by Laci Maskell
I’m not sure how to answer him, or if I should answer him. I have no idea what favor he could possibly need to ask me, besides the don’t-give-up-the-baby favor. But because I have no control over my action when it comes to Greyson I text him back.
Yeah, sure.
I put my phone back in my pocket and wait impatiently for Leah. As much as I wish it didn’t, my heart is anxious for basketball practice to be over so I can hear Greyson’s voice. And as I wait for her, I can’t help but to make comparisons to my friendship with Leah and Greyson’s friendship with Jesse.
I’ve gone to school with these people all my life so it’s not hard to know everything about them down to their birthdays, middle names, and dogs’ names. While Leah is better at almost everything than I am, there are some things where I outshine her. I am far better at English and History than she is, where she beats me in Math and Science. She can sing better than I can and she’s much prettier than I am, but I act in school plays better than she can and I have a much better memory than she does.
It’s always been interesting to me, rather than depressing, to notice the differences between people. How many differences they have and how that affects their relationships. Like mine and Wren’s. Wren was popular and I am not. But that never got in the way of how we treated each other and how much we love each other. No matter how popular Wren was, he was never afraid or embarrassed to talk to me in school.
Jesse and Greyson have many differences. So many, in fact, that I’ve wondered how they have remained so close for so long. Greyson is better at football where Jesse is better at basketball. Greyson goes out for track and Jesse goes out for golf. Jesse has a loving relationship with his sister and parents where Greyson seems to be alone and isolated. Greyson is in a relationship with the girl Jesse is in love with. Greyson claims to be in love with Jesse’s sister’s best friend. Jesse tells Greyson everything. Greyson is keeping a giant secret from Jesse.
“Lux.”
“Lux.”
“Lux!”
“Yeah, what?” I ask.
Leah stands by her car, the driver’s side door open. “Are you ready to go?” she asks me.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry.”
“I’d ask what was on your mind but right now I’m too tired.”
“It was nothing anyway,” I tell her, buckling my seat belt.
“I’m sure.”
***
“Don’t say no right away, okay. Just hear me out,” Greyson says into the phone.
This is a bad sign.
“Okay,” I sigh into the phone.
“I was wondering, if maybe, you would maybe want to come to my house, tomorrow night, and maybe meet my parents?”
If I was drinking something I most definitely would have spit it out. That is not even close to the favor I thought he was going to ask me. Not even in the ball park. Not even in the same realm.
“Have you told them about me and the baby?” I know it is too much to ask but I do it anyway.
“No.”
“Then why would you want me to meet them?”
Greyson sighs into the phone and is quiet for a few more moments before saying, “Because one day when I get the courage to tell them, I want to be able to say ‘you met her once’.”
I am quiet for a long time. I don’t know what to tell him. Honestly, I’m afraid to meet his parents. I don’t think I have any business meeting his parents. I don’t think they will want to meet me.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” I tell him.
“Please, Lux. I wouldn’t be asking you if it weren’t important to me.”
The sincerity in his voice gets to me.
“Why do you do this to me?” I ask him. “Don’t answer that.”
“Please, Lux.”
“It’s really that important to you?”
“Yes.”
“Alright. But if I feel at all uncomfortable I am out of there.”
Through the phone I can hear Greyson take a deep breath and let it out. It’s one of those happy, things-are-going-my-way sighs. “No problem. Thank you. I’ll pick you up tomorrow then.”
“Ok.”
“Thank you, Lux. I mean it.”
“You’re welcome, Greyson. Don’t make me regret it.”
“I won’t.”
I hang up the phone with a knot in my stomach. There is no way this will turn out well. I’ve never met his parents before, but I have heard stories. There is a good possibility I may pass out tomorrow night.
***
I sit in the waiting room doing some waiting. I thought the week days were busy in this place. I was wrong. The weekends are far busier. I suggested we meet Sean and Piper at maybe a coffee shop or a restaurant, but no, if we are to meet at all it has to be sanctioned by the Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services.
I really wish we could meet them elsewhere. As much as I like them and get along with Sean and Piper, meeting in an office building feels uncomfortable and impersonal. I always feel like they are nervous and I know I’m nervous so it takes us a while to warm up to each other and my parents aren’t any help.
But alas, here we are, waiting in a waiting room waiting to be nervous and uncomfortable. When Sean and Piper walk in the front door they wave to us then sit two seats away from us. This is always awkward too. It’s like we’re friendly but we’re not sure if we’re allowed to talk to each other outside of the office room.
The baby must sense my nervousness because she kicks me, hard, in the ribs, more than once. I have grown accustomed to the baby’s kicks. Sometimes they are painful like when she gets me in the ribs, and sometimes they are annoying like when she gets me in the bladder and I have to race for the bathroom, but most of the time I welcome her kicks, they are reassuring and comforting.
Kristina, my baby agent, calls my parents, Piper and Sean, and I back to the meeting room. We all sit around the table, Sean and Piper on one side, my parents and I on one side. Kristina tells us some information I’m sure I should be paying attention to but that is what I bring my parents for.
