I slide my thumb over the screen, unlocking it, then opening the texts while holding my breath. Sure, I’m used to having screaming matches with Colton, and I’m more than used to putting him in his place, but this was different and I have no idea how either of us will handle it.
Colton - Where are you?
Colton - Please, Jade. Just let me know that you’re safe.
Colton - Are you with Nic?
A throat clears from across the room and my gaze sweeps up to find Eli’s guilty eyes on mine. “How long are you going to make him sweat it?” he asks cautiously, not wanting to set me off as he slowly begins his shitty way of sliding back into my life.
A sharp glare comes shooting out of me and settles on the turd who’s perched on the armrest beside his equally turdy friend. “As long as I need to,” I say, really trying to reign in my inner bitch who had her claws sharpened for this very moment. “But you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you? It’s been a while since you came round? I was expecting you to come groveling for forgiveness weeks ago.”
Eli shrugs his shoulders. “What can I say? I know the way you work, Ocean. You needed time to cool down before I came to you with an apology. Sebastian and Nic forced it on you and I knew you wouldn’t stand for another one of us doing that, so I’ve been very impatiently waiting. But surely you know how sorry I am. I hate that you’re hurt and I hate that you no longer trust me. I’d do anything to fix that.
I watch him for a second longer before turning my gaze on Kai. “And what about you?” I ask, watching the way he stares at me through narrowed eyes.
His brow arches and I see the reasons that have been flying through his mind since our falling out all ready to be thrown at me headfirst. “I haven’t been around to kiss your ass because I’m not fucking sorry,” he says blatantly. “Look, O, I’m going to be real with you because it seems that all these other motherfuckers don’t have the balls. Am I sorry that you had a shitty father? Hell yes, I am. Am I sorry that you were dealt a messed up hand and had all this awful shit happen to you? Yes. Am I sorry about the way you found out? Fuck yeah. But am I sorry that I kept the truth from you and allowed you the chance to have a real relationship with your father before he was killed? Something that none of us ever got the chance to have? No. Am I sorry helping Nic put surveillance in the house you were raped in? No.”
I raise a brow, silently watching him as he continues. “There is not a damn thing that I wouldn’t do to protect you and your innocence, even if it means having you hate me for it. I’m sorry that you got hurt and that the way it was dealt with made you lose trust in me, but I’m not fucking sorry for doing the things I did that kept you safe and happy.”
I keep my gaze locked on Kai and feel the emotions well up inside of me. He was brutally honest and I can’t deny that what he said made me feel somewhat cherished. He said what he had to say without bullshitting his way through it like the others had. He was real with me and I appreciate that despite the way he admitted to not being sorry for half the shit he did. I understand it though and for that, I'm grateful.
I rise out of my spot beside Sebastian and Nic and cut across the small living room before dropping down onto Kai’s lap and folding into his open arms. “Thank you,” I whisper. “I still hate that I was left out in the dark for so many years but I understand it and I’m beginning to believe that if the tables were turned, I probably would have done the same thing for you guys.”
Kai nods and presses a soft kiss to my temple which is just about all the affection that he can handle. After saying what needed to be said, he instantly starts pulling away. Kai has the emotional capacity of a brick wall and sometimes, I absolutely love that about him.
Realizing that Kai is finished with me, Eli locks his firm grip around my upper arm and starts dragging me into his lap. “Get over here and love me,” he demands.
Just for the sake of it, I make him work for it, pulling away and squirming out of his grasp. I’m pretty sure that I almost kick Kairo in the balls at one stage and end up dropping like a bag of potatoes to the hard ground. Eli comes down on top of me, squishing me beneath his large frame while laughing in my ear. “Can’t get away now, can you?”
I jam my fingers into his ribs, laughing as I try to free myself.
“Dude,” Nic’s grunt comes over the sound of our howling snorts of laughter. “She was fucking raped. Ease up.”
