Just Like Heaven

by Steven Slavick

  Nick snapped back. “Jesus Christ! Oh, God!” He grabbed hold of Harold’s shirt. “Harold?” Tears glistened in Nick’s eyes. He shook his brother. “Harold? Wake up. Come on, wake up!”

  A man wearing a cowboy hat appeared beside Nick’s window. “Are you all…Is he okay?”

  Nick spun around, slinging tears across his cheeks. “Get an ambulance, you asshole.” He whirled back to his brother. “Harold? You can’t leave me. Harold, don’t leave me.”

  The screen turned black. Lights came to life above them.

  Nick stared at the blank screen, riveted by what he’d just experienced. He could still feel the agony of losing his last remaining family member. He felt numb and lifeless, as though he’d stepped outside of his body.

  Roland looked at him, waiting for a response.

  “Stop looking at me.”

  “I’ve got to look somewhere. Besides, you’re the reason I’m here.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You chose me for this assignment, Nicholas. You wanted me to look after you.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “To oversee your life. You selected me as your spirit guide.”

  “You aren’t making any sense,” he said through barred teeth, his tone both tight and harsh.

  “To help you navigate your life. Through all your ups and downs.”

  Nick faced him, pointing a finger in his face. Chords of muscles stood out on his neck. “A lot of good that did. You saw what happened. Where were you when my brother died? Or my parents? What about them? Why didn’t you help them?”

  “I’m not their spirit guide. I’m yours. They had their own guides.”

  “So why didn’t they help them? Why did they let them die?”

  “I can’t answer that. Only your parents and brother can.”

  “Well, they’re not alive anymore, so they can’t answer anything.”

  “Don’t you have any compassion? Don’t you have any feelings?” He headed for the door.

  “As I recall, one of the ladies you romanced asked the same of you. So do you? Have any feelings?”

  Nick stopped at the door and turned to Roland. “Of course. You’re the one who doesn’t have any feelings, Colonel. You’re the one who watched my brother die, and you didn’t even get rattled. You’re the one without a soul.”

  “Oh, so you believe you have a soul.”

  “Of course, I do.”

  “Hmmm. Then where did you get your soul – if you don’t believe in God?”

  “That’s not—”

  “Yet upon finding your brother had passed on, you called upon God and Jesus. If you didn’t believe in them, why would you say their names at such a time?”

  “I was out of my mind. I didn’t know what I was saying.”

  Roland walked up to him in powerful strides, face impenetrable. “I disagree. You called upon them. There’s a difference. Your voice cracked in agony. You called out for them because you needed their strength to help you endure one of the life’s most painful experiences: losing your loved ones.”

  “That’s ridiculous. I’ve never prayed a day in my life. I never went to church. Everyone says if you don’t believe in God or Jesus, you don’t go to heaven. So if this is heaven, how can I be here? How is that possible? Is it a mistake? Is that why I can’t taste a burger? Is that why I can’t smell anything? Is that why I can’t breathe in this place?”

  “He wanted you to be here because that’s what you both decided upon. And the reason you don’t taste anything is because, in heaven, you don’t need food. You don’t need a sense of smell. And you don’t need to breathe. You’re thinking in terms the human form understands. Do me a favor. Poke yourself.”

  “What?”

  “Go ahead: poke yourself. You’d rather not? Fine. Allow me.” He reached out and jabbed a finger into Nick’s chest, but Roland’s finger bent into his chest, almost making his form shimmer.

  Nick stood firm, rearing back a fist. “Hey, buddy you better watch it.”

  “Did you feel that? The force with which I pushed you would have made you take a step back – if you were in corporeal form. But that didn’t happen. Because that isn’t your human body. That’s down on earth right now. While your soul is here with me.”

  “In heaven.”

  “Indeed. Why would you need to eat or sleep? Heaven is the most perfect place in existence because God made it so. He wanted all of His children to return home to a place of beauty and wonder, after having experienced so many challenges on earth.”

  Nick had to admit that earth was not the nicest place to live. So that part, about God wanting to make heaven a place of contentment, rang true to him – if there was a God. Come to think of it, Nick hadn’t felt hunger pains in some time. So the logic of not needing to eat or sleep made sense. If his spirit, not his body, traveled to heaven, why would he need to eat or sleep? It would be unnecessary. After all, humans only eat food to use those vitamins, minerals, protein, etc. to use in the form of energy. And they sleep in order to restore bodily functions. If he didn’t exist in human form, he wouldn’t need to eat or sleep.

  Therefore, Roland had finally made some sense – if Nick believed in heaven. But he didn’t. Still, maybe opening his mind to possibilities he hadn’t before considered might prod his brain to give him some answers, so that he could discover the reason he dreamed up this imaginary world.

  Another question prompted consideration: while dreaming, how often did he eat, sleep, or breathe? None! Therefore, he assumed that whatever drugs the nurses pumped through his veins in the hospital had resulted in a more realistic dream-state.

  “All right,” Nick said. “What’s next, Colonel?”

