Fortitude (Heart of Stone)

by D H Sidebottom

  Courtney slid into a chair, her eyes never leaving my face as the blood drained from hers. “Ava?”

  I lowered my eyes and refused to watch the heartache roll over her.

  God damn.

  “Well,” Mason barked as he chose another item from the side. “Tell her. Tell her how you’re gonna leave us. Tell her how you’re not afraid to fuck off and leave us all here without you.” He was slowly moving towards me as his face morphed into something I didn’t like. I backed off a little. I could see Courtney trying to push herself upright in readiness for Mason’s anger. “Well, baby. Tell her. TELL HER!”

  The edge of the worktop rammed into my back as Mason suddenly pushed against me, his face hovering over mine as his fury spat from his mouth. “TELL HER!”

  A choked sob caught my breath as he suddenly flew backwards. He crashed into the table when Kade’s fist connected with his jaw. Mason scrambled upright and swung for Kade, his fist connecting with his cheekbone and sending him flying into the fridge. The contents that had survived yesterday’s impact were now no more.

  I turned and walked away, closing the front door silently behind me before I climbed in my car and left.

  ***

  “Allow me to show you the kitchen, Mrs Fox,” the sickly overdressed estate agent prompted.

  “No need, thank you. I’ll take it.”

  “But…” she frowned when my sudden declaration shocked her. “Well, okay then.” She smiled widely, showing me her perfect straight white teeth.

  Mason would have loved her; her large high breasts were tight against her simple white blouse, the small buttons straining to keep her flesh contained. Her red hair was perfectly styled with not a single strand daring enough to escape the excessively tight bun at the top of her head and her flawless skin glowed with excitement at the quick sale.

  I smiled contentedly as I ran my finger along the old wooden stair rail, memories jolting me as though the cottage had been waiting for my return. She welcomed me back with open arms and a warm loving embrace.

  “You seem very… at home here, Mrs Fox.”

  I smiled at her perceptiveness. “Mmm, yes.”

  “Well now that’s decided, we better return to the office to fill in the finance details and…”

  “I’ll be paying cash.” I cut in as I lay the flat of my palm against the wall beside the front door.

  He stood swaying slightly and I immediately realised he was drunk and high.

  He stood silently looking at me, his head tipped slightly to the side and then he was suddenly all over me, his hands were in my hair, tugging furiously as his mouth crashed over mine, bruising my lips in a ferocious kiss.

  He groaned on contact and pushed me against the wall as he demanded entrance into my mouth with his tongue, his fists tightening on my hair until the pain made me wince.

  “I can’t… I can’t get the pictures of you and him out of my head, Ava. His hands and mouth all over you… Why, Ava?” he pleaded and I knew then that I had lost him.

  A sob broke free and he screwed up his face in agony, “I… I…” He never finished. He just turned and left.

  All I had ever done was hurt him, caused him pain, over and over again. I understood him leaving me, it was his defence mechanism, his way of leaving me before I left him and tore his soul to pieces.

  “Mrs Fox?”

  “Sorry,” I turned and smiled at her. “You said immediate occupancy available?”

  “Yes, no chain. The owners have moved to France so she’s all ready to go.” I warmed towards her when her gaze roamed over my cottage, the appreciation she showed openly coupled with my love for my old, and hopefully once again, safety net.

  When I had entered the estate agent and she had pounced on me, she had showed me numerous houses until she lifted a finger and pulled the file from her desk. She had fussed and fluffed when I had started to cry.

  My girl had welcomed me home.

  For the very last time.

  Chapter Three

  Acceptance

  Mason

  “Are you for fucking real?” Kade roared at me as he slammed my back against the bedroom wall. Each of his fists were coiled in my t-shirt, the material scrunched in his hands as though the hold would quell his rage.

  Greg had insisted we get the fuck out of the way as we were upsetting Courtney. Jesus Christ.

  “Get the fuck off me!” I pushed against him but he was surprisingly strong, his anger giving him the strength to stand up to me, to face my wrath. “Aren’t you missing something anyway?”

  He narrowed his bright blue eyes on me, his stare doing something that it really shouldn’t be doing right now. “Like?”

  I chewed on my lip as I watched the deep rise and fall of his chest, his lips parted and moist as he tried to control his heavy breathing. His eyes dropped to my mouth, the memories playing in his eyes and we both groaned simultaneously as my dick shifted in preparation. He turned away and ran his hands through his hair. “Fuck Mason, not now. Save it for the girls.”

  We both fought to control it and calm down. “Like isn’t Grace missing?” I answered to his earlier question.

  “She’s taken Etta to see her grandparents.”

  I nodded as he turned back round to look at me. The pain in his eyes hurt my guts and I swallowed back the bile. “And my grandson?”

  “Is it terminal?” he asked bluntly, ignoring my own question, making me blink as a sting burnt my chest.

  “I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean you don’t know?”

  “I don’t know,” I repeated stupidly. I winced as the sting became a scorch of guilt. I hadn’t even asked her. “She said she was dying, so…”

  “So you just fucking presumed.” He lifted an eyebrow at me in disbelief. “Have you spoke to her about it at all?”

