“You always did have a strong connection with that piece of your heritage. And trees, of course. Is that your only one?”
He nodded.
“I guess I’ll be getting my first soon enough. I also need to lie out and spend more time in the gym apparently.” I looked down at my belly pooch and doughy office muscles.
“No chance. You couldn’t be more perfect,” he said, those eyes boring their heat into me again. After a few quick blinks, he handed over the GoPro and a towel, slinging his own over a shoulder. “I don’t want to take the urn to the top.” He reached into the cabin and looked around for a moment then reemerged and locked up. After unscrewing the urn, he unfolded a tissue in his hand and poured some of Mer’s ashes into it. “She’s going to jump again with us.”
My heart felt fuller than it had in so long as I watched him hold the small pile, twist the tissue to secure it, then close his fist tightly.
We dropped our towels at the edge of the cliff alongside the sandy area. Some people were hanging out there. A few more floated in the water.
With the GoPro recording the climb and the view, I pointed toward the lodge. “Check it out.”
The building was lovely to look at. Behind the second floor deck, a wall of windows stretched to the cathedral roof and down to the first deck too. It had to be open inside. Maybe a lobby or even a dining space. There was no seeing past the sun’s reflection to know for sure. Smaller windows lined the other sides on both floors, obviously rooms. A few tiny cabins sat farther beyond, tucked into the surrounding trees and mimicking the look of the lodge.
Laughter traveled down from above. There were others up top.
Caleb crested the last section and turned to offer me his free hand. I felt as if I’d stepped right into the past. He grinned, knowing exactly what he was doing.
“Smooth.”
“I know.”
“Yo!” Teens were standing on the flat of Eagle’s Nest—two guys, two girls—watching us. One of the guys had given the greeting.
Caleb tilted his chin. “Hey, man.” He released my hand, and I moved around the space, filming the view from the top and over the edge.
“Y’all filming for a vlog?” the same guy asked.
“Wait!” A girl in a purple one-piece spoke up, pointing a finger. “Do I know you from—Oh! You were on the video about the Adventure Life chick, right?”
Crap. Caleb started to shake his head, ready to deny it, but the others joined in with their own recognition.
And the two girls … well, their eyes were practically popping from their heads as they stared at him.
I gritted my teeth and swung the GoPro around, calming my breaths. He wasn’t technically mine. And if they were eighteen … he was twenty-two. Not a huge difference. My heart pounded wild and angry at the thought.
“We kinda hoped to have some privacy up here for this,” Caleb said, glancing down at his closed hand. “You all staying up here or jumping?”
When I spun around, I caught the two guys eyeing me. Oh. I looked over at Caleb again and noticed his jaw clench. Well, all of this was interesting and a little awkward.
“We’re jumping, yeah. You want to record us?”
“Sure, if you’re agreeing to be filmed,” Caleb agreed. “Just don’t die. You eighteen?”
The girls answered first, both squeaking out a “Yes” followed by the specifics of their actual birthdays.
Caleb didn’t respond only waited for the guys to admit the same then walked over behind me, brushing my hair over my shoulder, fingertips skimming my skin as light as a feather. “Okay, she’ll film your jumps. Go for it.”
“All right. Bet.” The first took a few steps back then ran for the edge. I tracked his launch and then his entry. The girls went next, holding hands with a small jump, squealing all the way down. The last guy sprinted the few yards to the edge and dove straight out before tucking into a flip.
“Wow,” I murmured.
“Showoff,” Caleb said right next to my ear.
“You jealous of his skills? Really? He’s probably here every weekend.”
“No. Only jealous that he had your attention at all.”
I turned, letting the camera fall to my side. “I’m not sure if I can do this.” It all had hit me suddenly. I didn’t just mean the jump, and he knew it. My life was simple. At least it had been up until Mer’s wake. Everything had changed again in a rush. Now I was worried about him, about other girls around him, about where we both lived, the distance.
“You told me the fall didn’t scare you, only the crash. I’m here. I’m not going away.”
