Barbie B*tch: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Rejects Paradise Book 3)

by Sheridan Anne

  I’m nowhere near ready to forgive them for all the secrets and lies, but to start mending the bridge between us … I don’t know. The thought has a spark of electricity burning within me.

  When I saw them last, I told them I never wanted to see them again, but at the same time, they’re also my boys. They’re my family. How could I turn my back on something like that?

  I look down at the mixing bowl with the pancake batter. “What about your breakfast?” I question, glancing back up at him.

  “I’ll survive, Jade. Just go, I’ll be here waiting when you get back.”

  A smile tears across my face and I press up onto my tippy-toes, crushing my lips against his. “I’ll be back for dinner,” I tell him before taking off like a bat out of hell and rushing toward the garage, not giving a damn about the fact that I haven’t showered, haven’t brushed my teeth, and haven’t gotten a fresh pair of panties after Colton ripped them off me. All that matters is mending the divide between me and my Widows and this time, I won’t be returning until things are right.

  Chapter 10

  The Audi drives like a dream as I speed down the road, pushing it to its absolute limits in my need to get back home to Breakers Flats.

  I get to see my boys.

  I really shouldn’t be so excited about that. I should be a ball of nerves. I should be carefully picking out the words that I’ll say, and I should be reminding myself of the reason I ran in the first place. They’re not good guys, they’re gangsters, murderers … liars. But above all, they’re my family. Always have been, always will be.

  I love them without a doubt even when they force me to hate them. Why is it so hard to hate them?

  I get to Breakers Flats in record time, somehow managing it without being pulled over. I broke far too many traffic laws to get away with. Maybe luck is on my side today. At least, I hope it is. I couldn’t possibly handle any more bad luck when it comes to my Widows.

  I pull into the shitty underground parking of Nic’s apartment complex and instantly notice that his mom’s car is gone. It’s just after nine on a Sunday morning. She would have gone to work and started her shift by now, but I don’t understand why she bothers. With Nic being the big guy in charge, they certainly don’t need the money. Hell, they could afford to move out of this shitty apartment and buy a proper home with a yard, but here they stay.

  Nic could probably afford to buy his mom a place of her own but I know that will never happen. He likes her close. Being the leader of the Widows isn’t exactly always sunshine and rainbows. There is a lot of shit that goes along with it too. Shit like having massive targets on the backs of the people you love. Something Nic has always been aware of.

  After parking the Audi beside Nic’s rundown piece of shit, I open the door and instantly feel the nerves come over me. These are the nerves that I should have felt the second Colton suggested that I come here.

  Nic is a cold-blooded murderer.

  I watched the darkness come over him and then I watched as the man that I once loved slit the throats of two men before shooting a third in the back. It wasn’t even done with grace. He taunted them, teased them with the knife, he even broke off the trigger finger of the man who shot and killed his father. I’ve never seen anything like it and I’m damn sure that I never want to see it again.

  I don’t know what came over me when I was down in that wine cellar dungeon with Jude. Maybe I was channeling my inner Nic. Something came over me and I lost all control. I gave myself over to the darkness and now I can never go back. I’ll never have that innocence I once had. I’ll forever be the girl who almost killed a man—a very shitty man with no morals, but nonetheless, I almost killed him and that fact will always sit heavily on my heart.

  I pump my hands at my side, trying to talk myself into moving one foot in front of the other. It’s not that hard, I just have to keep moving, and eventually, I’ll be standing at his door.

  The last time I saw him was the night of the Gatsby party when he crashed and came storming through. He grabbed my arm and tore me down the steps. I was tumbling and falling, even slammed my chest against the hard front steps of the Carrington mansion. It wasn’t exactly Nic’s finest moment, but it wasn’t mine either. I should have known he was going to show up and demand to see me, but pulling me down the stairs … I wasn’t prepared for that. I don’t know if he’d been drinking, or was just emotionally fucked-up, but something wasn’t right. That crazed possessive man wasn’t my Nic. I just hope that what I’m about to walk into isn’t going to leave me with regrets.