  I dropped onto the bed and rested my face in my hands. “I…”

  “You what?” he asked as he knelt before me and took my hands in his. His eyes were wet and paler than usual, the vividness muted to a low flatness as his patience calmed me. “Mason, please tell me you haven’t left her to deal with this alone?”

  “I can’t… I can’t Kade. I can’t face her, I can’t face… it.”

  He lowered his eyes and sighed. “I know Mason but you have to. She can’t do this alone, she can’t fight this without you. You have to be strong.”

  “I CAN’T!” I cried as I pushed off the bed. He fell backwards, the flats of his hands sinking into the plush carpet, the deep rich grey too harsh against the paleness of his hands.

  “Well I’m afraid you have to,” he continued calmly. “I’ll be here for you, but you need to be there for her.”

  My veins were aching from the come down of the coke and I blew out a breath as I tried to battle the urge to dip into my jacket pocket and cut a new line. I strolled across to the window and stared out of the glass, a small streak of bird shit giving me something to focus on. “How long are you back for?”

  “As long as I’m needed.” His answer surprised me and I turned to him.

  “What? Don’t you have obligations and shit?”

  He sighed and closed the gap between us. His hand slid across my cheek, his palm smearing the tears I didn’t realise had spilled. “You and Ava are my only obligation at the moment. I said I’m here for you and I will be. You need to score, I’m there. You need to scream, I’m there…”

  “And fuck?” I asked as I quirked a brow at him.

  He smirked at me and chuckled, “I’m there.” His face grew serious as I watched the lust physically spill from him in potent currents, “All the way, balls fucking deep right in your tight ass.”

  His mouth was suddenly on mine, his tongue sliding between my lips as his anger and rage dictated who was in charge. He groaned and gripped my hair tightly, pulling my face further into his as I slid my own hands up the back of his shirt until I was gripping his shoulders fiercely so I could also pull him further into me.

&nb
sp; His moan ignited a blaze so intense in my belly that I had to gasp to counter the skip in my heart rate.

  My arse hit the windowsill and his legs spread either side of my thighs so he could straddle me and deepen the kiss further. I pulled my hand from inside his shirt and slid it over his hard dick, hissing at the barrier of material between us. He lifted his hips, driving himself on my hand causing us both to moan as I bit down on his lower lip.

  He pulled back and swallowed harshly, “No, we swore we wouldn’t do this without the girls.”

  “The girls are fine about this, Kade. They told us that.”

  “I know, but we said no.”

  I nodded in agreement, “I know, but I don’t think they’re gonna go ape over a kiss so quit with the guilt.” He smiled at me and tapped my cheek before moving back and rearranging his cock begrudgingly.

  He winked at me as he opened the door. “Now pull yourself together and toughen up for the cruellest shit that ever hit you.”

  I screwed up my face at his honesty as it slapped me in the face, but nodded. He was right, as usual, I did need to toughen up and it would be the cruellest, most horrendous shit me and Ava would ever face. Yet, now I knew with Kade there to help me through it, that I would be strong for her.

  But one thing was for sure, my wife was going to battle the hardest fight of her life, however there was no doubt in my head that she was strong enough for it.

  I just had to convince her of that fact.

  Chapter Four

  Release

  Ava

  “You so did,” Grace laughed and poked Kade in the arm as I walked into the kitchen. Silence descended as they each turned to look at me.

  I was surprised to see Mason sat at the table with Kade and Grace, I thought he would have left by now. He swallowed heavily and stood up, “Ava.”

  His long legs closed the gap between us quickly. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered as he rested his forehead against mine and secured my gaze, both his hands caressing each side of my face tenderly. I nodded faintly, I couldn’t deal with this now. “Where have you been?”

  “Nowhere specific,” I lied. “Where’s Court?”

  He frowned at me, “She’s okay. Greg took her away for the weekend. They need time alone after everything.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Ava,” Kade said softly and I turned to him. My heart still skipped whenever his handsome face looked at me. “Are you okay?”

  “Uh-huh,” I lied again. “Who wants dinner?” I needed to do something, needed to divert, I couldn’t bear all the questions.

  “We’ve eaten, there’s casserole warming in the oven for you.”

  “Thank you,” I smiled at Mason. He was still stood regarding me with a worried expression.

  “Ava…”

  “I’m fine.” I cut in, giving him the most sincere smile I could. “Just hungry.”

  “We need to talk.”

  “I know, but not yet, eh? I need to eat then go fetch Katie.” I grabbed the towel and took out the slop that was warming. My stomach revolted at it, the aroma burning a hole through the bile that was already bubbling away. I cringed and slid it straight into the bin.

  “Baby, you need to eat, and Layla’s bringing Katie over tomorrow.”

  “I don’t need to eat Mason,” I snapped suddenly. “I’m dying, I’m sure a fucking bowl of meat and veg won’t stop that.” I squeezed my eyes closed and sighed when my words stabbed his heart. The stricken expression on his face tore my heart in half. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “No,” he spat at me. “You shouldn’t.”

