Happy Campers

by Karen D. Badger

  “Ms. Charland…”

  “There’s no use arguing with her,” Fred said. He picked up his own backpack. “I’m going too, and so are the kids.”

  “Mr. Swenson, I strongly advise against that.”

  “Well, I strongly advise against your arguing with us about it,” Fred said.

  “Suit yourself.” Ranger Johnson turned to the assembled crowd of searchers. “Let’s head out. Report in on your radio every half hour until we find them, and I want everyone to report back here in four hours. If we haven’t found them by then, we’ll regroup and reassign search areas. Oh, and one more thing. You need to prepare yourself for anything. Our hope is that we find them safe and sound, but—”

  “We’ll find them safe and sound, Ranger,” Billie said adamantly, inclining her head toward the children.

  “Ah… yes. Let’s pray we do.”

  * * *

  “Jen, wake up.” Cat shook her friend. “Jen. Wake up.”

  “Whaa?”

  “It’s sunrise. Time to break camp.” Cat pushed Jen into a sitting position.

  Jen rubbed her eyes. “What time is it?”

  Cat looked at her watch. “Exactly five forty-five.”

  “What is wrong with you, waking me up so early?”

  “I have had enough of sitting on the hard ground all night. Time to find our way out of this jungle.” Cat climbed out of the lean-to and offered her hand to Jen. “Come on.”

  Outside, Jen stood erect and stretched her back. “I have to pee.”

  “My thoughts exactly,” Cat said. “You go behind that tree, and I’ll go behind this one.”

  Cat squatted behind her tree. “Be careful what you use to wipe with. We don’t need another poison ivy incident, especially on the cha cha.”

  “You have such a lovely way with words,” Jen called from behind her own tree. “I am choosing to drip dry. No itchy coochie for me.”

  While waiting for Jen, Cat dismantled their lean-to and unsnapped their raincoats. She handed Jen’s coat to her. “Here you go.”

  Cat then retrieved her shoe laces from the tree boughs and re-laced her books.

  “Which way do we go, Pocahontas?” Jen said.

  Cat looked around. “Well, straight ahead is a dead end, unless we want to take the scenic route over the cliff, so I guess we go back the way we came in last night.”

  “Lead the way.”

  * * *

  “Billie, are you getting as worried as I am?”

  Billie glanced back at the kids. “Don’t say that too loud, I don’t want them to hear you. But to answer your question, yes, I am beginning to get a little worried. I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and my heart is doing calisthenics in my chest.”

  “We’ve been searching for three hours now,” Fred said.

  “I just wish they’d told us which trail they were taking.”

  “When are we gonna find Mama and Aunt Jen?” Skylar asked.

  “Soon, sweetie” Billie replied. “Soon.” Billie felt a tug on her arm. She looked down at Seth.

  “I’m kinda worried about Ma,” he said. “I don’t want the little kids to get worried, but what if we don’t find them?”

  Billie stopped and grasped her son’s shoulders. “I’m sure they’re okay, Seth. Mom is very resourceful. She used to camp with Grandpa all the time. Try not to worry.” Billie released her son and watched as he walked down the path behind Fred. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, then wiped a tear from the corner of her eye as she followed him.

  * * *

  “How are you doing back there?” Cat called over her shoulder as she led the way down the path.

  “I’m doing okay. Kind of hungry and my back hurts from sleeping on the ground, but I’m holding my own,” Jen replied.

  “Does anything look familiar to you yet?”

  “Not really. Sooner or later, we have to hit civilization. This forest can’t go on forever.”

  “Good point. Let’s walk for another half hour, then take a break, okay?”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  “I can just imagine what’s going through Billie’s head right now.”

  “Do you think she’s called out the cavalry yet?” Jen asked.

  “I wouldn’t put it past her. I’m more worried about her than I am about us. This can’t be good for her blood pressure.”

  “Is it really that serious, Cat?”

