Saving Grace

by Denise Hunter

“Yes, it was.” How could he think this? It was so unfair. She flicked away the tear that escaped.

  “Whose was it, Paula? Have there been others?”

  “There hasn’t been anybody! Would you listen to yourself?” Her eye started twitching. “Maybe you’ve only recently become infertile. Have you considered that? Did you ever think about that before you started accusing me of adultery?”

  He nailed her with a glare and left the room.

  Her insides clamped in knots until they ached. Beside her, a heavy puddle of creamer pooled around the lip of the container.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Linn swung her bike into Natalies driveway and hopped off. Shoving down the kickstand, she walked up to the door and rang the bell. She felt grimy and sweaty from the hours she’d put in at Bubba’s. She’d been stiffed a tip twice and run around by the spoiled tourists like she was a slave or something. Thinking of a nice quiet night at Natalies house was the only thing that had kept her going today.

  Natalie opened the door and embraced her. “Hi, Linn. Come on in.” Natalie was the only one who hugged her. Though she kind of liked it, Linn never knew what to do with her hands. She followed Natalie into the living room and dropped her purse on the end table.

  “Want a root beer?” Natalie asked.

  “Sure. The boys gone?” Linn had been careful to time their meeting after Keith had picked up the boys. But in the back of her mind, she still worried about running into him.

  “Yeah, they’re with their dad. Just you and me tonight.”

  Maybe Natalie would finally make a decision about the baby. Her tummy had a little pooch to it now, and Linn could hardly stand the thought of having an abortion. Why was it taking so long for Natalie to make up her mind? Didn’t she want to help? She smothered the spark of irritation. No sense getting all worked up now. She would do whatever she had to do to survive. She always had.

  She’d finally gotten through to the scholarship people, and they’d said she would be able to use her scholarship money beginning in January. It was all settled on her end. Now, if only Natalie would cooperate.

  Natalie handed her a root beer and took a seat on the other end of the sofa. Funny how they already had regular spots to sit in. It was always exactly this way, even when the boys were here.

  “How was work tonight?” Natalie asked.

  Linn sighed. “I’m so sick of working around tourists. You’d think they might be generous on their vacations, but I keep getting stiffed. And I don’t deserve it either. I’m a good server.”

  “I used to be a server when I was in high school. Back then we called them waitresses, though. And we got stiffed sometimes, too.”

  “I can’t wait to get out of this town.” She wanted to go off to college and get a job in some big city. She’d wear suits to work every day and do something real important.

  “Well,” Natalie said. “I’m thinking it might be awhile.”

  Linn looked at Nat and tried to read her face. What was she talking about?

  Natalie reached out and grabbed her hand. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about your offer, as you know. It’s an important decision, one I didn’t want to take lightly.”

  Linn’s thoughts froze, and her breath swelled in her lungs. This was it. She didn’t think she could stand not knowing another second. Would she have to abort her baby, or would it get raised with Natalie? With its own brothers. Her tongue felt like sandpaper against the roof of her mouth.

  “I’ve talked to several people about the adoption process and gotten a lot of advice and guidance. Mostly, though, I’ve been praying very hard. I believe God has in mind what’s best for all of us. And if we ask Him what that is, He’ll show us. He showed me.”

  Linn just wished she’d get on with it. Her insides ached with wanting to know, but somehow she couldn’t seem to make her lips move.

  “Linn, if your offer is still open, I want to accept it. I want to adopt the baby.”

  Linns thoughts spun through her mind like a Tilt-a-Whirl. She wants to adopt the baby. She wants to adopt the baby.

  Suddenly, the emotions she hadn’t even known she was holding back gushed out. She put her hands over her face and felt it crumple like a wad of newspaper. She cried into her hands. Her baby was going to have life. Her baby was going to grow up and play with his or her real brothers. She wouldn’t have to have an abortion and live with the guilt of what she’d done.

  “Hey, it’s OK.”