I cringed, thinking about how he hadn’t been there that one night years before. He’d disappeared. “How can I believe that when you never told me why you weren’t there? I never got a reason, Caleb. I want to forgive you, badly, but I can’t help feeling this way. It hurt. You hurt me. Worse than anyone ever had.”
“Celia,” he said, palming my cheeks and lifting my face gently. His thumb brushed under my eyes, wiping my frustrated tears away. Dammit. “There was so much I couldn’t say then. So much happening with me, too. With school, work, and football. Preparing for my own senior year. I was stupid and angry, and I chose to listen to someone instead of deciding myself.”
“What are you talking about?”
He shook his head the slightest bit and licked his lips. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to—”
“Nope, don’t you dare back out of this. I deserve to know.”
“I made the choice. It was my choice. But. Shit. Mer knew how close we were getting and she was worried that I would hold you back.”
“What? That’s ridiculous.”
He inhaled deeply and released a long breath. “She told me that if we stayed together, you would’ve come home every weekend when fall semester started, you would’ve been back here with me instead of experiencing the college life. She said she loved you too much to let that happen, said that you needed to get away as much as she did.”
“I … that’s …”
“I made a mistake. It’s one I regretted that very same night, and ever since.”
“I thought you didn’t want me. That maybe you were laughing at me. Like I’d been some joke to mess with one final time.”
“No, never. Shit, I really should have told you. Even months later, I should have. But I knew you hated me after that, and I couldn’t bring myself to approach you again, to tell you the truth—that I am an ass, one who thought he was doing the right thing at the time.” His face dipped farther, pressing his forehead to mine. “I was so wrong.”
“If that was the case, then it was my choice to make. Not Mer’s. Not yours. Mine.” I pulled away and crossed my arms over my chest even though I was already struggling for a decent breath of air. I’d been so wrong about it all.
“I should have let you make it, and I understand if you can’t forgive me for that. But if you give me another chance to make it right, make it up to you, I’ll take whatever punishment you see fit, no question. Want to call me an ass every day, forever? Sure. Stare relentlessly at me with those deadly eyes? Okay. Blind me with your bright skin? I’ll take any and all of it.”
Closing my eyes, I drew in a calm breath. I’d been upset by it all for so long that it felt good to know an actual reason, the entire truth, and to feel like I could finally let it all go. Perhaps I would still mourn the time that we could have had together, but I needed to focus on the future and starting a new routine, one that allowed breaks in my linear path.
I opened my eyes to his light browns, a mix of worry and wonder stirring inside them as they watched me attentively.
“I’m ready for the fall.”
17
______________
Caleb
-now-
“Thank fuck.”
She laughed sweetly.
“Shit. I said that out loud, huh?” I asked, and she nodded while biting her lower lip. “Well, I’m relieved. So damn relieved.
I’m not sure what I would have done if you shot me down again up here. Jumped off and left like the last time, I suppose. Go home, ground myself since no one else will, eat a half-gallon of rocky road—”
“You did not,” she said, eyes wide.
“Oh, yes, I did. My mom was more pissed about that than ditch day. I can still hear her yelling, and I quote, ‘Dammit, Caleb! There better be a new one in the freezer tomorrow.’”
“That’s her favorite, right? I’m surprised you lived.”
“Barely.” And it felt close to the truth, only not by my mom’s hand. My heart had almost given up.
“You never told me. Even when we got together, you never told me that you’d felt so … strongly.”
“I had to guard myself a little, Tarsier,” I admitted, breaking out her nickname now, feeling closer than ever. Man, did it feel good. “You crushed me so many times. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. I was crazy for you, probably even bordered the wack job line, though I never crossed it. Don’t get me wrong, I thought about it, thought about all the things I wanted with you, so many things.”
Her fingertips were soft as they reached up and trailed along my jaw and cheek. “I thought about you, too. So much.” She pushed up onto her toes, beckoned my face down, then pressed her lips to mine, propping the GoPro onto my shoulder.