  “She’s apparently been having heart palpitations for several months, which she didn’t tell me about, by the way. The last thing we need is for her to go off the deep end from an anxiety attack. She’s never going to let me live this one down, you know.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I told you she didn’t really want to go camping, and, quite frankly, with everything that’s gone wrong on this trip, I’m beginning to think she was right.”

  “Enjoy it while you can. I suspect you’ll never get her to go camping again.”

  “My thoughts exactly. Jen, look, there’s a fork ahead in the path. Left or right?”

  “Beats the hell out of me. Let’s toss a coin.” Jen fished a coin out of her pocket and flipped it into the air. She caught it easily and slapped it onto the back of her left hand, covering it with her right. “Heads we go left, tails we go right.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Cat said.

  “It’s tails. We go right.”

  “Right it is. Do you want to take the lead for a while?” Cat asked.

  “No, you’re doing a great job.”

  “All right then, let’s go.”

  A short way down the path, Cat noticed an unusual flower in the sloping brush to her left. “Wow. Look at that flower. It’s beautiful. Wait here a sec, I want a closer look.”

  Cat walked toward the flower, coming within two feet of it when suddenly she lost her footing and fell out of sight. “Ahhhh!” she yelled.

  “Cat!” Jen ran toward the spot Cat had been standing and, as suddenly as Cat had gone down, she followed. “Noooo!”

  Both women slid uncontrollably down the muddy slope, toppling end over end and losing their backpacks along the way. When they finally reached the bottom, they were covered with dark brown mud from head to foot.

  “Oh my God,” Cat moaned. “Jen, are you all right?”

  Jen struggled to her knees and sat back on her heels. “What the fuck happened?”

  “The bank must have been softened by the downpour last night. Obviously, our weight was too much for it.”

  “Are you saying I have a fat ass?” Jen asked.

  “If your ass is fat, then mine is too. I was the first one to fall,” Cat said.

  Jen shook the mud off her hands. “This is disgusting. We’re covered!”

  Cat climbed to her feet. “I am so looking forward to a nice hot shower.”

  “You and me, both,” Jen said.

  Cat gave Jen a hand up. “Let’s go find our packs, then try to locate the trail again.”

  Jen pointed to the top of the hill. “You’re not suggesting we climb back up there, are you?”

  Cat looked around. “Look. There’s a stream. I bet if we follow it, it’ll lead us back to civilization.”

  * * *

  “Dad, what’s that shiny thing up ahead?” Stevie asked his father.

  “Shiny thing?” Fred said.

  “Yeah. On the ground. I’ll go get it.” Stevie and Seth ran ahead and stopped at the base of a cliff. Stevie picked the object up. “It’s a cell phone.”

  Billie grabbed Fred’s arm. “I wonder if it’s Jen’s.”

  The two adults took off on a dead run toward their sons. “Let me see it,” Fred said. He turned the phone around in his hands. “It looks like Jen’s phone. It’s pretty damaged. The screen is smashed.”

  Billie looked around. “There’s too much damage to have been caused by the phone simply falling out of her pocket. It’s almost like it was dropped, or maybe even thrown from a great height.”

 
; “Why would someone throw Jen’s cell phone?”

  Billie took Fred’s arm and pulled him a distance away from the boys. She spoke in a low voice. “Maybe so she couldn’t use it to call for help.”

  * * *

  Jen and Cat walked along in the stream, their hiking boots sloshing in the shallow water.

  “Christ, you look like hell,” Jen said.

  “You don’t exactly look like pageant material yourself, right now,” Cat retorted.

  Jen shoved hard against Cat’s shoulder. “Take it back.”

  “Hey, knock it off.”

  Jen pushed her again. “I said, take it back.”

  Cat pushed her back. “Like hell I will. What the hell crawled up inside of you and died?”

  “‘Look at that flower’, she says. ‘It’s beautiful,’ she says. ‘I want a closer look,’ she says. This is what your closer look got us,” Jen exclaimed as she stepped closer and closer to Cat. “Muddy clothes, muddy hair, and we’re even more lost than before.”

