“Oh, c’mon,” Addie growled in return. She grabbed a roll of belly fat and said through clenched teeth, “Eat what you have!” What was the point of storing up fat if her body wasn’t going to use it? That made no sense.
She took a sip of water, the only thing she allowed herself to take in, because she was trying to hold out and not eat until dinner. She managed to ignore her hunger for another two hours, but then Troy, the jerk, pulled out a box of mini chocolate chip cookies from Grandma’s junk food cabinet. She almost put her hand out so he could pour her some, but decided to be strong and asked him to bring her an apple.
“Weirdo,” was all he said but brought the apple anyway.
He must have figured out that she was dieting because he made a show of every cookie he ate. Watching him was pure torture, especially because the apple had disgusting brown spots all over. No one ever ate the fruit that Grandma brought home, including Grandma, so it usually got thrown out. Addie, on more than one occasion, thought that her grandmother could save some money by skipping the fruit altogether.
Hopefully tomorrow she would be better and would not give in to an afternoon snack, even an apple. That should be easy, though, since she was going to Kimi’s to work out before her dad came to pick her and Troy up and take them out to dinner. She would definitely have to save all those calories for dinner. Maybe she could splurge and get a milkshake, too. That was protein, right? Ooh, and maybe she could get her dad to take her to Dick’s Sporting Goods. Double fingers and toes crossed that he would buy her cleats and a few other things she needed. That could be her reward for a making it through the whole day without calories.
Addie found that limiting calories at dinner that night was much easier than the night before. Maybe that four o’clock apple had helped. The next day, skipping breakfast and lunch wasn’t too bad, either. Troy, of course, rubbed it in by making himself a cheese quesadilla for lunch. Those were her favorite. When he did that, she ran up to their bedroom, shut the door, and lay on her bed with her back to the door, blocking off all thoughts of the cheesy goodness downstairs. After a while, she sipped water and dug into her next Star Trek book. This time the Voyager crew was trying to hide from the Borg who wanted to assimilate them into drones. At the moment the crew was living off reduced replicator rations and, hey, Addie reasoned, if Captain Janeway could live off reduced food rations, then so could she. WWJD? She’d find a way to cope, and so would Addie. Somehow.
Boot camping it with Kimi that afternoon didn’t go as well as she’d hoped though. She simply didn’t have the energy to do all those stupid pushups and burpees and jumping jacks. Kimi wanted to do more sprints, but Addie cut the practice short after making up an excuse about having a headache, which she actually did. She felt a little guilty about leaving early, but she kind of didn’t care. She just wanted to lay down and then wait for her dad to arrive.
At a quarter to six, Addie was dressed and sitting on the front porch waiting for her father to pull up. The nap she took after Kimi’s circuit training made her feel so much better. Maybe that was all she needed—more sleep. Her father pulled up, and she leaped down the porch steps and ran into his outstretched arms.
“Hi, Daddy!” She hugged him around his middle.
“Hi, Weeble. How’s my best girl?”
“Good.” She wanted to ask him if he’d apologized to her mother yet, but wasn’t sure how, so instead she blurted, “Can we go to the sporting goods store at the mall?”
“Ah,” he said and released her from the hug. “Your mom said you’d found a new life’s passion.”
Addie beamed. Not because her dad knew about her growing fascination with lacrosse, but because her mother had actually spoken with him. Maybe things were on the mend. Maybe they’d be moving back to Watertown. Her stomach swirled in excitement.
“Yeah, Dad. I really like lacrosse. Mom bought me a stick and goggles and Kimi helped me mold my mouth guard. Now, all I need is–”
“Okay, okay,” he interrupted. “We’ll get you everything you need. I promise. Now where’s Troy? I’m starving.”
“I’ll get him.” Addie hopped up the stairs to the front porch, yanked open the front door, and yelled, “Troy, get your butt out here. Dad’s here.”
“Stop that shouting, young lady,” Grandma growled. She was in the kitchen frying pork chops.
“Oh, sorry, Grandma.” Addie closed the door gently and backed away slowly. She tried not to hear the words her grandmother was grumbling.
