All Things in the Shadows II

by B. D. Messick

  “She told me because she’s worried about you. How is she?” she asks, looking past me at Kateri.

  “The same,” I reply quietly.

  She nods slowly and steps up to the bed before leaning down and placing a kiss on Kateri’s forehead. She whispers something, but I can’t make it out. When she stands back up, she stares at me for a few seconds. Her eyes are changed, like all of us, but hers are like Father’s, with no visible pupil, just a solid color. While his were blue, hers are a light green.

  “We need to talk,” she says, gesturing toward the couch.

  I sigh and walk slowly as I follow her, biting my lip when my ribs jab me again. She pushes aside the blanket and pillow and sits, patting the cushion beside her. I lower myself slowly, trying my best not to show how much it hurts.

  She watches me for a moment before speaking.

  “You don’t need the mask,” she says, reaching for the dark red veil.

  “Mom,” I say, turning my head slightly.

  “Honey, you really don’t.”

  She continues to reach for this flimsy piece of cloth that has become a sort of armor to me; a defining characteristic that hides one of my many flaws.

  “Mom,” I say with more force and this time she stops and then lowers her hand, resting it atop the other one in her lap.

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.”

  We fall silent for a few seconds and then she places her hand on my knee.

  “You need to stop this,” she says.

  “Stop what?”

  “Stop dwelling in the past, and join us in the present,” she says. “Have you even spoken to Jax?”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  I sit for a minute, unable to answer and unable to look her in the eye.

  “Because this is all my fault,” I finally say.

  She looks at me and shakes her head before reaching over and taking my hand.

  “I know you feel that way, honey, but it’s not.”

  “It is. All of this is because of me. Syrra’s dead because she went with me into the Abyss. Reeva…Father and all the rest are dead because of a bomb brought here to stop an alliance with the Demons that I started. If I had never come here, they’d all still be alive,” I say, my eyes filling with tears, “and Kateri wouldn’t be laying there in a coma.”

  “None of that’s true. We all make our own choices. Syrra went with you into the Abyss to stop Clay because of what he did, not what you did. What everyone does here is of their own choosing. They all know the risks, but they do it because it’s important, because it matters. Reeva and the others were trying to save people, Eve. They died doing what they loved, and that matters.”

  “That doesn’t make it any easier,” I say, wiping away more tears.

  “No, it doesn’t. Only time can do that, and sometimes, that’s not enough, but you’re not to blame for any of this. If anything, it’s my fault more than yours.”

  I shake my head.

  “How is that?”

  “I met a Shayd. I fell in love with him. Even after I knew what he was, I didn’t run away…and then you came along,” she says, and I squeeze her fingers gently. “If not for me and my action, you wouldn’t be here.”

  “It’s not your fault for falling in love.”

  “And it’s not yours either. Would you give her up? Even now?” she asks, looking over at Kateri.

  I turn my head and watch her for a moment.; the girl I love. The person who has given me so much joy, so much annoyance and so much happiness, and I know the answer.

  “Of course not.”

  “Then stop doing this to yourself,” she says.

  “It’s so hard, though.”

  “Yeah, it is, but the best way to honor our friends is to move forward and to live for those who are still with us,” she says, sounding much wiser than her years.

  I look over at Kateri again and my heart aches. I miss her touch; I miss her voice; I miss her thoughts, and I miss her kiss.

  “Do you think she’ll wake up?”

  My mom smiles at me and nods.

  “I know she’s fighting to come back to you. The doctor said there’s no sign of brain damage or trauma. She just needs time.”

  “I hope so. I miss her,” I say, my voice cracking.

  “Me too,” mom says before pulling me into a tight embrace.

  We sit there for a while, just holding each other. For a moment, it feels like old times, like it was before all of this, but the feeling fades when I open my eyes and spot Kateri across the room. I wouldn’t go back to that time for anything, I wouldn’t give her up for anything, even with everything that’s happened. My mom leans back, ending the hug, and she looks at me.

  “Now. The first thing you need to do is go and talk to Jax.”

  “Mom,” I protest feebly.

  “Nope, we’ll have none of that,” she replies. “You two are hurting the most. You need to talk.”

  I sigh and shake my head.

  “Fine. I’ll go tomorrow.”

  “You’ll go today, after you stop in at the infirmary, so they can check on those ribs.”

  I look at her, an expression of shock on my face.

  “Yeah, I know about that too,’ she says, giving me a little grin before heading to the door.

  Before she leaves, she stops by the bed and kisses Kateri again.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  I stand outside Jax’s apartment, just staring at the door for close to ten minutes, unable to take the next step. Eventually, I lift my hand, but I lower it again without knocking. I start to leave when the door opens. Jax looks at me and grins slightly.

  “You know, people will start talking if they see you standing around in the hallways staring at doors,” he says.

  “How did—”

  “Cameras,” he answers, pointing above his head

  “I’m sorry…I just couldn’t…”

  “I know. You want to come in?”

  “Sure,” I reply quietly.

