Senior Year Bucket List

by Miller, J. M.

  “Right,” I agreed in a stupor then yelled down, “She’s with me.”

  “No shit,” he replied, causing me to laugh.

  I told myself I wouldn’t lose my cool. Seeing her, talking to her—I would need all of my control to test where her head was at. Holding it together, that was the plan. Until she got close enough. Tight jeans with ripped holes along the legs. Baby blue Chucks on her feet. A lacy, fitted tank top that hugged her in all the ways I wanted to.

  And pinched in her fingers, she held a wooden daisy.

  My girl.

  29

  ______________

  Celia

  -now-

  Deep breath. That was what I needed. Stepping foot onto the fairgrounds was like being slapped by the past. It was later. Dark. I should have texted Caleb, but I knew where he would be.

  At first, everything seemed perfectly normal. A huge amount of people for the first night of the fair. Lights twinkling. Music roaring as the rides zipped around. Kids screaming. Closer to the Ferris wheel, I noticed a large crowd gathered as if they were standing in front of the performance stage instead.

  “Celia! Look, it’s her!” someone said. And suddenly heads were whipping around, bodies began to move, parting a small path.

  “This is amazing!” a few girls off to my side yelled, hopping in place.

  The crowd engulfed me quickly, and I kept moving forward, hoping I wouldn’t get trampled. It was insanity. People pushed in close, some calling my name, others saying Caleb’s. It was all because of the video and the most surreal thing I’d ever experienced. Had it really been that big?

  “Hey, girl,” Nadine’s voice broke through them all.

  “Oh my God, Nadine. You’re here,” I said, kissing her cheek as she appeared at my side, spreading her arms wide, blocking and leading the way.

  “Are you kidding? We wouldn’t have missed this for anything,” she replied, winking then tipping her head toward the side of the Ferris wheel where Deandra, Mina, and Julie all stood waving, their younger kids running in circles around them.

  “You guys are the best. Thank you.”

  “He’s been waiting for you, babe,” she said, glancing up as we continued on.

  I looked up and saw him immediately, his tall body at the very top looking down with the biggest, sexiest smile.

  “No exclusive tonight, darlin’,” Nadine said to a blonde with a microphone, sticking her hip out and bumping the chick backward.

  Holy shit. A reporter?

  I spun the wooden daisy in my fingers, nerves on overload, and glanced up again in the final few steps. Caleb’s bucket came to a stop at the bottom, and he hopped out to me.

  “Get it, girl,” Nadine said then backed away.

  “Hi.” The word was nearly lost in all the cheers of the crowd as I stepped up the ramp.

  “Hi.” His eyes did a full sweep of me. “You look so beautiful.”

  “Thank you.” And he looked great too—clean-shaven, longer pieces of hair styled back in a messy wave.

  “We better get on here before they attack.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed, taking the hand he extended and letting him help me into the seat. He braced Mer’s urn against the corner while I sat down.

  The cheers grew louder as I watched him turn and thank the attendant. The contours of his back and shoulders moved under his plain gray T-shirt, which was bunched up at the waist of the jeans, displaying his round ass nicely. Being here, seeing him … my heart was melting once again.

  People continued to cheer as Caleb sat down beside me and the wheel began to move. I glanced up, catching the eyes of the girls in the seat above us, only the top of their faces visible.

  “This is unreal,” he murmured, leaning back and looking down at the urn now in his hands.

  “Very.”

  He reached to his side of the seat and pulled out a daisy I hadn’t noticed before. I smiled as he handed it to me, thinking of all the times before.

  His fingers gently touched the petals of the wooden daisy in my other hand, the one he’d made. “I thought you tossed this?”

  “I—” Wait … “Were you here that night?”

