I should have listened to Nic in the first place. He's never liked Colton. Maybe someone like Nic can sense that darkness in another. Maybe he knew I've been walking into a trap this whole time.
I always knew Colton was going to break me. I just never expected it to be like this. I thought he was good. I thought he was the light that I’ve always been missing.
My feet take me flying through the mansion. I peer into every room, desperate to find him, desperate for answers, knowing this must be some sick misunderstanding. He couldn’t have done it. Sure, finding Marco dead isn’t surprising, but Colton being the one to shoot him?
I just … fuck. He’d totally do it if it meant avenging Maryne.
I throw open his office door and scan the room before quickly moving on. Where the fuck is he? I fly past the internal garage door and look inside. His Veneno is here and I can guarantee that means he is too.
My mind is a mess of torturous thoughts, each one of them trying to convince me to give him a chance. I should hear him out, at least listen to him plead his case before I let him have it. He can’t be a killer. He can’t be like Nic. It’s one of the reasons that I’ve allowed myself to get so close. I can’t keep falling into this trap. Sure, I knew he was dark. Locking Jude up was proof of that, but he’s supposed to be the good one. He’s supposed to be the one with his head screwed on properly. I’m the mess in this relationship—not him.
Maybe I’m being too hard on him. After all, I nearly killed a guy myself, but he was the one bringing me back. He was the voice of reason, so if he did this, if he ended DeCarlo's life, does that make him a liar or just a hypocrite?
After checking all the places he could be on the lower level, I race up the stairs taking them two at a time. I go straight for his bedroom. It’s the only place he’d be up here.
The unknown kills me. I need answers. I need to know who I’ve been allowing myself to fall in love with. Without knocking, I throw his door open and find his room empty, only his bathroom door is slightly ajar. I don’t even think, my feet just take me there.
I slam my hand against the door and it instantly swings open.
I come to a screeching stop finding Colton standing before me. His hands are braced against the counter with his head dipped low, only the second the door slams against the expensive tiles, his sharp gaze snaps up.
I take in his reflection in the mirror, the panic that’s outweighed by the blood splattered across his face. I search his eyes for a brief moment, unable to determine what emotions are pulsing far too quickly through my veins.
My gaze follows the line of his body, hoping to whoever exists above that this is all some kind of fucked up mistake. I scan over his face, down his bare chest until I’m following the line of his strong arm to the counter where a black gun lies forgotten beside him.
I suck in a sharp gasp, shaking my head as the horror pulses through me. “No,” I whisper, begging for it to not be true.
Colton straightens up, not taking his eyes off mine through the mirror. I instantly back up, taking note of his blood-stained shirt laying on the bathroom floor.
He’s a murderer. A cold-blooded murderer.
“Jade,” he murmurs cautiously, slowly turning around to face me while raising his hand to prove some fucked up point that he’s not going to hurt me.
I take another step back.
“Jade, please,” he begs, stepping with me. “You need to hear me out.”
“You did it,” I whisper, terrified. Not terrified of him, but terrified of what he’s capable of doing. Is this the first time or has he done this before? “You killed him.”
Colton seeks out my wild, wide eyes and cautiously nods, attempting to step closer. “I did,” he admits, not prepared to keep a damn thing from me. His face breaks and for the first time, I see the agony beneath the surface. “I had too. I couldn’t let him live. Not after what he did.”
I shake my head, feeling as though I’m staring at some kind of stranger. I back up another step, my heart racing in my chest. When I almost killed Jude, I was a mess. I couldn't eat, I couldn’t breathe. I had to scrub his blood from my hands as soon as I could but Colton just stands here, perfectly fine and more worried about explaining himself.
If this was the first time …
Everything shatters inside of me and not in the way it did when I found out that Nic was cheating. Not in the way it did when I discovered who my father really was, not even when I found out that my Widows betrayed my trust. No, this is something much deeper. This is the kind of shatter that a girl will never recover from.
Tears begin forming in my eyes as I stare at a man who I’m starting to realize that I don’t know at all, a man who I thought I was falling in love with. Is it even possible to fall in love with a stranger?
A single tear falls down my cheek and splashes against my collar bone. “You’re a murderer,” I whisper, the lump in my throat making it nearly impossible to breathe. “You … you killed a man. You told me you were going to put them behind bars.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, hesitantly taking another step. “Please stop looking at me like that, Jade. I’m still me.”
I shake my head, feeling the panic continue to rise. My hand falls down over my mouth, desperately trying to mask my pain. “How can I be in love with a killer? I … I can’t love you like this.”
His face falls as his head drops in shame, looking down at his blood-stained hands. A heavy, broken sigh pulls from deep within him and as he speaks, it’s as though every sound that comes out of his mouth is laced with pain. “Please, baby. No, don’t run. I’m still me. I’ve been dying to hear those words on your lips but I can’t have it like this. I can’t have the only time you tell me you love me followed by that.” He takes another step and I back up again, feeling the backs of my legs hit his bed. “Ocean please. Give me a chance, I’ll explain it all just …”
He reaches for me and I flinch away. “Don’t touch me,” I screech. “You’re just like Nic, just like the Widows. My father. The Wolves. Your father. The whole reason I happily left Breakers Flats was to give myself a new life. I can’t do this again. I can’t keep surrounding myself with death.”