When I say that this kid flew up off me like gravity doesn’t exist …
Eli stares down at me, horrified by his actions but I shrug it off as Sebastian offers me his hand and pulls me up off the ground like I weigh nothing at all. I walk straight into Eli’s arms and finally allow him the chance to feel at ease. “You know I love you,” he murmurs into my hair.
“I know,” I murmur, glancing up at the other guys while I speak. “But if any of you fuckers ever cross me again, there’s going to be blood.”
Sebastian winks while Kairo just smirks, probably thinking that he’s too fucking fast for me to get to him like that, and he’d be right, but it wouldn’t stop me from trying. Nic just stares, raising a curious brow. “So, does this mean you don’t hate me anymore?” he questions, knowing damn well that the role he played during all this was a shitload worse than the rest of the guys.
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t hate you, Nic. I could never hate you and for the most part, I've started to move on. I don’t like holding in all that anger toward you, but learning that you’re the reason the DeCarlo’s came down on us in the first place … well, that still hurts.”
He nods, satisfied with my answer, but I know it’s not the end. Nic won’t rest until everything has gone back to how it used to be. He’s just that kind of guy, but like Kai, he won’t offer any apologies that he doesn't mean.
Eli finally releases me and when he does, I look around at my four guys while feeling a broken piece of my soul finally come back to me. My world might be in the middle of falling apart, but with my boys back on my side, I can finally breathe a little easier.
They all watch me, waiting to see what my next move will be and being more than ready to put all the shit to bed, I let out a sigh and cross the small apartment into the kitchen. “Alright, I’m starving. What’s for dinner?”
Just like that, the boys fall in around me and after pulling out all the ingredients to start cooking, Nic pauses, looking down at the counter. “Fuck this,” he grumbles, putting everything back again and pulling out his phone. “I’m ordering pizza.”
Sebastian sighs with relief and I can’t deny that I kinda like the idea too. “So,” I say, meeting the boys’ stares as I pull myself up onto the counter with Nic’s murmured conversation in the background, ordering all my favorite toppings. “Which one of you guys allowed Carmen Fucking Saunders to weasel her way back into Nic’s bed?”
Guilty expressions stare back at me, each of them fumbling for the right thing to say and just like that, everything goes back to how it was always meant to be.
Chapter 31
Hours turn into days and before I know it, it’s Wednesday night and I’ve been taking over Nic’s small apartment for nearly three days. I’m not going to lie, having this time to build up my relationship with the boys again has been nice.
I really hate being away from them for so long, but these few days have put everything into perspective for me and because of that, I've learned more about myself than I’ve ever learned before.
I am one hundred percent in love with Colton Carrington and the more time I spend away from him, the clearer it becomes. I’ve learned that the things a normal person wouldn’t be okay with are things that have become far too normal in my life, and I’ve learned that no matter what, I will always have someone in my corner.
The past three days have been nice while also filled with all sorts of heartache. I miss my mom and not having her there at the end of the day to unload all my problems on has been hard. I’ve talked briefly with her and while we’ve technically both admitte
d that things were handled in a really shitty way, it’s still not the same as sitting down and talking it all through. In the end, I know Mom and I will always be okay. She’s my mom and no matter what, I love her just as she loves me. I’m pretty sure I could tell her that I’m going to replace my father and become the world’s most feared killer and she’d still love me.
What really sucks though is not having Colton and feeling his fingers brush over my skin as he passes behind me, or having his sweet little nothings whispered in my ear, his touch, his kiss, his everything.
I hate that I miss him so damn much. He’s been blowing up my phone to the point that I blocked his number. Then he started hitting me up on my Facebook messenger, then my other social media accounts, and finally, he went with a good old fashioned email that read—
To: Oceania Munroe
From: Colton Carrington
Subject: Unblock me, Jade!
Stop fucking playing with me. Un-fucking-block me so I can hear your sweet voice bitching me out, then get your stubborn ass home so I can fuck you until the mattress breaks.