  “Yeah, I was here. Knowing that I would cave if I got too close, I still felt I needed to be here to watch you through it, to face you without facing you, to not be a complete coward. It all seems so stupid now. I should have ignored Mer then. She thought she was doing what was best for you when really she was thinking about her own feelings. She was the one who needed to get away, to see the world, to experience it all. Maybe somehow she knew she didn’t have much time … But she was also projecting her dreams on you. She was afraid you wouldn’t get the same chances. That was her final push for you, making sure I wasn’t your anchor.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat as I thought about that night, about him watching me from afar, about Mer. “She meant well, I guess.”

  A laugh burst from his lips and one bubbled up from me too. “Yeah, she did,” he agreed.

  “And, yes, I couldn’t leave the daisy here. After I got off the ride, I went and found it. So glad all of it is in the past,” I admitted, looking at the urn, wishing after everything that Mer was sitting with us instead. Deep down I knew I’d gladly relive it all again if she could too.

  “Is it?” he asked, shifting in the seat to better face me, his eyes penetrating, needing the answer to a question filled with so much meaning. “I messed up. I should have told you every detail from the start. I also shouldn’t have talked you into calling off work. That was dumb. Not that I regret spending more time with you because, damn, Celia, I can’t get enough. I want every minute. I want it all. But after this week, I know you may not feel the same. And if that’s what you want, I’ll understand.”

  “It’s not what I want,” I breathed, laying my hand on his thigh. “I need to apologize too.” When he shook his head, I continued, “Yes, I do. I’m sorry for accusing you of using her death for profit. That was horrible of me to say.”

  “It’s all right. You were right to question it, to be upset.”

  “No, I completely overreacted. There was too much happening. I freaked out. I’m not used to so much. It was like my normal world had vanished in the span of a few minutes and it threw me into panic mode. But instead of reaching for you like I should have, I shoved you away and blamed you. That wasn’t right. I am to blame for my own decisions, not you, so please don’t feel my job was your fault. And I heard you went there for me, by the way.”

  “I did,” he admitted, worry seeming to disappear from his body. His tense shoulders relaxed, his eyes softened, and his lips pulled up a little at the corners. “Didn’t help, though, did it?”

  “No, it didn’t,” I replied with a chuckle. “The bosses had already decided that Jerry acted too swiftly and offered me my job back. Actually, another, better position with room for advancement.”

  “That’s great. So you’re back at it then?”

  “No,” I said, then smiled as his mouth popped open. “Someone smart told me that the perfect life probably involves things that make you happy, like a career you love.”

  He bit his bottom lip and pointed to his chest cutely, and I nodded. “So what then?” he asked, leaning back and draping his arm over the seat.

  “It’s been a busy week. I’m sorry that I didn’t return your calls, but I needed some time to think and get things done.”

  “Never apologize for that,” he said, slipping his fingers into my hair, playing with the strands. “Did it go well?”

  “Actually, yes. I organized my portfolio, did a lot of research, set up a website, already booked a family portrait session, and also lined up other job options in case it doesn’t take off right away. I’ll need to build as I go for equipment.”

  “I can help with that.”

  “No, Caleb. I can do this myself. I don’t need you to—”

  “It’s yours anyway. Half of the money from the video. It was yours as soon as you agreed to
do this with me. Think of it as a gift from Mer. I’m proud of you, and I know Mer would be too.” Before I could respond with more, he added, “So what next?”

  “You,” I said, abandoning all talk about money and jobs because I wanted him most of all. “You’re next. You’re always. I love you.”

  His hand gripped the back of my head as he leaned in. “I love you too, more than anything. You are the perfect in my life.” He breathed the last words onto my lips then took my mouth with his.

  I set the daisies in my lap then palmed his smooth jaw with one hand and his shoulder with my other, locking us closer, needing every bit of contact.

  Cheers broke through my thoughts of the future, of us beginning our life together. They pulled me back to the present, to the very real crowd still standing below as our bucket went around and around.

  I giggled into his mouth, and he groaned into mine. His fingers dug into their grips with a final squeeze before he backed away from me. His eyelids were half closed, his lips wet and sexy. Mmm.

  “Don’t look at me that way,” he said. “This is a family place.”

