by Laci Maskell
Let’s hope.
Just as Mario Lopez starts his monologue on Extra there is a knock at my door. I know Greyson is still in school, as well as Leah, so I can’t imagine who is here. Maybe the mailman. I get up off the couch and walk towards the door. I look through the peephole to see who it is before I open the door.
Mr. Rush stands on the other side of my front door. I’m not sure whether or not I should open the door. Greyson’s text lead me to believe Mr. Rush was about to go crazy. But eyeing him from the peephole, he looks fine. It’s not like he’s an axe murderer coming to kill me, he’s just my English teacher. What harm could he do?
I take a deep breath then turn the handle on the door.
Mr. Rush smiles as the door swings wider. Then I notice one of his hands is behind his back. Oh god, it’s a gun. He’s going to shoot me. My heart crashes into my rib cage. My baby kicks from my sudden panic. Sweat beads on my forehead.
Before I can close the door Mr. Rush’s hidden arms swings forward to reveal a bouquet of roses. Holy shit, calm down.
I sigh heavily in relief then laugh at my absurdity.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Lux,” Mr. Rush says.
“What are you doing here?” I ask him stupidly.
“I came to see you. It’s been a while since you’ve been in school and I missed seeing you every day. I also came to talk about our relationship.”
He may not have come to shoot me but I can’t say I like the reason he’s here.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” I tell him. “My parents will be home soon and I don’t think they’d like finding you here.”
“Lux,” Mr. Rush says, taking purposeful strides towards me. “You said you needed time to think. I think I’ve given you plenty of time. I’m a patient man, but when it comes to you, I don’t want to wait any longer.”
He takes a step closer to me until he is all the way into my house and crowding me. I take a step back and he closes the door behind him. This is not good. This is so not good.
“These are for you,” he says, handing me the roses.
“Thank you,” I say tentatively.
What is it they say about getting out of situations with crazy people, you have to talk them down or something? Maybe if I just say what he wants me to say he will leave and then I can call the cops. He is really starting to freak me out now. I thought maybe if I ignored him he would get the hint and leave me alone. I guess not.
“I’ll go put these in water,” I say, thinking I’ll use the kitchen phone to call someone for help.
“They will keep fresh for a little while. Why don’t we go talk?” Mr. Rush says.
He places his hand on my lower back and leads me to the living room. I sit on the couch but try to put distance between us.
Mr. Rush sits beside me and places his hand up my thigh. My skin crawls with his touch. I want to shove his hand away but am afraid he’ll get mad. He is calm. He is almost too calm. It’s scary.
I take a deep breath to calm myself but then the baby kicks so hard I almost cry out.
“Have you thought about our relationship?” Mr. Rush asks, leaning into me.
“Um . . . yeah, a little bit,” I say, because I’m not sure what to say.
Mr. Rush smiles and says, “I’m glad. I’ve been thinking about it too. These past few weeks without you in school have made me realize how much I truly am in love with you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Today was the hardest. I could barely teach. All I thought about was coming to see you and tasting your lips on mine.”
“Oh my.”
My heart rate picks up, as does the baby’s kicking. I wish she would calm down, but since I can’t, I’m sure she won’t.
Mr. Rush’s hand moves further up my thigh. I jump up from the couch.
“Is something wrong?” he asks.
“Uh, no. I just have to pee. Really bad. One of the pitfalls of being pregnant.”
“Hurry back,” he says.
I race for the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I dig for my phone in my sweatshirt pocket then dial Greyson’s number.
It rings and rings and I’m afraid he’s not going to pick it up when finally I hear, “Lux, are you okay?”
I hurriedly whisper into the phone, “Mr. Rush is at my house and he’s scaring me and I really need you to get here. Please come.”
“He what?” Greyson yells into the phone. “I’ll be right there.”
“Please, Greyson,” I say, feeling tears slip down my cheeks.
“Listen, pretty girl, I’m coming. I promise you it’s going to be okay.”
