Tears well in my eyes and slowly roll down my cheek as I read over the emails again and again. What am I going to do? Colton said that if this didn’t work, he could always talk to the dean. Apparently, he owed Charles a favor. Maybe we could work out some kind of payment plan but I doubt that I'll ever make the kind of money to quickly pay off student fees. Mom will insist on helping but I don’t want to do that to her. She should be focusing on rebuilding everything we lost after Dad died, not spending her hard-earned money on me. That’s not fair, and despite the way she insists on doing it, I won't let that happen.
Feeling my tears dropping off the side of my face and splashing against Colton’s arms, I slip out of bed, not wanting to wake and alert him. I’m not ready to share this news with him yet. I need a few hours to process and only then when I’ve finally let it sink in will I have that conversation with him. Besides, I know how it’s going to go and I don’t think I have the strength to deny his offer right now.
I grab the throw blanket off the end of Colton’s bed and wrap it around myself before slipping out of his bedroom. It’s just past five-thirty in the morning and I’m sure he’ll be waking up soon for his usual morning workout and when that happens, I don’t want him to see the devastation on my face. I feel like every time he looks at me lately, that’s all he sees. It’s just one hit after another and I don’t know how much more I can take.
I trudge through the quiet mansion and take myself up to the private living area that Colton had shown me the night of the Gatsby party. I open the massive windows and drop down on the wide couch, pulling the throw blanket tighter around my body as I look out at the impressive property.
My phone rests in my hand, feeling heavier than it ever should have the right to feel. I try to calm my wild emotions but find it near impossible. I never used to be like this. This isn’t me. I’ve always had control of my emotions. I’ve always been able to reel them in and put a lid on it, except I just can’t anymore. I’ve been a mess.
I try to go over my options with a clear mind and realize that they’re not great. I could try to pay as I go to get through the first semester without running out of cash, or I could ask Colton for help.
Fuck. These options suck harder than a prostitute attending a private party for the Bellevue Springs elite.
I remain curled up on the couch, just staring out the window until the early morning sun is peeking through and hitting me right in the eyes. I glance down at my phone and realize that I've been sitting here for nearly two hours.
My bladder is screaming at me and after waking up to find I’m not in his bed, I'm sure Colton would be worried, though it’s not like he’s blown up my phone yet.
I pull myself off the couch but as I go, a cramp tears through my lower stomach and I groan in pain, instantly dropping back down onto the couch. Either my bladder is really, really full, and is now angry with me or I’m finally getting my period.
I’ve suffered from PCOS and have had irregular periods since I first hit puberty and to be completely honest, it freaking sucks. Other women have it so much worse than me and it completely affects their lives. Me, I just have to put up with not knowing when my period will come. Sometimes it’s right on schedule and will be there every month, other times, I could go for six months without it. It’s been a solid three months since my last one but I’m really not surprised. I'm sure all the stress and bullshit I’ve been through lately also has something to do with that.
The cramp finally eases and I try getting up again, this time being able to find my feet without any added drama and I thank my body for complying for once.
Dropping the blanket onto the couch, I make my way into the closest bathroom and quickly glance around. I haven’t been in this one before. It’s actually kinda nice in here, though definitely on the larger side of things. I really don’t get why Charles insisted on building a house with so many bedrooms and bathrooms. There’s no way he could ever have had a use for it all. I also don’t understand the need for having more bathrooms in a house than bedrooms. That just boggles my mind.
Being the nosey bitch that I am, I find myself peeking in the cupboards and roll my eyes at how it’s fully stocked. There are shampoos, conditioners, body washes. I mean, who is actually going to use this stuff? I don’t think anyone else has actually stepped foot into this bathroom since before Charles was killed by my supposedly best friend.
I open the drawer next and find more menstrual supplies than any woman could ever need and I search through the options, you know … just in case. There’s nothing worse than having your period come up and surprise you, only to find yourself not prepared.
As I search through all the products and stare at a diva cup in horror, my fingers brush over a box that has my world coming to a standstill.
Pregnancy tests.
My brow arches. If I’m going to be technical, then yes, it’s a possibility—but it’s on the lower end. Having PCOS makes it difficult for me to get pregnant anyway so the chances are slim, yet for some reason, I find myself picking up the box.
Colton and I have been having unprotected sex which in itself is fucking stupid, but it couldn’t hurt to take the test anyway. In the grand scheme of things, I guess it’s better to know than to leave it. What’s one wasted test? Besides, I know those cramps all too well. It’s definitely my period coming and judging by how bad it hurt, it’s going to be a nasty one.
I take the box, as well as all my other supplies over to the toilet with me and sit my ass down. The cool porcelain stings my ass for the slightest moment as it gets accustomed to the chill. Desperate to pee, I tear the box apart and quickly glance over the test. I’ve seen chicks do this in movies all the time. You just hold it down there, pee on it, and wait, right? It couldn't be that hard.
Feeling confident that I’m overthinking things, I get it over and done with before finishing up on the toilet. I find myself glancing at the bidet that almost seems to be staring at me, enticing me to climb aboard and ride the bidet train.