  “Chill out, Jen. I don’t need you in my face.” Cat pushed Jen, who promptly fell on her butt in the stream. Cat’s hands flew to her mouth. “Oh, Jen! I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.” She reached down to help Jen up and found herself pulled over Jen’s head, face first in the stream. Cat scrambled to her knees. “Why you…” Cat pounced on Jen and they tumbled about in the shallow stream, each one alternately gaining the upper hand, until they both fell onto their backs, exhausted. They lay side by side in the stream with the water gently flowing around them. Finally, Cat looked at Jen.

  “I’m sorry I said you weren’t pageant material.”

  Jen smiled. “And I’m sorry I implied you had a fat ass.”

  Cat offered her hand. “Still friends?”

  Jen grasped Cat’s hand and squeezed. “Always.”

  “So, as long as we’re soaking wet, we might as well clean this mud off of us,” Cat suggested.

  Jen bolted into a sitting position. “Birthday suit!” she yelled, removing her clothing.

  * * *

  “Where did you find this?” Ranger Johnson asked. He turned the cell phone over in his hands.

  “At the bottom of Camelback Mountain,” Fred replied.

  “Are you sure it belongs to your wife?”

  “Positive. See those stickers on the front? My daughter gave those to her before we left home for this trip.”

  “Can you show me exactly where on the map?”

  “I can show you,” Billie offered. She opened the trail guide and spread it on the picnic table. She tapped the page. “Right here.”

  “Did you see any other evidence they passed through there, like trampled brush or footprints?”

  Billie glanced at Fred. “I didn’t think to look. How about you, Fred?”

  “Me, neither.”

  Ranger Johnson folded the map, put it into his vest pocket, and turned to the assembled search party. “Okay, we have reason to believe Ms. Charland and Ms. Swenson passed through the canyon at the base of Camelback Mountain. We head out in twenty minutes.”

  * * *

  “Jen, did you hear that?” Cat stopped in mid-stride on the bank of the stream and listened.

  “Hear what?”

  Cat placed a finger in front of her lips. “Shh. Listen. There it is again. Did you hear that?”

  “It kind of sounds like a dirt bike.”

  “Or a chainsaw. Come on, let’s follow the sound. This could be our ticket out of this jungle.”

  * * *

  “Thank you, Jim. You’re a life saver,” Cat said as she climbed out of the cab of the pickup truck.

  “Yes, we can’t thank you enough,” Jen added.

  “Will you ladies be okay from here?” their rescuer asked.

  “It’s just a short walk down the drive to the campground entrance. We’ll be fine. Again, thanks for the ride. Are you sure we can’t compensate you?” Cat offered.

  “No, ma’am. I wouldn’t be a gentleman if I expected to get paid for offering my help to damsels in distress.”

  “Well, it’s too bad more people aren’t like you. We really do appreciate the ride,” Jen said.

  “My pleasure, ladies. You have yourselves a pleasant afternoon.”

  Cat watched Jim drive away, then locked arms with Jen as they limped down the path to the campground. “Home sweet home, or is it camp sweet camp? Are you ready to face the music?”

  “At this point, even Fred yelling at me for getting lost will be music to my ears.”

  “Thank God for Jim,” Cat said.

  “He was very sweet, wasn’t he? I’m thankful he offered us a lift back to the campground instead of just pointing us in the right direction. I’m exhausted. I don’t know if I could have walked another step.”

  “I’m with you. That air mattress is sounding mighty good right now, after a hot shower, that is.”

  “A hot shower sounds a lot better than the cold dip in the stream this morning. As I said earlier, lead the way, Pocahontas!”

  Jen said.

  * * *

  Cat was awakened by the sounds of arguing.

  “How can you call off the search? It isn’t even dark yet?”

  “It’ll be dark within the hour, Ms. Charland. We’ll resume the search in the morning.”

  “Like hell we will,” she heard Billie shout at the unseen man. “I am not going to allow Cat and Jen to spend another night out there alone. She’s my wife, for crying out loud. Do you expect me to just sit back and wait for you to get your dead ass moving again in the morning? I’m going back out there right now, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

  Shit! I’d better get out there. Cat scrambled to her knees and reached for the tent zipper.