I can hear a teacher yelling at him in the back ground.
“I love you,” I tell him.
“I love you too. I’m just at my car. I’ll be right there.”
I hang up the phone and turn on the faucet to splash water on my face.
“Are you alright?” Mr. Rush asks from the other side of the door.
“Yeah. I’ll be right out.”
The baby kicks into my side and I about double over in pain. I’m not sure this is right. I take a deep breath and let it out. I take another and let it out. After three breaths the baby has not kicked again and I feel fine enough to leave the bathroom.
When I open the door Mr. Rush is standing right outside.
“Shall we go back to the couch?”
When we sit back on the couch Mr. Rush returns his hand to its place on my thigh. I want to cry.
“I want you so badly,” he says to me and moves his hand further up.
He leans in to me. I back away until I’m lying on the couch and can no longer back further away. He takes this as an invitation and crawls on top of me.
“Please stop,” I say to him.
The baby kicks hard making my head feel dizzy.
“I love you, Lux. Can’t you see that?”
Mr. Rush leans all the way into me and kisses me hard on the mouth. I try to push him away but can’t. He’s too heavy.
He continues to kiss me. When I can’t push him off I try the next best thing. I bite him, hard enough I taste blood. He pulls back, yells, “You bitch,” then slaps my face.
My cheek stings and tears well up in my eyes.
I barely hear my front door banging against the wall though the ringing in my ears.
“Get off my girlfriend, you asshole,” I hear Greyson say, his voice moving closer.
He comes closer and pulls Mr. Rush off of me.
“Run to the bathroom and call the cops,” Greyson tells me.
I get off the couch to do that when the baby kicks. I take a deep breath and stand up. I can do this. Mr. Rush takes a swing at Greyson and they both fall into the couch.
I make it to the bathroom and call the cops. They assure me they are on their way.
I stand in the bathroom dizzy and lightheaded. I run cold water into my hands then splash it on to my face. It brings little relief to my now flushed face. I turn the water off and stand in front of the mirror. I look exhausted and feel it too. I am about to open the door to go out and lie on the couch when I feel this pop, like a water balloon exploding on my crotch and look down to see that I am standing in a puddle of water.
Oh no. Ohnoohnoohno.
Oh this is not good.
There is a pounding on the door that makes me scream.
“It’s okay,” Greyson says, “It’s just me.”
I open the door and say, “Mr. Rush?”
“I knocked him out. Are you okay?”
“I think my water just broke,” I say as I feel a kick from my baby.
“What?”
“My water just broke,” I yell at him.
“But you’re over a month early,” Greyson now sounds panicked and rushes into the room.
“I know,” I say, about to cry because I feel panicked and turn to him.
“It’s going to be okay,” Greyson says with a new found calm. “Let’s get your bag and we’ll go to my car and I’ll drive you to the hospital.�
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“Just call an ambulance,” I say with tears rushing down my cheeks.
“That will take too long,” Greyson says, running to my room.
“I don’t want to make a mess of your car.”
“Get in the car,” Greyson yells at me when he is back down the stairs with my bags in hand.
I wait in the bathroom while Greyson runs my bags to the car and opens the passenger side. He runs back into the house, takes me by the hand, holds my back, and leads me to the car.
Greyson drives a few miles over the speed limit to the hospital but is very safe. He is calm and determined. I, on the other hand, am crying and freaking out. What if there is something wrong with the baby to make my water break early? My worry is ebbed by my contractions, which come faster and faster. They feel like the worst period cramps ever imaginable and they happen over and over again.
Greyson calls my parents on the way out of our house so I am reassured that they will be at the hospital when we get there, but I can’t help but panic.
“It’s going to be okay, Lux,” Greyson tells me, trying to calm me down.
“But I’m nine weeks early. What if there is something wrong?”
“Lux!” Greyson says stoically. “I promise you everything is going to be okay. Whatever happens we will get through it.”
“I need you, Greyson. I can’t do this by myself,” I say through sobs.