  She felt Natalie’s arm slide around her shoulder. She wished she could stop the flow of emotions, but somehow she couldn’t seem to control it. She was just so relieved. So happy and grateful. Natalie held her until she pulled herself together.

  They pulled apart as Linn sniveled, feeling like an idiot. “I don’t know why I’m crying like a big baby.”

  “You have every right to each emotion you’re feeling right now. You’ve been through so much.” Natalie nudged her shoulder. “And the pregnancy hormones don’t help either.”

  Lynn smiled but felt it wobbling on her face as more tears filled her eyes. “Good grief, here I go again.”

  Natalie got up and returned with a box of tissues.

  “I hope I’m not gonna need that whole box.” Linn grabbed a tissue and wiped her face, then blew her nose.

  “So, can I assume your offer still stands?” Natalie asked.

  If Linn wasn’t mistaken, Natalie looked almost afraid that her answer would be no. “Yeah, it’s what I’ve been dreaming about, hoping for.” Natalie and her boys were the closest thing this baby had to a real family. Nothing could make her happier than to know her baby was going to be raised in this house, with these people. She felt a smidge of guilt. What would Natalie think if she knew the truth?

  “You know, once I started considering the idea, I started finding myself eager at the thought of raising this baby.”

  “I know you’ll be a good mom. You’re a good mom to Taylor and Alex.”

  “You should see me with a baby.” Natalie’s lips lifted in a dreamy smile. “I could hardly stand to put the boys down when they were babies. I just adored every minute.”

  “Even the nighttime stuff?” Linn didn’t see how anyone could adore that. The thought of getting up every few hours every night sounded like a cruel form of torture to her.

  “Well, at first it was hard, but you get used to it.” She squeezed Linn’s shoulder. “We have so much to talk about.”

  “Where do you want to start?” Linn’s own mind was a mass of knots, like a ball of yarn all in tangles. How would she get through the pregnancy? She hadn’t even seen a doctor. Who was going to pay for the doctor and the birth? And how would she tell her dad? Just the thought sent ripples of apprehension up her spine.

  “What’s wrong?” Natalie asked.

  Part of her was afraid to say anything negative about the adoption. She sure didn’t want Natalie to change her mind.

  “It’s OK,” Natalie said. “We have to be honest with each other if we’re going to do this together. Let’s make a deal that we can say whatever’s on our minds. That we’ll be honest about our feelings when we speak and understanding as we listen. OK?”

  Guilt bubbled up in Linn’s gut. She couldn’t be completely honest with Natalie. Not about the baby. That would ruin everything, and she’d come too far to ruin this. “I just realized I’d have to tell my dad.”

  Natalie offered a sad smile. “Oh. That’s going to be hard for you, isn’t it?”

  “It’s just—he’s always said this would happen to me. And now it has, and he’s going to be so like ‘I told you so.’” Linn lowered her voice to sound like her dad. But her dad would sound worse than that. He’d yell and rant and call her names. And that was if he wasn’t drunk.

  “I’d be willing to go with you, if you think that would help.”

  Linn sighed. She didn’t know which was worse. Facing her father all alone, or having someone else overhear the things he would say about her. “I don’t kno
w yet.”

  “That’s OK. You have time to decide.”

  “I’m nineteen weeks now.” Linn was carefully marking it off on her purse calendar. She was almost five months along, and it wouldn’t be long before she couldn’t hide it anymore. Already she wore her jeans unbuttoned.

  “How do you think the boys will feel about having a new brother or sister?” Linn asked. She listened as Natalie told her about what Alex and Taylor had said. She couldn’t believe how this was working out. Everything had felt so over. Her life had seemed like a waste, and her future had seemed as dark as a cave. Now there was hope. She could give her baby life, and Natalie could give her baby love.

  “Thank you, Natalie.” She whispered the words but put everything she was feeling into her expression. Her eyes began to sting again.

  Natalie embraced her. “Thank you, Linn. For giving me the opportunity to love this baby.”

  By the time they parted, they both had tears streaking their faces. They looked at each other, and a smile connected the two of them in a way Linn had never experienced before.

