Beards

by Serena J Bishop

  “Why would she ask you all of that when she could just ask me?”

  “Probably because she wants to surprise you with something nice. To show that she likes you.” Allison wanted to add “dumb ass” to the end of that explanation, but decided to play the sensitive friend card.

  Roni nibbled on her bread as she considered that idea. Sure they had kissed briefly at New Year’s and had a few hugs here and there since, but Roni hadn’t seriously entertained the thought of Gina being interested in her romantically.

  “It will be incredible, you know?” Allison said, interrupting Roni’s train of thought.

  “What will?”

  Allison smiled wickedly, “The make-up sex.”

  ***

  After the ladies had finished their dinner and book club conversation, Early waited for a lull to make his appearance. “How was everything?”

  A chorus of “spectacular,” “cute servers,” and “great meatballs,” came from the group of woman.

  Early bashfully averted his eyes. “Stop, you’re making me blush.”

  “There’s a mistake on the bill though,” Roni chimed in. “The only items charged were our drinks.”

  “No mistake. You were my pilot audience, so food’s on the house. But, if you could tip your server what you would have normally and give me your honest feedback, pros and cons, I would appreciate it. Here are some business cards,” he passed them out to the group, “email’s on there.”

  Jessica gave Early a slow agreeable nod. She liked everything about what he had just said, not only as a customer, but also as a manager. “That’s good business.”

  “It is,” Early readily agreed. “We should talk sometime—maybe do a little collaboration.”

  “I’d like that.”

  While Early and Jessica exuberantly brainstormed business ideas, Roni collected the money for the bill, tip, and said her goodbyes to the departing four members. Eventually, Jessica was tapped out of ideas and said her farewell too.

  “This was a great time. I’ll see you two later.” Jessica gave Roni a hug and shook Early’s hand before leaving.

  Early and Roni sat side by side at the table, both with sleepy smiles. “You are a true Master of Ceremonies, Early. Very well done.”

  “You don’t find it to be a conflict of interest anymore?”

  Roni snickered, “No. Sometimes I don’t know why I can be such a...help me out.”

  “Tight ass? Stick in the mud? Wet blanket?”

  Roni laughed harder. “Yes, those.”

  Early joined Roni in the good spirits and placed his hand on top of hers. “I’m glad to see you like this. You seem happy.”

  “I am happy.” Her statement to Early gave her pause. “Allison said something to me before everyone came here tonight. She said that she thinks Gina might be interested in me. Has Gina said anything to you that would make you think that?”

  Early chose his words very carefully. He was on very thin, emotional ice. “Gina hasn’t said anything to me. However, I agree with Allison.”

  “Why?” Roni asked curiously.

  Early continued to hold Roni’s hand. “Because when Gina sits beside you, you can’t get a sheet of paper between your hips. Because you’ve shared so many coy looks I could fill a Japanese pond the size of a swimming pool. Because the two of you together just makes sense. The real question you need to ask yourself is, are you interested in her?”

  ***

  Typically, on a weekday afternoon, O’Malley’s Pub had a few patrons seated at the mahogany bar. They held pints of Guinness or glasses of Jameson as they griped to the bartender about what had happened to them in court. However, one particular weekday featured an uncharacteristic large amount of dark blue uniforms. Police officers from all over the county had come out to give their well wishes and have a beer with the officially retired Jack Appleman.

  “Hey there,” Steven snuck up behind Gina at her spot at the wall bar, “I’ve been looking all over for you. This place is packed.”

  “Don’t tell the fire marshal, I think we’ve exceeded capacity.”

  “Well, it’s for a good cause. To Jack.” Steven held up his pint glass to Gina.

  “To Jack.” After they clinked their glasses, she added, “And to getting a new partner who is half the detective he was.”

  “Have any names been thrown out at you yet?”

  “Some. I think Zach Carter has the lead. He’s experienced enough and has a Crim J degree. It’ll all work out eventually and there’s a learning curve to the job. I just have to remember to be patient like Jack was with me.”