  I groaned when he walked off and slammed the door behind him, leaving me staring at the white wood as though I could magically retract the words I had hurt him with.

  “Hey,” Kade said softly as his arms circled me from behind and I instantly rested the back of my head on his shoulder and savoured his comfort. “How you doing?”

  Grace smiled at me as she took out some fruit from the fridge and began to peel and chop, concocting a simple fruit salad for me.

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “One moment I’m fine, the next I’m angry, the next I’m terrified, the next I’m empty and sad but…”

  “But?” He prompted as he turned me around so he could look at me.

  “But I don’t know how to… get Mason to accept I’m dying.”

  He sighed and wiped the stray tear off my cheek. “It’s not Mason you have to convince Ava, it’s yourself you have to tell to fight this.”

  “I’m not strong enough, Kade. I…”

  “Yes! You are, sweetheart. You are stronger than anyone I’ve ever known. You can get through this… you will get through this.”

  I just smiled in reply. They didn’t understand but I didn’t expect them to. I thanked Grace as she handed me the plate of fruit before taking it to eat in the small summerhouse of Courtney’s, alone.

  I needed to get used to my own companionship, because very soon, that’s all I would have.

  ***

  It was dark when I strolled back up to the house, my pathway lit by numerous lanterns Courtney had scattered around her garden. The daffodils bordering the edge shrank back at the bite of winter still in the air, their delicate petals trying to accept their new life and deal with all the harshness the gap between winter and spring brought.

  I wanted to take their heed and shrink away from life. I would give anything to climb into a hole and stay there until this was all over, until I could feel the summer sun on my face and appreciate its warmth, until each of my smiles were felt in my heart and until I could once more value each lungful of air that kept me alive.

  Laughter came from the lounge, Kade’s loud chuckle searing my heart. Just when my life had finally accepted what my heart wanted was it being cruelly snatched away from me? The plans we had made, for Kade and Grace to join us in Portugal, were now just dust, blown away by my capability of wrecking things.

  I stood silently by the door, watching them through the large glass window that provided me secret viewing to their merriment. I smiled as Grace flung a pillow at Kade and Mason dived for him, his unique sense of humour obviously once again too vulgar.

  My heart soared as Mason’s head flew back and a large laugh echoed around the house. I knew then that what I had decided was for the best.

  The tear tickled my cheek as it strolled slowly down my face in no hurry to leave me. He was so handsome when he laughed, his eyes so bright and full of life, life I couldn’t bear to take from him. He was my soul, and he had been for so long that I didn’t know how to accept his love anymore. I didn’t know how to let him in to the pain that was killing me before the cancer even had chance to. I didn’t know how to let go either though, but I knew I would have to.

  Cancer was nothing on the shit tearing me to bits right then, cancer couldn’t break me like my heart was breaking me. Yet, even though the pain was so agonising that I could feel each minute fracture as my heart slowly splintered inside me, I knew it wouldn’t be death that tortured me, it would be saying goodbye to the only man that had ever held my heart in his hand, the only man that had ever felt the intensity of its beat every time he had smiled at me, and the only man that had ever touched my soul and felt the force of it inside himself.

  He turned to me as though he felt me looking. The pain in his eyes crumbled me so much more but I smiled gently, forcing the heartache back just for a little longer.

  He didn’t deserve this, especially tonight. Tonight he needed me to give him everything. Tonight my glorious bastard needed to secure memories that would hopefully give his heart and soul something to feed from in the upcoming battle ahead.

  Tonight I said goodbye.

  Chapter Five

  Cherish

  Mason

  She stole my breath when she opened the door and walked through to us. I had caught her watching us with a sad smile on her face, as though she was building memories, and that had hurt me more t
han her words of dying. She had accepted she was dying, but I never would - never.

  We all hushed when she gripped the hem of her t-shirt and lifted it over her head. She was so melancholy that my heart broke for her. I knew she needed this but I also knew she was trying to divert, steer us away from what we all actually needed – to talk.

  Her skirt fell to pool around her ankles as she locked her gaze on me, her eyes dark and her lips moist. My god, she was so utterly beautiful that I was struggling to breathe.

  Grace shifted silently from beside me as she stood and slowly walked over to Ava. She ran her finger over Ava’s jaw then cupped the side of her face, wiping the single tear that appeared to be glued to her cheek with her thumb.

  I was mesmerised as Grace sedately leaned in and brushed her lips over Ava’s, her fingers continuing onward until they disappeared into the thick red hair behind Ava’s head. Ava slid her hands around Grace, pulling her in to deepen the kiss.

  I heard Kade’s breathing deepen and slow down as he watched the display with as much fascination as me. They were both so erotic, their gentle kiss and tender touches lighting me up and feeding the throb in my lower gut.

  Ava’s bra fell to the floor before Grace’s mouth slowly ventured towards my wife’s perfect breasts, her lips softly placing tiny kisses along the route. Ava’s eyes fluttered closed when Grace traced the edge of her nipple with her tongue, both of them moaning softly at the caress. She slid her hands into Grace’s hair, bunching it softly between her fingers as she shivered slightly, her teeth gently pulling at her lower lip.