I walked until I could see Ellia's face, but she stood back from the scene, watching this girl with a smile.
Then I heard a voice, from on top of a high rock beside us. "Not like that," he complained. "You look just like a girl throwing that way."
Ellia's head turned to the sound. But I didn't have to look to know the boy was me, only a little older than the girl. One leg stretched out flat, the other bent, and with me holding a handful of skipping rocks. My hair was tousled, while little Ellia's was perfectly long and brushed, with her crown, and wearing a silver dress, slippers abandoned by the bank.
"Cyric, I am a girl," little Ellia replied, scrunching her nose at him.
"You're not just a girl, you're the princess," I whispered—as Cole, I whispered, as I was, and then I heard it repeated by my younger self.
Whatever the scene in the cave had been, I didn't know, something horrible. But this I knew. Because I'd been there.
This was a memory.
"Why is it that you can't remember that, and I can't forget it," little Cyric said. This time I watched Ellia, my Ellia in the cloak, repeating the words in sync with him, and then she smiled.
"I don't forget I'm the princess," little Ellia snapped viciously.
Cyric scoffed. "That's why you quit your studies early, or complain about wearing your dresses, or run off to the woods when you're meant to be practicing your dances. Do you think I like coming all the way out here to fetch you? But Scholar Padril's made it one of my chores."
"I don't want to learn to dance," little Ellia complained. "There's too many of them. I'm no good at it."
"You're the princess," Cyric argued matter-of-fact, "You have to learn to be."
"Why? You don't ever. You skip them always."
"Of course I skip them. I'm Cyric Dracla. I can't dance. It'd be ridiculous."
"Well, Then I don't want to either," she pouted. She picked up another rock, and flung it across the water. "I'll do things just as you do."
I heard Ellia's voice, just as loud as her younger version, repeating this. I watched her as her eyes danced with tears. By the time I looked back at the lake, little Cyric had jumped down from his post, beside the little princess. "Look, here," he said, tapping her arm. And then with a concentrated expression, he dropped all but one of his stones, held his arm out, then flung it across the water. It hopped across six times. Not nearly as far as I'd gotten in my later years. But he smiled approvingly, then turned to little Ellia with a serious, grim sort of frown. "You'll never be as good as me at throwing rocks, Ellia. I'm sorry. But if you want to do things as I would do, then I'll tell you that if I was a prince, I wouldn't go waste my time with things like throwing rocks."
Little Ellia blinked up at him, waiting attentively.
"I would learn to dance and be the best," he went on. "I would listen to all I should when I was taught about the other kingdoms, and their names and everything, so that when I became King I wasn't confused about what to do. And I wouldn't complain about wearing my fancy clothes; I'd just make sure I had the best of them. Then everyone would know that I was the prince, and that's why I was dressed that way."
"But my feet hurt when I wear such shoes as they make me," Ellia complained.
"Then get someone to carry you," he said, tossing his arm aside. "Don't you know you're royalty. You can tell anyone you want to do what you like, whenever."
Little Ellia's eyes went wide and she grew a smile. "Do you really think so?"
"Of course. Everyone knows that. Now, come on. Stop with this rock-throwing bit, and let's go back."
Little Ellia grinned wider then dropped her rocks and went over to her shoes. My Ellia stepped closer as the little princess bent over tugging her slippers on. Little Cyric watched her, then shook his head as she straightened back tall, smiling. "Alright. I'm ready. We can go."
Cyric was still shaking his head as he approached her. He bent down and picked her crown up off the bank. "Are you meant to drop this?" he asked, in a tone that said she wasn't.
Little Ellia had gasped and put her hand to the top of her head at the sight, feeling around for the missing piece.
Cyric snorted, then reached up to put it back where it belonged, batting her hand away so he could do it properly. After setting it, he brought his hands back down smirking, and he was thinking of saying something about how silly it looked with her hair all a mess, but before he could, she ducked forward and kissed his cheek, turning him red, and making his eyes go wide.