“No one said you had to. I’m right here, pretty girl. I’m not going to leave you. I love you, Lux.”
I am about to say I love you back when we pull up to the hospital. Greyson jumps out of the car and nurses jog towards us wheeling a wheel chair. We rush in through the doors as Greyson tells them everything. People and things fly by me, my parents, other pregnant women, and medical staff. Before I know it, I am being lifted onto a bed in a birthing room.
There are four nurses around me and Dr. Coughlin and my parents and Greyson. They all tell me to push, which I try but it is very difficult. I am hooked up to wires and machines which all beep incessantly and I try harder to push but it is increasingly more painful. Then Greyson and my parents are being herded from my room and I am being wheeled out into the hallway with all my machine and nurses staff glory into another room, one that looks intensely more menacing. I am poked with needles touched in every which way. People rush to me and away from me. And I’m so scared and in so much pain. And then I’m not. And everything is dark.
Greyson
I’m still seeing red after walking in on Mr. Rush on top of Lux. I could have killed the guy. I should have. I almost did. The cops pulled up just as we were driving off to the hospital. I’m sure they are confused and have a lot of questions, but right now I don’t care. I’m honestly surprised they didn’t follow us here. All I know is, Mr. Rush is going to pay for what he did to Lux, and what he did to our baby.
I don’t know how I managed it, but I stayed calm bringing Lux to the hospital and once we were in her room. However, when the nurses made Lux’s parents and I leave her room, I broke down.
After they made us leave, they wheeled Lux down the hall and into a different room. I don’t know why she needed to be in a different room, but if it helps her have the baby, I guess. No one will tell me anything. I ask Lux’s parents’ questions but their answers come in forms of “I don’t know, Greyson,” and “Everything will be fine, Greyson,” or “We will find out shortly, Greyson. We will just have to wait and see.” Nothing they say is comforting or reassuring. My girlfriend and baby are in danger and I can’t do anything about it. And I know they are in danger by the way everyone acts. I have stopped asking Lux’s parents questions and have resorted to nervously pacing the hallways. Lux’s parents sit quietly in chairs, holding hands, and looking down at the floor.
I text Leah to tell her what is happening and she shows up shortly after. She looks as panicked as I feel. We talk for a bit, then she goes to sit with Lux’s parents. The next one to show up is Wren and strangely I feel comforted in him being here. But his drive is three hours, which means this is taking far too long. I’m not comforted enough to sit down. The next people to show up are Sean and Piper, the baby’s adoptive parents. I’m not happy to see them. I’m not ready to give up my baby.
I read Lux’s baby books and I did a little research on the internet and I found out giving birth can last any amount of time from minutes to days, but this is insane. I’ve never been good at waiting for things to happen and waiting to find out about Lux and the baby only makes my impatience worse. After what has to be several hours, Lux’s doctor, Dr. Coughlin, comes down the hall. Not waiting for her to reach us, I rush towards her, as do Lux’s parents, Wren, and Leah.
I want to ask so many questions but a look from Lux’s dad silences me and I wait to hear what Dr. Coughlin has to say.
“Doctor?” Lux’s mom says.
Dr. Coughlin takes a breath then begins speaking, “Lux’s preeclampsia and preterm labor weeks ago caused stress on her body and the baby causing Lux to go into labor. There were a few complications. The baby was in a bad position with the cord wrapped around her neck. We had to perform an emergency C Section to get the baby out. Lux’s body has suffered a lot and she went into shock. In order to heal, Lux went to sleep. We’re not sure what exactly that means. She is breathing on her own and shows no sign of trauma. We will monitor her closely and if there is any change we will update you. We got the baby out in time. Because she is preterm, the baby is only four pounds and six ounces, but she is mostly healthy. Her lungs are underdeveloped as well as most of her other organs. Her heart is strong. Her brain is developed as much as we could hope for. She is in the NICU and will have to remain there for a good time. She’s not out of the woods yet, but I don’t think she is in jeopardy.”
