Silly Girl

by Michel Prince

  “No. No kids,” Silly said as she put some yellow squash in her mouth.

  “You’ve never had a kid?”

  “What are you getting at?” Silly asked and Matthias could see a small crystal tear forming in the corner of Silly’s eye.

  Sharee set down her fork and folded her hands in front of her over her plate. Her chin rested on top of the intertwined fingers.

  “We both know.”

  “Don’t answer her, Silly. It’s none of her business.”

  Silly’s jaw trembled as she placed her fork down.

  “But she’s made it hers. Haven’t you?”

  “I protect Matthias. Even from himself.”

  “Damn it, Sharee.”

  “No,” Silly said, putting her hands up. “You want to know.”

  “I need to. You want to be in his life, I need to clear out all the skeletons in the closet. We can only hide what we know is there.”

  Silly’s eyes pooled with tears. Whatever the history, it wasn’t some stupid indiscretion when she was a kid. What was buried he didn’t need to know. Not yet.

  “Silly…” Her hand wrapped around his as she squeezed tight. Silly’s lips were a thin line, but her eyes told him she was strong enough.

  “When I was fourteen I was living in a foster home, but I assume you knew that.” Sharee crossed her arms and pursed her lips at Silly. “It was a bad one. On my way home from school one day a man snatched me. The fosters didn’t report it until the worker came to their house after the school reported me extremely absent. They told me it’d been a little over a month when they found me. To me it was a thousand life times.”

  The room was silent as a chill cut through the air. Everyone knew what would come next. There was no way it couldn’t. Matthias prayed somehow the story could turn into a romance, but he knew it wouldn’t. He felt pain tearing through his chest.

  “I was handcuffed to a bed and raped repeatedly until I was found in an abandoned house by a couple of kids that were tossing rocks at the windows.”

  “Silly…” Matthias tried to stop her, but she held her hand up.

  “In the ER they placed me in a different foster home. The morning after pill was new and I needed my guardian to approve it. My new foster parents were good Christians that didn’t believe in abortion under any circumstances.” Silly wiped away a tear that had made it to her chin, and it took everything in Matthias to not kill Sharee for doing this to her. “The doctor told me it only worked in the first forty eight hours anyway. We just had to hope for the best.

  “I had to carry the baby to term and I had a decision to make. It took me until the seventh month to not hate her. But if I kept her I’d be an emancipated minor and I’d have to raise her on my own. I was fifteen.” Silly paused and the whole room seemed afraid to move. “What would you have me do? Live on welfare for the rest of my life. Never graduate high school, let alone go to college. And how could I raise…a child…that may possibly have his eyes.”

  Silly was trembling at this point and all Matthias wanted to do was hold her. Hold her and tell her he’d make it all right.

  “I’m sorry that that was the one thing from my past I didn’t tell Matthias. If you wanted to know about it, you could have asked me in private. Or at least been straight forward with it. I thought you had class.”

  Silly pushed away from the table and stood up. Matthias popped up too, but she laid her hand on his chest and tried to smile.

  “Finish your dinner. I’ll be a few minutes.” With that she walked down to his bedroom and closed the door.

  “What the hell is the matter with you?” He snapped at Sharee. “Why? Do you know what you just did to her? She promised to tell me everything in her own time. Get out of my house.” He growled and Sharee reached to touch his hand.

  “I didn’t mean…”

  “Get out. I told you what she meant to me, but you had to push. She’s who you need to apologize to. I can take care of myself.”

  Matthias pushed against the table to go after Silly.

  * * * *

  Sylvia went into the bathroom, shut the door, and sat on the edge of the taupe tiled whirlpool tub. Pulling off her socks Sylvia ran her fingers over her scars. It’d been years since she’d done it and she wasn’t sure if she could hold back today.

  It was not like she had never thought about Lottie. Every year she allowed herself one day to remember. Not enough to overtake her, but enough to grieve the loss.