  I laughed at the joke, but as his hand dropped between my thighs and his face nuzzled in against my neck, my whole body flashed red hot, and my voice disappeared for a few lustful moments.

  “They’re—” I coughed. “They’re waiting for us to video.”

  “Right.” He kissed below my ear then his tongue made an offering with a long, body-tingling stroke. “I was prepared to stay on this ride all night to avoid them, but there’s no chance that’s happening now. I need to get you home.” He slid back in the seat and wiggled the GoPro out of his pocket after adjusting himself with a smile.

  I bit my lip again, excited to go home with him too.

  “Let’s do this,” he said, holding up the camera as the bucket made its way around.

  People were clapping, including Nadine and the girls. Caleb twisted the camera, filming the crowd before flipping the lens to face us.

  “So we’re here at the fair. Some of you watched that leaked video and showed up. I have to tell you that it was unexpected and a bit scary, to be honest. We have no idea why you came.” He leaned in and kissed me, knowing all too well why they had shown and giving the camera a little more of it for fun.

  “Don’t worry, no one’s getting Mer’s ashes in their cotton candy. We’ll leave some of her behind before we take off for the night. But for now, we need to complete this task of kissing at the top of this Ferris wheel, making another check in the list. Mer did it, but Celia and I didn’t, so here we are.” After we got to the bottom, he motioned and asked the attendant to stop at the top.

  When the bucket stopped at the peak, we glanced around, taking it all in.

  “Look,” he said, pointing down to the crowd and leaning back so I could see. Smashed between several people was a furry blue fox.

  “Chances it was at an orgy this time?” I asked, recalling his comment at Merilyn’s wake.

  Caleb coughed out a laugh. “No telling. You ready for this?”

  “Beyond ready,” I replied as he popped the latch on the lap bar and pointed the lens at me. “We’re doing it Mer’s way.” We both stood up, holding on to the back of the chair to adjust our positioning on the curved foot area. In the end, we both propped a knee on the seat for balance and to keep everything from tipping out.

  Caleb waved the camera, panning around the fair again before turning it back to us. “Come here, my daisy.” His free hand cradled my cheek, and I leaned in closer, grasping his chest.

  “What, no more Tarsier?”

  “Oh, I will never stop calling you that. But you’re my daisy too.”

  The kiss was a crash, brighter than the lights of the fair, the feeling and emotion drowning all the voices and music around us, and better than any other had been. It was filled with passion, love, and promises for a future together, as close to perfect as anything could be. I sighed, gripping him harder to me. His hand slipped down to my neck, and he groaned in almost a frustrated way, unable to hold me fully with the GoPro in his other hand.

  “Sit down!” the attendant’s voice cut through the cheers from the other buckets and the ground below, and it was all that I could do to stop the giggles from bursting out.

  My body began to shake as I held it all in, still staying connected to Caleb’s very persuasive mouth, not wanting the kiss to end.

  After another second, he broke away with a few quick pecks then spoke to the camera, “And that’s another.” He helped me sit back down and kissed me once more, chastely but soft and lingering. “We need to see what’s next.”

  “We do,” I agreed in a whisper, our faces still so close.

  “There are a couple tasks left to finish.”

  “Yes.”

  “But no more tonight.”

  “No, not tonight.”

  “Tonight, the adventure is us.”

  Epilogue

  ______________

  Celia

  -a week later-

  Cringing. I was cringing. Big time. Hearing the buzzing. Inhaling the antiseptic scent lingering in the air.

  “You nervous?” Caleb asked.

  “Of course,” I said through gritted teeth, squeezing his hand.

  “Maybe you should have gone first instead of watching mine,” he said, looking down at the plastic wrap around his forearm.

  “I thought it would be good to watch first. See what was happening, if anything has changed since I saw Mer get hers done. Stop laughing at me,” I added when he chuckled. “This isn’t funny. You’ve done this before.”

