Boys for Beginners

by Lil Chase

  Nothing special.

  ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘Nothing, Dad. This is brilliant.’ But absolutely everything is the matter.

  ‘I am the happiest man in the whole entire world,’ he says. ‘I am going with my favourite daughter to watch my favourite team play. You can’t get better than that . . .’

  The FA Cup final is the same day as prom. What the flan am I going to do?

  Chapter 25

  Hi c soz but i can’t come to prom on sat

  I’m texting Charlie. If I told him I was going to the FA Cup final he might understand. But I can’t tell him I’m still into football or else he’ll transfer my number back into his Mates list, and I’ll never be his girlfriend no matter how many eyelashes I pull out or chicken fillets I put in. Instead I tell him it’s something I can’t get out of.

  u c the thing is is that my 2nd cousin twice removed is getting married and the wedding is in scotland and its on sat which is the same day as prom and i really have 2 go coz she is like my cousin and gives me the best pressies so it wld b properly rude if i didnt go.

  The text is running on into three, but I have to do it in a way that he knows I’d be there if I could.

  i mean im fine and everything but my dad wont let me stay here without him so i really have 2 go 2 it. im so so soz

  Then, I add, for extra good measure,

  o and im a bridesmaid as well so I definitely can’t come

  That should do it. I wonder if he’s going to call back, saying he’s going to cry and beg me to go to prom with him. I wait and wait . . . nothing. No reply. Nothing. What do I do now?

  I’ll call Jenny. She’s always brilliant at things like this. I know they suspended me from the BB Club, but Jenny didn’t say anything about not being her friend any more.

  ‘Jenny?’

  ‘Sorry, Gwynnie, I can’t talk to you right now—’

  ‘But I need your help.’

  She must be able to tell that I mean it from the tone of my voice. She makes the time for me. ‘What is it?’

  ‘I can’t go to prom with Charlie! I can’t go to prom at all!’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘My stupid dad isn’t letting me.’ She doesn’t need to know the truth.

  ‘Is this because you got your belly-button pierced?’

  ‘Um, yeah.’ Good one. Why didn’t I think of that?

  ‘Oh my God, hun. This is the worst thing that could ever happen to you.’

  I’m so glad she realized.

  ‘What did Charlie say?’ she asks. ‘Did he mind?’

  ‘I’ve texted Charlie and he hasn’t texted me back. I don’t know whether it’s because he’s angry or upset or he thinks I hate him . . . Which I don’t, obviously.’

  Jenny goes quiet. That’s so unlike her and I am pleased that she understands how serious this situation is.

  Finally she says, ‘Or he could have just not got the message yet. You know? Like maybe he’s off helping out with some orphans or playing soccer or something.’

  It would be so like Charlie to be helping out with orphans.

  ‘But what if he is upset? Should I call him?’

  ‘No!’ she says quickly, so I know it must be the right answer. ‘If he’s not upset it will be fully weird if you ring him and ask if he’s upset. If he is upset then that’s good. You’re playing hard to get and boys love the chase.’

  ‘Are you sure? Are you sure that I shouldn’t just call him and tell him that it’s not my fault that I can’t go with him.’

  ‘I’ll tell you what – I’ll give him a call and find out what he’s thinking.’

  ‘Thank you so much, Jenny. I don’t know what I’d do without a friend like you.’ I really don’t.

  After the phone call I go downstairs to make a really big celebratory bacon sandwich. Everything was looking bad before, and it’s still looking bad, but I feel like Jenny is on the case and is going to sort it out like a fairy godmother. But without the grey hair and the mice and the pumpkins.

  When I get into the kitchen I see a note from Dad saying that he is round at Angela’s again. I’ve had enough of all Dad’s sneaking around. I am going to go over to Paul’s to see if I can catch them at it.

  I’m at Paul and Angela’s front door in like thirty milliseconds, all ready to confront and expose them in a big a-ha! -type way. I just hope they are not doing it or anything, because then I would have to sign up for a lobotomy to erase the memory from my mind. Paul answers the door and he looks kind of funny. As if maybe he’s seen them doing it and he has already been for the lobotomy.

  I have no time for niceties. ‘Where’s my dad?’

  ‘Not here. They said they were going to the garden centre or something.’