I mean … I have two minutes to wait before I can check the test results. I wonder if I was to hit the right spot, if it’d be worth it …
Nah, that's insane. What am I thinking?
“Sorry,” I mutter to the bidet, pulling my underwear back up my legs and starting to feel the nerves creeping through my bloodstream as the pregnancy test seems to draw every ounce of my attention. “Not today, buddy.”
What is it about pregnancy tests that make you feel so damn sick? The waiting kills me. I’ve only ever had to do one before and that was with Nic. I knew for certain that I wasn't but he wanted me to check anyway. Even then, I hate the waiting. The what-ifs are always a killer.
I pace the bathroom, walking around and around in circles, trying not to look while failing at every turn.
The seconds tick by painfully slow and then finally I allow the anticipation to subside as I take hold of the test and flip it over. My hands shake with nerves.
Please, please, please be negative.
I glance down and scan over the results, my heart racing with fear until my whole world stops.
Fuck. This isn’t good.
Chapter 37
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Pregnant? I can not be pregnant.
Colton is going to have a heart attack and Mom is going to whoop my ass. How could we have been so stupid? Unprotected sex?
FUCK.
What were we thinking?
How am I supposed to tell him that I went and got myself knocked up? From the very start, he would accuse me of being just like the other girls who come around here looking for their meal ticket and wanting just this to claim a piece of the Carrington fortune.
Fuck going to college now. I guess that was all an epic waste of my time.
I see it happen all the time to girls. They get pregnant and scared, wondering how the hell they’re going to survive but it's one of those things where you always think ‘no, that wouldn’t happen to me.’
> What am I going to do? I’m only seventeen. I haven’t even had a chance to live yet. I know Colton will support me but he’s always going to wonder if I did it on purpose, always assuming that I was trying to lock him down. He's going to hate me.
“Holy fuck,” I groan, pacing the bathroom once again with the test in my hand. I glance down at it and double-check the instructions. Maybe I read it wrong. There has to be some kind of mistake.
I can’t be pregnant. I have too much to do. Too much is at stake.
I drop back down onto the toilet seat and tear at the test in my hand. My whole life is going to change. I'm not ready to be someone’s mother. I'm not even ready to be responsible for myself.
Panic surges within me and before I know it, it’s nearly eight in the morning and I’ve spent far too long pacing the bathroom. I have to go and figure this out. I have to talk to Colton. He’ll know what to do.
I grab my phone and tuck the test safely into my hand before rushing out of the bathroom, leaving Colton’s blanket right on the couch. I can come back for it later.
I race down to Colton’s room and as I push through the door, I find him stepping out of the bathroom with the steam from the shower blowing out behind him, making him look like some kind of exotic God. He stands before me with only a towel wrapped around his narrow waist and drops of water slowly trailing down his muscled body.
My mouth instantly waters.
Shit. No wonder I so willingly jumped him without protection. This is how I ended up in this situation in the first place.
“There you are,” he says, giving me a warm smile that hits his eyes in just the right way, leaving them sparking with warmth. “I was starting to worry. Where did you disappear to?”
I gape at him for a moment, my mind too distracted by the test in my hand to be capable of forming a proper response. He steps toward me and I find myself hiding the test behind my back, unsure why I didn't just come right out and tell him. “I, umm … couldn’t sleep,” I tell him. “I was just chilling upstairs.”
His brows pinch together as he walks over to me and snakes his hands around my waist. He pulls me against him, the fresh smell from his shower overwhelming me with need. “You should have told me,” he grumbles, dipping his face into my neck and kissing me there. “I’m sure I could have found something for us to do.”
“I’m sure you could have,” I say with a laugh that sounds fake coming out of my mouth. “But no, you need your rest. It was a big day for you yesterday too and now you need to get dressed and start your day.”
“Get dressed?” he questions. “In all the time I’ve known you, not once have you told me to get dressed. In fact, I was starting to think that perhaps you preferred me with no clothes at all.”
I roll my eyes, this time the laugh so much more real. “You’re an idiot, Carrington,” I tell him. “But you’d be right. I do prefer you without any clothes but if you drop that towel right now, neither of us is going anywhere today and I kinda need to go out this morning.”
“Out?” he questions. “Where to? It’s Friday morning. You have school starting in just over an hour.”
“I know,” I say with a cringe. “I umm … just have to go and see someone.”
His brows furrow as he raises his chin, knowing damn well that I'm being shady. “Do you want me to come?”
I shake my head. “No, that’s fine. You already missed work yesterday. I’ll be fine.”
“Do you need a car?” he questions, choosing to trust me rather than continuing to question me, knowing I’ll be back with answers when I’m ready.
“Is that okay?”
“Yeah,” he says slowly, releasing his hold on me and walking toward his closet before getting busy picking out today’s business attire. “You can take the Audi. It was serviced over the weekend so it should drive like a dream.”