I snaked my arms around her back, splaying my empty hand across her smooth skin then down to the top edge of her bikini bottom, holding her closer. It was real. All of it. Though I had a difficult time convincing myself. It felt as if I’d imagined it all since the night before, since I’d kissed her at the water tower in the thick of the storm. I had to lift her body to mine then, afraid she’d disappear like she had so many times in my dreams.
“Yo!” a shout in the distance brought my mind back to the present. That dude was calling from down below somewhere.
Even though I didn’t want to stop kissing Celia, I realized that we still had a task to complete. The reason we were standing fifty feet above the quarry water.
“Mmm,” she hummed against my lips when I started to pull away.
“Yeah,” I whispered, agreeing with how good it felt. “More later. Way more. You will have to tell me to stop kissing these lips.”
“I doubt I’ll ever tell you that.” She eased away from me, moved to the cliff edge, and held out the GoPro, checking the settings.
When I stepped to her side, I saw the guy and his friends near the start of the climbing path, out of the water. They were waiting to see us jump.
“Crap, I didn’t hit stop,” Celia said, eyes still on the tiny camera screen. “All of that recorded.”
“Huh. That should make for some interesting editing. We can do it ourselves later if you want.”
“Yeah, that’s probably best. Are you ready?”
“Yes, let’s do this.” When she waved her hand, I started talking.
The goofy smile I was sportin’ refused to leave my face. As much as I tried to focus on the reason we were here and the intrinsic sadness death brought, and the fact that our previous footage had been more on the somber side, there was no denying that this task was going to be wildly different. Mainly because jumping from a cliff was straight up fun. And also, I was happy, and there was no way I could dim that shit. So instead, I embraced it, explaining not only the tasks that had been completed here back in high school and what Celia needed to do today, but also telling Mer’s followers how excited she would have been to be here again, and how being happy and living life was what she would have wanted. They didn’t need to know that my happiness had to do with Celia. What counted was that I knew Mer would be excited for this moment, seeing us together again, celebrating her together.
“So we’re going to jump, and she’ll join us,” I said, holding up a tissue then joking, “I can practically hear her yelling at me now about this tissue, though. She probably would have demanded a confetti cannon or something, even with the jump.” Celia laughed, tilting the GoPro up and down, nodding in agreement. “Celia, do you want to hold Mer or the camera?”
“It might be best for you to hold the GoPro because I might drop it in the water.”
I switched out with her. After taking the camera, I opened the tissue and settled the ashes into her palm, then tucked the tissue into my pocket. Knowing she was nervous, I closed her fingers around the ashes and looked right into her eyes. “You want to go together?”
“Yes, please.”
“Okay.” I dropped the GoPro to my side for a moment and kissed her, hoping it would help calm her. Snagging her free hand, I threaded our fingers and backed away from her lips. “Let’s do it. I’ll have to let go after we jump to be safe. Look straight so you don’t lean forward or backward. And keep your legs together before going in.”
As we stepped up to the edge, her hand shook and her toes wiggled against the rocky lip.
“On three?” I asked, and she nodded. I held out the GoPro facing us and squeezed her hand in mine. “One. Two. Three!”
We leapt forward. Letting go of her hand, I spun and angled the camera toward her. She screamed and opened her hand to the sky, releasing Mer. There were a few cheers following our fall, meeting us from below as we plunged into the cold water.
I kicked and broke through the surface as fast as I could, swimming for where Celia had landed. She burst through right after, gasping a breath before revealing a huge smile with a laugh that put my favorite things in life to shame. Tacos. Sleeping in on the weekends. Working a fresh piece of cedar on a lathe. Maybe even … nope, not sex. But it was damn close.
“That was incredible!” she said, wiping the water from her face with one hand as the other continued to tread below the surface.
More cheering came from the little strip of sand. The group that had jumped before us waved then disappeared into the parking area.