“Ocean, baby …”
Another perfectly round tear falls from my eye and joins the other rolling down my chest. “I can’t do this,” I tell him, feeling the last piece of my soul crumble. My hands weave into my hair and I fist my hands into it, unable to control the overwhelming emotions. “I just … I need some time to think, time to process. You took it too far. That’s not what we do.”
Colton finally closes the gap between us and throws his hands around me, dragging me into his chest. “Please, Ocean,” he begs, holding me tightly with the hands that just took a man’s life. “Just stay. We can sort it out. I swear, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you. You’re fucking everything to me.”
I slam my hands against his chest and push hard, forcing him off me and hating the pain that ricochets off me. “Don’t touch me,” I cry, darting away from him and far out of his reach. “I can’t. You killed a man, Colton. You’re a murderer.” I step toward the door, watching as the small fragment of hope in his eyes grows duller by the second. “I just … I can’t. I'm sorry, Colton. I have to go.”
With that, I step out of his room and dart for the fucking stairs, running as the tears cascade down my cheeks.
My mother hates me and now this. When it rains, it fucking pours.
I drag my arm over my already sore eyes as the loud sobs begin. I hit the bottom step and fly across the foyer, needing to be out of this house. Needing the air, and needing clarity. My shoes thump against the marble floor making my every step echo through the massive foyer but the sounds are drowned out by my cries.
I reach the door and just as I tear it open, I look back to find Colton standing at the top of the stairs watching me go with his heart in his hands, completely and utterly shattered. I’ve never see
n him look like that and I want nothing more than to run into his arms and tell him that it’s all going to be okay, but it’s not. I don’t know how I’ll ever be okay with this. Why didn’t he hand him over to the cops like he promised? Why did he have to ruin us like that?
I don’t hesitate a second longer and throw myself out of the big front door and the second the cool night air hits my face, I crumble.
My knees give out from under me and I fall to the hard ground with my face dropping into my hands as I cry for everything I’ve lost tonight. My mother is hurting from my betrayal and now Colton is someone that I have to forget.
I always knew he was going to hurt me but I never knew it was going to be like this. I never knew it would hurt so bad.
I hear the familiar sound of the security camera turning to face me and I pick myself up off the ground, knowing that he’s watching me. Always watching me.
Refusing to be the pathetic girl who can’t pull herself together, I start walking down the steps, unsure where the hell I’m going or where I'll end up. All I know is that I can’t be here.
I make it to the end of the long drive, not doubting for one second that Colton has painfully watched every step I’ve taken.
I slip through the large gates and only then do I finally pull out my phone and bring it to my ear. “Milo,” I say after the third ring. “I need your help.”
Chapter 30
I stand in the living room of Nic’s tiny apartment staring at the four Widows as Milo hovers awkwardly beside me. “Umm,” he grumbles, looking at the four boys and then slicing his gaze back at me. “Are you good here?”
“Yeah,” I tell him. “Go before your car gets stolen and stripped for parts.”
His eyes bug out of his head. “Fuck, are you serious?”
Nic raises a brow, watching Milo through narrowed eyes, wondering just how much he knows. “Yeah, I watched you pull up and park that sweet ride right on the street. Big fucking mistake. I can guarantee that my guys are already putting in calls and working out a plan to lift it.”
“Shit,” Milo groans stepping toward the door as I roll my eyes knowing damn well that Nic’s boys wouldn’t dream of lifting Milo’s Aston Martin while he’s one of Nic’s guests. The guys down on the street watched me step out of it. They wouldn’t be that stupid.
Milo reaches for the door handle before turning back and meeting my eyes. “So … I’m assuming you don’t need a ride to school tomorrow?”
I shake my head. “Nope.”
“Are you…” he starts before dropping his eyes and showing just how much he’s hurting. “Do you know when you’re coming back?”
I press my lips into a tight line and take the two steps to the door. I pull Milo in for a tight hug and hold him close. “Thanks for driving me. I know that’s not exactly what you had planned for your Sunday night,” I tell him. “I’ll call you tomorrow once I’ve had a chance to sleep on it and think a bit.”
“Okay,” he says, squeezing me back. “Do you want me to tell your mom where you are?”
I shake my head. “Don’t bother. She would already know.”
“Okay, girl,” he says, glancing up over my head and spying the four boys who haven't stopped watching us, two of which I haven’t spoken to in weeks. His gaze drops to mine. “I’ll see you later. Call if you need anything.”
“Alright, love you,” I say, taking hold of the door and watching as he walks out, taking my final connection to that life with him. As he disappears down the hallway, I gently close the cheap wooden door and lean into it, resting my forehead against it and contemplating my next move.
Coming here wasn’t exactly a huge priority, but it’s a place I know that I can always come to, no matter what bullshit is going on between us. This place is my home, my real home.
I hear someone move from the couch and I don't dare turn around to see who it is. I’m not ready to face them yet. In a perfect world, I would have made them all suffer for a few more weeks or at least until Kai and Eli showed up on my doorstep begging for forgiveness. But being here right now in this small living room, I have no choice but to hear them out.