  I hope the old Nic is back. I miss that guy, not the monster he’s quickly turning into.

  I find myself at his door. It's too early for him to be up. He's usually awake until four in the morning and then sleeps till after midday. Usually, I’d just walk in, but it doesn’t feel right, not anymore.

  Too much has changed between us and I have no idea where we stand. Hopefully, we can clear the air and find that common ground again. Then once that mission is complete, I can do the rounds.

  Dealing with Eli, Kai, and Sebastian won’t be nearly as hard as dealing with Nic. Sebastian will just fall at my knees and wrap his arms around my waist, refusing to let go until I forgave him. Eli will stare at me from across the room, biting his lip as he struggles to find the right words while Kairo will sit me down and deliver the lengthy speech that’s been circling his mind for the past two weeks, not giving me a chance to even get a word in.

  My fist comes to the door and my knuckles bang against it before I can talk myself out of it.

  What was Colton thinking sending me here? I know he wants to see me happy but what if I’m not ready for this? What if Nic hasn’t had enough time to lick his wounds and is still being a possessive douche? Screw Colton and his obsessive need to see me happy. Why can’t he be one of those jealous guys who refuses to let me see my boys? I can deal with that shit like a pro.

  Groans of protest come from within Nic’s apartment and the sound of a whiny girl instantly draws my attention. I should have known he would have had company in there. There’s no way a guy like Nic would have gone to bed alone on a Saturday night. That’s just who he is.

  I hear soft murmurs and the sounds of the doors opening and closing and then finally, the familiar rattle of the lock sliding out of place. The door handle twists and then Nic is there, standing before me in his bare-chested glory.

  He stares at me as though he doesn’t believe what he’s seeing. “What are you doing here? Did he hurt you?”

  My brows furrow and I shake my head while he holds every bit of my attention just as I hold his, that is until his little guest steps into view and everything crushes within me.

  Carmen Fucking Saunders.

  Fuck, that hurts.

  I meet Nic’s eyes and I see the instant regret and despite us not being together, he knows that this move has only managed to fuck things up between us just that little bit more.

  His chances of ever getting me back were well and truly blown when he first slept with the whore while we were together, but doing it again has more than sealed our fate. It’s a knife straight to the back and I want nothing more than to tear him apart.

  “Really?” I whisper, keeping my voice low in fear of it breaking. “Out of all the girls you could be fucking around with, you pick her?”

  His heart is on his sleeve and I see him desperately trying to figure out a way to make this all okay. He turns and looks back at the half-naked girl. “Get out,” he demands, his voice a low warning that sends chills spiraling down my spine.

  “What?” she snaps, looking back at me with distaste. “No. Tell that little slut to come back later. I’m not nearly done with you yet.”

  Nic moves like lightning. One second he’s standing before me in the doorway and the next his arm is stretched out with the tip of his gun pressed firmly against her temple. “GET OUT,” he roars, making my back stiffen with fear as he uses that same tone he used in the warehouse. “You’re
the fucking reason she’s not with me in the first place. Just because you’ve got a tight fucking pussy doesn’t mean I won’t hesitate to end you, now get the fuck out of my house.”

  Her eyes are wide and she doesn’t wait a goddamn second before darting through the open door, slamming her shoulder into mine in the process.

  Nic lowers his gun as his dark gaze sweeps back to mine. “Was that really necessary?” I question, silently getting a thrill out of seeing her fear. In the end, she’s the girl who knowingly seduced a taken man, but he’s the one who cheated. So even though she’s also at fault, the error is on Nic, but that doesn’t change the fact that seeing her squirm felt like fucking victory.

  Nic shrugs his shoulders as I hover awkwardly in the doorway. “I wasn’t really going to kill her.”

  “Really? Could have fooled me.”

  “O, come on. That’s not fair.”