  The doorknob turned slowly and she knew what was coming. What always came. The look.

  “Sylvia…”

  “I’m not Silly anymore?” Sylvia thought it was crazy her pet name seemed so important.

  “I want to apologize for Sharee. She means well but…”

  Sylvia turned her head and rested it on her knees. “You’re not her.”

  “I know,” he said, sitting on the closed toilet seat across from Sylvia. His hands went to her feet.

  “You did this to yourself, didn’t you?”

  “For a while. It didn’t help. Even when I’d pour salt or lemon juice in them.”

  “Oh baby…why the feet?”

  “Minnesota. We wear socks nine months of the year. I’ve never been a big swimmer. Seemed the easiest place to hide it.”

  Matthias brushed back her hair and held her face in her hands.

  “Please don’t,” she cried. “Please don’t make me be the girl that was raped.”

  All the looks she used to get in the halls of school. If it hadn’t of been on the news the kids would have thought she lied to cover up an ex-boyfriend. It was hard enough starting a new school, especially as a foster kid, but to begin showing a few months after starting. And Jane was so open about Sylvia’s “predicament.” They couldn’t take the baby of course, but they hoped to see Sylvia through until she graduated. Which they did, because they weren’t bad foster parents, but they sure as hell weren’t parents.

  “I don’t know how to act.”

  “Like you have been. Like my body is amazing, not damaged.”

  “It is Silly. You’re so beautiful.”

  “You say it like it’s a well known fact.”

  “Only to those who’ve seen you. I would have never guessed you had anything this dark in your past.”

  “It took me years to stop being a victim. If I move on and succeed, then he only stole nine months of my life.”

  “Did they catch him?”

  “I got a call a few years back. The DNA from my case popped. Past the statute, but he’s behind bars now for another crime. You know he tried to go after Lottie. Loretta, is what they named her. They were going to call her Lottie. But he tried to sue for custody because they used her DNA to prove my rape as a prior bad act.”

  Matthias took Sylvia’s hands in his and his thumbs stroked the back of her hand.

  “She had black hair when she came out and so much of it.” Sylvia’s right hand wiped away a tear. “I held her for one hour. I allowed myself that.”

  “How did you move past it to be as strong as you are now?”

  “I’m not strong.”

  “Yes you are. You didn’t shudder once from me touching you.”

  The memories of her “relosing her virginity” as Patrick called it came back to her. He was so gentle and kind. Taking the time to make it right. Letting it be on her terms, but showing her the beauty of sex. The love that can be found in it.

  Patrick had shown her love, but Matthias had shown her passion as well. The sweeping momentum that can come when the love overflows and explodes.

  “No sex for about eight years. The chef…he helped me a lot.”

  “I’ll have to thank him. I don’t think I’d have been able to help you overcome that.”

  “The birth was hard. I had some damage, but I assume men don’t mind. The doctor…sorry we shouldn’t be…”

  “I haven’t been hurting you have I? I’m not huge, but…”

  Sylvia didn’t need to hear that he had tho
ught she was a virgin. She had seen the look on his face.

  “No. I should get going,” Sylvia said pulling away.

  “Why?”

  “I’m sure you don’t want to feel awkward in your own home.”

  “I think not having you here would feel more abnormal than knowing what I know now. You’ve moved into a place I didn’t know I had room. Don’t go. I want you lying next to me when I wake up.”

  “I don’t know. I’ve got to work in the morning.”

  “And I have to work tomorrow night then I’m gone for four days. Stay with me tonight and tomorrow.” His hand swept against her cheek. “Let me have two more nights with you.”

  “I’m embarrassed right now and I’m going to be depressed for a while. I don’t want to bring you down.”

  “You’ve been taking care of me the last few days, how about I help you.”

  “No. You have a conference game tomorrow. That’s too important.”

  “A few days ago, I’d agree with you. But I allowed this wound to be opened. Let me fix it.”

  “Guys always think they can fix things,” Sylvia groaned as she got up and leaned against the sink.

