New Blue (Blue Series Book 5)

by Jules Barnard

  I smile bitterly. “And yet he must be. Why else would he not tell me about the suites?”

  * * *

  Adam

  Hayden won’t take my calls, and I’m about to lose my shit. I’m trying to protect her. But obviously I can’t tell her that. She about bit my head off when I mentioned stepping in for her with Blackwell. I’m worried what she’d do if I told her I was keeping Bliss from her so that she wouldn’t be linked to it. She has this notion it’s her duty to protect the employees after the casino hurt her friends. I know it’s more complicated than that—she was scarred by what happened in high school and wants to stand up for others after no one stood up for her. But I can’t let her become a mark for Blackwell. Not when I’m uncertain about what he’s capable of.

  Paul and William walk into my office and close the door. “Ten days until the big reveal. How many are registered at the hotel?”

  I stretch my neck. The last thing I want to deal with right now is Paul. He’s been up my ass over every fucking detail related to the Bliss debut, even though I’ve laid it out for him ten times. “As I mentioned an hour ago, we have fifty prospective members registered for the weekend, and twenty of our nearly forty members will also be in town for the event. Eve is putting together a letter and gift basket for each of the rooms. Anything else?”

  “And the DJ—”

  “Confirmed,” I say. “His assistant sent me his flight itinerary, which I forwarded to Eve, whose assistant will personally attend his arrival. The caterer is secured; the menu set. And if you want to know about the auction and burlesque show, you’ll need to talk to William.”

  Paul shoves his hand in his pocket. “I’m sensing animosity.”

  “You sense wrong.” He senses right, but it’s best if Paul doesn’t know everything I’m thinking at the moment.

  William glances between Paul and me, an uneasy grin sliding on his face. He was always more interested in pleasing everyone. “Well now, I can tell you that the auction and our beautiful dancers are all lined up. The ladies arrive Friday for the Saturday show. Beginning at six a.m. Saturday, a crew will come in to remake the club for the evening. I’m working with security to close off the area while the equipment is brought in.”

  “Looks like we’re all set,” I say. “If you’ll excuse me.” I stand to leave. I hadn’t planned on leaving my office, but it’s claustrophobic in here. I have the sudden need to get out.

  Paul jingles the coins in his pocket. “I suppose we’re nearly ready. Blackwell expects everyone to attend the midnight party after the show and to sell the Bliss experience. Plan on being there the entire night. I’ll send you a list of things to tout as you mingle with potential members.”

  I nod, though I have no intention of reviewing his list. “Are we finished?” Not waiting for their answer, I raise my hand for them to exit first.

  Paul and William walk out, but Paul turns to me once we’re outside my office. He signals for William to go on ahead. “Don’t forget, if everything goes according to plan on opening night, you can expect a hefty end-of-the-year bonus.” His eyes narrow. “Stay the course, Adam, and all will be fine.”

  I watch him saunter away confidently. He ignores the gaming manager walking by, but winks at Eve as she passes. The deferential treatment toward some employees was obvious—I just never recognized how singular it was among the Blue Stars. Not until Hayden pointed it out.

  I head for her office. I gave her space last night and the night before, but we need to talk. If Hayden were anyone else, I would have walked away long ago. But I can’t do that. Not with her. I’ll stay away, if that’s what she wants, but I won’t be the one to leave. Not this time.

  I rap on the solid wood door, and enter at her invitation.

  She raises her head and our eyes connect. Just like it did two days ago when I spotted her across the patio at the Beacon, my heart thunders in my chest.

  “Adam?” She looks behind me, but I close the door. “Why are you here?”

  “Because I work here?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I wanted to talk to you.”

  She lets out a sad sigh. “Are you going to tell me what you’re not saying about the Bliss suites?”

  “Hayden.” Exasperation fills my voice. “I love that you’re strong and never back down, but for once, I need you to. I want to share everything with you, but I can’t talk about this.”