I give him a small smile and nod, feeling as though not speaking up right now is somehow lying to him. Hell, I don't even know where I’m planning on going. All I know is that I just need to get out and give myself a chance to think. “Thanks,” I tell him with a soft murmur. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“I know,” he says, finally choosing a suit that would make him look like any woman’s wet dream. He walks out of his closet and leans against the door frame, keeping his eyes trained heavily on mine. “Is everything okay?”
I walk into his arms and raise my chin. My lips brush over his and I give him a tight smile. “Honestly,” I tell him, needing to keep him optimistic. “I don’t know. But I’m going to work it out and when I do, you’ll be the first to know.”
“You’re worrying me, Jade. If something is going on, let me help you.”
“I will,” I promise. “I just need to wrap my head around it and understand what’s going on first.”
Colton’s lips drop to mine and he presses the softest kiss to my mouth. His voice drops to a low whisper that instantly wraps around me. “Are you sure?” he questions. “You look kinda freaked out.”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “I’m okay.”
“Alright then. Don’t be gone for too long.”
With that, Colton kisses me once again and as he releases me to start getting ready for his day, I slip out of his room and dash down to the pool house, feeling the test still resting so heavily in my hands.
I barge into the pool house and narrowly avoid running into Mom who thankfully overslept and doesn’t have a minute to stop and chat. She hurries out the door while calling over her shoulder that she left breakfast out for me.
I call out a brief thank you as the door slams behind her, knowing that I’m more than likely to skip eating this morning. I don't think I can stomach it right now, but then, if I truly am pregnant, maybe eating and looking after this unborn baby is in my best interest.
Shit. There's going to be so much that I'm going to have to do to get ready for this, but what’s worse is telling my mother that at only thirty-six she’s going to be a grandmother. She’s going to kill me.
I quickly dress in my school uniform, knowing there’s a good chance that I won’t even make it to school today but hey, I need to be optimistic. This might be my last chance at getting an education.
After getting ready and eating a small bite of breakfast, I quickly check in with Milo and make sure that he’s doing alright. I have no idea where I’m going today but had he said that he was having a shitty time, I would have been there in a heartbeat. I can only imagine what he would have to say about the little situation that I've just gotten me and Colton into.
Letting out a sigh, I head out of the pool house and walk back to the mansion. I find the keys on the kitchen counter waiting for me and it instantly brings a smile to my face. He is so damn thoughtful. How could I have ever thought that he was anything like Nic? Sure, he has some pretty dark secrets, but he’s also the most incredible guy I have ever known.
Making my way into the garage, I find the Audi and can’t help but take a shaky breath. Expensive cars and mansions are going to be my child’s life. He or she will never know the heartache and struggle of living day to day without food or electricity and while that’s the most I could ever ask for my child, it also scares the hell out of me. Am I doomed to raise an entitled heir or heiress who doesn’t understand me?
I am in way over my head here.
Diapers. Breastfeeding. Crying.
Can I handle that?
I start the engine and just as I knew it would, it purrs to life beneath me, reminding me just how good Colton has it. I press the button for the garage door and it instantly raises, opening up to the long driveway ahead and leaving me with endless options.
I hit the gas and before I know it, I’m flying up the road with absolutely no plan.
I just drive. Using the time to clear my mind but two hours later, I’m still just as lost while standing in front of a hardwood door.
I take a breath, wondering what the hell I'm even doing here and knock.
A minut
e passes and then finally, I hear the sound of the door handle jiggle. I should run. I should take my ass back home and go to school. I'm not ready to face this.
The door peels open and all too soon, a scowling Elijah is standing in front of me, opening my view up to the small apartment he shares with his older brother, but I don’t look past him as judging by the scowl that rests over his face, he sees me as the enemy.
“What are you doing here?” he demands, adjusting his position in the doorway to make it clear that I’m not welcome, but I don’t miss the twinge of regret that flashes in his eyes as he takes that harsh tone with me.
“Give it a rest, Eli. Nic clearly didn’t tell you the full story because if he did, you’d be on your knees begging me not to hand him in.”
His brows furrow as he leans a little closer. “What the fuck are you talking about?” he questions, glancing up and down the hallway to make sure none of his neighbors can overhear. “What did he do?”
I shake my head. “I’m not here to talk about Nic, Eli. I need your help.”
He takes my hand and gives me a hard tug, pulling me into his small apartment, the very same place that I’ve spent countless nights sleeping on the couch, the very same place that I lost my virginity all those years ago. “Why?” he demands, always the first to jump to my rescue and instantly trusting my word that there’s so much more to the story than what Nic would have shared. “What do you need?”
I swallow hard, glancing up and meeting his concerned stare, knowing that no matter what, I'll always be able to trust him. I hold up the positive pregnancy test. “I fucked up.”
Chapter 38
My hands shake as I lay back on the flimsy protective paper that lies against the doctor’s table. My knees are up and my underwear has been tossed carelessly on the ground. Why did I listen to Eli? I should have gone with my gut instinct to keep ignoring the problem. Maybe I could have made it the whole way through the pregnancy before actually admitting that something was going on.
Barbie B*tch: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Rejects Paradise Book 3) Page 34