When Kristina leaves us alone, I show Sean and Piper the ultra sound video. I watch them watch the video for their reactions. I want to make sure they are falling in love with this baby like I have. Like Greyson has. Greyson. That boy is going to be the end of me. I can’t think straight when I’m with him. He makes me do things I wouldn’t normally do. He makes me believe things I know to be untrue. Like the fact that he loves me. Or the fact that we can be together and keep the baby.
I think of Greyson’s reaction to the ultra sound and the fact that the baby is a girl while I watch Sean and Piper. It’s not fair of him to put this on me. I shouldn’t have to make the decision to let the baby go. I shouldn’t be forced to meet his parents when they have no clue who I am and how badly I could have messed up their son’s life.
But that is where I’m at. I just need to put on my big girl panties and stop complaining about my lot in life. After the baby is born and Greyson goes off to college, life will be as if none of this ever happened.
When the video is over I tell Piper and Sean they will be having a baby girl. Sean looks a little disappointed but Piper beams from ear to ear. Sean gets excited after my dad tells him about some of the things he did with me when I was a baby. I am excited for them. They will get to watch my little girl grow up and they will love her and be happy with her.
Piper and Sean thank me over and over again for the gift of a baby. It makes me feel guilty to see how excited they are for the baby and know in my heart that I wish I could keep her.
Greyson
I’m not sure I’ve ever cleaned in my life. Ever. But Lux is coming over tonight and I want to make a good impression. My mom hires a lady to do all of the cleaning in our house, but she is not allowed in my bedroom. And let me tell you, my bedroom needs work.
I’ve never been aware of the odor before today. It’s a mix of guy, sex, and alcohol. That needs to be fixed. I’ve got clothes every
where on the floor and my bed and my desk. There is a lightbulb out in my ceiling fan. I never noticed the mess before because I didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing it or caring what anyone thought of it. But with Lux I care. I care what she thinks about my room. I care what she thinks about my parents and my life. I care what she thinks of me.
As I grab piles of clothes up off the floor to shove them into the closet or a drawer, my phone rings somewhere in the room. For half a second I’m afraid it will be Lux telling me she’s backing out, but in the short time I’ve known her I don’t think she would be the type to back out. When I find my phone the screen shows Amelia’s face as the caller. I need to finish cleaning so I can go pick up Lux but I’m sure I won’t hear the end of it if I don’t answer.
“Hello.”
“Greyson,” Amelia says in that whiny voice of hers. “I’m bored, come play with me.”
Before Lux, this wouldn’t have bothered me. I wouldn’t have given it a second thought before hopping in my car and driving to her house. But now, all I can think is that Amelia doesn’t really want me there, she doesn’t miss me, she’s just bored. That’s got to be at least a seven on the messed up relationship scale.
“I can’t tonight,” I tell her. “My parents are making me have dinner with them.”
“Again? Ugh, aren’t they getting sick of you?”
That right there feels like a slap in the face, from the girl who is supposed to be my girlfriend, the girl who just invited me to her house to have sex.
“I guess they want to get in as much time with me as they can before I go off to college. How about tomorrow night?”
“Why don’t you come over when you’re done with dinner?” Amelia asks like it’s obvious.
“I’m not sure how long it will take or how long they want to spend together.”
“This is getting old, Greyson. Why are we even still together?”
“You tell me,” I say without even missing a beat.
Amelia gasps into the phone.
“You listen. I’m getting tired of your shit. I deserve better than this. The second we graduate I am so breaking up with you.”
I catch the words can’t wait before they can escape from my mouth.
“I’ve got to go. My mother is calling me,” I say then hang up before she can say anything further.
***
Lux’s hands shake as I pull up to my house. She was so nervous when I went to pick her up I had to promise her three times that it would be okay and that my parents aren’t evil.
“Are you okay?” I ask her, putting the car in park.
I wait to turn it off in case she changes her mind.
“I think I might throw up,” she says not looking at me.
Her eyes are locked on my house. I look up to it to see what she might be seeing. I’ve heard people say it is an intimidating house, I’ve just never seen it. When you grow up in its halls you tend not to fear the outside. But as I look up to it, thinking about introducing my parents to the girl who is having my baby, I suddenly understand the sheer terror Lux is feeling.
“We’ll get through it,” I tell her.
“You promise?”
I nod my head because I’m not sure I promise. I’m unexpectedly nervous and panicky. I know that my parents won’t approve of a girl getting pregnant in high school. I know they won’t approve of me spending time with a girl who got pregnant in high school. I just hope they are nice to her.
“You remember the plan?” I ask.
Lux nods. “We go in. We say we’re working on an English project. You introduce me. We go to your room to give them time to process. We say goodbye while getting a feel for their opinion. I leave.”
“That’s my girl,” I say.
I get a slight thrill from calling Lux my girl and I know she does too by the look she is giving me. Lux may say she doesn’t want to be with me or that we can’t be together, but I know she is lying to me and more possibly to herself.