  “Pass the tissues,” Natalie said. Linn handed her the box as laughter replaced the tears.

  The Fourth of July dawned sunny and clear, and Natalie spent the day with the boys. She made them pancakes for breakfast and sat them down to talk about adopting Linn’s baby. Over the past three days, she’d been nervous about telling them and had decided to wait until the holiday, when she had the whole day to spend with them.

  Ironically, though, her nervousness was wasted, and the speech she’d rehearsed turned out to be a non-event. After she’d told the boys in a simple way all that was transpiring, Alex had only one question. “When do we get our new sister?”

  She couldn’t help but laugh at all the preparation she’d done going into this conversation. She’d been prepared to explain everything from where babies come from to who’s going to be the daddy, but the boys hadn’t cared about any of that. It was as if they’d known this was going to happen all of their little lives.

  Since Keith was taking them to the fireworks in the evening, she made the most of the afternoon by taking them to Music in the Hole, an outdoor concert that was part of the Grand Teton Music Festival. She enjoyed the patriotic music and festive atmosphere, but as soon as they’d scarfed down all the junk food they could handle, Alex and Taylor were bored.

  The whole family had decided to have a picnic at her parents’ house before the fireworks, so Natalie took the boys there next. Keith was picking them up there, and Natalie was planning to tell her family about the adoption while she had them all together.

  Hanna, Micah, and Gram picked them up from their house, and they drove to their parents’ house. When Natalie walked out on the back patio, her mom was unpacking the hotdogs. Natalie set down the bowl of potato salad she’d made and embraced her. Alex and Taylor ran off to where their grandpa had set up a croquet set.

  “Happy Fourth,” her mom said.

  “You, too, Mom. The boys have been looking forward to this all afternoon.” Natalie grabbed a package of Oscar Mayer hot dogs and ripped it open.

  “Me, too,” Hanna said. “As much as I love the lodge, it does feel like I have to baby-sit it sometimes.”

  Micah joined her father in the yard, and Gram walked over to Paula, who was sitting on a camping chair a short distance away. When they looked her way, she waved, then addressed Hanna. “Who’s watching the lodge?”

  “The two summer students we hired. The rooms are all set, so all they’ll have to do is check people in. Besides, just about all our guests are out enjoying the festivities. Did you go to Music in the Hole?”

  “I took the boys, but let’s just say I don’t think they appreciate fine music yet.”

  “Did you go, Mom?” Hanna asked.

  “Ha. Your dad wouldn’t be caught dead at a concert, free or not.”

  “You could’ve tempted him with the junk food,” Natalie said.

  “He knew he’d get plenty of that tonight,” her mom said. “Look at him out there. Like a kid.”

  Natalie followed her mom’s eye out to the field, where her father, Micah, David, and her boys were reacting to a shot Micah had made. Her dad was shaking his head while the others laughed.

  “I hope it doesn’t get too competitive out there,” Natalie said. “I’m not up for a family brawl.” She smiled the thought away. Their family had hardly even argued in all the years since the girls had left home. They were tight that way. They could really confide in one another and trust one another.

  As she watched her mom and Hanna preparing all the food, Natalie felt the urge to tell them right then about the baby. She had planned to tell everyone together, but somehow it seemed right to do it now.

  She peeked a glance as she ripped off a length of tin foil.

  “Mom, Hanna, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you.”

  Both women looked up at the same time, their eyes brimming with concern. She realized her voice carried levity, and it wasn’t often she had news to spring on anyone. The last time she’d said those words to her mom, it had been to tell her that Keith was leaving her for another woman.

  “Mom, don’t look like that. It’s nothing bad. In fact, I’m pretty excited about this, but I need you to hear it with an open mind.”

  She glanced at Hanna and saw realization dawning in her eyes. She hadn’t talked to Hanna about it since that Sunday at the Shady Nook.

  She explained the situation with Linn starting from the moment Linn had first walked into the center. She talked about how Linn had reminded her of Dana and how she feared Linn would never be able to live with the horror of abortion.

