about how I felt when my cousin, Lexie, was dying and my efforts to give her my kidney. “I know it’s selfish, but I would choose the person I loved most in this world. What about you?”
Kadyn reached for another piece of bread. “The forty-thousand people I didn’t know.”
I rested my elbow on the counter as I turned to face him. “But, Kadyn, what if it was your mom? What if you had a child and you had to choose between saving that child and people you didn’t know?”
Kadyn shook his head. “I would still choose those forty-thousand people. I could not save one life at the cost of forty-thousand others.”
I shook my head, although I was mildly amused that we had found something we disagreed on. “I think that may be easier said than done.”
Kadyn shrugged. “People in the military do it all the time. They sacrifice their lives for people they don’t even know.”
My eyebrows furrowed. “But that’s a different question entirely… whether you’d be willing to sacrifice your own life.”
“True,” Kadyn admitted. “I still think people in the military are hard wired differently when it comes to saving lives.”
I smiled. “On that point, we agree.”
Kadyn picked the book back up and looked at the next question. “If you could change one thing about your past, what would it be?”
Blue eyes met brown. “Marrying Tom,” I replied softly. “What about you?”
Kadyn looked away. “My father’s drinking problem.”
I glanced at the Sprite sitting next to Kadyn’s plate and suddenly realized I had never seen him drink. “Is that why you don’t drink alcohol?”
Kadyn nodded. “My dad is an alcoholic. Twelve of his thirteen siblings have struggled with drug and alcohol addiction, so I’ve never touched the stuff.”
My eyes widened. “Not even once?”
Kadyn shook his head. “Not even once.”
I stared at him completely mortified. “I put white wine in the clam linguine.”
Kadyn laughed. “I’m quite sure the alcohol was cooked out.”
I breathed a small sigh of relief. “The sauce simmers for quite some time.” I slid out of my chair to clear our plates. “Wow, Kadyn. I really admire you for making that choice.” I thought about the margarita I had with Mickey and the wine at Cenia’s house. “Would you prefer I didn’t drink around you?”
Kadyn shrugged. “You don’t appear to have a drinking problem.” He joined me at the sink.
I laughed. “No. I have no interest in being drunk. I like being in control too much. You really have thirteen aunts and uncles?”
Kadyn started loading dishes into the dishwasher. “Yeah. More than two hundred people attend our family reunions.”
My jaw fell into the sink. “You can’t be serious.”
Kadyn laughed. “It’s true. We have an organizing committee and everything.”
I squeezed dish soap into the sauté pan and reached for the scrub brush. “My family doesn’t have family reunions unless someone gets married or dies. How many siblings do you have?”
Kadyn grabbed the dishtowel. “Just one. An older sister. Her name’s Krissa.”
I rinsed out the sink before turning the faucet off. “Are your parents still together?”
Kadyn nodded as he handed me the towel. “Yours?”
“Yes.” I dried my hands and tossed the towel on the counter.
Kadyn reached for my hands. He walked backwards as he pulled me toward the living room. “And you have two brothers…”
I giggled softly. “Yes. I tried to trade the youngest in for a sister, but my mom wouldn’t let me.”
Kadyn nabbed the “If” book from the counter. We curled up on the couch and spent the next four hours mulling over questions from the book. When it became apparent that I could no longer keep my eyes open, Kadyn stood and pulled me to my feet. He posed one last question. “If you could kiss anyone in the world, who would it be?”
My eyes sought his, even as my heart stumbled against my ribs. “You,” I whispered.
Kadyn tossed the book on the coffee table. He gently tugged me toward him. He cupped my face in both of his hands, closed his eyes, and rested his forehead against mine. “Good answer,” he breathed. He brushed his lips lightly across mine before softly kissing first one, then the other corner of my mouth.
Kadyn brushed his lips against mine once more, then paused. His lips hovered over mine while his left hand burned a trail from my neck to my waist. My eyes slid closed as he pulled me closer. Kadyn wound my hair around his hand, locking me gently into place as his lips met mine.