  She squeezes her eyelids closed and shakes her head, as though fighting with herself. “If you’re involved in something illegal, then you should know I’m not letting it go.” An unsteady breath escapes her mouth. “I knew it would come down to this. I knew it. But I never thought it would hurt this badly.”

  I stride around her desk and pull her into my arms. “It doesn’t have to. You can trust me.” I plead with my eyes and her expression softens, but I can’t tell if I’ve reached her. And God, I need to reach her.

  “My heart trusts you.” Her voice is light, as though the confession confuses her.

  “I love your heart,” I say with such feeling that I startle myself. My words were meant to encourage her to give me a chance, but it’s more than that. I love Hayden. No fireworks; no sudden realization. A simple truth that’s been there all along. “I haven’t given you a reason to doubt me since I started at Blue, have I?”

  “No,” she says hesitantly, because she has no idea of the depth of what I’ve admitted to myself. Her mouth turns down. “Not unless you count the things you’re keeping from me.”

  “Which is for a good reason. A reason I plan to tell you about, just as soon as I can. All I’m asking is for a little time. I may not have deserved your confidence in the past, but have faith in me now. I won’t let you down.”

  She’s quiet for a moment, studying my eyes. “I think your intentions are good, even if it pisses me off that you’re keeping this from me.” She lets out a long sigh. “A little time… Okay. I—I can do that.”

  I press her to my chest, hugging her so hard I worry I’m crushing her, but she’s clinging to me, and I think she needs the connection as much as I do. We had one night—one fucking bad night that spilled into two days apart. And they’ve been the worst two days of my life. I thought I’d lost her.

  I lift her chin. “I won’t ever give you a reason to doubt me.” She leans up and my heart clenches, blood warming. I want to pick her up and carry her away like the caveman she thinks I am. But we’re at work, and somehow I manage to kiss the tip of her nose instead. “I’ll see you tonight?”

  She nods, a shy smile spreading across her face.

  Hell yes, I’m thinking about spending the night with Hayden, tangled in her arms. But I also want the simple pleasure of being with her. If I’m with her, I’m happy. And I’ve never had anything genuine that makes me happy, until Hayden. Everything else in my life has had strings attached.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Hayden

  Mira pops her head in my door. “Risk management meeting in five.”

  “I’m on it,” I say as I finish typing out an email. A weight lifted the moment I decided to listen to my heart and trust Adam. I’m still not sure where that leaves us. I won’t drop this Bliss thing, but I will give him time, like he asked. He’s right. He’s given me no reason to doubt him, so I won’t.

  I thought things were over this weekend. I panicked when he said he couldn’t talk to me about the Bliss suites, but I can have faith in Adam, even if I don’t trust Blackwell and the others. The two are not entwined. Adam isn’t one of the Blue Stars.

  I make it to the risk management meeting, and not five minutes in, Eve enters the small room we use for training, her sleeveless knit blouse two sizes too small in the bust. “Hayden, there’s an all-managers meeting in the conference room.”

  I glance at Mira. She knows the training material as well as I do, but she’s still new at presenting.

  “Go,” she says. “I’ve got this.”

  No time like the pres
ent for Mira to take on a new leadership task. I nod and collect my things, then follow Eve out.

  Eve is holding a stack of folders. Her Blue signet ring—slightly more refined than the men’s version—flashes in the light of the art deco wall sconce. She is the only female Blue Star, and I’ve often wondered why they chose her. I think it’s because she has no scruples.

  In my short tenure at Blue, I’ve seen people fired for making the mistake of confiding in Eve. Mentioning displeasure over Blackwell, or any of the Blue Stars, is a firing offense, though a different reason is always given. Which is why I’ve rarely said two words to her, and say nothing now as we make our way to the conference room.

  Once inside, Eve heads straight to the seat next to Blackwell, but I pause at the entrance. Everyone is present. Catering even set up a food table, which is typically only done when there’s a celebration or special event.

  One more thing Blackwell hasn’t informed me about?