She called dibs on the passenger seat and got in her father’s pickup truck. It kind of wasn’t fair to call dibs, since Troy wasn’t even out yet, but he could ride shotgun on the way home.
After forever, Troy finally sauntered out to the truck.
“Hey, Troy,” their father said.
“Hey.” Troy got into the backseat without a fuss.
“You okay, Troybot?”
“Yep,” was all he said.
Addie looked from her father to Troy and back again. Uh, oh, what was going on with Troy? Was he mad at Dad?
Her father cleared his throat. “So, should we eat at the food court in the mall? That way we can get Addie’s lacrosse stuff at the sporting goods store right after we eat and then get to our movie on time.”
Troy said nothing.
“Sounds great, Dad,” Addie said. Yeesh, it was a little too enthusiastic, but she had to make up for Troy’s bad mood. What was up with him, anyway?
On the drive over to the mall, she seemed to be the only one really talking. Although her dad seemed interested in the lacrosse drills and circuit training Kimi tortured her with on an almost daily basis, including that afternoon, he seemed far more interested in getting Troy to talk. But Troy didn’t seem interested, not even when their father brought up the Red Sox win over the first-place Tampa Bay Rays. Troy must be sick if even sports couldn’t interest him.
As they walked into the food court from the side entrance near the movie theater, Addie decided that she was going to get Sbarro’s pizza. And she was going to get two slices, even though they were huge. She had been good all day. Calories in was zero. She did a quick check of her body. Was she hungry? Sort of. Her stomach still had that low-grade tightness, and it wasn’t exactly pain, just a little uncomfortable. Hey, no pain no gain, as Coach Marks had said on more than one occasion on Saturday.
Thinking about Coach Marks and her official tryout the next day made her stomach clench.
Troy made a bee-line for Sbarro’s with the ten dollar bill her father had handed him, and Addie was about to follow, but she noticed three girls about her own age sitting at one of the food court tables. Addie’s stomach clenched again. Would she be going to school with these girls in the fall? In Syracuse?
One of the girls looked up from her salad and smiled at Addie as she walked by. Addie smiled back, but then looked away. What did they see? A fat roly poly Weeble lardo?
“Where to, Weebs?” her dad asked. “Your favorite? Sbarro’s?”
“Um, no,” she said, making a split section decision. She did a quick scan of the food court booths. “Sally’s Salads. That’s where I want to go.”
“Wow,” her father said and let her lead the way. “I’m impressed. This lacrosse stuff is really taking hold on you, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I really like it so far, Dad. I hope I make the team tomorrow.” She worked her way through the tables, past the amazing smelling Sbarro’s, and stood at the Sally’s Salad counter. “I wish you could be there, Dad.”
“I know, Weebs, I know. Maybe I can make your first game.”
Addie’s heart lightened. “If I make the team, that is.”
“You will. You’re a Coleburn! We can do anything.”
Addie smiled and with a sigh turned to look at the menu choices. Some of the salads had weird stuff in it like avocados and broccoli, but she finally settled on a chicken Caesar salad. It looked simple enough and had some protein in it. She asked for the dressing on the side. She’d heard her mot
her say that a few times when they’d gone out to dinner. But that was a lifetime ago when they were still a family.
Her father ordered the same thing and they settled into an awkward dinner in the food court with Troy only grunting responses. Addie tried to eat the salad without the dressing and managed to eat all the chicken off the top, but the lettuce was too dry and chewy, so she poured the minisculest amount of dressing on the side of the plastic bowl and swiped a forkful of lettuce leaves over it, hoping to capture a minimum of calories. Nope, the salad was still chewy and boring. But at least it didn’t have weird things in it like at Kimi’s house. How could they live on salad alone? She couldn’t wrap her mind around it.
Their father was trying to get Troy to talk again, so Addie excused herself to go the rest room to give them some space. All that water she’d been drinking all day had run its course through her anyway, so she really needed to go.