"I think you're so very sweet, Cyric Dracla," she told him. Then she danced off quickly towards the woods, while he stood frozen, eventually putting his hand to his cheek. And only once he was sure she didn't mean to look back did he grow a smile.
But that wasn't part of this vision; I only knew that for myself. Everything of the lake and the trees disappeared as soon as the little princess walked off. Then it was just the dark cave again, just blackness. I could see Ellia, standing across from me at the center of the cave, only one tunnel open to her now. It was glowing silver.
I was breathing so heavily that I thought she must have heard me, but she didn't seem to. She only started walking towards the glow. As quickly as I could make my legs move, which wasn't quick at all, I went after her. When I reached the greyness, I lost sight of her. It was just nothing again, and I started gasping for air, like there wasn't any of it in the mist. Still, I pushed forward. Only when I heard a sound ahead did I jerk to the side, and then my body hit the cold wall of the cave. Icicles came into view, and then a figure, bending down to pick up her belt, and weapons. She was back in the frozen jungle. Without turning around, she reached her hands to her hood and threw it over her head, covering her hair. Then she walked on into the jungle.
Her name was right on my lips to call out; but I couldn't speak. I slammed my back against the wall of the cave, still watching her. My chest craned up and down; still I watched her. Only once she'd disappeared did I look up. Then I closed my eyes and dropped my head back against the stone.
Chapter Sixteen
CYRIC:
The caves of dreams and nightmares. That's what they were called, or at least, that was the only title anyone had to give. They weren't an easy thing to find out about, but of course that had been the first thing I'd done.
I caught my break hearing about a first-order Warrior that had a hobby of studying them. His name was Elminster, and I suspected he was about as old as the Isle of Yanartas; but he became the first, first-order Cirali Warrior that I exchanged more than two words with.
From him I learned that the caves of dreams and nightmares were the second trial taken to become a Cirali Warrior. They came in two parts, the first was the nightmares, your greatest fears, your deepest fears, the worst things you could think to happen. The second was your dreams. What you longed for most deeply, something that you wanted so badly that it would try to hold you there.
So this translated for Ellia, meant that she was most afraid, hated most, the idea of me shouting at her; no more than that, blaming her for my death. And somehow this had been obvious to me in the cave, maybe since I'd been witnessing her experience. Elminster had told me that could happen if one person followed another, especially if they knew each other well. In some cases young Warriors in training used it to go with their trainers, years before they took their trials.
As for the second part, what was Ellia's dream? I didn't know what it meant. I'd known what it was; I didn't know what it meant.
The day after she'd gone to the caves, the next she'd seen me for training, she'd apologized again to me for what happened in her cabin. As far as she knew, this was the first time I'd seen her since; her apology was short and distant and in the same breath she'd asked me not to mention it again.
After that her behavior had gone back to normal; maybe even happier than normal. Or at least, that's what it looked like. But I wasn't so sure. When she laughed, it cut off short, like she hadn't really found anything humorous to begin with. And whe
n she wasn't actually doing something, she stared off at the trees, or the sky, or the ocean.
It wasn't two days after the event in the caves of dreams and nightmares, and Yanartas had its warmest day since winter had started. To commend it, the Cirali Warriors were having a celebration on their largest platform. I learned it was something they did every week during the rest of the year. I doubted there would be many present with the state of the war, but Ellia was going at least. So I would as well.
I didn't know what her dreams were. I didn't know what I should do. I didn't even feel like I knew who I was anymore. But one thing I felt sure of, was that she needed me. I wasn't ever going to let her go back to that cave on her own. I didn't want to see her cry for Cyric anymore; I couldn't stand to watch her be alone any longer.
I didn't know how I was going to accomplish any of this.
But she needed me. And I was done letting her go.