  Hmm. ‘That’s a bit of a couple-y thing to do, don’t you think?’

  Paul sort of mumbles, ‘What would I know about couple-y things?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Oh.’ Maybe he’s in on it.

  ‘Do you want to come in for a bit?’ he asks.

  I am pulled out of my daydream by Paul’s question as I realize that I’ve been staring into space like an astronaut. ‘Sorry? What?’

  ‘Do you want to go to the park and play footie?’

  ‘Oh, Paul, you’re a doll, you really are. You know I don’t play soccer any more—’

  ‘I don’t get you these days, Gwynnie! You used to be a laugh, and now you just act like an idiot!’

  That’s a bit harsh! ‘I’m only acting the way that Jenny acts. You don’t seem to think that she’s an idiot.’

  ‘But you’re not acting like her. Or at least, you are, but that’s not you.’

  ‘Just because I’m not into playing football any more—’

  ‘You know what, Gwynnie? It’s pretty obvious why you’re doing all this. Charlie is a good bloke. But if Charlie doesn’t like you, then I wouldn’t worry about it. You shouldn’t try to change yourself for him.’

  I say nothing. Guilty as charged. The thing is, I just can’t believe that Charlie would ever like the old me. The me that only wore trainers, my brother’s T-shirts, no make-up and only knew about football and computer games. The other thing is that I don’t even think I am that person any more.

  ‘Whatever.’ I need to change the subject now before it gets too deep. ‘You meeting up with Jenny later?’

  ‘I doubt it,’ he says, ‘seeing as we’re not going out any more.’

  ‘What?!’ This is almost as bad as the fact that I can’t go to prom. ‘I just spoke to Jenny and she never said. Why didn’t you say anything?’

  ‘Well, she only just dumped me about five minutes ago. And you have been going on about your stuff and I haven’t been able to get a word in . . . Anyway, I don’t want to talk about it.’

  God, I am the worst friend ever. I have been so wrapped up in myself that Jenny hasn’t even been able to tell me that she wanted to break up with Paul, and Paul hasn’t been able to tell me that he’s just been dumped by Jenny. If they had then maybe I would have been able to stop it.

  ‘Do you want to get back with her?’

  Paul sort of gulps a little and I can tell he’s about to cry, which is so sad because I haven’t seen Paul cry since he was seven and his mum accidentally put his Pokémon cards in the wash.

  ‘Right. Leave it to me. I am about to turn you into the best boyfriend a girl could ever want. Then you are going to show up at prom and knock Jenny’s popsocks off, and then she will be desperate to go out with you again.’

  It’s time for me to play fairy godmother.

  Thirty minutes later and Paul looks like a new man. We’re back at my house, in Kevin’s room. Paul’s wearing Kev’s best suit, which is a little big for him but looks pretty cool. I’ve slicked his hair back with a little bit of Kev’s gel so he now looks like a posh gent on his way to a ball. And we manage to find the old aftershave that Kevin had in the back of his cupboard. It’s stale, but it still smells
better than Paul normally does. Paul’s admiring himself in the mirror and he likes what he sees.

  I tell him what he needs to do: the flowers, the poem, the DJ playing their song.

  ‘But everyone will laugh at me,’ he groans.

  ‘And that will just prove to Jenny how much you care. The more humiliating, the more she’ll appreciate it. You know how Jenny likes her PDAs.’

  ‘Her what?’

  I roll my eyes like everyone should know that. Then I realize that I am supposed to be nice to Paul right now. ‘It means, Public Displays of Affection.’

  ‘Yes, she does.’ Paul can see my logic. But he doesn’t like it. ‘At least you’ll be there as moral support.’

  My face falls. ‘Sorry, mate. You’re on your own with this one.’

  ‘Oh yeah, I forgot you got tickets to the final. You jammy dodger.’

  ‘How did you know that?’

  ‘It’s all your dad can talk about. I’ve known for ages but he made me promise not to tell. He’s so pleased that he’s got tickets, and it’s like he’s especially happy because he gets to go with you. He was saying all that quality time with his daughter stuff.’

  ‘Parents are weird, aren’t they?’

  ‘Really weird.’