  “Maybe you could get some mentoring tips from him before he rides off into the sunset?”

  “That’s a good idea.” Gina sipped her beer and thought of another helpful strategy. “Maybe I could get some lessons in patience from Roni?” In response, Steven skewed his mouth in a half smile, humor danced in his eyes. “Why are you smirking? You never do that.”

  “It was a smirk-worthy statement—you getting lessons from Roni.”

  “What? It’s a good idea. She has a way of not getting frustrated when she’s trying to explain or teach something. Remember last week, when she was showing me how to dance?”

  Steven did remember and was still confused over that moment at Roni’s birthday party. Roni was directly behind Gina, quickly moving her hips and guiding Gina at the waist with her hands. “Explain to me why Roni was doing that again?”

  “I don’t understand how Shakira can move like that.”

  Steven shook his head at his former partner. Early had told him about the talk he had with Roni regarding the possibility of a rekindled romance and knew he should have the same with Gina. “Look, I’ve tried to stay out of this and I think in the past that’s actually done more harm than good, so I’m speaking up now. You are clearly still in love with Roni.”

  “No, I’m not,” Gina said, in a wholly unconvincing way.

  “Yes, you are, and I think it’s great. Early and Stevie think it’s great too.”

  She shifted her eyes down and stared at her loafers. She supposed there was no point in denying it. “Stevie knows?”

  Steven smiled at her uncharacteristic bashfulness. “He does. He wants his moms back together.”

  “But just because Stevie wants us back together and I’m still in love with Roni doesn’t mean anything anymore. We had our shot and we blew it. I love the fact that we can at least be friends now and that I can have her in my life. Sometimes I even get a hug. What makes you think that she’d even be interested in me?”

  “Common sense! She loves you, Gina. She hasn’t been on a single date since New Year’s, she talks about you all the time, and when she sees you she finds every excuse imaginable to touch you.”

  “Get out,” Gina said with a grin. Roni didn’t like her in that way. Her touches were reasonable: a hello hug, picking stray lint off her jacket, and okay, maybe the hip gyration with the dance lesson was a little over the top, but they were dancing.

  Steven’s focus on Gina was lost when he saw a fellow officer approach in his peripheral vision. He mumbled to Gina, “Our favorite person is coming to join us.”

  “Hey, hey, Fields!” Underwood slapped Steven on the back. “DiCarlo,” he added with much less enthusiasm and no slap.

  “Underwood,” Gina said with as much excitement. But maybe, in some bizarre way, he could add insight to the conversation. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Nine inches!” he bellowed and slapped Steven on the back again. “Not that you’d be interested in it, but go ahead and ask anyway. I’m feeling generous.” Generous equaled drunk.

  “Okay. So, you’re a misogynist prick.”

  “Guilty,” he acknowledged with a smile.

  “And most of the women I know can’t stand you.”

  “Also true.”

  “Yet, from what I hear, you are somehow able to date fairly regularly. You must have a way to sort through the very minuscule percentage of the
female population that finds you tolerable. How do you do that?”

  “Easy system.” Underwood winked. “They don’t move.”

  “What do you mean?” Even Steven didn’t get that one.

  Underwood started leaning into Gina’s space and she backed away like a torch was approaching her. “That’s what I mean. If you liked me, then you wouldn’t have moved or have moved so quickly. You would have let me get close enough to get a whiff of your perfume or something.”

  “That’s it?” Gina asked unconvinced. “You test out personal space?”

  “I hate to say it,” Steven chimed in, “but that makes sense.”

  “It does make sense. Now, it’s your turn,” Underwood said with a single arched brow. “What do you go for DiCarlo, tits or ass?”

  “Seriously?”

  “Shoulda figured you wouldn’t have answered that. Fields, how about you?”

  The feature Steven found the most attractive was not on Underwood’s short list. “I appreciate a nice smile, actually.”

  Underwood snapped his fingers and pointed at Steven with his finger gun. “I can respect that. I’ll catch you later, Fields. DiCarlo.”