  He steps aside, and I walk past him. The apartment is about the same size as ours, but the décor is completely different. It’s more of a country-vibe, with brightly colored checkered curtains on the windows, metal stars and a lot of wooden decorations, such as old signs and even some small farm implements. The furniture is farmhouse too, with a small but beautiful table and chairs with the crackle or distressed finish. I had no idea that Reeva had this sort of taste in furnishings, or at least I assume that this was her and not Jax.

  “Want something to drink?” he asks.

  “Okay.”

  He walks into the kitchen while I stand by the door.

  “We can sit in the living room,” he says from the kitchen.

  I walk slowly through the apartment, the weight of her death bearing down on me with every second I spend here. Memories of her are everywhere; her boots by the front door, her crossbow leaning up against the wall by the couch. I sit down while my heart races. A few seconds later, Jax walks in carrying two Cokes in glass bottles.

  “Sorry. This is all I’ve got,” he says.

  “It’s fine, thanks.”

  I take one of the pops, just holding it with both hands in my lap. Jax sits down on the other side of the couch and for a few moments, we just sit, no one saying a word, and barely making eye contact.

  “How’s Kateri?” he finally asks.

  “She’s the same.”

  “That’s good,” he replies awkwardly.

  I sigh and then finally say what I came here to say.

  “I’m so…so sorry about Reeva,” I somehow manage to utter.

  “Thanks,” he says with a small nod of his head.

  “I should have come by sooner…but I was scared.”

  “Scared of what?” he asks, tilting his head to the side, his brow furrowing.

  “Of you…of how you would react to seeing me.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  I swallow hard. />
  “I didn’t know if you’d be angry with me.”

  “Why would I be angry?” he asks, leaning forward slightly.

  “Because this is all my fault.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about everything. Reeva and the others are dead because of me, it was all about me.”

  “Wow. You have a pretty high opinion of yourself,” he says, grinning at me.

  “Stop it. You’re not making this any easier,” I say, a little annoyed.

  “What you’re saying is ridiculous. There’s only one person to blame for this, and that’s Clay… well, Clay and the ones in the Tower who helped him.”

  “But—”

  “But nothing. Reeva loved you. She loved Kateri, and she loved her life as a Shayd. She died trying to help people escape from an inferno created by Clay. That’s what she would have wanted.”

  “Maybe…but—”

  “Why are you trying to take the blame for this?”

  “I don’t know,” I whisper.

  “Trust me when I say, I’ve been through this. I blamed myself for a long time. Maybe if I’d tried to stop her from going back into the building, she’d still be alive.”

  “She wouldn’t have let you stop her,” I say, smiling when I think of how stubborn she was.

  “Exactly. We all make our own choices, and those who are left behind have to live with them,” he says, sounding a lot like my mother.

  I nod and look down at the bottle of pop that I haven’t even sipped from yet.

  “I miss her,” I say, my bottom lip quivering.

  “I miss her too,” he replies and suddenly we’re hugging as the tears flow from both of us.

  It takes a few minutes, but eventually, the sobbing stops and we both lean back. I don’t know about Jax, but I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. I wipe my eyes and rub my face with my hands.

  “Thank you,” I say.

  “For what?”

  “Just for everything.”

  “It’s my pleasure,” he replies, giving me a small smile.

  “So…what’s your plans?”

  “I don’t really know. I’ve been thinking about that for a while.”

  “And?”

  “I don’t know if I should stay, or not.”

  “So…my mother has an idea,” I say.

  “An idea?”

  “Yeah, but it means you would have to stay, if you think you can do that.”

  He looks at me for a moment, not saying a word and then I watch as his eyes flit about the room, taking in memories of Reeva that are all around us.

  “There’s nothing for me to go home for,” he says, “but I have nothing here, either.”

  “You’re wrong about that.”

  His brow wrinkles.

  “You have friends here. You have people who love you,” I say.

  “Including Kateri?”

  I chuckle and we both smile.

  “Well, I wouldn’t go that far, but I do think you’re starting to grow on her.”

  “I’ll take what I can get,” he replies.

  “I would,” and we both giggle.

  When the laughter fades, I get that familiar jab in my heart when I think about how much I miss her.

  “So, what’s your mother’s idea?” he asks, perhaps trying to distract me, or to get me to think about something else.

  “She wants you to stay and help train the new recruits.”

  “Me? Why?”

  “Besides the fact that you have a special insight when it comes to fighting demons, she thinks it’s important to show the new people that not all demons are our enemies.”

  “You want me to teach Shayds how to kill my own kind?” he asks, staring at me.

  At first, I’m not sure how to respond.

  “I guess,” I finally mutter.

  “I’m good with that,” he replies with a wicked little sideways grin.

  “Great, because we start tomorrow.”

  “What?”

  “Mother’s orders.”

  As I’m walking back to our apartment, Hannah and her brother come around the corner. She has a patch over her right eye while a brace covers most of Andrew’s left leg. They’re both dressed in workout clothes.