  *

  Inside the Hall of Records, a building similar in size and structure as the Hall of Wisdom, Nina appeared with Mei Lee on the first level and gaped in awe at the towering marble columns and spacious steps that reached up countless levels toward a massive dome. It seemed that, although there seemed to be a limitless amount of floors inside this building, the dome looked only about forty levels above her. This trick of physics reminded her of God’s power to bend space and time at His will.

  In every direction, row upon row of endless shelving units stretched throughout the building. And just as with the dome, Nina didn’t need to wander down an aisle to know that, the farther she traveled down that row, the further she could explore without reaching the end of that pathway. After all, each aisle contained volume upon volume of every individual’s life history on earth. And considering that around one hundred billion people had walked on the planet, at one time or another, God needed to create an edifice that could continue to expand in order to store the recorded history of each person’s life.

  “I see that some of your memory has returned,” Mei Lee said. “How much do you remember?”

  “Just that I’ve lived many lives. How many?”

  “One hundred and thirty four.”

  “That seems excessive. I must be a total screw-up.”

  “Not at all. You have an adventurous spirit. That is why you continue to visit earth and continue to work on your spiritual advancement.”

  “How many times have you reincarnated?”

  “Four.”

  Nina recalled that Spirit Guides needed to have visited at least once before fulfilling their responsibilities to their charges, but she had no idea why she would have chosen Mei Lee – if she’d had such limited experience on earth. For someone with thirty times more human experience than her Spirit Guide, Nina considered whether she should have selected someone with more insight into the human condition. But one look into Mei Lee’s kind eyes told Nina that she couldn’t have found a more devoted friend and trustworthy ally. If she needed to go to battle, and these moments on the Other Side convinced her that living any place other than heaven could only be described as a battleground, she couldn’t have picked a more supportive soul than Mei Lee.

  Besides
, even though Nina didn’t recall much about her relationship with Mei Lee, other than that, for whatever reason, she felt completely at ease in her presence and trusted her wholeheartedly, she now realized why she hadn’t chosen a Spirit Guide with excessive human experience; because it may have amounted to a more haphazard approach when guiding her. Therefore, her decision made sense: she would have wanted someone who could empathize and guide in a gentle but firm manner. But how did Mei Lee fulfill these duties? If she resided in heaven, how could she help Nina on earth?

  “I know why I wanted you as my Spirit Guide,” Nina said, “but I’m still a little fuzzy on how you guide me.”

  Mei Lee offered her a smile. “The most immediate way is through intuition. On earth, people often confuse intuition with instinct. But they are two different concepts. Instinct is encoded in your DNA and is a result of evolution. For instance, if you were to examine the chances of jumping from one cliff to another, your genetics and physical condition might give you an idea of whether or not you could make it to the other side. So you may be certain you could complete the jump. But something at the back of your mind will either convince you to jump or not to jump. That is intuition. Many times, someone will just know without an ability to explain why they feel one way or another. That is where your Spirit Guide comes into play. We are often that voice of reason, prodding you in one way or another.”

  Nina thought back but couldn’t recall a specific instance where intuition guided her. The example about jumping from one cliff to another made sense in the context of explaining instinct and intuition. But for some reason, she got the impression that Mei Lee had chosen the example of jumping from a cliff for a more specific purpose, but she couldn’t pinpoint why. “The cliffs. You mentioned that for a reason. Why?”

  “Some of us have nicknames here. Yours is Roxy.”

  Nina stared at her, aghast. “You’re joking. Was I a stripper?”

  “I’m afraid not.”

  “Was I born in the 1920’s?”

  “Your nickname has been in existence much longer than one hundred earth years. After all, time moves much faster on the Other Side than it does on earth.”

  “That makes sense, but I don’t know why. Am I hazy on the concept because I’m between two worlds?”

  “Yes.”

  “Before you mentioned spiritual advancement. What did you mean? If I’ve been to earth so many times compared to you, I must be more advanced than you? Am I right?”

  “In this instance? No.”

  Nina felt like her friend had slapped her face with a wet noodle. “So does that mean you’re somehow better than me? That your spirit is more pure?”

  “There’s that defensive aspect of your personality I’m so used to,” Mei Lee said, although she didn’t look displeased. “It just means that my spirit has advanced to a higher plane. There may be different levels of spiritual advancement, but God loves each of us equally. That I’ve attained a higher level of spirituality just means that I’ve endured more…shall we say unfortunate circumstances in my four incarnations on earth than you have.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Before you decided to visit earth this last time around, we discussed what your soul has encountered and experienced as well as what you hoped to learn and how you wanted to grow. Then we created a chart for your life. Afterwards, you met with God and drew up a contract.”

  “With God? I’ve met God?”

  “We all have. But you make it sound like you and God sat down on a park bench and had a conversation. Like, “Hey, did you watch the Blackhawks game last week?”

  Nina broke out laughing. She hadn’t expected a total shift in Mei Lee’s tone, not to mention joking around in the middle of such an important conversation. “You know about sports teams?”

  “I don’t pay attention to them. But you do. And I pay attention to you. So I know that you go to at least one game each year. And that you have a crush on Patrick Kane.”