  Anyway, whatever. I’ve given Paul his ammunition to get his girlfriend back. I’ll talk Paul up to Jenny. They’ll get together again. I’ll go to the match with Dad. Then I will have such good karma points that Tottenham will win the final and when we get home Charlie will ask me to be his girlfriend. I am a good person again and I have that happy glowing feeling that I have heard so much about.

  But why hasn’t Charlie texted me back yet?

  Chapter 26

  ‘Hi, Gwynnie!’

  ‘Hi, Brianna!’ I reply, after realizing that I am the only person with a name as silly as mine, and Brianna Andel from Year 10 was just talking to me.

  ‘Listen,’ she says, ‘a friend of mine is having a party in a few weeks. You should come. And, like, bring Charlie if you want.’

  ‘Er . . . OK. Thanks!’ Did a Year 10 just ask me to a Year 10 party?

  ‘How do you know Brianna Andel from Year 10?’ asks Elizabeth, who’s walking down the hall with me.

  ‘I don’t. I didn’t. I’ve never spoken to her. I didn’t even know she knew my name.’

  ‘You’re so popular since Charlie asked you to prom in front of everyone.’ She frowns like she’s thinking something through. ‘Gwynnie . . .’ she says, and I’m always suspicious when people start a sentence with my name.

  ‘Yes.’

  Her voice is small. ‘Maybe if you tell the other girls about this party they’ll let you rejoin the BB Club.’

  I turn to her and frown. ‘I’m not sure I want to be in the BB Club after they chucked me out for one little – OK, well, one huge – mistake.’

  ‘I’m meeting the other girls for lunch in room 36. I could text them and ask if you can come.’

  ‘I don’t need their permission to go into room 36. And even if I did, I wouldn’t want to go.’

  Elizabeth holds my hand and I wonder how long it’s been since someone has held my hand. Maybe not since I was a kid and it was a prerequisite of crossing a road. She looks me in the eye. ‘But I want you to be in the BB Club again. Melissa’s pretty nice when she’s not around Kimba, and Tanya just repeats what everyone else says. But sometimes Jenny makes me feel . . . and Kimba can be . . . I’m sure she doesn’t mean to be, but Kimba’s . . . um . . . a bit horrible sometimes.’ Elizabeth is finding it hard to say something negative, even about Kimba, which is bizarre when there’s so much to choose from. ‘They are my friends . . . but I only want to hang round them if you’re around too.’

  ‘I don’t know, Elizabeth,’ I say.

  ‘Come on. Please. I’ll text them now and tell them that you got an invite to Brianna’s party.’ She doesn’t give me a chance to answer as she starts tapping away with one hand and dragging me off down the hall with the other, through lots of smiles and waves from passing students. I feel like the Queen. I realize that to help out Elizabeth I might have to give the BB Club another chance.

  We push our way into room 36 and they are all there.

  ‘Heya, Gwynnie, how’s it going?’ says Kimba. Which is the nicest thing she has ever said to me. ‘You look really pretty today.’ No, that was the nicest thing she’s ever said to me! She must be sorry for being such a cow and chucking me off the Prom Planning Committee.

  ‘Thanks. I’m OK, thanks.’

  ‘Good. I’m so glad to hear it.’

  Melissa also has this sympathetic look on her face. ‘Jenny told us that you can’t come to prom because your dad won’t let you. That fully sucks.’

  ‘I know,’ I reply. ‘It’s such a coincidence; I wouldn’t be able to be on the Prom Planning Committee even if you guys hadn’t banned me.’ I’m reminding them what they did, and I add, ‘Be careful what you wish for, hey?’

  They all scrunch up their faces like they have no idea what I am talking about.

  ‘So, um, did you get an invite to the Year 10 party that’s on in a couple of weeks?’ asks Kimba.

  ‘Yeah, it was the weirdest—’

  ‘Do you think you could get us in?’

  ‘I don’t see why not. But,’ I say, ‘that’s not why I’m here, is it?’

  Tanya looks a little shy while Melissa says, ‘Of course not! We just wanted to see if you were OK. You know, after having blown it with Charlie and everything.’

  I know that might not be true but I can’t put up a front when it comes to Charlie. ‘I am so upset. Charlie is my one true soulmate. Going to the prom with him would have been my dream. And it was going to happen. And now it isn’t.’