  “Hey!” she says before suddenly darting forward and pulling me into a tight embrace.

  Andrew stands back a bit, watching but not saying anything. I pat her gently on the back.

  “How are you, Hannah?” I ask.

  “I’m great,” she says, the tone of her voice verifying her statement.

  “How ‘bout you, Andrew?”

  “I’m fine,” he replies quietly.

  “How are you?” she asks, her eyes softening.

  “I’m…I’m pushing forward.”

  She nods but doesn’t ask how Kateri is…thankfully. When I look into her eye, I can see it’s already starting to change. The color is shifting from brown to a calming swirl of violet and aqua.

  “Hey…what are you doing? We were going to grab something to eat. You want to join us?” Hannah asks excitedly.

  I smile at her and look over at Andrew. His expression is unreadable.

  “I was actually going to…” I start to say when she tilts her head to side and stares at me, “go…to…lunch with you.”

  She squeals with delight and takes my hand. Andrew doesn’t look as thrilled.

  The walk to the mess hall is a disconcerting mix of non-stop talking from one side and silent disapproval from the other.

  When we reach the cafeteria, Hannah picks a table at the end of the second row.

  “I’ll get us something,” she says. “Burgers?”

  “Sure,” I reply, and Andrew gives her a silent nod.

  As soon as she’s out of earshot, I look at him and lean forward slightly.

  “Is there something wrong?” I ask.

  For a minute, I don’t think he’s going to answer.

  “Yeah, there’s something wrong.”

  “What is it?”

  “You know, when we came here, you promised that we’d be safe,” he says, his voice full of quiet anger. “She might lose her eye because of what happened.”

  “I’m sorry about that, but I never promised anything, Andrew. I said that it was safe here, or at least safer than a dumpster in an alley,” I reply, trying not to sound too defensive.

  “And how’s that working out for you?”

  My shoulders slump.

  “I know,” I say. “But—”

  “But nothing. You didn’t say that there was a lunatic who was planning on blowing us all up.”

  I sigh and lock eyes with him.

  “Andrew. No place in the world is completely safe anymore. You can be run down while walking on the sidewalk, shot while playing softball or killed while minding your own business at the mall. Is this more dangerous? Probably, but at least if you die here, it’s for something,” I say, keeping my voice low and quiet.

  “I get that,” he replies, not breaking eye contact with me. “but I’m supposed to protect her, keep her from getting hurt, and I don’t know if I can do that here.”

  “You can.”

  “I don’t think so. What if we want to leave?”

  “What if who wants to leave?” Hannah asks as she walks up to the table carrying a tray filled with burgers, fries and what look to be three milkshakes of different flavors.

  Andrew spins around in his seat, swallowing hard as he tries to come up with something to say.

  “I was just—”

  “Just what?” she asks, setting the tray down. “Are you telling her you want to leave?”

  “I think we should.”

  She shakes her head.

  “No. No. You don’t get to think for me. I like it here. I have friends here.”

  “I know, but it’s dangerous,” Andrew says. “Look what happened to you.”

  “Yeah? So? You think it’s safer living on the street?”

&
nbsp; “But she didn’t tell us about what might happen.”

  “She can’t tell us everything that might happen. Look what happened to her,” she says, gesturing to my missing arm. “Look what happened to her girlfriend.”

  I look down at the table at the mention of Kateri and immediately I feel Hannah put her hand on mine.

  “But I’m supposed to protect you,” Andrew says, his voice softening.

  “Yeah, you are, and you did, and now it’s time for someone else to protect us both,” she replies, sounding much older and wiser than her years.

  “But what if I can’t do this?” he asks, suddenly sounding like a scared little boy, instead of a confident big brother.

  “What? Fight?” Hannah asks.

  “Yeah,” he replies quietly, not looking at her.

  She looks at me and I give her a little nod.

  “Andrew,” I say, and when he doesn’t look up at me, I repeat his name. “Andrew. Fighting is not for everyone. I told Hannah that we have a lot of people doing a lot of different jobs here. We’ll find a place for you.”

  He nods slowly, and Hannah takes her seat, pushing the tray into the center of the table. She takes a burger and then looks at Andrew.

  “Besides. You don’t want to leave Wren behind, do you?” she asks before taking a bite.

  Andrew turns as red as an apple and I can’t help but chuckle.

  “Shut up,” he says as he takes one of the burgers and little containers of fries.

  Even though he’s frowning, I swear that a little smile peeks out.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  “It’s been two weeks since we started this,” Jax says as we’re standing in the training room waiting for our newest pupils to arrive.

  “And?”

  “And of the fifteen recruits we’ve seen, I wouldn’t trust more than two of them to survive their first fight…with two more years of training…and their foes were bunnies armed with marshmallow swords.”

  I shake my head.

  “You have to give them time, Jax. I wasn’t that good when I first arrived.”

  “I don’t believe that for a second,” he replies, scoffing at me.

  I grin at him and pull my phone out to check the time.

  “They’re gonna be here in a minute,” I say.

  “Regular introduction?”