by Sands, K A
“You have to come home, baby. I can’t do without you.”
“I don’t know if I can, Ryder.”
“What’s stopping you? The police have done their part, it’s getting settled, they’ll have her in custody soon enough. You’ll see. You know it was all forged.”
“Those pictures weren’t. They hurt, I can’t not see them. I mean...” she laughed, “...I know you’ve never been a saint, I don’t give a shit about that. But to have it thrust in my face and used against me? Seeing you with someone else so intimately, no matter when it was, gutted me. I can’t wipe that from my head.”
If the roles had been reversed and I’d had to see images of Taylor in the sexual positions she’d seen me in? I would’ve went utterly crazy, most likely gone on a rampage. I laid back on the bed, my legs dangling from the end, Taylor following me down. I closed my eyes wishing I didn’t feel so useless, wishing I could take all her hurt away. I couldn’t turn back the clocks, undo what Alexa had done, what I’d done. I didn’t have the answers for her.
I wished I’d never met Alexa Carter. What a fucking cunt.
“I need the story. What happened. I need to understand. I want to believe you when you tell me it will all work out fine, but the truth is - I can’t. My head’s a whirl of messed up emotions and hormones and it’s making me exhausted trying to even think on it.”
The very real thought of Taylor thinking less of me for the way I treated Alexa worried me the most. I’d had every intention of telling her the details, how awful I was to Alexa. How I fucked her when it suited me. The feeble attempt at a relationship had been a joke on my part. I knew she liked me more than I did her, but I continued, not giving a fuck for her feelings. No matter what, my disregard for someone in that way, was shameful.
Alexa was certifiably crazy all right, yet there was a niggle maybe I was getting what I deserved for treating someone the way I had her. I’d questioned myself countless times - had I not made it clear a future was out of the question? Had I led her on unintentionally? She’d always been a bit infatuated, hanging around because she was Stella’s friend. I’d told myself it was harmless fun. My big fucking head told me it was because I fucked her so good she kept coming back for more, nobody would put up with me otherwise. It was all I’d had to offer, a good time between the sheets. I’d wanted nothing more. As far as I was concerned the one woman I’d wanted it all with, had disappeared, everything pointing to her being most likely dead.
Maybe I’d broken Alexa’s heart?
I felt bad for all of about 2 point 5 seconds on that thought. I didn’t give a shit if I had, she was hurting the woman I loved, and any sympathies flew out the window the minute she interfered.
So - I laid there, spilling my guts to Taylor, telling her the sordid details of my twenty-odd year history with Alexa. All the bits I was ashamed of - how I’d shared her at parties and not cared who had sex with her after I did as long as I was first. How I’d been so fed up with her moaning one time, I’d dumped her at the side of a country road with four-inch heels on at two a.m. How I’d stood her up on probably a hundred or more occasions. How I’d ignored what was in front of my face.
And the break up? The final showdown was disgraceful on my part. In a packed-out club with some blonde random on my arm I’d told her to fuck off. That she was a ragey bitch and a lousy lay and to...Just. Fuck. Off.
Not my finest hour, not by any means.
Taylor let me talk and I rambled for almost forty minutes until the sound of my own voice grated on me. I hadn’t missed how tense Taylor got when I mentioned Stella and it caused me concern, wondering if Lucca’s ex-wife had sunk her claws into my girlfriend too. So far, she’d only gone after Laura, didn’t mean she didn’t have us in her sights as well.
“And you gave a statement?” she asked when we’d been quiet for too long.
“A few times. There’s a paper trail, so the DI says, he’s confident he’ll get it wrapped up quickly.” I had trouble believing it, these things dragged on when there was a lot of evidence. I said it anyway, not sure who I was trying to convince.
“And what are you doing about it, Ryder?” Taylor’s voice had become distant, almost accusing. “Where is she?”
“People are looking!” I almost shouted. “My PI is on it; the lawyer is on it, the police too. I’ve got everyone on it that can be. People hide, Taylor. I can’t do anything about that.”