  “You’re shitting me, right? You just held a gun to the girl’s head and told her that you wouldn’t hesitate to kill her for what? Not barrelling out of your bedroom window before I could see her? Why her, Nic? You could literally have anyone you wanted, so why pick her?”

  I see the answer in his eyes and he doesn’t bother responding, knowing damn well what I see. He wanted to make me hurt just like I make him hurt.

  I let out a heavy breath. I guess a congratulations is in order because it fucking worked. He walks back to the door and grips the hardwood. “Come on,” he says, waving me in. “I suppose we have a few things to talk about.”

  No shit.

  I meet his eyes and warily step through to his apartment, feeling a wave of heartache take over me. “Should I call the boys to come over?” he questions, watching every tiny step I take across his apartment until I sit down on his couch.

  I meet his eyes and shake my head. “Not yet,” I tell him. “You and I …”

  “Yeah,” he says, not needing me to finish my train of thought. He knows we need this moment to talk alone just as much as I know it. He lets out a heavy sigh and moves across the room. “Come here,” he whispers, dropping down beside me and pulling me into his chest.

  I curl into him as though this space was made solely for me and within moments, the raw emotions well up and overwhelm me. I try to hold the traitorous tears at bay but they spring from my eyes and slowly roll down my cheeks.

  “Don’t cry, baby. You have no idea how sorry I am that I hurt you. I hate that I allowed you to see that side of me and I hate that what you saw forced you further into his arms. I’m so sorry, O. I wish I could take that back. I wish I could go back and force myself to stay here instead of dragging you out of that party. I was fucking drunk and I’ve never felt jealousy like that before. I wasn’t thinking … I fucking hurt you. Twice over the last two months I’ve left you fucking bruised and baby, it makes me so fucking sick to my stomach.”

  I wipe my tears across his shirt and take a deep breath, desperately trying to calm myself. I can’t allow my emotions to get the best of me, otherwise, we’re going to sit here on this stupid couch all day long and get nowhere. “I don’t know who you are anymore,” I admit. “This new version of you is terrifying. You’ve never put your hands on me before and all of a sudden, you’re grabbing me every chance you get. The old Nic would have killed anyone who even thought about touching me like that, but you … I don’t know. You’re different now. I miss the old Nic. I miss my friend.”

  “I’m still that guy,” he urges. “I swear to you, Ocean. I’m still him. I’m just going through some shit. Losing you to that world and then losing my father and taking over the Widows. It’s a lot, and I know my excuses aren’t going to validate how I treated you, but trust me, the boys have made sure that I’ve been paying for it. I know you’re not speaking to them right now either, but we’re all still in your fucking corner. They made sure I knew how fucking badly I fucked up.”

  I dry my eyes and pull out of his arms, hating the way he watches me with such need. It’s as though my words hold the power to either make or break him and that power terrifies me. No one should hold that kind of power over another. “You really did fuck up, Nic,” I tell him, not holding back. “You showed me the real you. The dark one that you always promised to protect me from. In that warehouse … those men were forced to their knees and you brutally slit their throats. You looked right at me, Nic. You knew I was there. You should have sent me away, but you didn’t. You opened my world to your darkness, you brought me into that and when I look at you now, I see that man, I don’t see the gentle loving guy that would whisper sweet nothings in my ear and protect me from the world. I see that cold-blooded killer, the one who lies and is surrounded by darkness and misery.”

  Nic lets out a heavy breath and leans forward onto his knees, staring ahead at the coffee table. “I don’t know how to make it right, Ocean.”

  His confession slices straight through me and I fall back against the couch, both of us content to sit in complete silence. When the heaviness finally begins to fade between us, he leans back and pulls me into his arms again. “I tried to come and see you the other day,” he tells me. “I’ve actually tried a few times but I talk myself out of it each time knowing you’ll just send me away. I got as far as the outskirts of Bellevue Springs yesterday.”

  “Why didn’t you just keep going?”

  “You needed time, Ocean. The things I’ve done … they’re not just going to go away. I’ve hurt you too much.”