As she stepped into the bathroom, two of the three girls she’d seen earlier were fixing their hair in the mirror. Addie looked away and was about to head into the farthest stall when she heard the distinct sounds of someone throwing up in one of the stalls. The two girls looked at each other and beamed. Kind of not the reaction Addie thought they’d have at the sound of someone getting sick.
One of the girls, the taller one with the blonde hair and mascara, said to her, “You should try it.” She pointed to the stall where their third friend was throwing up. “It only takes one finger.” She showed Addie by taking her index finger and putting it way back in her mouth. “You can eat anything you want, ’cuz it’s not staying in.”
There were more retching sounds from the stall. The other girl leaned closer and whispered, “After a while you can do it without anyone hearing you.” She rolled her eyes.
The toilet flushed and their friend walked out, looking a little green.
“See, Marcy?” the blonde said to their friend coming out of the stall. “That wasn’t so bad. Now all those calories don’t count.”
The girl named Marcy nodded and Addie thought she was crazy. She thought they were all crazy. She hustled to the farthest stall to do her business. As she was washing her hands afterward, she let herself think about what the girls had been doing. They were getting rid of calories. Calories in had to be less than calories out, right? Getting rid of the calories before they had a chance to digest made some kind of weird sense. But she couldn’t do something like that in a public rest room. No, something like that would have to wait until she got back home.
Chapter 14
It’s Not Fatal
KIMI’S SATURDAY MORNING knock on the front door might have seemed early for some, but Addie was up, dressed, and ready to go. She bounded to the front door with her new sports bag that proudly held her goggles, mouth guard in its new case, new cleats, which she needed to break in, a new towel to wipe off the gallons of sweat she was bound to produce at that morning’s tryout, two brand-new filled water bottles, gloves, and an extra pair of sports socks. She’d never had sports socks before. The bill came to almost two hundred dollars, but her father paid it willingly. Oddly, Troy wouldn’t let their father buy him anything; he just sat on one of the benches in the mall outside the sporting good’s store and wouldn’t even go in. It was weird because he had been trying to get their mother to buy him all kinds of stuff at that same store just two nights before.
Addie flung open the front door and Kimi gasped. “Whoa, Addie. You look like a real lacrosse player now!”
Addie beamed and twirled on the front porch. “Like my shirt?” Her new shirt read, “Lacrosse! Legally beating people with sticks since 1494!” It had a picture of a lacrosse player in full gear holding his stick up high.
Kimi laughed. “I told you you’d get hooked on LAX!”
They headed down the steps and onto the sidewalk.
“I’m so nervous,” Addie admitted. “What if Coach Marks doesn’t even let me try out? What if I can’t run like everyone else? What if I’m last in every drill and exercise you guys do? What if they laugh at me, Kimi?”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Addie. Slow down there. Think about this. You actually scored a goal on Brooke on Wednesday.”
“Oh, yeah. That was sweet.”
“She was so mad.” Kimi laughed. “Zoinks, she said the sun was in her eyes. Yeah, right. Whatever.”
They walked on in silence for a moment and then Kimi added, “I know you’re new to the sport and everything, but we were all new once. Didn’t Coach Cairns tell you that?”
Addie nodded.
“And you’re picking it up really fast. You can almost keep up with me in my boot camp circuit training, right?”
“More like circuit torture.”
Kimi nudged Addie with her shoulder and laughed.
“Hey, Kimi?”
“Yeah?”
“Have you ever heard of, like . . . um . . .” Addie wasn’t sure how to bring up the topic.
“Heard of what?”
“Like, making yourself throw up after you eat. Like, on purpose?”
“You’re not doing that, are you?” Kimi stopped in her tracks and whirled around to face Addie.
