Murph came back inside when they were gone, finding me in the kitchen with a new beer. “Yo, she was livid.” He laughed lightly.
“Celia? Yeah, guess she has a right to be.”
“No, your sister was the one who was pissed. Celia only looked … I don’t know. Numb. Maybe she was just cold.”
Somehow I doubted that.
10
______________
Caleb
-now-
Murph’s parents’ house still looked the same. Standard country two-story in a spread out suburban development with HOA community landscaping and perfectly manicured front lawns. Cookie-cutter. There was nothing wrong with it, but they all looked the same. Felt the same.
As Celia’s Civic coasted in along the curb behind my truck, I kept my eyes on the house and thought about the girls I’d dated. Like the houses, they were all pretty. Well-constructed. Well-maintained. And all the same. Like the furniture my dad and I made, too. Similar. Standard. None like the pieces I crafted myself, the unique designs I wanted our company to expand with. Different.
Maybe the houses felt different to each owner, but as I stared at them, I only saw their likeness. They were never truly my type. All of them. They had never been the one I wanted, the one I gave up so I wouldn’t hold her back. At least, that was what Mer had told me would happen, and I’d foolishly believed her.
Finally turning to look at Celia, I knew now I wouldn’t have held her back. She seemed as reserved as ever—staying near State College, holding the same job, same car. She was still comfortable, true to herself, and still more beautiful and unique than anything cookie-cutter.
“Sorry I’m late.” She moved around the front end of her car, gathering her long hair and sliding it onto one shoulder. Jean shorts with a pink linen T-shirt was what she’d chosen to wear. The temperature seemed to rise in the time she’d exited her car, and I suddenly wished I’d worn shorts too.
“I had to charge my camera this morning. It’s been a while since I’ve used it.” Her eyes cut over to me as she shouldered the camera bag.
“No problem.” I snapped out of my trance. “Are you feeling better?”
“Oh, yes, much. Thanks.” Her focus shifted to the house set far back behind me. “We aren’t asking to go into the backyard, right?”
I laughed. “Not a chance.”
Her full giggle rocked through my entire body. Shit. It had been so long since I’d heard the sweet sound. The previous day she had let a little one slip at the high school, but this one wasn’t as stifled as that had been. And it fucked me right up.
“Yeah, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“No, probably not.” I twisted the urn inside my hands, finding comfort with the movement.
There were so many things I wanted to say to her, so many things besides the lame ass apology I’d rattled off the previous day. She wasn’t happy with me, wanted this all over with as fast as possible, and I couldn’t blame her for that. So I had to be cautious because somewhere inside I knew I couldn’t let her go. Not this time. Now that I’d lost Mer, losing Celia again would be unbearable.
When the silence stretched a bit too long, I said, “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
“Thank you.”
“Are you ready to start then?”
“Yes. I’ll keep using the GoPro, but I thought I’d use my camera for some stills if you don’t mind. In case the production people are interested.”
“I’m sure they’d like to have extras.” I wanted to add “especially your pictures,” but the words got caught up in my throat and I bailed out like a bitch.
She unpacked the GoPro and checked the settings. “Okay, I’m ready when you are.” Her hand lifted.
“Hey. Today we’re at a friend’s house where two tasks from the list were checked off.”
I continued on about the party, covering what was pertinent and trying my best to avoid anything that would hurt Celia’s feelings. Though, merely being here likely drudged up the bad with the good.
The street was mostly dead until a blue car drove by. And then a few neighbors stalked us, using their dogs as an excuse to linger along the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street, stopping and staring.
“The neighborhood watch seem ready for a Sunday morning brawl. Mer planned this when she wrote her final request. She knew. Oh, she knew,” I said to the camera, turning my head, waiting for the cops to show. “Okay, Celia. Are you ready to run because I think as soon as I dump some of these ashes we might be accosted by the guy in the windbreaker and his judgy poodle.”
Celia’s body started to shake as she held in her laugh. I bit my lips watching her mouth do the same behind the GoPro. She nodded.
And that was when a siren squawked somewhere in the distance.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Shit. Okay, people, the party story is over. Time to go!” I twisted the lid and dumped some of Mer onto the edge of the front lawn, trying not to think of how jacked up it all was—leaving behind some of my sister to be blown away by a stoned lawn care specialist’s leaf blower or be pissed on by an impeccably groomed fancy poodle with a bow tie collar and a monogrammed leash.
“Oh my God!” Celia yelled, sprinting around her car. “The Giant Center in Hershey is next, right? I’ll meet you there.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the situation, shaking my head before taking off down the road. Ridiculous.
Almost an hour later, I pulled into the stadium parking lot and killed my engine. It wasn’t long before her car rolled up.
“That was interesting,” I said as soon as she stepped out.
“You can say that again. Maybe visiting the backyard would have been better after all.”
“Yeah, maybe. Did you see that rent-a-cop pass by when we left the development?”
“Yes! There’s no way we can drive our vehicles there again. He probably grabbed our plate numbers and put out a neighborhood watch BOLO.”
“No more parties for us. If they weren’t inside, Murph’s parents are going to come home to one helluva story.”