  Adam is in his usual spot at the end of the conference table. He sends me a private smile, and I make my way over. The spot next to him is empty and I take it, sensing the heat of his body as soon as I sit.

  “Thank you for coming today,” Blackwell says, getting the meeting started, but I barely notice. Because Adam shifts, his leg pressed against mine.

  All I’ve thought about since he left my office a few hours ago is being with him tonight. I worried that Adam would run at any small problem we encountered. He admitted he’s the first to leave when a relationship gets rocky. But our disagreement over the Bliss suites is a big issue, and he didn’t run. He came to me today to work things out. Blue is still a problem, but he’s right—separating isn’t the solution.

  His warm hand squeezes my waist below the table and I smile.

  “—proud to include Adam Cade among the Blue Stars.”

  My head snaps up. What did Blackwell just say?

  Adam’s hand freezes against my waist, then moves slowly away, taking all the warmth along with it.

  I stare at Blackwell’s smiling face. “Adam?” Blackwell says. “Will you stand?” He holds up a black box.

  Adam rises beside me and buttons the top button of his suit jacket, his jaw stiff. He doesn’t look my way before striding to the end of the table. With each step he takes, I feel our worlds growing farther apart.

  Don’t do it.

  Adam shakes Blackwell’s hand. “Thank you. It’s a privilege and an honor to be considered a Blue Star. I won’t take it for granted.”

  My jaw unhinges.

  Adam removes the ring from the box and slides it on his ring finger, the cobalt of the gemstone catching the light the way Eve’s did moments ago in the hallway. My stomach hitches and the room spins. I feel like I’m going to be sick.

  I believed him, even if I didn’t know everything going on. I believed Adam wouldn’t support Blackwell all the way. But this is about as supportive as one can get. Adam has become a Blue Star.

  Maybe he has no choice?

  But doesn’t he? Aren’t we all the makers of our own destiny?

  Adam is allowing this to happen. He’s giving in to Blackwell’s demands, doing what the boss says to keep his job, just like he told me to do the last time we found ourselves in this conference room and I wanted to speak out after Blackwell handed off my work to William.

  The noise volume in the room increases as people stand and head for food, or to congratulate Adam. In celebration.

  I move in a daze to the door and slip out. Adam said to give him time, but he only seems to be getting closer to Blackwell. If he’s with Blackwell, he can’t be with me. And I don’t know where that leaves us.

  Because I still love him.

  * * *

  Adam left a note at my place last night. We had plans to get together, but after the meeting I freaked the hell out and went to Zach and Nessa’s instead.

  Then the entire gang showed up.

  Mira was appalled on my behalf, but the guys were quiet. To them, Adam is a brother, and in some weird way, I feel like I betrayed him just by relating the story. He’s my boyfriend, or he was. I don’t know what we are anymore. These last few days have been a rollercoaster. How could something so magical in its normalcy, like churros in cocktail wear and heated kisses on the kitchen counter, go so horribly wrong?

  I pull a sweatshirt over my head and pad into the kitchen in my bare feet. I called in sick today and worked from home. It’s a chickenshit maneuver, but I can’t see Adam. I need to be strong, and all my defenses disappear when I’m around him.

  I didn’t want Adam involved with Blackwell, but in some small way I could deal as long as he wasn’t a Blue Star—that mercurial barrier marking his transition to the dark side. If Bliss turns out to be what I think it is, I’ll have to turn Adam in to the police along with the rest of the Blue Stars…

  I hunch over and hold my stomach, fighting the ache. “Shit.” The notion of getting Adam caught physically hurts me, but I can’t run from what’s right. Not this time.

  The front door opens and I jump, still clutching my stomach.

  Adam walks in, his eyes trained on me. His eyebrows pull together and he closes the door behind him. “Are you okay? You weren’t at work.”

  “Don’t you knock?” I swallow my heart, which leapt into my throat the moment he entered the house.