I didn’t almost agree to shove a fucking dildo up my ass for you to walk away now. You know me, Jade. You’ve always known what I was capable of. I know the company you keep and despite how they chose to live their lives, you’re okay with that. Deep down, you know you’re okay with this too. You’re not pissed about what I did, you’re fucking furious that I didn’t tell you about it.
I’m not a patient man, Jade. I want you home so we can talk this through and then I want to eat your pussy like a Thanksgiving turkey.
I know you’re not angry anymore. You’re just fucking stubborn and making me sweat it, but that’s okay, two can play that game.
I’ll be waiting for you, Ocean.
I think I read over his ridiculous email twenty times before finally shoving my phone back into my pocket. He's a dumbass if he thinks I’m just going to roll over and forget about this. He killed someone. He took a life and didn’t even bat an eyelash about it.
Am I okay with that? Truth be told; I don’t fucking know.
Colton might be onto something. I’m okay with what Nic and the boys do. I've known for years that they’re killers and it’s never pushed me away, so why am I giving Colton such a hard time for the same thing? Maybe I’ve been holding him on some kind of pedestal, thinking he was better than that, but that’s not fair. No one should be put on a pedestal as it only makes expectations that are impossible to reach.
Is that what I've been doing to Colton? He deserves better than that. He also deserves a girl who isn’t going to block him every time he tries to reach out to make things right.
Shit. I fucked up.
I was an emotional wreck from dealing with Mom’s hurt and instead of handling it like a normal person, I turned my back and ran.
What must he think? I kept walking away from him, too afraid to let him touch me but he would never hurt me and I know that with absolute certainty.
I let out a heavy breath and finish putting the dishes away. It’s time to go home.
The bathroom door opens and I turn around to face Nic as he pulls his shirt down over his body. I meet his eyes and give him a tight smile and in an instant, he knows. “No,” he says, shaking his head. “You’re not leaving yet. I only just got you back.”
“Nic,” I sigh. “Bellevue Springs is my home now. It’s where I go to school, where my mom is, my friends, it’s where Colton is. I can’t just sit back here and pretend that I’m not neglecting all of that, and besides, after the bullshit that went down between me and Mom, it’s about time that I go back there and make it right.”
“I thought you and your mom sorted things out?”
“We did,” I tell him. “But it’s not the same as sitting down and talking it all through. She just found out that her baby was raped and hasn't had a chance to squish me in her arms yet. I know that’s got to be killing her.”
“Babe,” he says, walking around to the kitchen and standing right before me. “Just stay a little while longer. You can get that chick from school to email you the work you missed and I don’t know … Facetime with your mom or something. Just don’t go yet. It’s already halfway through the week. You might as well stay until the weekend and then I'll drive you back.”
“Nic … no. I need to go home.”
Nic steps into me, forcing me back against the counter. He braces his hands on either side, caging me in with his body. “Babe, come on. I just got you back.”
I look up and meet his eyes, knowing that I have to break his heart, only he doesn’t give me a chance when he takes my waist and lifts me onto the counter. He steps in between my legs and drops his hands to my thighs. “Haven’t things been nice the last few days? It’s been like old times, like the old you and me before everything got fucked up.”
“I know,” I whisper. “It’s been nice, but it’s not the same …”
“Just … wait. Wait here for two seconds.”
Nic takes off like a bat out of hell and I hear him fumbling around in his room, digging through drawers. He comes back less than thirty seconds later with a strange look on his face; a weird mix between nervous, excited, and shit-scared.
“What’s going on?” I question, studying him through a narrowed gaze as he makes his way back into the kitchen. “What did you get?”
“Listen,” he says, coming right back to where he was before. “You’re not going to like this but I need you to hear me out, okay? Just wait until I’ve said what I have to say before even thinking about cutting me off.”