“My dad had said marriage certificates were easy to fake, all I’d needed to do was look it up, or call the registrar. But I didn’t. There was too much stuff there. Why would she do this to me? You wronged her, not me.”
I knew why. I couldn’t tell Taylor that after she disappeared I fell into Alexa and she knew about her, I’d talked about her to anyone that would listen when I was drunk, about the girl who got away. How the love of my life had vanished, how my heart was broken. I’d never uttered her name, but Alexa, or Stella, must have put two and two together when I’d suddenly started ‘dating,’ a thing I didn’t do.
“The woman’s crazy, what can I say?”
Taylor scrambled from the bed, annoyance evident in her movements. “What you can do is fix it, so I never get anything from her again. I can’t cope with it. I need to focus on other things, not your reprehensible past. I should have known better. A man like you...”
She didn’t finish her sentence, didn’t need to. Her words enraged me, and I rose up to the edge of the bed, glaring at her while she stood at my feet.
“A man like me?” I tipped my head to the side and squinted at her in disbelief. “Someone like me? A man who sees nothing past you. A man who is so far down the rabbit hole because of you he can barely see straight half the time. A man like me? Finish your words, Taylor. Dig it fucking deeper, why don’t you?” She stared at me while I blinked at her, stupefied. “I’m trying,” I eventually sighed, grabbing her hips, the need to feel aggrieved at her words slipping away as I pulled her between my legs, my head falling against her stomach. “I swear, I am.”
Fingers scraped through my dishevelled hair as she raked her hands through the longer strands. “I don’t want this hanging over us.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Maybe I’m the wrong person to apologise to?”
She had a perfectly valid point. “I need you to come home, Taylor.”
She grunted, her fingers tightening in my hair. “Home to where? A one bedroomed flat? A flat above a Chinese takeaway?”
Well, I guessed she knew I’d rented somewhere in Brighton, figured Laura would tell her, I wasn’t surprised. “We could buy somewhere. A house, make it a home. For the three of us. It’s all I want, you’re all I want.”
I sounded needy, yet I couldn’t give a fuck. Let her hear my vulnerability, let it sit in front of her to see. She wasn’t the only one with things to lose. I was tired of waiting, too tired, and I was so over her half excuses and bullshit when the answers she’d asked for were there.
A faint sigh escaped her mouth the same time a movement against my head startled me. I jumped away from Taylor when she giggled. “Is that...”
“Yes!”
I laid my palm flat against her stomach and felt the prod again, looking up at Taylor whose head was tipped back, a huge smile on her face. Fuck. She was something else. It had been too long since I’d been in her presence when she looked as stunning as she was right then.
“Not often, but it’s amazing!” She exclaimed.
Small fluttered movements dragged my attention back to her middle and I shuffled farther to the edge of the bed, the side of my head connecting with her belly. “Hey, little guy,” I whispered. “I’m gonna buy you a big ol’ house so you and your mama can come on home. You like that idea, huh?”
Emotion superseded everything else - Alexa, Emille, Taylor - they all slipped to the back of my mind as I marvelled on the gentle kicks. As if in answer. I was awestruck and petrified all at the same time. Tears fell, and I thought there was no shame in a man cryi
ng for such reasons.
“Okay, Ryder.” Taylor whispered a kiss across my head. “Okay. We’ll buy a house. Then I’ll come home.”
My heart lifted, and hope soared. I may get my greatest gift after all.
Fifteen
Ryder had kept a suitable distance; our meetings were still strained but we were making progress at least. He’d wanted to show Laura and me around the club in Brighton and I’d found no reason to say no. I had been staying with my sister, in the house she shared with Lucca, for the weekend. I hadn’t been able to find it in myself to come back down to the flat. I was trying to make an effort without jumping all in again. Slow but sure steps were in order for me, and thankfully, I was getting there.