  “You should lock your doors.” His gaze takes in my face, then drops to my body, which is layered in a sweatshirt and tank top with no bra, and sleep shorts. Yeah, I’m looking good. It doesn’t stop him from walking toward me. “Are you sick?”

  I step back and bump into the counter. “I needed a day off.”

  This is impossible. I can’t be near him. Already I want to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him close. What’s wrong with me?

  He takes off his suit jacket, folds it, and places it over the back of the couch. He steps closer and drops his keys on the counter. “You haven’t returned my calls.”

  “Are you going to break up with me?” I don’t know why I say it. I’m pretty sure we broke up, but I honestly can’t keep track with the back and forth these last few days. And I need to know where we stand. Because I can’t see a happy future without the man I never thought in a million years I would fall in love with, yet I might have to.

  Adam puts his hands on the counter on either side of my hips, his head just above mine. “Why would I do a stupid thing like that?”

  “Because your friends say you always break up with girls before they break up with you.” And I need for him to stick to that behavior. I broke up with him once. I’m not strong enough to push him away again.

  “If you recall, I haven’t had a girlfriend in a while. There’s a reason for that.”

  I blink back tears, because dammit, having him close is brutal. I want to press my face to his chest and kiss him. And smell his neck. But I feel like I’m betraying people—or myself. Or him? Darn it. I don’t know. “What reason?”

  “I see my future with you. So, no, Hayden, I’m not breaking up with you. That’s the last thing I’ll do.”

  I glance up, and the freaking tears come back. I can’t help it: I press my head to his chest and his arms come immediately around me. “I’m so mad at you.”

  “I know. But I need you to trust me.”

  I reach for his hand, the one wearing the ring, and hold it up. “How can I trust you when you’re keeping this from me? What if I make a choice that tears us apart? Do you have any idea how complicated you’ve made everything by becoming a Blue Star?”

  His arms tense around me. “Hayden, for the love of God, please don’t get involved. I know you think what you’re doing is right, but you don’t understand the half of it.” He steps back and scrubs a hand down his face. “It’s dangerous. I’m not telling you about Bliss, because the more you know, the more dangerous it is for you. I don’t trust Paul or Blackwell, and I worry about what Blackwell is capable of.”

  “Then why are you supporting him?”


  He doesn’t answer, head tipped down.

  “Well, I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.”

  His head whips up. “Like you did in high school?”

  I suck in a breath, my face heating.

  His gaze wanders to the side, as though he can’t believe he said it either. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” He grabs my hand. “I’m trying to make a point, not make you feel bad about the past. I will tell you everything I know as soon as it’s safe.”

  “How can I trust you?”

  He lifts the hand I’m holding—the one with the Blue Star ring—and kisses my knuckles. “You can kick my ass if I do anything to hurt you.”

  “I won’t wait to kick your ass—I’ll simply leave you.”

  A flash of fear crosses his eyes, and he swallows. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

  “Where?”

  “Someplace special.” I glance at my sweatshirt and sleep shorts, and he does too. “You can wear what you have on. Well—maybe throw on pants, or sweats. Something warm. We’ll be outside.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Adam drives up a long, winding road through the forest. We’re on a slope of the mountain that faces the lake from a southeastern vantage point. He pulls off to the side and kills the engine. The area is pitch-dark, the only light coming from the stars and crescent moon overhead.

  I step out of the car, and Adam turns on a flashlight. “Whose property is this?”

  “Levi’s. He lives in the house we passed.”

  Adam pulls a blanket from the trunk and leads the way to a tent in front of a fire pit.

  I peek inside the half-dome tent. “There’s an air mattress. What does your brother do out here?”

  Adam sets out the blanket and grins. “Dirty girl. Not what you’re thinking—or, at least, I don’t think so. I don’t want to know. My brothers and I come out for campfires, and Levi uses the place to mellow under the stars.”

  “Will it bother him that we’re here?”

  “Nope. I use it all the time. I texted Levi to let him know.”