"Oh. Alright," he said.
So he raised his other hand. "Just so, and then you'd turn," I said. Then I dropped it to raise my other hand. "Just so, and then you'd turn. You repeat that twice."
"Can we practice it?" he asked. "With the turning, I mean. I think I'd get confused by it."
The sound of laughter, music, and talking was still all around us. I took a breath, then sighed. "Oh, alright then. You might as well just go opposite me. The whole beginning, we do nearly the same thing, anyways."
He nodded quickly, then held out his opposite hand. We turned as I instructed it. His skin was just as I remembered; I could recall the feel of it even as he'd reached around me to search for the Echrian bottle. Somehow harder than other hands, firmer, and yet soft, the way satin was, like it might catch you in its softness. We turned the other way, and went on thus. "So have you done it much before?" I asked. "Do you have dancing in Kanth?"
He looked down as I switched directions, moved back from him, then close again.
"We have some," he replied. "But I haven't done it much."
"You should know that a dance of Shaundakul isn't simple to learn. This one's our most famous waltz, it's one of the easiest. Don't feel bad if you don't get it by tonight though."
"With the princess teaching me?" he joked. "I'm sure I will."
I smiled. "We'll see."
I stepped back and released his hand, for a moment, but not very successfully, since he moved forward to reach for me again. I laughed. "Cole, you're meant to step back as well there, not come closer."
"Oh. Right," he followed.
I laughed again. "You know, I had a suspicion you might not do well with this. Not that I mean it as an offense. It just takes a sort of sensitivity to dance in the manner of Shaundakul."
"Something you think I lack?" he asked.
I half-smiled, turning, then nodded down. "I'm only thinking of the way you set your feet in the forest."
"So my hands are just the same," he followed; at the same time, he reach for my side, as he was meant to, as I did, just one hand now. His fingers reached to my back. The heel of his palm to my stomach. "Should it not be so tight then?" he asked, loosening his grip so I could hardly feel it through my shirt, sliding his fingers a little higher. "Or is it better like this?" He tightened it at once. It wasn't so firm that it pushed into me, but I could feel his thumb now, where it touched my ribs, and the strength of his grasp.
I cleared my throat, and stepped back, suddenly aware of my hand on his side as well; I moved it off. "Either one," I said. "When I said sensitive, it meant more to do with rhythm."
"To go along with the music then?" he asked.
I nodded, and I meant to say that we should try it all again before the next song started, but before I could, the current one ended. Warriors clapped or cheered around us, especially those nearest to the minstrel. Cole and I were still a few yards off from the other dancers, beside the fire.
The first low note came, followed by others, slow and familiar. Estrid waved and smiled at me, and said how she would try it, to Lucian's dismay.
I looked back at Cole. "Well, we might as well start again. This time, if we get past the first part, it goes on to a simple waltz. Do you know that?"
He nodded. There was something eager about it.
"Alright," I laughed. "Just remember, don't be sorry if you mess it up. Only Minstrel out of the lot of everyone has gotten it just right."
"Somehow that makes perfect sense," he told me as he stepped back. His tone sounded genuinely humored, but there was also something serious about it.
It made me laugh strangely as I stepped back. The music of Shaundakul was much less bright than that of Yanartas. Almost sad in its steadiness, especially for me. But being a princess meant looking past my own emotions. I'd done it before, to dance. I'd do it as long as I had to.
Cole and I both bowed our heads as we were meant to. He only came a few seconds short of me. I smiled approval at his success, then gave him a little nod to warn to hold his hand out. So he did, almost the same moment as mine. We turned. He moved just the same as I'd noticed our first days of training together, somehow decided, but still careful. We switched our hands and turned again. I forgot to give him a warning this time, but he had his hand up in time anyways. The music grew louder. We stepped back, then ducked away from each other. This time when I looked back at him, I didn't look at his body, or his hand, as I had been, I looked into his eyes. The space around them was shadowed in black, but they caught the light of the fire, making them glow, turning them golden.