  “You have.”

  “I’m glad you finally came around.”

  “I didn’t,” I admit. “I wasn’t ready. I was content with letting you guys sweat it but Colton saw how much I was hurting and pushed me to come. He doesn’t like seeing me like that, but he was right. I needed to be here and fix what’s been broken.”

  Nic raises a brow. “He sent you here to talk?” I nod and Nic lets out a frustrated breath. “I guess I can’t be mad at that, huh?” he grumbles. “I hate that you felt like you couldn’t come here though.”

  “You lied about my dad, Nic. You murdered two guys in front of me and then became possessively jealous and hurt me. I needed time to breathe, but so did you.”

  His hand drops to rest on top of mine. “I did,” he says. “I’m not going to lie to you anymore, O. I’m still insanely jealous. I hate that you’re with him and I hate the light that shines in your eyes whenever he’s around. You’re falling for him and I’m terrified that when that happens, you’re going to forget about us. I still stand by my word, O. You belong here with me.”

  “I’m not so sure about that anymore,” I admit. “You are right though, I am falling for him, but where you’re wrong—I’ll never forget about you. You guys are my home, my family. Just because I’m away from you right now, doesn’t mean that I’m not still here.”

  Nic makes a soft sound, clearly not agreeing with what I’ve just said. “He’s going to take you away from me.”

  I shake my head against his warm chest as I listen to the sound of his beating heart. “No,” I whisper. “He knows you guys make me happy, that’s why he sent me here. Don’t get me wrong, he hates you. He could kill you for the way you’ve treated me over the past few weeks but he’ll never hold me back from you because he knows how much I love you.”

  He grumbles under his breath and I let out a sigh, more than ready to move along. “Why did you lie about my father for all those years?”

  “It wasn’t my decision,” he tells me. “It was your father’s and I respected it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Look,” he says, giving it to me straight. “I’m not going to sugarcoat it. Your dad wasn’t a great man. He was fucking sick and twisted in the head. He got off on killing people and that made him un-fucking-stoppable. He was the best at what he did and everyone knew it and because of that, everyone wanted him on their side and they would go to great lengths to make that happen. Why do you think my dad put us in your life? He wanted us close to you in case we needed to make a move. No
ne of us expected that you would become the fucking world to us. It was supposed to be a business deal but you became family, and no, before you ask, I don’t regret it. I don’t regret lying to you, because in the end, it kept you hidden from that darkness and allowed you to live in a world where you thought everything was perfect. You had the sweet doting father and friends who would die to protect you. I was never going to take that away from you.”

  “You’re making it really hard for me to hate you right now,” I warn him as my eyes begin filling with tears again.

  “Good,” he says. “I don’t want you to hate me. I just want you to understand why. Surely you must know that none of us would ever hurt you purposely like that.”

  “You could have told me that he sold me to Charles, or at least given me a bit of warning before letting me go there.”

  “Believe me, Ocean. I did everything I could to keep you here with me. Fucking everything.”

  “I know,” I murmur, recalling all the effort he put in to keep me at home, all the begging, the offers to move in, the desperation he felt. “Everything is so fucked up at the moment, but I feel like we’re finally coming out the other end. Charles and my dad are both gone, as well as Maryne, but the dust is finally starting to settle. I have Colton and some new friends while you have the opportunity to turn things around for the Widows, hell, maybe even do something good with it.”

  Nic scoffs. “I don’t think my men are really going to get on board with suddenly being upstanding members of the community.”

  I find myself laughing and while things are certainly still very strained between us, I feel that the broken pieces of our relationship have finally started to mend. Maybe there’s a chance for us to find that same incredible friendship that we had before all of this shit went down.

  “Come on,” I tell him, getting up from the couch. “I’ll call the boys and tell them to come over while you go and burn your sheets. I know you’re technically allowed to sleep with whoever the fuck you want to sleep with, but if you bring that cow in here ever again, I’m going to castrate you.”