Love in Troubled Times

by Gayle Riley

  I stare at the wall throughout the night and can’t remember if I’ve fallen asleep for the sun shines upon me through my window. I imagined Artimus coming here in the middle of the night to kiss me again, but perhaps it was a dream, or perhaps he did come. What did he have to do that seemed so important to him?

  I drive down the streets of Times Square with an emptiness. I think I’m becoming obsessed. Chels would laugh at me for gawking over this man like some little girl. Or maybe this is normal. Maybe despite feeling as I do, I’m rebounding…Then I see his hazel eyes, beautiful black hair, and lips in my head. No…He is not a rebound. I want him. I want Artimus…And I want him to want me back.

  When I get into the office, I notice that Chels isn’t here. She hadn’t contacted me at all yesterday after work which is quite a bit unusual for her. Unlike me, she’s barely ever late, but perhaps this will be a first. My boss comes over.

  “Oh,” he says. “Where are all those smiles you had these past couple days?”

  “Good morning to you too.”

  He smiles, but it is far from being anything sincere.

  “Your friend isn’t here today. Bummer.”

  “Did she call out?”

  “That isn’t any of your business.”

  “Then why would you bring it up?”

  He smiles as I watch him begin to walk away.

  “So I get to watch you sulk all day.”

  I shake my head and exhale deeply.

  After the long work day without Chels, I get into my car and try calling her. No answer. I go to my messages. No message. What is her deal? Why isn’t she answering anything? My phone rings and immediately, I answer it.

  “Chels?”

  “No, it’s Mom.”

  “Oh,” I say.

  “Oh,” she says. “Must not wish to hear my voice, huh?”

  “No, it’s not that. Just been a rough day. Anyway, what’s going on?”

  “Your brother is getting deployed.”

  “He just got here.”

  “He leaves tonight.”

  “On Christmas Eve?”

  “Don’t. Mary. Don’t say it as though you care.”

  “I do care. How can you say that?”

  “Are you going to come by and say goodbye to him.”

  I sigh and nod my head.

  “Yes. As much as he wouldn’t care. I’ll say goodbye.”

  She hangs up.

  “Goodbye to you too.”

  I connect my phone to my car’s Bluetooth. As I drive to my parents’ house, I wish Artimus had left his number on the card. I wish I had someone to call other than my mother. But I don’t have anybody besides Chels, and now, she’s not answering or even checking in on me. After I visit my family, I’m just going to stop by her house and see what’s going on. I knock on the door to my parents and momentarily, my mother opens the door.

  “Hi,” I say.

  She smiles and steps aside. “Your brother is in the dining room having a meal.”

  “Hi, Mary,” I say to myself, stepping into the house.

  I take off my coat and walk into the dining room. My brother sits at the table with father and grandma. They all have on ugly sweaters. I then notice my mother does as well.

  “Guess I didn’t get the memo,” I say. “Why not contact me about the family attire? You know how much I loved wearing ugly sweaters for the holidays.”

  “Tonight, isn’t about you,” my mother says. “It’s about your brother going back. Don’t you care that there is a chance something can happen to him over there.”

  I exhale deeply and look at Brian.

  “Hi, Brian.”

  He stares and doesn’t say a word.

  “Have a seat,” my father says. “Once he finished up his meal, he has to pack so we can’t keep him too long.”

  I take a seat at the table and my grandma is fast asleep, her head slouched down to her chest.

  “How do you feel?” I ask him.

  “How do you think I feel? This will be my third Christmas in a row that I won’t be home.”

  “Well, look on the bright side, you sacrificing your holiday gives another family theirs.”

  He scoffs.

  “I’m just trying to help, Brian.”

  “Why don’t you help yourself,” he says. “You don’t understand.”

  “Yes, I do, Brian. I—“

  “Mary,” my mother says. “Have you grown up yet?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You’re being rude to Brian,” my father says.

  “I wasn’t being rude, I was simply telling him the truth about—”

  “The truth,” he says. “The truth is, you don’t belong in this family.”

  Everyone and everything falls silent. I stare at Brian then my eyes glance over at my parents. They shy their faces away.

  “So, Mom…Dad…You’re not going to defend me, are you?” They remain silent. “You’re not going to defend your daughter? Another one of your children?”

  They still refrain from answering or look me in the eye.

  “I guess I’m just some burden to you all, huh?”

  “Burden?” Brian says, now standing to his feet. “No. You’re not a burden, Mary. You’re an embarrassment.”

  “Embarrassment?” I nod my head. “Because everyone here served our country and I decided to do what I love which is to write? I am an embarrassment?!”

  Brian stares and doesn’t say a word. I hold back my tears and take a deep breath.

  “I should go.”

  “You should,” he says. “Good luck, writer.”

  I grab my coat and open the door.

  “Good luck, jarhead!”

  I slam the door behind myself and hurry to my car. I get inside the car and feel a cry build up within me. I plug my phone into the car’s Bluetooth and begin to head over to Chels house. I tell my phone to dial her number. It rings a couple of times, and finally, for the first time, she answers.

  “Hello?”