  ‘That’s the saddest thing I have ever heard,’ says Tanya, and she squeezes my shoulder.

  ‘Thanks. I feel like it’s the end of things between me and him. He asked me in front of everyone and now I’ve turned him down.’

  ‘Men don’t handle it so well when you hurt their ego,’ says Jenny. ‘They find it hard to bounce back, and then—Elizabeth, are you crying?’

  We all turn to Elizabeth and she has got tears in her eyes. ‘It’s so awful!’ she wails. ‘He loves you and you love him and now you can’t be together because your father won’t allow it. It’s worse than Romeo and Juliet!’

  ‘Come on, Elizabeth, don’t cry.’ I stroke her arm in a soothing way. ‘It’s probably not that bad, given that my dad will let me go out with Charlie eventually, he just wants me to go to this thing on Saturday.’

  But all Elizabeth can do is sob.

  ‘And no one is planning to take any poison.’

  We all agree that it’s not quite as bad as Romeo and Juliet, but it’s right up there.

  ‘So,’ asks Jenny, ‘did he text back in the end?’

  ‘Yeah, eventually.’ I get out my phone and find the text. I must have looked at it about 300 times since he sent it. ‘It says: gutted we wld have had fun. c u round x x. What do you think he meant?’

  They all take it in turns to have a look at the text. This is harder than balancing chemical equations and we all sit in silence for a minute as we try to work it out.

  ‘Well,’ says Tanya, deep in thought, ‘have fun probably meant spending the whole night snogging. Maybe he would have felt under your top too.’

  ‘Oooooh yeah.’ (The consensus of the group.)

  ‘But, then again,’ Melissa points out, ‘see you around sounds a little dismissive.’ She’s right. It does sound dismissive. ‘It could be that he’s had enough of you and never wants to see you around ever.’

  Charlie never wants to see me again.

  ‘But,’ Elizabeth says, ‘that’s totally cancelled out by the two kisses!’

  There’s hope.

  ‘The thing is,’ says Jenny, ‘sometimes people put kisses on the end of texts by accident, so they might mean nothing.’

  ‘Hmmm.’ This has given us all something to think abou
t.

  I guess I have to forgive the BB Club. They are being so nice, counselling me over the loss of Charlie. For the next two days we spend lunch hours, morning breaks and MSN sessions talking about his text, and we’re still none the wiser.

  ‘Can we talk about something else now, please?’ asks Jenny. ‘I think I know every pixel of that text by heart. It’s not going to give us any more clues.’

  ‘Fair enough,’ I say. And it is. I have been kind of hogging the conversation topic for a while. ‘I guess you guys need to talk about prom. How are those last-minute arrangements going?’

  ‘Real good,’ says Melissa.

  ‘Oh great!’ I say, trying not to sound too surprised. ‘You’ve finalized the decorations then?’

  ‘Not exactly,’ says Kimba, ‘but most of us have a date now.’

  Tanya looks sad. ‘I still haven’t managed to persuade my mum to let me go.’

  Kimba carries on like she hasn’t heard. ‘Richard Williams asked me to go with him.’

  I always thought Richard Williams had more sense.

  Melissa says, ‘Well, he’s only a Year 9. I’m going with Jimmy Noble from Year 10.’

  ‘Yeah,’ says Kimba, ‘but then again, you are a Year 10, so really you should be going with a boy from Year 11.’

  ‘What about you, Elizabeth?’ I ask.

  Elizabeth blushes and I feel bad for asking. She must not have been asked by anyone.

  ‘Don’t be horrible, Gwynnie,’ says Melissa, ‘no one has asked—’

  But Elizabeth interrupts her. ‘Actually . . . um, Ranjit asked me to go.’

  We all stand there gobsmacked for a moment.

  ‘And I said yes.’ She looks worried as none of us have found the words to speak. ‘Should I have said yes?’

  ‘Yes!’ I shout. ‘That’s great news. You and Ranj make a brilliant couple.’ I’m not shocked that he’s asked Elizabeth, more that Ranj has asked anyone!

  Kimba makes a face to Melissa likes she’s not so sure, but luckily Elizabeth is too busy beaming to notice. ‘Good. Because I think I like him a little bit.’

  ‘I knew it!’ I say. ‘How did he ask you?’