  “Because we’re failures if we can’t climb the mountain, slay the dragon, and save the princess don’t you know?” Matthias wrapped his arms around her causing her body to warm.

  “I’m no princess.”

  His lips brushed gently across Sylvia’s, warming hers from the cold icebergs they had been following her memory.

  “How about being an empress? At least come to my game. I’ll have Langston pick you up after work. What’da say?”

  “I don’t have my jersey with me.”

  “You need a jersey? I think I can accommodate you.”

  “Can I bring a friend?”

  “A female one right?”

  “You jealous?”

  “Yes,” he said without reservation.

  “Yes, a female one.” Sylvia stopped herself. “Unless that would be a problem. I mean I suppose I can’t talk about…”

  Matthias kissed her again and pulled her off of the sink cradling her against his chest.

  “You can talk about almost everything.”

  “Almost.”

  “I have a rep to protect.”

  “The Young and the Restless?”

  “Isn’t Victor a cold ass motherfucker?”

  Sylvia rested her head on his shoulder and kissed his neck.

  “Let me make a call.”

  “Of course.”

  On her side of his bed was her backpack with her phone. She’d turned it off days ago to save the battery. As it came alive she found she actually had a few messages.

  Listening to them she laughed. “I guess DeShawn’s curious.”

  “He seemed the type to be.”

  “He also thinks I should screw you right so I get him season tickets.”

  “Seems like a reasonable trade.”

  Deleting her messages, she called the only person in the area she counted as a friend.

  “Hey lady what’s up?” Leslie’s voice rang through the phone.

  “Looking for a friend to come to a game.”

  “Hell no. You get too into the game and I ain’t climbing to Timbuktu.”

  “I’m pretty sure the seats won’t be nosebleeds.” Matthias laughed hearing her side of the conversation. Sylvia decided to tease her friend. “They won’t be nose bleeds will they, Matthias.”

  “No.” He smiled shaking his head. Raising his voice to make sure it carried over the phone he said. “My girl gets the good seats.”

  “His girl? Matthias? Am I in your dream? What the hell is going on?”

  “Meet me at the auditorium by six.”

  “No, no, no, no, no. You need to spill.”

  “Spill. What could I possibly have to spill?” Sylvia smiled then Matthias decided to make it hard on her. Kissing her neck then sucking lightly. “You give me one more hickey and you’ll walk funny for the rest of the night.”

  “Hickey? Sylvia you need to spill!”

  “Silly, put down the phone.” Matthias said, laying her back and sliding his hand under her shirt.

  “Oh my God, is that him? Sylvia? Sylvia? Talk to me.”

  Matthias whispered in her ear. “Put down the phone or she’s going to know how amazing I find your body.”

  “I gotta go, Leslie. See you tomorrow.”

  Leslie protested as Sylvia flipped her phone shut.

  “You are so bad.” Sylvia looked up at Matthias.

  “That felt good didn’t it?”

  Sylvia had to admit, she’d been bursting at the seams to tell the world.

  * * * *

  The light streamed in the window waking Sylvia. She woke reaching for Matthias only to find a cold empty bed. She could hear the weights being lifted in the second bedroom. Pulling on a pair of sweatpants, she walked towards the kitchen and started making pancakes.

  A noise from the living room made her turn. Sitting on the couch was a very non-presentable Sharee. Her hair was matted and makeup was slightly smeared.

  “Hope your makeup didn’t stain Matthias’ couch.” Sylvia didn’t want this woman anywhere near her.

  Sharee examined the pillows then flipped one of them over to hide what Sylvia assumed was a stain.

  “I’ll send someone over to clean it,” a groggy voice replied.

  Sharee stood up and tried to smooth out the wrinkles in her suit. Her hands reached for her heels as she started to put them on, then decided fuck it and hooked them on her fingers.

  Sylvia grabbed the flour, eggs, baking powder and milk and started in on making her pancake batter. While she melted a stick of butter in a saucepan Sharee lumbered over to the counter.