The PI Lucca and Ryder used had proven much of the documents Alexa Carter had sent me, were fakes, forgeries. Many of the pictures, doctored, particularly in the date department. Not one single Polaroid of them together intimately was less than six years old. Yet, I was still sullen and suspicious, distrusting despite Ryder proving to me it was all a crock of shit. I was still grieving the loss of my mother, which was the hardest of it all. My smiles were less frequent, but I wasn’t bitchy enough to deny I was still smiling because of Ryder at times.
I hadn’t been interested in the club, why he’d bought it I didn’t understand entirely, but there we were, standing in a huge room, casting an eye over what Ryder had achieved in a few short weeks. The place looked almost ready to go. Mirrors and disco lights bounced colours through the dark space, showcasing a classy environment that eased my doubts. The club smelled new and fresh, didn’t look too upmarket but wasn’t a dive either. Its location meant the club would do well; thrive.
I was incredibly proud of his hard work and told him so, holding back the hug I would have normally bestowed upon him for a job well done. I was trying, I was. The hugs could come later.
“I could do with a cup of coffee,” Laura hollered from the back end of the room. “Point the way, Ryder.” Her jolly demeanour had cut the stifled atmosphere between myself and Ryder, I understood now why he’d extended the invite to us both.
Ryder placed his hand on the small of my back, a slight nudge indicating a move toward the bar. “There’s a great place down the street,” he said. “I can finish off a few things here if you ladies wanna go grab coffee. Although...” he shucked his thumb under my chin, “...decaf for you. Or tea.”
He kissed me sweetly and I made the effort to return it. “Tea.” I stated.
Laura and I left the club, making our way down the street to the café Ryder had mentioned. Once inside the coffee shop we found a seat with relative ease, after ordering more than hot drinks. Cake had always been my weakness but when I’d spied the plethora of frosted cupcakes behind the glass counter, I knew one wouldn’t be enough.
Within five minutes I was sipping on English Breakfast tea and licking toffee fudge icing from my fingers, all too aware I was beginning to balloon in weight. I didn’t care, it wasn’t all me - I was eating for two.
“Where’d you put it all?” Laura teased, tucking into an almond slice that looked like it would barely satisfy her hunger.
Patting my tummy, I grinned.
“When are you coming home? Don’t you think it’s been long enough?”
I cringed at her words, she was right. It had been long enough. I didn’t want to go back to the flat. It was too small, we couldn’t bring up a baby there. I didn’t want to get comfortable in a shoe box and then have to move again. I saw no point in returning, not to the flat anyway.
“Ryder’s house hunting.” I threw out the lame excuse.
“Oh, I know. Him and Lucca have been talking a lot with the guy down the street. He’s apparently selling.”
I knew that, Ryder had been keeping me up to date, had driven me past the house on an occasion or two, even parked outside and asked for my opinion. I loved the house in question, was secretly hoping the old man would make his mind up quick and sell.
“Yes, he is. He’s taking his time though.”
“He’d best not take too long.” Laura pointed to my belly that seemed to get bigger with each passing day. “Little sprog will be here before long.”
Laura had cried initially. When I’d grudgingly told her I was pregnant, she’d burst into tears and cried. I was anxious, didn’t know how to react to her. Was she joyful? Unhappy? She’d hugged me so close and whispered she was ecstatic in my ear, that there was nothing more in the world she wanted. There was, but we’d never voiced it. She was my sister, my best friend, and I’d finally settled against her as she had reassured me again. She had carried a spark of sadness, a longing in those gorgeous eyes of hers when she’d looked at me for a few weeks afterwards. I let her have it, she was entitled. The sorrow eventually dimmed to the point I no longer saw anything but pure joy when she looked at me, looked at my fast-growing tummy.
“Very true. Not too close for you, hhmm?”
Glaring at me, she took another bite of her slice, swallowing before she answered. “You’re for real?”
I nodded. “We’ve been in each other’s pockets for a long time, Laura. I don’t know if you want space, our lives are very different now.”
“You’re so stupid at times,” she huffed, placing her pastry fork on the dainty, flowered cake plate. “Dad’s house is too far away. You need to come home. Like now. We have room until that daft old man sells his gorgeous house to my equally gorgeous sister and her fella. Beaufort is home, Taylor. Ryder is home.”