Maybe she’s right though. I am going away to school in a few months. And for the life of me, as much as I like Lux, I cannot bring myself to break up with Amelia for her. I can’t even tell my best friend I’m in love for the first time. Lux doesn’t deserve me.
I shake off all the shit plaguing my mind and focus on the task at hand. I’ll have to be on my game in order to defend Lux if it comes to that.
I step out of the car then run around to the passenger side to help Lux out. She grabs her bag from the floor by her feet then follows closely behind me. Her tension radiates off of her but you wouldn’t be able to tell that from her face.
Lux and I take a collective deep breath before I open the front door to my house.
“Greyson, is that you?” my mom calls from the other room.
“Yeah, mom,” I call to her.
“I was thinking of ordering Chinese food,” she says, her voice getting closer. “Would you like something?”
She stops short when she sees Lux and I together.
“Oh, you have company.”
My heart hammers in my chest but I can feel Lux shaking behind me so I have to be the strong one here.
“Yeah, this is Lux. We have an English project to work on.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Lux,” my mom says, extending her hand.
Lux moves out from behind me to shake my mom’s hand. A hand that drops as soon as she sees Lux’s swollen belly.
I swallow hard and wait for the ball to drop.
My mom stares at Lux’s belly until Lux moves back behind me guarding herself and the baby.
My mom screws up her face, smiles, and says, “Forgive me. I was just surprised.”
That’s when my dad walks into the room. “Why is everyone still standing by the door?”
“Honey,” my mom says, her voice strained, “Greyson has brought a friend home to work on a project.”
The fake nice voice. Shit. I know Lux can hear it. It’s at least better than her throwing Lux out the door.
My dad raises an eyebrow. He knows the voice all too well.
“Hello, um.”
“Lux,” Lux and I say at the same time.
My dad extends his hand. Lux hesitates, but I know she won’t be rude and not try to shake his hand.
My dad flinches but composes himself enough to shake her hand.
Then they both stare at Lux and I.
Parents, two.
Lux and Greyson, zero.
“Right, well Lux and I have a project to get to,” I say backing away with Lux behind me.
My parents continue to stare. My mom’s fake smile slips only a touch.
I want to take Lux’s hand and lead her upstairs but I can’t do it in front of my parents.
Weakness, a billion.
Greyson, negative, I’ve lost track.
Once we are in my room I close the door and grab for Lux. I hold her close to my chest and together our hearts calm down.
“That was scary as shit,” she says, stepping away from me.
“I know. I was about ready to pee my pants.”
“You’re not the only one,” she says, half a grin on her face.
“Ok” I say, sitting on my bed and patting the spot beside me. “Shall we just wait or do you want to do something?”
“Like what?” Lux says, eyeing my bed but not sitting down. “By the way I brought those papers for you to sign. They need to be in soon.” She looks anywhere but at my bed.
I should have remembered that this is where it all started between us. “Yeah, I’ll sign them when this is over.”
I can’t think about signing the papers when there is something else on my mind, something that’s been eating away at me for a while now.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah sure,” she says.
“Do you regret that night? Do you regret being with me?”
She lowers her head and turns away from me. It hurts.
I lower my head and say, “It’s okay that you d
o. I understand.”
There is silence before I feel her finger under my chin and she lifts my head up.
“I don’t. I don’t regret it. I’m just not sure if I should be ashamed that I don’t.”
Relief floods through my system. It makes everything we just went through with my parents worthwhile.
“Good. I’m glad,” I tell her.
Lux moves over to my desk to check it out. She picks up the copy of The Fault In Our Stars I checked out after I saw her get it at the library. She faces me holding it up and cocks and eyebrow at me. I shrug. I’m not about to tell her I’ve already finished it. I’m not about to tell her I bawled like a little baby.
She looks around my room, trailing her fingers over certain things. I don’t mind, she knows I’ve looked around her room. Besides, I think I got rid of anything too incriminating.
“Greyson,” my mom calls from outside my room. “We were wondering about Chinese, could you come talk it over with us?”
This can’t be good. My parents aren’t about to be rude to Lux’s face, no they’ll just do it behind closed doors.
Lux looks to me panic stricken. She knows my parents aren’t actually wondering about Chinese food.
I smile at her to reassure her then mouth It’s okay.
“Be right back,” I tell her.
She looks as if she might vomit but nods her head.
I step out of the room and follow my mom down the stairs and into the living room.
They waste no time before laying into me.
“How could you bring that girl here?” my mom asks.
“Did any of the neighbors see you with her?” That’s from my dad.
“We have an English project to work on,” I say like it’s no big thing.
“Couldn’t you have met at her house or maybe the library?” my mom asks.
“She’s not a criminal,” I say.
My mom and dad cross their arms at the exact same time and in the same way. It would be comical if it wasn’t so intimidating.
“Greyson, the girl got herself knocked up. She’s, what, seventeen? You should not be associating yourself with that type of girl. She’s bad news. I can’t believe the school didn’t contact us about this,” my mom says like it’s a matter of national security.