“So they are both going to be okay?” Lux’s mom asks.
“We’re going to keep a close eye on the both of them, but at this time we are not overly worried about them” Dr. Coughlin says.
“Can we see them?” Lux’s dad asks.
“Lux is being cleaned up and taken to her room, so it will be a little bit before you can see her. But you are welcome to go to the NICU to see the baby. Only immediate family though. Who is the father?” Dr. Coughlin asks.
Sean and Piper step up and say, “We’re the adoptive parents.”
I’m not sure what it is that takes hold of me but my mouth opens and I say, “I’m the baby’s father.”
Every head in the rooms turns to look at me. I don’t care.
“Do you know when we will be able to take the baby home?” Piper asks, disregarding what I just said.
“The baby has a lot of developing to do, but,” Dr. Coughlin says.
But again, I am seized by something so powerful I can’t help but spit out, “You’re not taking her home.”
“Greyson,” Lux’s mom says, “Sean and Piper are the baby’s parents now. You and Lux signed away your rights on that paper.”
“I didn’t sign it. She’s still my baby. I’m not giving away my rights and I’m not giving away my baby.”
I stand my ground and stare at them, daring them to take my baby away from me. Sean and Piper look to Lux’s parents. They look baffled and unsure of what to say.
“Look,” Lux’s dad starts. “It’s an emotional time right now, he’s just a kid, he doesn’t know what he’s saying. Why don’t you come back tomorrow and we can get this mess sorted out.”
“No,” I say, “don’t bother coming back. I’m not going to change my mind.”
Sean looks pissed and Piper bursts into tears. I am not this guy anymore.
I step toward them and say, “I am really sorry. I really am. I just cannot give my baby away. Lux has brought me those papers several times and I couldn’t sign them. From the second I saw her on that ultrasound video I fell in love with my daughter. I have to keep her. I love her. I’m sorry.”
Everyone in the room is crying now. I’m ready to hear Sean say I will hear from their lawyer, but th
en Sean and Piper both hug me, wish me luck, and walk away. There is no way I got away with it that easily.
“Greyson, Lux had every intention of Sean and Piper being the baby’s parents. What do you think she’s going to say when she wakes up?”
“I don’t care. Lux can break up with me and want nothing to do with the baby. I will find a way to keep her if it kills me.”
“Lesson one in being a father,” Lux’s dad says. His statement confuses me, but then I understand that he has just accepted me as the baby’s father.
“You may go see your baby,” Dr. Coughlin says.
Dr. Coughlin tells us the way to the NICU then leaves us. Leah goes back to the waiting room to wait for us while we go see the baby. The whole time Dr. Coughlin talked, my heart was racing and my knees were weak. Now I feel even worse. Lux is lying in a bed “asleep” because it was so traumatic she went into shock. And our baby is having trouble breathing. Not to mention the fact that I just took responsibility for the baby. I am that kid’s father now. Holy shit that’s a lot to take in. I don’t know how to handle any of it.
Wren puts a hand on my shoulder, which somehow helps me stand taller, and the four of us walk to the NICU. Before we can enter, we must get clearance through a door and wash all of our exposed skin. As we get closer to seeing my baby, my heart races. I still can’t believe I am a father and I’m about to see my baby.
We reach this clear plastic bed and see this extremely tiny body lying on top. Tears fill my eyes as I look down on her. She’s smaller than a football. That is the only comparison I can make. She is so tiny. Everything about her is tiny, her arms and legs, her fingers and toes, her nose, ears. She is so tiny and looks so fragile. She has tubes in her nose, which I can only imagine are helping her breathe. She has a round patch on her chest over her left side connected to a wire. The wire seems to be connected to a heart monitor. The worst thing, the thing I can barely stand to look at, is the needle poking out the top of her head. The sight of it makes me want to throw up. I don’t know what it’s for, but I want it out. But, besides all that, she is so perfect and so beautiful.