ELLIA:
It was strange to see the south platform decorated as it always was for the Warrior's celebration. It hadn't been so since the winter. And even then, once the wars had started, they'd come less and less often. I remembered the first one I'd attended. I'd only been on Yanartas for a short time. Estrid had been mid-way through her attempts at sneaking herself into the Cirali order, joining along with my training sessions, lying to the Warriors' that Lucian had given her and Minstrel permission to stay on the Isle. Little had I known that they would fall in love with each other, though in retrospect she certainly had talked rather often about him. At that time, I'd known so little of Lucian; we hadn't even spoken of his brother. But that night, that was the very night he'd explained about it, how he'd always known of Tobias's existence, how grieved he'd been for his loss. He'd also told me then that he would allow me to take the trials, even though most the Warriors still doubted who I was.
So much had happened since then. Luffie, Kraehe, Cyric, returning to Akadia, but this night looked identical. A large fire was built at the center of the platform. Around this there were dancers. At the head of them, a band of minstrels, even Caleb, Yanartas's resident minstrel who had sung of Shaundakul. And my Minstrel of course, there as he stood, beside him. Around the edges were tables, set with food and drinks. Chimera waited around, above, or even on the platform; though most were gone to the mountain to have a matching celebration. Luffie was not with them, she was here, closer to the sea where she could watch the skies for Yurei. He was gone with Gael. The night I'd called Cole by the wrong name, after Luffie had found me, I'd gone to him. I'd asked if he would check the pass to Genbu again. It hadn't been scheduled for someone to go again for another week, where we were almost certain it would be confirmed that it was clear. He'd agreed and left straightaway.
He wasn't the only Warrior gone. So many were midway between here and Karatel, and even the lower complexes, were so diminished, that the platform was hardly full. There weren't more than a few pairs of couples dancing. All the same, those that were present were merry, and I meant to be the same.
"He's gone off to guide the ships again," Estrid huffed, crossing her arms as she stood beside me. "I told him he's gone too often. Arrin's gotten tired to being constantly wet. But once my father... well, they conspired, didn't they?"
"I think he just doesn't like to let your father leave off alone, Estrid," I told her, my tone sympathetic.
"I don't see why. My father's been a captain longer than he's been a Warrior. Plus, he's my brothers to help."
"Estrid Larke's brothers and father, all off along on one boat, and for the sake of the Cirali Warriors? Are we really talk over why Lucian wouldn't be guiding them?"
"Oh, you're right, aren't you!" Estrid said, biting her lip. She shook her head. "I'll be the death of him."
"I shouldn't think he'll mind, Estrid," I joked.
She frowned. We were both looking ahead, from where we stood some yards off from the fire. Just as many Warriors were standing and drinking as sitting and eating; many were crowded around the Minstrel's band. I could hear the waves breaking behind us, even past the merriment. Glancing that way and back, I saw a ruddy-haired Warrior walking up onto the platform in his green leather jerkin.
"But it looks like he's survived either way," I added, pointing that way for her.
Estrid immediately frowned, but then she followed my gesture, smiling only once they'd locked eyes, and he'd waved.
"Oh, Tris. She must not have told me on purpose. Thank you, Ellia!" she said. Then she raced off towards him.
"I'm not the one who brought him," I called after her.
When she reached him, she put her hands up in his hair, flicking water around; it was obviously soaked. Then he brought her close and whispered something in her ear. She laughed, then he nodded her on to where others were dancing. I knew what he said, that she was younger than him. But as often as his expression was grim, over matters of war or training, Estrid was the only one to make him smile so abandoningly; as if all the stress had gone from him.
I watched them turn for a moment, then looked over the rest of the scene. The only person noticeably off by themselves was Baraduce. With the patch still over his eye. It had been a long time now he'd gone without Ceras. If I was right, he meant to leave very soon for Karatel. I caught his gaze well enough to nod. That was when I heard a voice beside me.
"That's one of the first-order Warriors, right?" it said.
The claw around my heart. It tightened. But just as quickly I took a breath, flicked my chin up and looked Cole's way. "Yes, that's right. He's of the sixth-rank."