  Gina watched him shamble away before he slapped Jack on the ass. “I really hate him.”

  “Because he’s a misogynist prick or because according to his school of thought, Roni is completely interested in you?”

  “Both,” she reluctantly admitted. “But Steven, after everything...she’d never want me back.”

  “But what if she did?”

  TWO MONTHS LATER, MAY 2007

  EARLY SAT ON THE COUCH, shut his eyes, and rubbed both of his temples to ward off a headache he knew was coming. Usually, he had a way with Stevie that cut to the chase and solved the problems. Stevie respected that or at least he used to. How Roni was able to deal with mouthy kids all day, he’d never understand. And, of course, that’s why Stevie decided to pitch a fit about cleaning potato chip crumbs. She wasn’t home. The preteen whisperer was at the May Day fair.

  The creak of the stairs didn’t stop Early from massaging his temples, but he did open his eyes to see Stevie’s PlayStation in Steven’s hands. “Tell me you were able to get through to him.”

  “I think I was, actually.” Steven put the gaming system in the closet. “I think we all need new strategies for dealing with him now.”

  “How did you get through to him? ‘Hey Stevie, you’re being a little shit. Stop it.’”

  “Not exactly. I pretended I was Becky—”

  “You put on a flowy skirt and chanted to the Moon Goddess?” Early laughed heartily at his joke.

  Steven remained stone-faced. “You know she doesn’t do that. Anyway, I figured out what was bothering him so much to act like that and then I laid into him.”

  “Interesting. You lowered his guard by being sensitive and then pounced.” Early snapped his fingers. “I should have thought of that. So, what’s bothering him?”

  “He’s been trying to put Roni and Gina in situations so they’ll...you know, get together. He’s the one who put the Shakira CD on and told Roni to start dancing. Then, he suggested that Gina get lessons from her. He’s frustrated with their lack of progress.”

  “He can join the fucking club then.”

  “That’s basically what I said.” Steven bit his lower lip in thought and joined Early on the couch. “It was weird.”

  “What was?”

  “Well, after I got to the heart of the issue and took his PS, he said he was going to really focus and make a plan.”

  “A plan? God, he’s so like his mother.”

  ***

  One week later, Steven and Early had done as Stevie requested and drove him to Devin’s house where they listened to a short presentation he gave to a captive audience in Becky and Gretchen’s living room.

  To Becky, Stevie’s plan tested the boundaries of her ethics, but all of them had tried to work within the “rules” to bring Gina and Roni back together. It was the definition of meddling, but she knew in her soul that bliss was right at her friends’ fingertips. “They are so paranoid about losing the friendship that they’ve rebuilt they’re afraid of taking the next step, even if it would make them happier in the long run,” Becky said from the conversation circle. “I think this puts them in a situation where it’ll happen.”

  Stevie wasn’t sure if there was an answer in there. “Does that mean you’ll help?”

  “Yes, I will. Even if I do think I may go to Hell.” Becky’s contribution to the plan was particularly underhanded. “But they’re driving me nuts.”

  “And she knows nuts,” Gretchen added. “And may I add that you’re a manipulative genius? You should be a lawyer someday.”

  Early laughed softly. “Do you have any idea how much your mom will kill you if this doesn’t work out exactly the way you want it to? I’m talking full on dead corpse here.”

  Stevie breathed in deeply through his nostrils and stood tall. “I’m willing to take the risk. Plus, Dad is always saying that sometimes you need to take action to make something happen.”

  “I said that because your math grade dropped,” Steven explained. “But I understand where you’re coming from. When were you thinking of pulling this stunt off?”

  Devin blew his long, blond bangs out of his eyes. “Next Saturday. It’s our movie night with Gina.”

  “Works for me. I have a shift so they won’t kill me.” As an afterthought, Steven asked, “How can you be certain Roni will want to go with the three of you?”

  “These days Mom never passes up the chance to sit beside Gina.”

  ***

  Gina checked her appearance in the mirror one last time. She settled on a simple but fitted black t-shirt, jeans, and running shoes. Plus, she remembered, movie theaters were notoriously cold.