  Paula and Gram wandered over, but sensing their private conversation, started to walk away. Natalie took Gram’s hand. “No, you two stay here. I’m glad you came over, because this is something I want you to know, too.” She looked out at the yard, where her father and two brothers-in-law were playing. She would tell them later. It just seemed right for all the women of the family to hear the news together.

  She caught Gram and Paula up on the details she’d shared so far, then continued the story, admitting her failure to keep her relationship with Linn on a professional level. Telling them about how Linn bit her nails when she’s nervous, and had a thin layer of false bravado that covered a sensitive heart. She told them about her sad home life, and finally she told them about Linns offer.

  “After a lot of prayer, I’ve decided to take her up on it. I’m going to adopt the baby.”

  Only Hanna didn’t gasp or visibly react to the words.

  Everyone seemed to freeze in time, and she could almost hear an imaginary clock ticking away the shock.

  “Somebody say something.” Natalie tucked her hair behind her ear. The looks on her mom’s and Paula’s faces would have inspired laughter if she wasn’t so nervous.

  “I’m really proud of you.” Hanna walked around the picnic table and embraced her.

  Natalie released a sigh that she felt from her toes up. “That day we met at the Cafe was the beginning of my decision. I would never have considered it until you encouraged me to.”

  They drew apart, and Natalie looked reluctantly at her mom. What would she think? What mother wanted her single-mother daughter to take on someone else’s child?

  But the look on her mother’s face wasn’t what she expected. A smile tugged her mom’s lips, and her eyes filled with tears.

  “You are an amazing woman, sweetheart.”

  Gram pulled her into a enthusiastic embrace. “Such compassion. I’m so proud of you.”

  This wasn’t what she’d expected. She’d braced herself all day for opposition. She’d been afraid her family would think she was crazy for what she was about to do. But then she realized Paula hadn’t said anything yet. Her sister’s flawless face revealed something less than excitement. She crossed her arms over her green blouse, and her green eyes held some flicker of emotion she couldn’t identify, but then Paula l
ooked away.

  Before Natalie could say anything, her mom and Hanna asked her questions about the adoption process. Some Natalie could answer, but some she would just have to learn as she went. She still hadn’t figured out how she’d afford to adopt this baby. She didn’t even know if Linn had medical coverage. It wouldn’t be an inexpensive proposition either way. There was still the attorney fee.

  “Do the boys know?” her mom asked.

  Natalie thought back over the past few days, about how the boys had seemed to know before she had about the new addition to the family. She told the other women about it.

  “Well,” Paula said, “it’ll certainly be interesting to see how they adjust once the baby’s here.”

  Natalie wondered if she imagined the starchiness in her sister’s voice. Why couldn’t Paula just be happy for her?

  “Oh, they’re going to love it,” her mom said. “You should see Alex at the park when there’s a baby there. He’d just as soon play with the baby as climb on the monkey bars.”

  “And Taylor is always wanting to be the big brother,” Hanna said. “He’ll enjoy having a younger sibling to teach.”

  “And boss around.” Paula’s voice was terse. “I think I’ll take these hot dogs over to Dad.” She picked up the platter and carried it toward the grill, where their father was talking with Micah.

  Natalie watched her go, noting her stiff posture.

  “What’s Paula’s deal?” Hanna asked.

  “She seems distracted today,” their mother said.

  Distracted wasn’t the description that came to Natalie’s mind. She hadn’t said anything about Natalie’s big news. She seemed almost critical, though Natalie couldn’t see any reason why Paula would feel that way.

  “Paulas just a little stressed, I think,” Gram said. She squeezed Natalie’s arm. “We are just so excited about your news, dear. It’s been a few years since we’ve had a baby in the family.”

  Natalie grabbed the hot dog buns and set them beside the condiments. “Has Micah made any headway toward finding his sister?”

  “He found the family who adopted her,” Hanna said. “Unfortunately, Jenna ran away from home awhile back, and they don’t know where she is.”