“Nic,” I warn, not liking where this is going. “What’s going on?”
He clenches his jaw and all the blood rushes out of his face as he takes my hand out of my lap. He flips it over until he’s looking down at my palm and then drops a silver ring into it.
My stomach clenches as my eyes bug out of my head. I look up at Nic, terrified. “What is this?” I demand, dropping my gaze back to the offending item in my hand, wondering just how far I could throw this fucking thing. “Nic, fucking speak now. What the hell is in my hand right now?”
He looks sick as he watches me. “You said that you’d hear me out.”
“I didn’t agree to shit,” I remind him, holding the ring between my fingers and raising it to his eye level. “Now start explaining what the fuck this is.”
Nic takes a shaky breath and places his hands on my thighs before finding his balls. “I think we should get married.”
“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, DOMINIC? On what fucking planet is that a good idea?”
“You’re my girl, O. You’ve always been my girl and you’ve been denying us for so damn long now, but you know it in your heart. You know we’re going to end up together so why are we bothering with all this in between bullshit? Let’s just skip ahead to the finish line.”
I bark out a sharp laugh because surely, this must be some twisted joke. I bet the guys are hiding out in the apartment with a hidden camera, ready to tell me that I’m being pranked. There’s literally no other logical explanation for this other than Nic has finally gone insane.
“Okay, sure. If skipping ahead to the finish line is what you really want, then let’s go ahead and skip to the finish line of this conversation.” I slam the silver ring down on the counter beside me, feeling more annoyed than I have the right to feel. Who does he think he is throwing this shit in my face? “You and I are not happening. I’m not about to marry you and I’m not about to let you talk me into it. I'm seventeen. This is insane. I swore to you that I was never going to be with you after you fucked Carmen Saunders on this very counter. You broke my heart, Nic and that was the biggest mistake you ever made because now I’ve gone and given mine to someone else.”
“That’s bullshit,” he roars, grabbing the ring and shoving it back in my hand, never being one to handle being told no. “How can you deny this? You’re not in love with that rich prick. You just think you are because he can offer you a fucking glamorous li
festyle. You’re acting like a fucking barbie bitch. You need to remember who you are and where you belong.”
My hand slaps out across his face, the sound of the sharp sting echoing through his small apartment. I push him back and jump down from the counter, glaring up at him with venom in my eyes. “I know exactly who the fuck I am and after all this time, I thought that you’d have figured it out as well. I’m not your little whore that you can mold into the perfect gang wife and I'm never going to be that person. Sure, a year ago the thought of being with you was thrilling, dangerous, and exciting, but it’s not anymore. I've moved on. I know my worth and it’s not visiting some dead-beat husband in prison every second week, finding some other women's underwear under my bed, or sitting by your bedside after being shot for the hundredth time. I'm not doing that to myself. I deserve better. I deserve a guy who looks at me as though I’m all that exists in his world, a guy who values me and makes me his priority, and a guy who’s not afraid to sit the fuck down and let me be the ruler of my own damn life.”
“What?” he scoffs. “And you think Carrington is that guy?”
“I fucking know he is,” I spit. “He’s never once hurt me, he’s never once dragged me down three flights of stairs out of pure jealousy. He’s stood back and let me make my own fucking mistakes and then stood by my side, helping build me back up once I realized where I went wrong. He doesn’t hold me back, telling me I belong somewhere I don’t. He doesn’t try to guilt me into loving him, and he sure as hell doesn’t keep me from trying to better myself.”
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. I’ve been there for you since day one.”
“No, Nic. You’ve lied to me since day one. You’ve kept secrets, made me believe what you’ve fabricated me to believe. That’s not a healthy relationship. You and me together are toxic and I won’t do that to myself, not anymore. I’m sorry, Nic, but there’s no way in hell that I would ever marry you, not after everything that’s gone down between us.”
Barbie B*tch: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Rejects Paradise Book 3) Page 29