She giggled and adjusted the strap of her camera bag. “They still live there then?”
“Think so. He left town a while back but visited last year sometime. Stopped into the shop to say what’s up.”
“Nice.” Her smile drifted away, and her eyes did too, glazing over as if she were revisiting the past.
“I suppose we should get to it.” I turned and stared at the arena. There were no events happening midday on a Sunday, but surprisingly the box office looked to be open, possibly for an event later in the evening. “This one’s yours.” When her eyes snapped up to mine, the glaze from the past had been cleared away by terror, so I added, “I wasn’t here. It’s not my story to tell. Your turn to do the honors.”
“I … um.”
“You can do it,” I encouraged, stepping closer. “Personally, I don’t like the idea of leaving her on the concrete. So maybe one of the tree areas beside the main entrance?”
“I agree. Much better than a sidewalk or an oil-stained parking spot.”
I nodded then reached out for the camera bag and extended the urn.
After a visible deep breath, she traded out with me and stared at the urn for a few moments. “Okay. I think I’m ready.”
We crossed the road that bordered the arena and stepped into the larger area of trees and small shrubs. Shady. Quiet. I refused to think about all the ways drunk concertgoers could have defiled the space.
“You okay there?” I asked, and when she nodded, I hit the button to record.
“Hi, I’m Celia Simmons. Mer and I were best friends and created this senior year bucket list together, wanting to make our final year of high school special. It was good that we did since we spent much less time together after graduation. Life, right?” She smiled sadly and closed her eyes for a few moments. “So we’re at the Giant Center in Hershey because one of the tasks on the list was going to a concert. Caleb wasn’t
with us, so that’s why I’m stepping in for this one. Not many bands were scheduled to play here during the winter, but we found out that Trans-Siberian Orchestra was and thought it would be a great way to kick off the holiday season. The night was … chaos. Which you know meant Mer loved it. And I loved it too. Freaked out for most of it but loved it. Whatever could go wrong practically did.”
As she laughed and started to relax, getting more into the story, I realized I was smiling. Seeing a little more of that wall between us crumble was indescribable.
“So basically,” she continued, “we had to push her car out of the snowy ditch, where Mer ended up losing a shoe. We were late, wet, muddy, and cold, but we miraculously found the tickets. It was a great night. Another one I’ll never forget.”
I was so focused on her I didn’t realize she’d gone silent again staring at the urn with a look of love. Not wanting to ruin the moment, I did nothing to disrupt her.
After a minute, she glanced up at me. The corner of her lips pulled up a bit. “Sorry. Got stuck there. I guess it’s time to leave a little of her behind. I’m sure she’s glad it’s not snowing.” She unscrewed the urn and tilted it over. Except the weight was misleading …
All at once Mer’s ashes fell out, a big heap creating a tiny white poof as it plopped to the ground.
“Oh shit!” Celia and I both said—her grasping at the urn, trying not to drop the entire thing as I rushed forward, GoPro gripped tightly and swinging with the rhythm of my stride.
A laugh burst from me as I dropped down to my knees with Celia.
“No, no, no,” she murmured. “Oh, God. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Her eyes were huge and welling up.
I continued to laugh. I couldn’t help it.
“Caleb! Please help me. I can’t believe you’re laughing. Please!” she begged, setting the urn down and scooping her hands over the grass to contain the ashes.
Although I had an urge to take hold of her face, connect our eyes and calm her, I followed her lead instead, setting the GoPro down and digging in, only able to think of how characteristically messed the situation was. “This is … perfect.”
Her face tipped up so close to mine as I continued to laugh and funnel ashes into the urn. Her stare was intense, focused on my complete lack of anger or sadness. And then she cracked. A giggle she couldn’t stop broke free.
The shock stopped me for a moment, and I watched her dig back into the ashes, dragging her hands together as more giggles gradually turned into a full laugh.
“Perfect? This is horrible!” she said through the laughs, shaking her head emphatically, her loose hair falling in front of her face with the jerky movement, light brown ends skimming the grass below.
“No, it’s far from horrible. It’s ridiculously perfect for something Mer would be involved in. You know as well as I do that she’d be laughing with us if she were here. Hell, she’d be crazy enough to have tossed some into the air herself. So don’t be upset, okay?”
As her laugh died, she nodded to the ground. “All right. I just feel so bad.”
“No reason to. Look,” I said, scooping what was left of the ash into my hand and picking bits of grass out before tipping the remainder into the urn. “We got most. See? There’s a good amount there.” I rubbed a hand over the grass to disperse what was no longer scoopable. “I know what we can do. Let’s look at the list, for something you haven’t done yet that you need to do. You can do it here and that’ll even things out.” I laughed again.
Her shoulders shook with her own little chuckle then she wiped her palms along the grass to clear them. “What is on there that I can possibly do here? I can’t remember. Most I still have to complete are the big ones, like the cliff and the water tower.”
I capped the urn then wiped my own hands clear before reaching into my back pocket and grabbing the notebook. “Let’s take a look.”
11
______________
Celia
-now-
“Is that one really the only option?” I crossed my arms over my chest as Caleb looked over the list again.