Looking at him, may have been a mistake. He'd taken no care to stay far off. He didn't respond to my words at first; he wasn't looking at Baraduce as I expected. He was looking at me. He looked even as he spoke. "He doesn't seem very happy."
I swallowed, then I turned back to Baraduce. "Well, there's a reason for that. He lost his... he lost his chimera."
"To the war?" Cole replied.
I nodded. "Even worse than that, though... It was one of the weapons the Akadians use. With the lead, and... well, you've seen them. That's where he lost his eye as well."
Cole didn't respond. I kept my arms crossed tight around me. Minstrel cheered as a couple from the crowd made a grand turn, and I tried to smile.
"Minstrel told me they used to have these parties all the time before the war," Cole said, his tone light.
"Yes. They give the Warriors a chance to commune with each other apart from training. It's important not just to work hard with one another, but to enjoy one another."
"A season for everything," Cole remarked.
I turned to look back at him, my brow low. This was a saying very common to Shaundakul, though I knew it wasn't an exclusive idea. "Yes, that's right," I replied. For the first time since the grove in Byako, I felt at a disadvantage of not being able to see Cole's face, just for the mere fact that it kept me from knowing how I should respond to him. Not because I was curious. I only wanted to treat him as a proper princess should.
"He told me that you used to love them," Cole said, "That they were your favorite events on Yanartas."
I laughed a little. "Well, Minstrel's just been telling you everything, hasn't he? I saw you over there talking with him. You know it's better not to interrupt him while he's performing."
"I was asking him a favor," Cole replied steadily.
"That's fine. But then couldn't it wait?"
Cole shook his head. "No. It had to do with the music."
I couldn't even tell why, it wasn't even as if I was concerned, but I narrowed slightly, looking between Minstrel and Cole. Minstrel was looking our way. He paused when I looked to wave, which caused a distortion to the song, but this was not unusual. It was strange though when he gave Cole a wave as well, which Cole returned.
"What favor?" I asked.
Cole hesitated, then looked down, then back in my direction. His tone was cheerful. "Everyone else has told me how you taught them your dances from Shaundakul. They say they're the m
ost beautiful. I was hoping that you might teach me as well."
My breath sucked in at these words. But slowly, controlled. Nothing that anyone would be able to tell at. Cole's eyes were still on me, so I felt I couldn't shift without revealing something.
"That's what I asked of Minstrel," he went on, "that they would play a song from Shaundakul next."
"Why?" I replied.
"So you can teach me," he repeated.
"No, I mean why do you want me to teach you?"
He hesitated. I glanced back towards the fire, where dancers were still paired, then back at Cole. It was still another moment. "So I can dance," he stated, as if it were the obvious thing.
.
I frowned instantly. Even though I tried not to. If he noticed it, he didn't react. I heard a laugh from the Warriors around us. Somehow it shook my head clear. What was I thinking? Of course I could teach him. That was my duty. Why, I'd taught Estrid, Minstrel, even Lucian, even Gael, and other Warriors besides. I was the one to teach.
"Of course I can," I said, smiling. "I didn't know you were so interested in it. I could have had Minstrel play and taught you much sooner."
He didn't respond. For a moment I wasn't sure he'd even heard my reply, he stayed so still. But then he held his hand out.
I swallowed when I looked to it. But then I laid my hand there, and he walked me forward. "To be... in all accuracy, there's a special way in which you're meant to ask me to dance, but we'll skip that for now. Here, don't go too close to the others. Just stay here, and we'll use the time before the next song to practice the steps."
"Are they difficult?" he asked, stopping to face me.
"Well, that depends on how much dancing you've done," I said clearing my throat. I let go of his hand. "Alright, I'll do the men's part at first and you match what I do."
He nodded.
I held my hand up. He did the same. "No, with the other hand," I corrected. "You're meant to mirror me for now."
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