by Laci Maskell
I knew they would react this way. I’m not sure why I thought they wouldn’t. Wishful thinking I guess. The sad thing is if I wasn’t the one who knocked her up, I would react the same way my parents are. I would have reacted the same way my friends do. I would have judged her before I got to know her. That would be a terrible shame.
“We’re just working on a project,” I say. “It’s not like she can contaminate me.”
“You should not have brought that girl here,” my dad says. “Don’t you see you’ve upset your mother?”
“She has a name,” I say.
“Not one I want to know,” my mom says, a dirty look on her face.
“Mom.”
“Don’t. You should know better, Greyson. Go take that girl home. Make sure no one sees you. And make sure you don’t have any more projects with her.”
My mouth drops open. I want to yell at them both. I want to tell them that the baby in Lux’s stomach has their blood flowing through its veins. I want to tell them so many things, like how amazing Lux is and how special she is and how in love with her I am.
But I don’t. I don’t tell them anything because I still want to be a Nebraska Husker and I’m afraid they will find a way to take that away from me.
So instead, I find my keys and go to my room to get Lux so I can take her home.
When I get to my room I find it empty. I search the upstairs bathroom for her. I search the whole upstairs for her. I return to my room. No Lux.
Shit. I’m sure she heard everything my parents said about her and is now out in the freezing cold. I shit on my bed and breathe heavily trying my best not to lose my shit. I look around the room for something, anything. I see the copy of The Fault In Our Stars standing up on my desk. I get up and grab it. A piece of paper falls out. Lux’s handwriting is scrawled on it.
Greyson.
I knew this wouldn’t work. I’m sorry.
Lux
Chapter Fifteen
Twenty Five Weeks
Lux
I’m so not ready to go back to school in a week it is not even funny. The last few weeks have been so quiet. No Posh People to make fun of me. No Mr. Rush run ins. No Greyson run ins.
I knew meeting his parents was a bad idea, but I did it because it seemed important to Greyson. When I went in search of the bathroom I could hear his parents yelling at him for brining me into their home. I could hear them calling me white trash. I called Leah right away. I had to get out of there.
Greyson called me right away. I couldn’t answer. I knew he would apologize. I knew he would feel terrible. But I couldn’t answer. He would say the right thing and I’d be back in his clutches. I needed to make a clean break. Leah picked me up without question. She didn’t ask for details but I knew she was itching for them. When I gave her the run down she proceeded to tell me what scum Greyson’s parents are. She said Greyson spends most of his time trying to please them and prove himself to them but when he can’t he runs and hides to their house. A lot of the time I think Leah knows Greyson better than I do. Everything she said made me feel bad for Greyson and want to run back to him and hold him in my arms. But I couldn’t do that. I had to protect myself and the baby before I could protect anyone else.
When I didn’t answer Greyson the first time he continued to call. When calling didn’t work he started to text me. I made Leah read them because I knew if I did I would let him back in. When she would make aw noises or sad faces it broke my heart. It wasn’t him I was mad at. It wasn’t him who should be punished. His parents were the culprit. They didn’t for a second assume that Greyson could have been the father of my baby. No, their perfect Greyson could never get a girl pregnant. It didn’t even enter their minds that Greyson could be anything shy of perfect, but they were sure quick to pass judgement on me. I just don’t belong in his world. And I had no business trying to.
When Greyson showed up at my house it was nearly the last straw for my parents. Luckily I wasn’t home or I really wouldn’t have been able to send him away. My parents were nice to him, tried to explain to him why we shouldn’t even be spending time together. They didn’t kick him out. They didn’t call him white trash. When they told me he came I almost lost control and called him. Almost. I had to give my mom my phone so I wouldn’t dial his number. My parents gave me a sad look and a hug. I had told them I was being careful. I thought I had been. But who was I kidding?
I love Greyson Fletcher and I wish that our lives were different and that we could be together. I wish I wasn’t pregnant. I wish I didn’t have to give my baby away. I wish Amelia wasn’t a factor in Greyson’s life. I wish he wasn’t ashamed of being seen with me.