  Nina’s mouth dropped open. She didn’t like the idea of an observer watching her at all times. “You’re worse than an eavesdropper. Do you watch me in the shower, too?”

  “See? You’re still in the physical world. We have no interest in physical affection – at least in terms of sexual relations. That’s a human activity, and in order for the continuation of your species, you must have a reason to continue procreating. So evolution gave you reason to find sex appealing. Besides, we have a more spiritual form of physical affection.”

  Nina felt somewhat disappointed that there wasn’t a form of sexual relationships on the Other Side, but Mei Lee’s description made sense. And it made her curious to discover what she meant about this other form of affection. Then she recalled how her friend had mentioned that she had conferred with God before visiting earth again. “So God and I don’t sit down over a couple glasses of wine and chat. That makes sense. He’s a busy guy.”

  “He always has time for each of us. He’s omnipresent, meaning he can be in anywhere at any time. But he is in each of us, and we all share a connection with him. But you can’t grasp the underlying concept of talking with God because you’re half in this dimension and half on earth.”

  “So I’m not dead?”

  “I didn’t say that. Your spirit is here with me. I only said that, if you were completely emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually here with me as well, you would know exactly how to communicate with God.”

  “What about prayers. He hears our prayers, doesn’t He?”

  “That is exactly what I’m talking about. Although you can feel and understand a little about life on the Other Side, most of you is still tethered to your physical presence on earth. But yes, God always hears your prayers.”

  “So you and I drew up my chart? What does that mean?”

  “We looked at your spiritual advancement in context with what you needed to experience and learn in order for your soul to grow. And we set up certain obstacles in your life on earth in order to make that happen. That explains why you chose your parents.”

  “But I’m a total disappointment in their eyes. They wish they had another child, someone who took after them. They think I’m a failure. That’s a pretty tough obstacle, wouldn’t you say?”

  “It sure is. But that was your choice.”

  “My left leg is a little longer than my right leg. I didn’t choose that, did I?”

  “That’s genetics. You selected your parents. But they determined your physical appearance.”

  “So you’re saying that people who are born with HIV or Down syndrome asked for those impairments?”

  “Those who are born into the physical world with physical or mental disabilities often leave the physical realm with a much higher spiritual progression than you or I would obtain in multiple lifetimes. They are the brave souls. They are the ones we admire on the Other Side. But in other cases, it is the parents or someone close to the family who comes into contact with someone with a life-changing disability that will be most impacted by that person. Under those circumstances, the person who freely allows herself to live with any disability for the spiritual advancement of others is on a different spiritual plane: they sacrifice themselves to allow others to grow from the privilege of their relationship.”

  Nina still had trouble believing anyone would choose that type of existence; the difficulty in navigating the world, and dealing with all of the prejudices, would be crushing and seemingly insurmountable. She guessed that’s why Mei Lee and others in heaven thought so highly of those who decided on living with a disability. Which made sense. Who would choose that existence but someone with a special soul?

  The idea of free will brought her back to her parents. “So you’re saying that I wanted my parents to hate me?”

  “Do they really hate you? Maybe they are disappointed because with their genetics, they felt you would be a prodigy in the legal field. And because they enjoy that career, they presumed that maybe you would, too. Can you see why they would feel th
at way?”

  Nina understood the rationale, but she just wondered why her parents couldn’t love her for who she was, rather than who they wanted her to be. But again, if Mei Lee spoke the truth, Nina wanted to overcome that challenge for her own spiritual advancement. Besides, she’d always known the uphill battle she would face in trying to break into the recording industry. Yet, the challenge made the goal that much more appealing. To accomplish what only a small percentage could attain meant something to her. The saying, “It’s about the journey, not the destination” had always made sense to her on a spiritual level, rather than an intellectual one. She’d never given that credo much thought: she just took it as truth because it felt right. And that might make sense because, as Mei Lee suggested, Nina had taken this path and chosen this profession to elevate her soul. That dissolved some of Nina’s impatience at having, until this moment, failed to attain her dreams.

  “Is every Spirit Guide as wise as you?”

  “Oh, I’m sure many are much wiser. But you chose me, so you’re stuck with me. And if you have any concerns, I suggest you take it up with…yourself.”

  “Then does everyone have a Spirit Guide?”

  “In the beginning? Yes. But if they break from God’s path, that person’s guide leaves them.”

  “Breaking from His path? You mean, like the Ten Commandments? Murder and all that?”

  “Not quite, although whether or not an individual can atone and receive redemption for the act of murder is something only that individual and God could determine. These dark spirits, sociopaths like Adolf Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer, and others who know right from wrong but harm others for their own gain or enjoyment do not go to heaven. Upon death, they immediately go back to earth to work on their spiritual advancement. In this instance, God determines which parents they will have. He gives every individual a chance to reach their full potential. Again, they will have a Spirit Guide, until they turn their back on the Lord.”

  “Why have you only been on earth four times?”

  “My soul took such a thrashing the first time around that I didn’t want to visit again for quite some time. And in those next three incarnations, I wanted to experience just as much misfortune, so I wouldn’t need to continue going there. You’re quite different, Roxy.”