I moved forward, then felt his hand slide against my waist. I held his as well, but only lightly, not thinking of it. It wasn't either tactic that he'd tested which he used to hold me. His fingers, his palm, the whole of his hand, I felt, holding firm, holding like it fit their perfectly. Too quickly he moved it away, then we stepped back. His eyes stayed golden, but they burned brighter. As when I'd thought that they were much deeper than I'd guessed, they were that deep. His other hand pressed against my side. This time it gripped much tighter from the start, not something I would have been able to escape from if I'd wanted. I even glanced at it, for how it had surprised me, and here broken from the spell of his eyes. I wondered how he was doing so well with the steps after all. Before I could wonder another thing about it, his other hand moved to my shoulder. He trapped me again in his eyes as we turned. Now we turned, with the music, over and over. I got lost in it. Very suddenly, he moved both hands to my torso and lifted me up, in a twirl, before dropping me back and continuing to spin. He did this more than once. I grew a smile the first time, the other two I laughed. And then I couldn't tell where we were at all. Part of me knew we were near a fire, but only because they made his eyes burn bright. Part of me knew that there were others around, but only because they were making the music. I was in a golden palace with an empty golden floor surrounded by Akadians. I was looking into Cyric's eyes and seeing all of his soul. I was seeing all of him, and he was seeing all of me, and I knew there was nothing else we would ever need to say to each other, not ever. I knew that all the things I'd believed were right. I knew that he loved me, that Lox hadn't taken him from me, that he was not an Akadian, but he was mine and he always would be. I knew that he was sorry, and that I would forgive him, even for bringing me back from Echren, even from leaving me alone to Lox. Because he wasn't going to do that ever again. He was going to protect me, no matter what forever, and I never had to be alone again.
It wasn't just all of this, because even then, when the music had stopped, and we'd stood there facing one another, he'd looked so sad that I thought my heart would break. But now instead of pained, his eyes were bright, still holding their promise that he wouldn't leave me. And we weren't standing apart. He was holding my arms; he'd just spun me around, and I was laughing, and my breath was short.
But slowly, my laughing stilled. I realized that the music hadn't stopped at all. Only we had. There were still Yanartians dancing all around us. The minstrels were still playing the Shaundakulian song. I was in Cole's arms. My smile fell as well. I was all alone. I was all alone, and Cyric was gone.
I shook my head. I had been angry with myself before; now I was angry with Cole.
"Ellia—"
"Don't," I shouted, cutting him off. "Stop doing this. I can't—" I tried to pull away. His fingers held me tighter.
"Ellia, please," he said more earnestly.
"Let go of me!" I pulled away from him. He tried to grab my arm. This time it wasn't there for him to reach. I'd disappeared it, not by intention. I bit my lip tight, hating that I'd done it as much as anything. But I didn't stop. I didn't even pause to look at the Warriors around me, or after Minstrel. I could hear him calling still, but I didn't stop.
CYRIC:
I cursed myself and all of it and everything. I put my hands up to my head, but there was no hair there to run my fingers through. She'd gone straight from a platform to the adjoining bridge. I stared after for a secon
d longer, looked back at the other Warriors long enough to see that Lucian, and Estrid were looking between me and where Ellia had gone. Lucian took a step towards me.
"I've got it," I told him.
Then I didn't wait for confirmation; I only went after her.
I didn't hear anyone behind me as I ran onto the bridge, so I thought that they'd taken me at my word. But what did that mean anyways? What did I have?
"Ellia!" I shouted, coming to the end of the bridge.
It was dark in three directions. Only one held a torch at its end. I could hear the waves breaking, close. I shouted her name louder, then I cursed myself again and moved towards the right path, but before I could step foot on it, I felt a hand grab my arm.
"Cole, wait," they told me. I turned, but I didn't have to see to know it was Gael. I'd been able to tell from his voice.
There was just enough light from the torches for me to make out that he was a mess. His hair, his face; he wore his full Warrior's garb; he'd obviously just returned from somewhere.
"What's wrong? Is Ellia in trouble?"