“Come here.” Wrapping my free arm around her back, I took her lips with mine. Our legs worked below, keeping us afloat while we moved together, our tongues swirling sweetly. I moaned as energy and excitement coursed through me, desire building with each stroke of her tongue, each slide of her skin against mine. Recalling the GoPro, I broke away and switched it off. “You did amazing.”
“Did I?” she asked. “I probably had the most horrific look on my face. I was so afraid I’d close my eyes, I purposely opened them wider.”
The thought of how she looked, how she felt against me—it all made one more thing stir below the surface. “You were … hideous,” I said as seriously as I could while trying my best to keep my thoughts in check, which was damn hard to do. “I mean, the smile on your face alone was repulsive. And don’t get me started on your eyes. The excitement in them made me a little nauseous.”
Her hand darted out, splashing me in the face.
And the battle was on.
She saw the intent in my delighted expression, twisted around with a little scream, and swam furiously toward the edge of the water by the parking area. I gave chase, struggling to catch her with the GoPro in hand. But when I did, a second before she reached the water’s edge, I spun her around, slipped my arms beneath hers, and grabbed hold of the rocky ledge to support us both. For a moment, I remained still, allowing our rushed breaths to mingle while staring into her wild, exhilarated eyes. Fuck. The moment should have happened so long ago. There was no reason to think about that, though. She was with me, here and now, ready to move forward with a kiss, and maybe so much more.
I kissed her. I kissed the ever-loving shit out of her. Not willing to waste a single second. I was truthful when I’d said she would have to tell me to stop kissing her. I wanted to keep going forever.
After many more chases, plenty of kisses, and even one more jump from Eagle’s Nest, we finally left the water. The sun had dipped behind the treetops, the air cooling in its absence. I dropped my tailgate and grabbed the cooler, breaking out the water bottles and the food I’d packed.
“Wow. I’m impressed,” Celia said, unwrapp
ing her pb&j. She took a big bite then tipped her face to soak in the final rays of sunlight.
“Hey, now,” I mumbled around my bite before swallowing. “Don’t be hating on pb&j. It knows it’s not the cheese and champagne picnic you and this day deserve, but it’ll do its best to be good fuel for our bodies.”
She licked some peanut butter from her finger, her tongue making a slow stroke before taking the tip into her mouth fully. Fuck me. The sight was even more erotic because it was unintentional. I swallowed thickly. Her eyes caught my stare, and she flashed a tiny smile. “Aw. I love pb&j. I just thought I’d grab something on the way home. But thank you for this. It is hitting the spot right now.”
“You know …” I hopped down from the tailgate and moved to the cab, snatching the notebook and flipping it open when I got to her. “There are more tasks we need to do.” I popped a few grapes into my mouth, waiting for a reaction.
“Yeah?” Her eyes narrowed.
“Stay with me tonight?” I slid my hand over her thigh and squeezed lightly.
“What?” she asked with a laugh. “Stay? It’s Sunday night. I have to work tomorrow. We can do more next weekend.”
“I know, but hear me out. We can check off a few more things here and now. Sleep under the stars. Watch the sunrise.”
“So you want to stay out here tonight?”
“Yes.”
“We don’t have a tent or any gear.”
“That’s what makes spontaneity fun, Tarsier.” I winked at her, and she pursed her lips. “Okay, I get it. The idea might be a little too thin on details and enticements. Hang on a minute.” I was off at a sprint but hadn’t thought it through. Because while I had my wallet in my pocket, my feet were still very bare.
She called after me, “Caleb! Where are you—” And then she started laughing as I hopped from one foot to the other, my run faltering as the rocks beneath my soles dug into my tender skin like tiny battle swords.
“Ow. Shit. Fuck. Damn. Ooh. Ow.” I kept jogging, though, making my way up to the lodge. I paid no attention to the entry or the decor. I only wanted one thing. Okay, actually a few things. Soft and fluffy and comfy things. And maybe some fucking Band-Aids.
Senior Year Bucket List Page 12