But, our lives aren’t different and we must play the hand that is dealt to us. In seventeen weeks my life will go back to normal. I will go back to being a nobody and practically invisible. He will go off to college and be a famous Husker. And he and I will forget the connection we share.
Christmas was hard. Without Wren nothing was the same. Decorating the tree wasn’t the same. The cookies didn’t taste the same. The Christmas movies weren’t the same. There was a void that could only be filled by him. But Wren wouldn’t come home because he’s still mad at me. It’s been almost six months. I don’t know what he wants from me. I’ve given up trying to contact him. He won’t respond anyway. He keeps in touch with my parents on a regular basis but has all but given up on me. I feel a hole in my body that should be filled by him. As much as I miss him, I’m sad to know that he doesn’t know he’ll have a niece and that he will never even get to see her before she is gone forever.
So instead of having their whole family home for Christmas, my parents and I were alone. And now they are on their way to Omaha to spend the holiday with Wren. Leaving me alone to spend New Year’s Eve.
It’s sad to say but I almost don’t even miss him anymore. I’ve missed him for so long I’m just mad now. There are six months’ worth of things that I have wanted to tell him, or share with him, or get his advice on, that I’m just mad he wasn’t there for me. There are so many times in the past six months that I needed my big brother and he wasn’t there for me.
But alas, such is my life. My parents are with Wren and Leah is on her way over to spend New Year’s Eve with me. Leah and I have a New Year’s Eve tradition. I’m not sure how it started or why it started but every year I DVR the entire season of Dancing With The Stars and on New Year’s Eve Leah and I binge watch it. Leah and I spend a great amount of time together and I love her, but there is something magical about our friendship during our New Year’s Eve Dancing With The Stars marathon. This season’s stars include Maria Menunos, Sherri Shepard, Jaleel White, and my personal favorite, Gavin Degraw. I really hope he wins the Mirror ball.
“Dancing With The Stars, Dancing With The Stars, Dancing With The Stars,” Leah happily chants as we sit on my couch ready for our DWTS marathon.
“You are entirely too happy about this,” I tease her.
Leah and I have my coffee table covered in snacks and drinks for the day. Popcorn and ice cream are a must, crackers and cheese, Doritos, pigs in blankets, pizza, Mt. Dew, hot chocolate, and because its New Year’s Eve we have sparkling cider.
“And you are entirely not happy enough,” Leah pouts, her bottom lip pulling down and quivering.
“I promise you I am,” I say. Then more enthusiastically I smile and say, “Let’s do this. I’m ready for some William Levi, Gavin Degraw, Roshon Fegan action.”
Leah smiles back at me and says, “That’s more like it. Now push play.”
She grabs for the popcorn and sits back while I hit play. This is going to be a great day. One for the books.
The first episode is the funniest DWTS I have ever seen. I mean, Sherri says she thinks she left a boob out on the dance floor. Maxim tells Melissa, see you do have an ass, congratulations. William says that he came to learn to dance not torture himself. And that is just to name a few. Maria’s laugh, my gosh that is hilarious.
The dancing is fantastic this year. I had no idea who Katherine Jenkins was before DWTS but she is an amazing dancer. I totally saw that Martina would be the first to go. And as much as I love Gavin Degraw, he is not the greatest dancer and I am afraid he will go home too early. I love Sherri’s partner Val and Maria’s partner Derek and especially Gladys’ partner Tristan with his good looks and sexy Irish accent.
After the third dance and before the third elimination, my phone vibrates on the coffee table. Greyson hasn’t texted or called me in a few days. I thought he had given up. I hope he has and I hope he hasn’t. I don’t want to reach for my phone but my mind clicks off and my heart lunges forward.
The screen lights up with a text from Husker.
My heart, still in control, forces my thumb to slide across the screen and open the text.
I miss you.
That’s all it says, but it’s all I need to want to run and find him.
Leah looks at me from the corner of her eye. She knows who it’s from.