  “Chels,” I say, now smiling and breathing much easier. “You sound like you’re in bed.”

  “I—I am. I’m not feeling well.”

  “I just had the worst experience with my family in my life.”

  “I’m sorry, Mary.”

  “I need to see you. I’m already on my way to your place.”

  “Oh, no. Don’t come here. I don’t even have the strength to get up right now. Just…go home. Rest on it perhaps.”

  “You don’t want me to come by?”

  “I would, but I’m just not feeling too well. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Wait, Chels.”

  She hangs up. I throw my phone into the passenger seat. Great. No one to speak to. No one to vent to. No one, but myself. I begin to wonder if what Scott had said was true. I can barely remember life before him, so it really must not have been so great. But the pain and trouble he put me through, it must have been a much better life for me before him, wasn’t there?

  Without another place to go in mind to ease my mind, I decide to head to Artimus’. I could hope that whatever plans he had yesterday, are finished. And hopefully, he not be upset that I pop up so soon. I mean, he did say I can visit anytime and just not last night. Now, it is a different night, so…he shouldn’t mind.

  I GPS his house and as I get close, I notice that all his lights are on. He is certainly home and has as many lights on as if he were throwing a party. I turn off the GPS and begin to turn into his long driveway. I look up ahead and see a black car out front. It isn’t anything I could picture him driving. It’s kind of old. I would have thought if he did have cars then it’d be a bunch of old-school mint-condition classics or something. Corvettes and Lambos. Mustangs and T20s. Something like that. But as I pull up to park next to the vehicle, I begin to think to myself. He doesn’t have a garage, and perhaps he doesn’t need to drive. I look over at the vehicle as I pass it and the dent in the rear of the car sends both confusion and heartbreak within me. />
  Chels? That can’t be her car. I park next to the car and hop out. As I make my way up the steps of his house, the door opens. Artimus stands there dressed in black pants and of course, a white button-up.

  “Mary.”

  “I would have called, but you never left me with a number.”

  He nods his head.

  “Whose car is that?”

  “Hi…Mary.”

  I look over Artimus’ shoulder and what I feared the most has happened.

  “Chels…”

  Chapter 7

  It already bothers me that Chels is here. What bothers me more is that she’s half naked, standing in her lingerie.

  “Artimus?”

  “Mary. Please don’t—“

  “What the hell are you doing here, Chels?! You don’t answer my calls or texts, nor show up at work, and then when you finally answer, you say you are sick and not to come over, but come to find out, you are over here, sleeping with him?! After I’ve told you how much I liked him? You’d do this behind my back?!”

  “Mary, I didn’t—”

  “You didn’t mean to? Was that what you were going to say?”

  “Mary, do understand that nothing—”

  “Understand what, Artimus? That you slept with my best friend?! I trusted you! I liked you and wanted to be with you! Is this what you’ve been doing when you said you had been ‘booked’ for the night?”

  “Mary,” he says, raising his hands in defense. “I don’t understand why—”

  “You don’t understand why I’m upset? Really? You’re sleeping with—”

  “I don’t understand why you think it’s something more than what it actually is.”

  I silence myself and stare at them both. I begin to shake my head.

  “You—” I begin to say. “I’m sorry, I thought we had established some form of entitlement…” I say, nodding my head. “Entitlement.” I turn back and head towards my car.

  “Mary!” Chels calls after me.

  I get into my car and slam the door. As a cry builds within me, I pull out of his driveway and floor it onto the street. I speed through Times Square, swerve between cars, taxis, and buses, and make my way back home. If I can’t trust my best friend, then who can I trust? She was the only person I had that kept me going. Not my family, not my ex-husband, not my boss, not my job. Just her. I met Artimus and just before I seen a happy life ahead of me, Chels took it away. I’m tired of people taking things from me.

  I pop open a bottle of wine and immediately begin to drink. With each gulp, it gets better. Easier to get down. I drink and drink and down the bottle until it’s practically gone. I stumble a bit, and when I think of Chels and Artimus, I throw the bottle at the kitchen wall. It shatters and scrambles into chunks of glass, onto the floor.

  “That whore.”

  I stare at the glass, and a salvation incubates my thoughts. I don’t have to live like this. I don’t have to keep myself feeling like some burden to everyone; Feeling as though I don’t belong with my family; Feeling as though I don’t deserve any friends; Feeling as though…I don’t deserve to be loved.

  I stumble towards the broken glass and small pieces cut into the bottom of my feet. I bend over and shuffle through them with my fingertips for the perfect piece. I find it and I find a smile. I struggle to stand and make my way to the kitchen sink. I stare out the window and into the cold winter night. The snow falls along the trees in my backyard, and someone stands between them, staring back at me. I shake my head.

  I peer into my wrist, then look at the broken piece of glass in my hand. I hold the edge of the glass to my wrist and though my vision blurs, perhaps it doesn’t matter where I can begin to cut. I press the point of the glass harder against my wrist. Just when I’m about to break skin, a hand is then atop of mine. It takes the glass and turns me around by the shoulders.

  “What are you doing, Mary?”

  “Artimus, what are, what are you, you doing in my house?”