  “Ms. Charland, you need to be reasonable. Searching in the dark is dangerous.”

  “I don’t give a fuck. I lost her once, I can’t lose her again. I won’t lose her again.”

  A fold of material became stuck in the zipper, making it difficult for Cat to open it.

  “Billie, calm down.”

  That’s Fred’s voice, Cat thought as she finally freed the zipper and climbed out of her tent.

  “I will not calm down, Fred. Our wives are out there. God knows what has happened to them. If you want to stay here, that’s fine. In fact, that’s a good idea. You stay with the kids, I’m going back out to search.”

  “Billie,” Cat said.

  “I’m sure they’re fine. You said yourself that Cat is resourceful. No reason to get hysterical.”

  “Billie,” Cat said, a little louder.

  “They’ve been gone over twenty-four hours. I think that’s plenty of reason to get hysterical,” Billie shouted. “Don’t tell me not to get hysterical!”

  “Billie!” Cat finally yelled.

  Billie swung around and shouted. “What?”

  “Ms. Charland, I presume,” Ranger Johnson said pointedly.

  * * *

  Cat and Jen sat side by side in the camp chairs in front of the fire and watched as Billie and Fred paced back and forth in front of them.

  “Cat, you scared the shit out of me.”

  “Ditto,” Fred said.

  “Give us a little credit. We aren’t totally helpless, you know,” Cat replied.

  “Yeah, we aren’t totally helpless,” Jen echoed.

  “How did your cell phone end up at the bottom of the mountain?” Fred asked.

  “Uh… I dropped it when I almost fell over the cliff,” Jen answered. Cat elbowed her in the ribs. “Oww! Why’d you do that?”

  “You almost walked off the side of a cliff?” Billie said incredulously. “Great. Just great.” Billie picked up one of the camp chairs and threw it across the campsite.

  “Cat was there to pull me back up. What’s the big deal?”

  Fred stopped. “Wait a minute. Cat pulled you back up? That’s a little more than almost walking off the side of a cliff!”

  “And how did you get so dirty? The cl
othes you threw into the corner of the tent are covered with mud,” Billie raged.

  Cat shrugged. “That’s from the tumble down the muddy hill, of course. We tried to rinse them off in the stream.”

  “Oh my fucking God,” Billie said.

  “Now look who’s opening her big mouth,” Jen said.

  “Well, there’s no sense in hiding anything now,” Cat answered.

  “Should we tell them about the naked romp in the stream?” Jen asked.

  “Jesus, Cat, I had all kinds of horrible thoughts about what might have happened to you,” Billie said. “What would I have told the kids?” Billie whimpered as she fell to her knees in front of Cat and placed her head in her wife’s lap. “I can’t lose you again, Cat. I

  need you.”

  Cat rested her head on Billie’s. “I need you too, love. I won’t leave you, I promise.”

  Fred was looking at Cat and his wife speculatively. “Naked romp in the stream?”

  Chapter 37: Enough is Enough is Enough

  Cat gingerly emerged from her tent the next morning to find Jen already in the screen tent making coffee. “Good morning, Jen.”

  “Hiya. Coffee’s on.”

  “Give me a few minutes, I’ve got to run to the bathroom. Be right back.”

  “Take your time,” Jen said. “I’ll get the stove set up for breakfast.”

  Cat limped her way up the trail to the bathhouse and back. “Girl, you are out of shape,” she mumbled as she got back to the campsite and let herself into the food tent.

  “Moving kind of slow, huh?” Jen asked.

  “I can’t believe how much my body hurts today.”

  “Well, it’s not every day you walk through the forest for twelve hours, then throw yourself down a muddy slope,” Jen pointed out dryly.

  “You’ve got a point. How do you feel today?”

  “Pretty much the way you do. How’s Big Guy this morning?”

  “She cried for hours last night, and as long as she was awake, she wouldn’t let me get more than a foot away from her. Over and over, she repeated that she couldn’t lose me again. I guess she was more scared than I even thought she’d be. I was so happy when she finally fell asleep.”