My fists clenched in his shirt, then relaxed. I wrapped my arms around his neck. Kadyn groaned as I melted into his chest. His tongue swept through my mouth as he deepened the kiss. My entire body lit with need. I grasped the back of his head and pulled him closer as I sought… more.
We kept kissing as he stumbled back against the couch. Kadyn lowered me to the couch and blanketed my body with his. Then he kissed me until I no longer knew where he ended and I began. I prayed the kiss would never end.
* * * * * *
I was thinking about Kadyn’s kiss the next morning when I swiped lip gloss across my still swollen lips. My body thrummed the entire day, which made it incredibly difficult to focus on work.
I snapped out of it when Senator Rockefeller invited me to join him in a committee hearing. I watched, completely enthralled, as Senator Rockefeller introduced the Medicare bill I’d been working on. Although we were a long way off from making the bill law, the experience left me feeling heady. Senator Rockefeller believed enough in what I had proposed to stand up and fight for it publicly. Who wouldn’t feel honored by that?
I skipped the gym after work so I could join my office mates for an impromptu celebration at Thunder Grill. Jamie insisted I try the restaurant’s wildly popular mango margarita. The drink was definitely worth the hype. I called Kadyn when we decided to stay for dinner. I was thrilled when he agreed to catch the metro from the Pentagon to join us.
I felt it the moment he walked into the restaurant. I immediately stopped talking. The room simply faded away as Kadyn approached the table. He had that same determined stride that captured my attention when I saw him the first time; only, this time, it affected me even more.
Kadyn approached the table like I was the only one sitting there. He stood looking down at me like we had all the time in the world to drink each other in, like four other people weren’t sitting at the table staring at us, and like all conversation hadn’t come to a complete stop. “Kri,” he said hoarsely.
I couldn’t take my eyes off Kadyn’s uniform long enough to form a coherent response. The dark blue jacket and pants accentuated Kadyn’s broad shoulders and narrow waist. The tie was positioned perfectly over a light blue shirt. Ribbons, pins, and patches adorned his shoulders and chest. I realized then that all the smarmy comments I’d heard about men in uniform weren’t so smarmy after at all. They were spot on.
Kadyn smiled when he realized the effect he was having on me. He bent down to whisper in my ear. “What I wouldn’t give to be out of this uniform so I could kiss you again.”
“Yo
u can’t kiss me when you’re in uniform?” I inquired a bit dazedly.
Kadyn shook his head. He looped his foot under a nearby stool and pulled it next to me. “Hey Patrick, Jonathan, Jamie…” Kadyn nodded to each one, then paused when he saw the unfamiliar face.
“Ellen,” I responded meekly. “My legislative director.”
Kadyn reached for her hand. “I’m Kadyn. It’s nice to meet you, Ellen.”
“I’m pleased you could join us,” Ellen responded as she shook his hand. She looked entirely too amused by the two of us.
Jonathan patted Kadyn on the back. “So I hear you two are officially dating now.”
Kadyn just looked at me and smiled.
The waitress arrived with two heaping plates of nachos. She glanced at Kadyn. “What would you like to drink?”
“I’ll take a Sprite,” Kadyn responded.
We began loading the nachos onto our plates. “So, Kri, you still haven’t answered my question,” Patrick noted.
I tried to recall the question Patrick had asked when Kadyn first walked in. “Oh, yeah. Well, now that the Medicare Early Buy-in Bill has been introduced, I was thinking of drafting a new piece of legislation that encourages hospitals to offer mobile medical services for the homeless.”
Ellen stopped piling nachos on her plate. “Kri, that’s a great idea.”
I shrugged. “I can’t take credit for the idea. They’re working on a similar piece of legislation over on the House side.”
Kadyn eyed me curiously. “What exactly would this bill do?”
I piled a few more nachos onto my plate. “The bill would encourage hospitals to deliver basic and preventive medical care to homeless people using mobile medical units. There are essentially two goals… to improve the overall health of the homeless population and to reduce the number of homeless people who rely on hospital emergency departments for basic medical care.”
Kadyn looked thoughtful. “I assume hospitals absorb the expense of serving the homeless population in the ER?”