I didn’t say anything, couldn’t over the lump that had appeared in my throat that wasn’t the result of shoving cake in my gob. My decision had been made, had been for a few days. Finishing my tea in silence, I signalled to the ladies’ room. The bugger loved dancing on my bladder at any opportunity.
“Again?”
“Ugh...yeah.” I moaned. The non-perks of being pregnant.
“You want anything else?”
“No. Just a pee, then I wanna go get Ryder and go home.”
Laura’s smile lit up the whole room. “There’s my girl.”
Winking, I shuffled from the booth and made my way to the back of the coffee shop, heading for the bathroom. My mood was far lighter than it had been that morning. I was ready to do this, to come home and begin my life proper with Ryder. The man I unequivocally loved, and I could see no other future past him. It was all I wanted, all I needed.
Good Lord, I didn’t think I was going to stop peeing. When I finally did, I heaved a satisfied sigh and quickly wiped then pulled up extremely unattractive granny knickers, then righted my clothes. Stepping from the cubicle, I washed and dried my hands, wanting to text Ryder before I left the bathroom.
I’d shoved my phone in my pocket, rarely went anywhere without it on my person as I was so paranoid of being caught out without a phone should anything happen, or the baby wanted to come early. I searched for Ryder’s contact, thinking of what I could say to make him smile. He didn’t do it enough these days.
Me: My granny pants need to be lying on your floor tonight.
I sent it, wondering if he could read between the lines. We’d not spent a night together since my mother’s funeral. Surely it was hint enough?
Ryder: Where exactly would that floor be?
Okay, so he was kinda getting...my phone was snatched from my hand and a heavy weight came around my neck from behind, another hand clamping over my mouth, a body pushing me forward into the counter.
“Cute...”
I didn’t need to see her to know who it was. Looking into the mirror, the reflection showed Alexa holding onto me, her grip fierce. Thank God she was around my neck and not my belly.
Her black fingernails dug into my cheek painfully. I refused to panic, refused to let this woman put me down on my knees again. I should have been scared, instead I sucked in as much breath through my nose as I could, sucked in all my courage, and fed off the fear. This would be finished by the time I left the bathroom, no two ways about it, this woman w
as not dictating our lives a second longer.
“You having fun playing happy families with my man, Taylor?”
The bitch was stupid, she had her hand over my mouth, how did she think I would answer her? I’d gripped the edge of the vanity, so I could keep my balance, I wanted to clock her one and go home but that wasn’t an option with her arm around my neck.
My phone chimed from wherever Alexa had thrown it, she glared at me through the mirror. Mumbling under her hand, she let go and slung her arm around my chest, keeping me close to her body, while her black nails dug into my jugular. The red half crescent welts on my cheek dripped blood.
“What do you want, Alexa?” I asked sweetly.
Although a stunning looking woman, her smile was callous and sent shivers down my back. “You have my life. What do you think I want?”
Couldn’t anyone just answer the question these days? The dramatics were getting old. Yanking me from the vanity sink, I found myself face first into the grimy tiled wall next to the cubicles. Alexa’s weight pinning me in place, my stomach mashed against the wall uncomfortably.
That was my cue to panic proper. I could survive the loss of Ryder, if she succeeded in taking him from me. I’d go on, but if she took away the life I carried, I knew I’d never survive it. Never. I wasn’t as strong as my sister, losing it would destroy me.
“Get the fuck off me.” I screamed at the top of my voice, hoping the sound would carry and alert someone outside. I knew Laura would come eventually, maybe even Ryder, but time was fast running out. What if they came too late? I had to deal with this crazy woman myself, which would have been no problem if I had only been worrying over my own safety.
My head was jerked back, it felt like my scalp was on fire from the pull, the pain intensifying as Alexa kept hold of a fistful. “You,” she sneered, “you, Taylor, have been a thorn in my side for far too long.”