I know Leah and I need to talk about Greyson and what happened. I really didn’t want today to be about Greyson and me. I wanted today to be about Leah and me. I wanted today to be about DWTS and nothing else. And maybe that was possible last year, but this year is far more complicated than last year.
I’ve already told her how it went down with his parents but I haven’t told her some things about Greyson and me. She knows I’ve taken some space away from him, but she doesn’t know why. I have been holding something in for a while now and I need to let it out. Leah is the perfect one for this. She will be excited but she will know how I feel and she will know how to fix it.
I turn to Leah and say, “Greyson told me he loves me.”
“What?” Leah gasps, her eyes going wide. “That’s why you broke up with him? Are you nuts?” Leah yells at me.
I can’t help but laugh at her. “No. A, I didn’t break up with him because we were never together, but B, no, that is just what started so many things.”
“When did he tell you he loves you?”
I give Leah a guilty smile and say, “A couple weeks ago.”
Leah isn’t fazed though, “Wow. But isn’t he still with Amelia? But, he loves you? Aw, that is so romantic and I am so jealous. So wait, what happened?”
I tell her the things that have happened in the past six months that I didn’t tell her before. I tell her the extended version of the Husker football trip. I tell her about Mr. Rush and how I suspect Greyson talked to him and is the reason Mr. Rush has backed off lately. I tell her about Greyson watching the ultra sound video. I tell her about how weak I am when it comes to Greyson.
I finish my story with fresh tears in my eyes but also anger in my heart. I am so sick of crying and being angry that I just want all of this to be over with. My little girl seems to be just as upset as I am because she kicked up a storm all the while I spoke to Leah. She continues to kick now.
Leah is also crying. She is a sympathetic crier but I know she truly cares about me and when I hurt she hurts. “Wow, honey. I am so sorry. Do you think you did the right thing?”
I pause. I’ve wondered if I did the right thing for weeks now. “I do. I can’t keep waiting for him to choose me.”
“So what’s going to happen?” Leah asks me.
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t hate me for saying this but you do know you love him right?”
Reluctantly I say, “Yeah, I know.”
“Oh man, why did you have to fall in love with the most popular guy in school?”
“When I do things, I do them hardcore.”
“No shit.”
We both start laughing and continue crying at the same time. Then I feel a sharp pain in my abdomen. I suck in my breath and wait for the pain to subside. As soon as it does, I feel another sharp stab. I throw my hands over my stomach. “Ow. Ow,” I say, my breathing ragged.
“Lux, what’s wrong?” Leah asks, clearly concerned.
“Leah, call my parents,” I say, lying myself flat on the couch.
Leah calls my parents. Luckily, they pick up and Leah says, “Lux is in a lot of pain, what do we do?” Leah listens, says something else, then hangs up. “Ok, Lux. I’m going to take you to the hospital and your parents are going to meet us there. You need to get up so we can go out to my car, okay.” Leah’s voice wavers but she is being immensely strong and calm warranting the situation.
Leah takes my hand and slowly pulls me up into a sitting position. Pain stabs throughout my stomach and I scream. Leah tries to calm me and gets me to a standing position. We slowly but determinately walk to her car. When we get in and are buckled up, Leah floors it in the direction of the hospital. Pain clouds my vision and I can’t think clearly. I am so worried about the baby. There is something terribly wrong, I can feel it. How could I let this happen? I don’t know what’s wrong and I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared I almost black out.
When we get to the hospital, Leah parks in the emergency zone and nurses rush out to us. Distantly I can hear Leah say, “She is twenty five weeks pregnant. She is in so much pain. Please help her.”
I am placed in a wheel chair and rushed down a hallway. My eyelids grow heavy and the pain dulls. I finally black out.
Greyson
The beer tastes stale in my mouth. The music rattles my ear drums. I don’t want to be here.
Lux didn’t text me back when I told her I miss her. I didn’t expect her to. But I wish she did. I do miss her. I miss her like I’ve never missed anyone or anything before. I ache, as unmanly as that sounds. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss seeing the bump below her chest where my daughter sits.