I gripped my jaw. "No. It's just... she's fine. It doesn't have to do with anything dangerous."
He frowned. Then he opened his mouth to speak, but before anything came out, his eyes narrowed, then his head turned. "Never mind," he said. "Luffie's with her."
"Where did she go?" I asked.
He shook his head. "I don't know. She won't tell Yurei." Gale looked up at the sky, dropping his hand from my arm. "He's not happy. We just got back. Did something go wrong?" He looked back at me, his gaze studying; probably more accurate in his suspicion than I would have liked.
I glanced back at the paths before me, seeing no sign of her. I thought about asking him to try harder to find out where she was, then sighed and looked back at him.
"No. Nothing. What do you mean, you just got back? From where?" I asked.
"Ellia didn't tell you?" he replied.
It wasn't what I wanted to hear.
I shrugged.
"Right, well, I was going to tell you about it anyways. We went to Genbu to check the pass. Yurei, and I. We left a few days ago."
I narrowed. This wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear either, depending on the result.
"Was it open?" I asked, strictly.
He nodded.
My hand tightened to a fist, then loose. Could this have come at a worse time? What if she wouldn't let me go now?
"I got as far as the third summit. From there you can walk on to the city. I went myself; that's why it took so long." He put on a smile. "They're friendly as can be. Albeit, a little surprised that somehow had reached them mid-winter."
"Did you see their granted animals?" I asked.
Gael shook his head. "No. I only stayed long enough to rest. I wanted to get back... They're expecting you now, though. Ellia gave me a letter... well, they'll know she's coming."
"But you didn't meet with the rulers yourself?"
"No." He smiled a little; the first sign he'd showed of ease. "Ellia told me not to."
I looked away from him, thinking how this made sense for her. She'd want to handle it all herself. My pulse was still racing from the dance, making it difficult to stand still. It had been just the same as before, perfect proof that we were made for each other. Only this time it was even better, because I wasn't going to have to leave her afterwards. There wasn't Lox, and there wasn't Akadia. I didn't even care if she ran from me now. I wished it didn't upset her. But I wasn't going to give up. I knew she needed me, and I wanted her. It didn't matter to me who I was, Cyric or Cole. If I could only figure out how to make it easiest for her.
"Look, I have to go share all of this with Lucian. If you find Ellia, go ahead and tell her. Though, hopefully Luffie will have let Yurei show her by then.... We'll have a meeting tonight in the Chamber; let her know."
I studied him a moment. Then I nodded.
He ducked his head in parting, then turned and walked off, back towards the platform.
My jaw was still tight, as I looked back into the darkness ahead. I took a deep breath of cold air. And for what it seemed was the millionth time, I willed her not to leave me.
PART THREE
The sun is breaking in your eyes, to start a new day
This broken heart can still survive, with a touch of your grace
Shadows fade into the light, I am by your side
Chapter Seventeen
ELLIA:
The skies above Birmha had been fully clouded, so that the fields and plains of gold were hidden from sight. Luffie kept to the air above it where the sun turned her hair and feathers brilliant, though the warmth didn't do much to keep back the cold of high skies. Luffie's own harness was fit with extra furs to keep her warm, and leather instead of the usual brass, which would only freeze. I was bundled with layers just as well, hooded and everything.
Now that we'd dropped below the clouds, it was even colder, but we needed to be able to track the forestlands below to follow Yurei's route. I wasn't in charge of this; I'd led for the whole of the morning when we'd flown through darkness; now it was Cole's shift—while I was meant to sleep. Only I wasn't, I wasn't doing much of sleeping at all. Cole was in front of me, our bags of few belongings behind; and whereas earlier on, when he'd been riding behind he'd kept back from me, I was hugged as close to him as I could possibly get. I thought if I'd been any closer we might have become just one person, and maybe that was what I wanted. He was covered in layers as I was, but my arms were reaching under this, around him, over his robes where I could feel his warmth and feel him breathing. It was like he'd said about the souls, if it was true, perhaps I couldn't see his, but I could feel it. I needed it. I couldn't last any longer.