  “No, you’re right. It’s not funny.” He cleared his throat and wiped his hand over his mouth to cover his glorious and rather annoying smile. “You don’t have to do this. If you’re uncomfortable—”

  “No, no. I’m doing it. It’s fine. It’s tiny. Nothing major. Super small. That’s all. Quick. Simple.”

  “Right.”

  “Right.”

  “Okay! Are we ready?” Burt, the tattoo artist, strolled back into the room after a phone call, moving to the sink to wash his hands. He was a big guy. It was hard to imagine him working on anything but skulls and crossbones even after watching him do Caleb’s.

  “Yeah,” I said, my dull tone conflicting with the word.

  “Cool.” He wasn’t a guy of many words, which was perfect because he’d gotten Caleb’s done quickly and that was what mattered. He slid his hands into his gloves then came over to the seat and placed the transferable sketch of the tattoo onto my skin. “Placement good?”

  I stared at the lines, mesmerized by the thought that it would be there permanently from now on, a constant reminder of Mer. “Yeah. It’s good.”

  “All right then. Let’s get to it.” He checked his gun and lined up the tiny cups of black ink.

  There would be no color filling. It was simple. Easy. Would only take like ten minutes as Caleb’s had. Tops.

  I kept chanting those words in my head on repeat as I tracked his preparation. Buzz. Buzz. Dip.

  “Hey,” Caleb said beside me, pulling his chair close and leaning in.

  I turned my face, and he was right there, his eyes inches from mine. “Yeah?”

  “Okay, here we go,” Burt said. The buzz of the gun followed and then a pinch against my skin.

  I didn’t flinch but was about to turn my head to see when Caleb palmed my face and pushed his lips to mine, kissing me boldly and without care. He licked inside, teasing my tongue with soft little flicks from his own. After a minute—or five—of thigh-clenching heaven, those lips traveled over my cheek and in front of my ear.

  “I fucking love you so much. You are the sexiest woman on this earth, and I’m the luckiest man alive. Seeing you shine behind your camera again, watching you do all these tasks, and doing this one right now with me … I never thought you could get any more beautiful. You have no idea all the things I’m thinking at this very moment. I want you to move in with me, Celia. Be with me.
Live with me. I want us in bed together every single night, not only when our schedules allow. I need you in my arms. At my side. Under and above me when I’m inside you.”

  “Caleb,” I whispered, my eyes closed as he spoke, taking in the feeling of his breath, the sound of his voice. The sting of the tattoo needle was still alive on my wrist, but the rest of my body was red hot, the lovely, erotic scorch of his words seeming to mute all the pain.

  “You don’t have to answer right now. I thought it would be a great time to talk about it, though.” His chuckle tickled my ear.

  “Oh, you are—”

  “I’m what? An ass. That should be my next tattoo. The word, not the animal or the appendage. Actually, I can think of something better. Maybe I’ll get a carpenter bee on top of a little sexy fucking daisy.”

  I smiled as he pressed his lips to my neck then captured my earlobe between his teeth.

  “And that’s it!” Burt said.

  “That’s it?” I glanced down at my arm as he pumped some foamy soap onto my wrist.

  “Yep. Not so bad, was it?”

  “No,” I replied to Burt, mock scowling at Caleb as he grinned devilishly and squeezed my hand. “I barely felt it at all.”

  “Take a look,” Burt said, wiping the suds away with a stiff paper towel.

  I held up my wrist and traced the thin lines of the star with my eyes, then the script lettering. Merilyn.

  After Burt wrapped my wrist, we settled the bill and got clearance to film at the front of his shop.

  Caleb held up the GoPro. “Tattoo task is complete. Let’s take a look.” We held out our arms, and he swept the camera in close to the clear bandages then pulled back. “These were for Mer. She was a star from the start. All of you already knew. Our supernova. Let’s go outside and leave her behind.”

  We walked out to the parking lot, and he grabbed the urn from inside the Silverado. After choosing a lush area at the side of the building, he filmed me scattering the ashes at the base of a tree then he slung his arm over my shoulder to catch us both in the lens. “What else, Tarsier?”