A hand falls to my waist and before I know it, I’m pulled away from the door and slammed against Nic’s hard chest. I breathe him in, finding comfort in his familiarity. And within seconds, emotions from my day and the emptiness from walking out on Colton come up and hit me like a freight train, bringing on another round of tears. “It’s okay, O. Cry it out,” he murmurs. “Take all the time you need. We’re not going anywhere.”
The tears come on faster and realizing that the flood gates have been opened wide, he scoops me up and takes me over to the couch. I curl into him just as I’ve done a million times before and the boys quietly talk among themselves as I struggle to pull myself back together.
Sebastian’s hand finds mine and he gives it a warm squeeze. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
I feel Nic tense beneath me but I have absolutely nothing to hide from these guys, and fuck it, it’s about time Nic realized just how serious things are between me and Colton … assuming there still is a me and Colton.
I lift my head off Nic’s chest and meet Sebastian’s eyes. I’d never spoken the words out loud until tonight and I hate the way that I said them, but on some level, despite the manner in which I told him, I’m glad he knows.
“Yeah,” I finally say. “I am.”
I feel something inside of Nic break as he holds me, maybe that last piece of hope that he’s always been holding onto. I don’t know what it is but I feel it in the way he holds me. I never once told him that I was in love with him, even when we were together. Sure, I told all the boys that I loved them, but there’s a big difference between having love for someone and seeing them as the other half of your world. Colton is that for me and right now, I hate that I feel this way.
Sebastian gives me a sad smile. “If he’s really the one for you, you’ll figure out a way to move past this.”
I shake my head. “I don't know if I can. He killed a man. He’s a cold-blooded murderer.”
“So are we,” Nic grumbles, the vibrations from his chest loud against my ear.
“It’s different,” I tell him. “You guys have never hidden who you are. You’ve always been upfront with me, well … mostly. I knew you were Widows the day we met and you never allowed me to think that you were clean. I knew you had killed people and you never let me stray from that knowledge. Hell, you even protected me from it … until you didn’t,” I say, recalling the night I watched Nic slice a blade across the throats of the men responsible for killing his father. “Colton hid it. He wasn’t going to tell me. He had absolutely no intention of telling me. All this time, he could have said something or told me what he was … does. I thought he was a good guy.”
“He is a good guy,” Sebastian argues.
I shrug my shoulders. “What does that say about me? I only ever fall for toxic men who don't even flinch at the thought of taking a life.”
Nic’s hand rubs down my back. “It means that you’re stronger than the rest. You were built to handle more than what those other bitches could. Any other woman would have run straight to the cops after witnessing what you saw me do, but you didn’t. Even while hating me, you were loyal, just as you’re loyal to Colton. We’re the weak ones, Ocean. You’re the kind of woman we need to keep us from drowning.”
Eli grunts a sound of agreement but that’s all I hear from him, knowing I need a few minutes to calm down before I focus on the two who have stubbornly refused to apologize over the last few weeks, claiming that they’re trying to give me space.
Realizing that I’m not going to comment on his declaration, Nic pulls back and meets my eyes. “What else is going on?” he questions, narrowing his eyes at me. “It has to be more than finding out your boyfriend is just like the rest of us. It’s not as though finding out someone is a killer is something you’ve never experienced before. There has to be something more.”
> My eyes drop, hating how he’s still able to read me so well. “Mom overheard that I was Jude’s other victim and it broke her. She’s not talking to me. I betrayed her trust by keeping it from her.”
“Fuck,” Nic breathes, pulling me tight again. “She’ll be alright. I can’t exactly speak for her, but she’s probably more angry at herself than at you. Just give her a moment to process it all and once you come out the other end, you’ll have an even stronger bond.”
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “She’s still hurting over the Dad being a Wolf bomb I dropped the other week. It seems like every time we’re in a room together, I say something that tears her apart.”
“Well, luckily you don’t have any more secrets to tell her.”
“It’s not like I’ve been particularly open about what I saw you do in your warehouse and what Colton did to Marco. Should I take this as turning a new leaf and start being honest?”
“Nope,” he says, his lips pulling into an amused grin. “You can go right ahead and keep those little details to yourself.”
“That’s what I thought,” I say, pulling out of his arms and drying the remaining tears off my face, feeling as though I have some level of control over myself despite the pain that continues spearing through my chest.
I’d do anything to feel Colton’s lips on mine just one more time.
“So,” Nic goes on. “What did you tell Milo?”
I look back at him, realizing this is his way of trying to figure out just how much Milo knows but he doesn’t need to worry. Milo understands that there are things in my life that I need to keep to myself. “Nothing,” I finally say. “I told him that I’d had a fight with Colton and just needed some breathing room. He was there when Mom found out about Jude, so he already knew about that.”
Nic nods, his only response a slight grunt of approval.
I slip off his lap and fold down between Nic and Sebastian on the couch, only I’m sitting on my phone and have to dig it out of my pocket. I glance down to find three unread texts from Colton and my heart instantly starts racing out of control again.
Barbie B*tch: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Rejects Paradise Book 3) Page 28