I'd meant to be strong.
Once Gael had come with the news that the pass was open, I only hadn't changed my mind about Cole because it wasn't practical too, because it would have been giving in to all the silly emotions. I didn't want to be that person; I wanted to be the best princess I could be.
But now that he'd come, I wasn't so sure to trust myself at all why I'd allowed it. He was so strong, even the way he spoke of what he'd lost to Akadia, he was so much stronger than I was and I wanted it; I needed it. Too badly to let go of him.
"I thought we didn't have to stop since we could take shifts," Cole had said this morning, when I'd dropped Luffie down into a forest. The sky was just breaking dawn, and the air was crisp with ice. We'd made it past the borders of Shaundakul, as far north as the desert.
I dismounted as I answered. "Not for us to rest. But for Luffie. Just a part of an hour, she won't need long."
Cole reached for me reflexively as I got down, as if he would help, but I only did the job myself, then walked off a few paces into the forest, glancing around to see that it was sparse and empty, then bending over to touch my toes in a stretch.
I heard Cole drop down behind me, a single loud crunch. And after that I walked back to Luffie to grab some food from our bags.
"Let me do that," Cole said, reaching past me.
I jerked at his nearness. "I've got it."
"Are you never going to let me help you again? I can get you food at least."
"It's not a difficult task. I can manage."
"You could. But why else am I here, if not to do such things?" It wasn't much of a question. He took my hands and deftly moved them aside. Then reached to grab the smallest bag, while I stood mostly frozen.
Luffie looked back at us, making a sound, but she was distracted by her need for rest, and once Cole had taken the bag, she stepped a few yards forward, then turned and slumped to the forest floor, dropping her head to her paws and closing her eyes. It wasn't that she was really tired; it was just that she didn't like mornings; she considered them for sleeping only, and we'd had to leave long before dawn to avoid darkness when we reached the mountains.
"There, that wasn't so hard," Cole said. He held an apple out for me. I gave it a glance, then flicked my eyeb
rows up.
"I'm not hungry."
He took his hand back, tossed the apple in the bag, dropped it, then shrugged. "Neither am I."
"Well, that's good," I said quickly. "We won't have to wait long before going on after all."
"I thought you said we were stopping to let Luffie rest?" Cole asked.
"To eat as well, of course. I would have thought that would be common sense. Unless you'd prefer to try and eat in the air. Our food would liably freeze."
"Mm," Cole followed, a sound of obvious disdain that said he was frowning. He stuck his hands in his pockets, and then he looked around. Finally his eyes rested on me. "Princess?"
"What?" I asked, my throat unintentionally scratched. At the sound his chest relaxed, as if he'd been holding his breath, and only now released it.
"You know the way deer look, when you surprise them?" he said.
"What?" I repeated.
Luffie made a noise; I imagined she was thinking of chasing her own deer.
"When you're hunting for them," Cole went on undaunted, "Or when you're simply walking through the woods. That moment you step on a branch or something, and they look your way, with their eyes..." He held one of his hands up, making a wide circle with his thumb and finger.
I frowned. "Yes. I know what you mean. What's that have to do with anything?"
Cole took a breath — so that it seemed he was about to say something. But then he only released it. "Never mind. Hey, would you like to practice sparring while we wait? You always like that when..."
It must have been the look I was giving him that made him trail off.
"Never mind," he repeated. He lifted his hand to the back of his head at almost the same time, then sighed, walking towards a tree and leaning his back against it. I crossed my arms and looked away, studiously appraising the forest.
I only looked back at Cole when he made a sudden noise. Now he had both hands on either side of the tree, and he pressed his boots to it; he was climbing it.
"What are you doing, Cole?" I asked.
"Just wait," he said. "I think you'll like it." His breath was strained. I uncrossed my arms and stepped a little closer, but before I'd gotten near at all, he got a grip on the tree, kicked back, and came to land behind me—having accomplished a backflip. I turned around frowning.
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