  “I owe you an apology.”

  Sylvia didn’t respond and kept her back to Sharee.

  “I did the research I should have done before I spoke to you last night. That was a pretty Strawberry Shortcake version of what happened to you.”

  A chill shot through Sylvia’s body. “Why does it matter what happened to me?”

  “Because the media is a bunch of vultures. Sports usually not as bad as regular entertainment, but it can turn brutal if they get a burr in their saddle and if they see it affects the person. What happened to you can set Matthias off his game and teams will use it to exploit that weakness.”

  “It happened to me, not him. He didn’t even know I existed, hell I didn’t know he existed till a few months later. Why is it an issue? I’m a survivor, isn’t that what matters?”

  “It should. You could parlay this into a million dollar charity helping women with counseling programs and support groups to rebuild their lives. Look at you. You’re strong—”

  Sylvia turned around and glared at Sharee.

  “I cut myself for almost a year after it happened. Contemplated suicide a thousand times.”

  “But you didn’t do it, did you? And you’ve gotten past it.”

  “I’ll never get past it. I compartmentalize it and only open the drawer once a year. Except this year I get to examine it a couple more times until you’re satisfied that me being raped, beaten, burned and told no one but this sick monster would ever care about me until I believed it in my soul, won’t effect another human being’s ability to score points.”

  “That’s not what I’m worried about.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  “Because Matthias said I owed you an apology and I agreed. I thought you’d come out of that room last night eventually, but I see you didn’t.”

  “I wanted to go home.”

  “But Matthias wouldn’t let you.”

  “He didn’t hold me against my will.”

  “You have no will when it comes to him.”

  “Yes I do.”

  “You’re in love with him. What he says goes.”

  “That why you slept on the couch?”

  “Partially. Mine’s more of a loyalty.”

  “Not
because you’re still in love with him?”

  “I’ll always love him. But he loves you. In a way he can’t understand right now. Langston told me about yesterday…what happened. Look I’ve known Matthias since he was ten years old. It’s been almost twenty years since I’ve seen him act like this. What’s it called in Bambi?”

  “Twitterpated?”

  “That’s it. You have him twitterpated. He’ll settle down back to who he really is, but right now, I’d bet he feels like he’s sixteen and in love. Now I’m sure when you were sixteen you were still traumatized in a way I couldn’t understand. But at sixteen when you feel like you’re in love you’d kill for that person. You can’t understand what’s going on around you or why your body and mind are reacting the way they are. The most intense love comes when you’re a teenager. The real love comes when you’re an adult and can process the emotions.”

  “So he’s intensely in love with me, but not really in love.”

  “Stop being a victim. You’re getting the best of both worlds. He’s intensely in love with you, but when his rush calms down he’ll be able to process and settle into a real love. Don’t be afraid of his outbursts. Just think of it as if you’re dating a seventeen-year-old.”

  “That’s not encouraging,” Sylvia replied, poured the first batch of pancakes on the skillet, then retrieved the bacon from the fridge.

  “He kissed you in public.”

  “So.”

  It had made her uncomfortable at first, but it was just because Sharee was there and Sylvia felt that he was using her.

  “On the lips.”

  Sighing Sylvia set the bacon on the counter and used a knife to slice through the plastic. Sharee’s seemed to be jealous, but she’d had years with him. Then Sylvia remembered what he had said in the snow. He’d never kissed Sharee that way. Looking at Sharee, Sylvia saw pain in her eyes.

  “He doesn’t kiss. It’s too intimate for him. We’d sleep together and maybe I’d get a kiss on the forehead or neck, but never on the lips.”

  “You’re telling me Matthias never kissed you on the lips?” Sylvia scoffed. She probably had a good three hours in the last few days of Matthias’ lips on her.

  “That would be absurd. Yes, he kissed me on the lips. But as a reaction to me. I don’t remember him ever kissing me first.”