After she left a few weeks ago and I found that note and the Parental Relinquishing papers I flipped. I threw the papers into the trash, tore the note into the smallest pieces I could then hopped in my car and headed to Amelia’s. I had sex with her in such a blind rage I’m surprised I didn’t hurt her. The weird thing is she got a thrill out of it. She said she liked the wild sex and wanted more of it. She said it reminded her of the old Greyson and that she missed him. Something in me clicked when she said that. The old Greyson. The new Greyson. The real Greyson. No one knows who I am. I don’t know who the fuck I am anymore.
After I left Amelia’s I went to Jesse’s and got drunk with him. And I don’t just mean I drank a few too many. I mean I got drunk to the point I should have died. At one point Leah passed through the basement and I threw a beer bottle behind her. It smashed against the wall, beer sliding down the paint. Jesse was too far gone to get mad at me, but when Leah turned around I thought she would hit me in the balls. Instead, she looked at me like she felt bad for me. That only pissed me off more. If I was in my own house I would have torn the place up. Luckily I had enough sense to know I couldn’t tear up Jesse’s house without really getting in trouble.
Once Jesse passed out I went to Leah’s room and knocked on the door. I know she wouldn’t have let me in other wise but the tears in my eyes got to her. She didn’t say anything to me but she let me lie on her bed and tell her how I felt. What a dumbass I am. How I should treat Lux better.
A few hours later I woke up in her bed, felt like an idiot, then ran to the bathroom to throw up. I passed out on the couch by Jesse after that. I woke up the next afternoon and couldn’t remember being in Leah’s room.
“Greyson, dance with me,” Amelia says to me pulling on my arm.
I don’t want to. I feel sick every time her skin touches mine. But, because I am Greyson Fletcher and can’t for the life of me escape my box, I chug the rest of my beer, slap Amelia on the ass and follow her onto the dance floor.
When we get on the dance floor Amelia turns around so I’m facing her back. I become alert enough to notice the quick beat of the song. So it’s not a slow song I can move to without being aware. Great. I place my hands on her hips because I know it’s what she wants. She backs into me and thrusts her butt against my pelvis. Six months ago this would ha
ve turned me on. Six months ago we would dance to this song then find a room. Six months ago I liked my life.
I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket as I grind with Amelia. Whatever. I’m sure it’s my parents telling me they won’t be home tonight and to fend for myself. Right now, the mood I’m in, I would text back and say that’s what I’ve been doing my whole life. But as soon as I sobered up I would regret it, so I ignore it.
“Greyson,” Jesse yells from across the room. “Come play with us,” he says standing in front of the beer pong table.
When the song finishes I kiss Amelia hard on the mouth, whisper, “Find me at midnight,” then make my way through the throng of bodies to the table.
Jesse and I have almost never lost a game of beer pong. We are the perfect team. This is how we remain decently sober at parties. We know trick shots. We know to anticipate trick shots. We have fast reflexes to swipe the ball away before it lands in our cups. In our circle, Jesse and I are beer pong gods.
As I line up my shot my pocket vibrates. It continues to vibrate as I throw the ball. Who could possibly be trying to get hold of me? It’s rather annoying. My phone stops vibrating as the ball lands in the cup.
Jesse and I win two games. By the end of the second I need a break and a new beer. I head for the kitchen to grab one and feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I’m about to reach for it when a hand slides around my waist.
“Shall we find a room?” Amelia whispers in my ear.
I turn around to face her. Her eyes are glassy.
“Maybe not tonight. The ball is about to drop.”
“We could be doing it while the ball drops. That’s better than a stupid kiss.”
I lean close to her and say, “You saying my kisses are stupid?”
She places her hands on my chest, moves them lower, and says, “Not at all. I just like something of yours better.” She licks the edge of my ear then blows on it.
I kiss her and bite her lip.
She pulls back and pouts. “You’re naughty.”
“Get a room, would you?” Jesse says, coming into the kitchen.