I’d just made a complete ass of myself, dumping Mer all over the ground. It wasn’t going well. If that blunder wasn’t edited out of the video, I’d be even more mortified. Wasting time thinking about that wouldn’t help right now, though. Right now, I had an opportunity to rectify my overabundant ash distribution by completing one of the tasks I had yet to do—like Mer wanted me to.
“I almost forgot,” I murmured, more to myself than to him. “She did it the same week we’d made the list. It was the very first task she did. But I—”
“Refused, if I remember correctly,” Caleb said, smirking devilishly.
“Not exactly. We knew most of the people we were around. But yeah, kissing some rando at work or on the street wasn’t all that appealing.” I bit down on my lower lip, recalling a few times in college when I’d been at a party and done precisely that. I was older, not quite sober, and … wasn’t bringing any of that up to Caleb.
“Well, now you gotta. It’s what she wanted. It’s all right to hate her a little bit,” he added. “I know I’ve been pissed at her lately.”
“I could never hate her. It feels wrong to say anything bad about the dead.”
“Just because someone died doesn’t mean we have to turn off all negative emotion. I loved her, but I also hate some of the things she did, the choices she made, the choices she made for others, like this.” He held the urn out. “I wasn’t thrilled about it.”
“Really?” My mind instantly churned up reasons he’d feel that way, namely having to be around me again.
“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do these things. After what happened, I didn’t feel the greatest having to ask you to do them with me.”
“Right. I was a bit hesitant,” I admitted, pushing my hair back over my shoulders. “But I couldn’t say no to her last request. I owe her so much, and we didn’t see each other enough … we both should have made more time.”
“I know what you mean,” he replied, tucking his free hand into the front pocket of his jeans.
With his face tipped down, chin nearly touching his chest, his eyes peered at me with a look I wasn’t prepared for, one that seemed to collect all my emotion and offer up sanctuary. He wasn’t flirting, but he’d never really had to, with me or anyone. A single glance or smile stirred everything up inside. And he’d always been so easy to connect with despite his relentless teasing. I’d ignored those feelings for so long during senior year, fought myself until everything snapped together in a surge nearing hysteria. So even though he was damn fine and difficult to resist, the bottom line was that I knew resistance was possible. Especially when I didn’t have to spend too much time with him.
Ugh. With that reminder of our goal to get the tasks finished efficiently, I glanced around, knowing I’d have to kiss a stranger. The parking lot to the arena was relatively empty, but some people were moving to and from the box office.
“Okay. I’ll do this—”
“Great.”
“But you have to do it too,” I continued. “Didn’t she say we both had to?”
Caleb rolled his eyes. “I don’t believe that was her exact request. She only said you needed to complete the things you hadn’t done.”
“Oh. Well, I think you need to do them too. For the sake of the video. I’m sure her followers would want us both to do them.”
He gritted his teeth, his strong jaw working its muscles as he contemplated. “Fine. I’ll do it.” He shook his head, breathing out an amused laugh. “Let’s get this over with.”
I immediately felt better. At least I didn’t have to be filmed doing it alone.
We started toward the box office. Feeling the urge to capture a few moments in still form, I pulled out my camera. The light was lovely, with the sun beginning its early afternoon arc in the sky. Short shadows good for composition. Intentional sun flare possibilities.
Caleb eyed a few people as they lef
t the box office area, and I snapped a few shots of him, awed all over again by how photogenic he was.
“How are we doing this? You want to pick your own person?”
I dropped the camera from my face. “Of course. What? You think I’d let you pick someone for me?”
“No,” he said with a laugh. “It’s just … shit, this would be a helluva lot easier if we were at a bar or something. Thanks for spilling a little too much Mer in broad daylight.”
I gaped. “Low. That’s so low. And I’m sure you’ll have no trouble finding a woman out here as willing as one inside a bar.” I’d bet on it. I also wasn’t exactly thrilled to see it happen. Suddenly, I felt even sorrier for his girlfriend and cringed.
“You want me to go first then?”
“Yes, please do,” I agreed with a smirk, watching an older couple finish up at the box office window.
I grabbed the GoPro from him and started filming.
He turned around, then spun back to me as soon as he noticed what was on the menu. His eyes got wide, and I couldn’t help but giggle. He scowled then turned around again.
The balding man wore a short sleeve button-down tucked into a pair of tan khakis while his spiky-haired wife rocked a peach Adidas tracksuit. Both looked at Caleb suspiciously as he approached. I closed in from behind, not wanting to miss any of the exchange.
“Hi! I was wondering if I can ask something of you really quick. See, my sister recently passed away and left a request that my friend and I check off some things from a bucket list we made a few years ago.”
They stared at him, waiting for the question.
Caleb cleared his throat and tried his best to not seem menacing with his taller stature. “Well, one of the tasks is to kiss a stranger.”
“Come again?” the gentleman asked.
“Oh, you heard him well enough, Frank,” the woman said, glaring over at me. “And they’re filming it. Is this the world we live in now? Degenerates.” She yanked on her husband, pulling him down the walkway while casting looks back toward us to make sure we weren’t going to mug them or something.
Senior Year Bucket List Page 7