“No, no, no.” But that was a little bit of a lie. During the movie the night before, Addie ate two candy bars, drank her own jumbo-sized Coke, and ate the entire tub of buttered popcorn. Once she got home, she went up to the bathroom she shared with her mother and Troy and put the fan on hoping the extra noise would block out any sound. She wasn’t sure if that was enough, so she turned the water faucet on full-blast just in case. She got down on her hands and knees in front of the toilet and pulled the seat up. Staring at the still water for a moment, she gathered her resolve and slowly leaned forward. She opened her mouth wide and before she could think about it, thrust a finger in her mouth and down her throat as far back as she could get it. She gagged immediately and pulled her finger out. Not to be deterred, she tried again. This time her mouth watered, and she got her stomach to churn and heave a little. She heaved two more times, but nothing came out. Nothing except saliva. She spit into the bowl a few times and let the wave of nausea subside. She slowly pulled down the seat and then closed the lid. A wave of something, she wasn’t sure what, washed over her, and she sat down on the bathroom floor, head in hands, and cried.
“I don’t even want to know why you’re asking me that question, Addie,” Kimi said. “It’s called bulimia, and it’s a sickness. Your teeth can fall out from the stomach acid, and you could burn out your esophagus.” She grabbed both of Addie’s arms and looked her right in the eye. “Addie, your heart could stop. You can die from bulimia.” She let go. “Don’t you ever let me hear of you doing something like that. That’s hurting yourself on purpose. Like those people who cut themselves. If you want to lose weight, or whatever, I can help you, but do it in a healthy way.”
“Okay,” Addie said. “I don’t think I can do bulimia anyway. It’s too gross.”
“No, kidding. C’mon.” Kimi smacked Addie in the arm and turned away. “Let’s run the rest of the way.”
Addie had no choice but to follow.
They finally slowed down as they reached the practice field. They were super early, but a couple girls and their parents were already there. It was a big day. The last day of tryouts for everyone, but the first for Addie.
Kimi and Addie changed into their cleats and had a catch until the coaches organized them into stretching and circuit drills. They were just like the ones Kimi had done, but there was a lot more running in between stations. The practice had been going on for about forty-five minutes and they still hadn’t touched their sticks or anything. Finally, after a quick water break, they got to do a scoop and clear drill with actual lacrosse sticks and balls. Addie liked the drill and found that she wasn’t the worst at it. She scooped up all the ground balls but two and easily did her spin moves, both right and left, around a stationary player. Kimi had taught her that move. Addie liked the variation Coach Cairns added where they had to use their
sticks to toss the ball to a player running down the sideline. Addie hadn’t realized how good she’d gotten at throwing under Kimi’s guidance, and only messed up once or twice.
“Water!” Coach Marks called after what had seemed like six more months of drills. “Two minutes.”
Addie plopped to the ground near her bag, too tired to open it for the water. Brooke and Kimi sat down next to her. Addie was worried. Coach Marks hadn’t said a word to her. That was not a good thing. Kimi got her water bottle out for her, because Addie felt like a giant lump. As she lay there, she started to feel really really weird, like woozy or something. She sat up slowly, but closed her eyes as a wave of dizziness seized her.
“You look out of it, Addie,” Kimi said.
“Give her some water,” Brooke said. “She’s not used to exercising.” Under her breath she added, “at all.”
“Here.” Kimi put a water bottle in Addie’s hand. Addie nodded, grateful for her friend’s persistence, and took a long swig. Mistake. Her stomach cramped up immediately and a wave of nausea shot through her. She groaned.
“Deep breath, Addie,” Kimi said. “You’ll be okay. You’re not used to this kind of workout.”
Addie did as Kimi suggested and started to feel a little better. “Whose idea was it to play lacrosse?” she grumbled and shot her friend an accusing glare.
“You love it, and you know it.” Kimi took one last swig from her own water bottle and tossed it in her bag. “C’mon, Coach Marks will be blowing that whistle in three seconds.”
Brooke stood up first. “We’d better be there on time, or we’ll all be running laps.” The glare she shot Addie was enough to get her to her feet. She grunted her way to a stand and hustled to the gathering group.
Coach Marks approached with a clipboard in hand. Several of the parents gathered behind the coach.
Kimi whispered, “He’s going to announce the team now.”
Addie’s eyes grew wide. Had she put in enough effort? Was she good enough? Okay, she’d lagged behind everyone when it came to running, but she had done pretty well in the lacrosse drills. Hadn’t she? One time Coach Cairns told her she looked good.
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