  “You are drunk,” he says.

  “Ha-ha, not that forget what happen, you and Chels. You two,” I say, pointing a finger and shaking my head. “Hurt me.”

  “Mary, I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “Chels was naked…Naked!”

  “She was…but I was not the one who removed her garments.”

  “What? What does that even mean?”

  “I invited Chels over to learn more about you. Chels thought I invited her for something different. Something more. I wanted to know if you are truly the person you have shown me you are.”

  I try to gather my thoughts, but it keeps trying to slip because of the wine.

  “But…I saw Chels naked, and you looked so—”

  “Pressured. I knew she was your best friend. She did confirm how great of a person you are…and how hurt. But…then she started to drink quite a bit and get very friendly. I denied her because my feelings are with you. She started taking her clothes off and I forbade it. I knew it was you before you knocked on the door. I told you I’ll see you coming before you can see me…I didn’t lay a finger on your best friend. I haven’t felt this way about anyone in quite a long time, Mary.”

  I take a deep breath and stare into his eyes. He seems more serious than I could imagine.

  “But…how do I know you are telling the truth?”

  My phone begins to ring. Artimus looks down at my phone as I hold it in my hand.

  “Answer it. Hear her out.”

  I exhale deeply and answer the call. I place it to my ear, but I refrain from saying anything. As she talks, I stare at Artimus.

  “Mary…I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m so sorry. I had been drinking and it really took over me and he’s just so—you already know…I don’t need to say it. But I’m sorry. It really wasn’t his fault. I came onto him, but he refused. All he talked about was you.”

  “I’ve heard.”

  “Do you forgive me?” she asks.

  “In due time, Chels. Maybe I will.”

  I hang up the phone, and the buzzkill kicks in.

  “You—want me?” I ask him.

  “Yes.”

  “But…you can’t…And I shouldn’t want you.”

  “Why can’t it be?”

  “Because…I’m a human and you’re a … vampire. We have different lives.”

  “I can adjust to yours,” he says.

  “No, I can’t do that to you.”

  “But I want to be with you.”

  I smile as he caresses my cheek.

  “Do you really want to go back to a job you hate? How long until your family accepts you? How long until your ex-husband begins to stalk you and ruin you?”

  He’s right—about everything. I love to write, but I hate my job because of my boss and coworkers, and now, ex-best friend. My family has been treating me this way for years, practically since my younger brother was born. My only excuse for them would be that maybe they never wanted a daughter. My ex-husband, already, it’s barely been a week, has shown up to my house just to tell me I was nothing before meeting him. But here stands someone who cares. Someone honest and faithful who wants to be with me.

  “How could we do this? How could we make this work?”

  Artimus steps forward. “I’ll change you.”

  Goosebumps spread across my skin. “Change me? But then I’ll be like—”

  “You wouldn’t have to kill anybody. I’ve never killed anyone. I feed and let them go. It’s just that, they tend to find their way right back to me and want the same for their lives. I just so happen to run into people who are unhappy and give them what they want. A freedom. A different life…But you, you seem to be the unhappiest.”

  I wipe my face from tears and nod my head.

  “How would I just—disappear from this life I have?”

  “You were going to kill yourself.”

  “Yes,” I say, looking down.

  “I’ll make it look like an accident. I’ll burn this place down and they’ll
believe you were inside. Your best friend will naturally confirm it. You were just on the phone with her. I believe she’s on her way now. She could be the one to find this place to ash.”

  His plan is far too great to deny belief. I nod my head.

  “Change me…”

  Artimus steps forward and holds my face in his hands. He begins to kiss my lips, then works his way down to my clavicle and up my neck. I toss my head back as he removes some of the hair away from the side of my neck.

  “This will hurt.”

  “Do it.”

  He bites into my neck and agony escapes my throat. I fight beneath him, but he keeps me locked in his arms. As he drinks, the pain from the bite begins to go away and so does my consciousness.

  Momentarily, I see him looking into my face, my vision a bit blurry. He begins to fumble through a few things in the house. I then hear him click the stove on. He walks back over to me, and I find myself in his arms again, taking us to the door.

  “Artimus,” I say, weakly.

  “Shush. The venom will be working soon enough. You should sleep, Mary.”

  I look around and he walks down the driveway, cradling me in his arms. Momentarily, I hear a loud bang and a rush of red and orange light surrounds us. I smell fire, but feel the cold of the winter snow. I’m drifting from the ground, and as I’m in and out of consciousness, below us, I see the Atlantic waters.

  ***“Mary…Mary…Mary, wake up.”

  I open my eyes and find myself lying on cement, however, the clouds seem much closer to me than they should be. I clench my aching jaw and look up into Artimus’ face.

  “Mary. You’re beautiful. You are changed.”

  “It…it hurts.”

  He smiles softly as he brings me to my feet.

  “It will pass with time.”

  “Where are we, Artimus? What are we standing on?”

  “The Eiffel Tower.”

  “What?” I head over to the railing and look around the scenic view from our vanishing point. If my heart could beat, I’m sure it would be pounding against my chest.

  “Welcome to Paris, Mary, and Merry Christmas.”