  While Gina debated between sweatshirts, her cell phone rang. She glanced at the name on the screen and picked up immediately. “Hey, Becky.”

  Becky tried her best to sound frantic. “Hi, Gina. I hate to ask this, but is there any way you could come over and pick up Devin before going over to get Stevie? I’m not going to be able to drive him over there like I usually do.”

  “Is something wrong? You don’t sound like yourself.”

  “Yes, actually. Something is wrong. Devin’s father is in town. He wants to have dinner and,” Becky paused dramatically, “talk.”

  Gina felt the blood drain from her face. She sat down on the edge of her mattress from the sudden lightheadedness she felt. “Oh my God. Do you think he wants custody of Devin?”

  I’m not the one who said it. “Gretchen says I have nothing to worry about, but she’s coming with me anyway as a legal gun. So, can you come and get Devin?”

  Gina’s mind was reeling. Devin’s father wants a change in custody. “Of course. Let me know anything else I can do to help.”

  “I will. Thank you, Gina. You’re a good friend.” Becky hung up the cordless phone and tossed it on the couch. “I’m going to Hell.”

  Gretchen encircled Becky’s waist from behind and kissed the top of her partner’s ear. “Well, if you’re going, I know I’ll see you there.”

  ***

  Roni pulled the red tank over her head and gave herself a quick assessment in the mirror. I need something more. She scanned her dresser and selected her favorite, and newest, piece of jewelry—a birthday present from Gina. The doorbell rang as she clasped the bracelet. “Stevie, can you get that?” she yelled, hoping her voice could be heard through the walls and over his video game music.

  “Yeah, Mom.”

  She did a final fluff of her hair and listened to the voices at the door, but heard Gina’s voice, not Becky’s. She came down the stairs with a welcome smile. “This is a pleasant surprise.”

  “Change of plan. Can I talk to you privately in the kitchen for a moment?” Gina’s tone was deathly serious.

  Immediately, Roni knew something was amiss, but played it cool. “Sure. Boys, just hang out here
in the living room and then we’ll get going.” Roni headed into the kitchen and placed her hand gently on Gina’s arm. “What’s wrong?”

  The briefest contact settled Gina’s emotions. She leaned closer to Roni and kept her voice just above a whisper, “Becky called me and asked if I’d come get Devin. Apparently, Devin’s father is in town. I think he wants to talk about a possible change in custody.”

  Roni’s hands went immediately to her mouth in shock and gasped. “Oh my God, Becky must be devastated.”

  “Well, when I went over, Gretchen answered the door and told me Becky was in no state to talk.”

  Roni had a strong sense of what Becky must have been going through. She peered over Gina’s shoulder and saw that Stevie and Devin were animated in their current conversation. Devin looked so happy and excited. “This is just terrible.”

  “I know. Gretchen says his father doesn’t have much of a case since he doesn’t have proof of paternity and has a documented history of substance abuse, but she’s still tagging along as legal council to scare him.”

  Roni made a sigh of relief. At least that was good news. “Does Devin know? It doesn’t look like he does.”

  “No. Becky told him that Gretchen had to run into the office and she had an emergency patient session and that’s why neither of them could drive him over here.”

  “It’s going to be tough to pretend everything’s okay.”

  “Well, we’re seeing a comedy so maybe that’ll put our minds elsewhere,” Gina reasoned.

  “Good point. Okay, we’ll just pretend like everything’s normal.”

  To shift their focus away from the turmoil Becky and Gretchen had to be experiencing, Gina and Roni discussed work from the time they left the house to the point where Gina bought their tickets. Roni had succeeded in getting the promotion to the new elementary school and Gina was breaking in her very green partner, Zach. Roni was quick to share that her new district knew she was gay and had no problems with it. Gina was anxious to tell Roni that due to the national media coverage of her last undercover assignment she wouldn’t be asked to do it again.

  Once they entered the crowded theatre, Gina asked the boys the same question she always posed, “Popcorn and soda?”