Heated Harmonies

by Alexandra Warren

  “My God. I can’t wait for this to all be over. We’re getting out of the country whether we can get back in or not,” she said as she snuggled into my chest, flashes going off all around us as each photographer present tried to capture the moment.

  But no matter how much it annoyed me to be treated like some sideshow, I wrapped her in an embrace, leaning in so she could hear me clearly when I told her, “Enjoy this shit, Rose. You earned it.”

  “I did, didn’t I?” she asked with a grin, the stilettos she wore bringing her much closer to my face than usual as she reached up just slightly to give me a kiss that only made the cameras go even crazier. And when she pulled away, her smile was full blown as she peeked past me before she said, “Hey. I wanna introduce you to somebody.”

  I hadn’t even responded by the time she had already grabbed my hand to drag me through the crowd towards the bar area where a man of familiar stature was standing even though I had never seen him in person. My heart pounded through my ears as she gave him a quick tap on the shoulder, prompting him to turn around. And once he did, it felt like I was staring at myself, the general structure of his face so similar to mine that it made me sick.

  Zalayah was back in star of the show mode, her voice syrupy sweet when she started, “Nigel, this is the mastermind behind our next platinum record, Gabriel. Gabriel, this is…”

  “My sperm donor,” I finished for her, staring him dead in his eyes as I tried to hold back the anger that came with it. But now that he was in front of me, now that we were in this space, now that he had the nerve to look confused as if it wasn’t possible for me to even exist, I could feel it already beginning to boil over.

  “Your, what?” Zalayah asked, looking back and forth between us as if she was waiting for a full explanation.

  Nigel was the first to speak, directing his attention towards me instead of her when he said, “Look, man. I don’t know what you’re talking…”

  “Constella,” I stated shortly, cutting him off before he could even get too deep in his lie.

  Still, he acted surprised, his face scrunching as he repeated, “Constella? Stella is your mother?”

  I tried to play it cool, but I could feel Zalayah’s hold on my arm tighten as if she didn’t trust me to do so. And since I didn’t want to completely ruin her day, I kept my voice as level as possible when I answered, “Yeah. Or do you not remember her? I mean, it seems like you just up and forgot she even existed. Forgot she practically built this record label on her back before you left her out to dry.”

  Instead of offering any sort of apology, he only smirked, taking a sip of his drink before he said, “Constella had issues. Lots of ‘em. So I don’t know what stories she might’ve shared with you, but she’s responsible for everything that happened to her. Everything that happened to her career.”

  While I had already gotten the same spill from my mother, I knew it was much deeper than that. And since he wanted to play the blame game, I couldn’t help myself in challenging, “Well what about you? What are you responsible for? You ain’t wanna help her out, but you’re perfectly fine still collecting the checks that could’ve. You ain’t have a problem ignoring those calls when she tried telling you about me, damn sure wasn’t responsible then.”

  It was obvious I wasn’t being as calm as I thought I was when Zalayah tugged at my arm, her voice laced with nerves as she said, “Gabriel, how about we…”

  I cut her off, pulling away as I told her, “Nah. He’s ducked and dodged this shit his whole life.” Before turning my attention to him to ask, “But, what? You can see me now that I’m about to put some money in your pockets? Is that how this shit works?”

  “Gabe, please. Let’s just go...” Zalayah pleaded as she went for my arm once again.

  But this time instead of staying in his place, Nigel sat his drink down and insisted, “Nah, Zalayah. Let the man speak. He’s got so much to say, right? He knows it all because his crackhead-mama told him so.”

  The words were barely off his lips by the time my fist was already crashing into his jaw, the punch enough to draw many eyes from the crowd as he stumbled back into the bar top. But before I could land another, Grayson was catching my arm to hold me back.

  “Yoooo, what the hell is going on over here?! Gabe, what are you… aww shit,” he groaned as he looked at Nigel who still had a hand against his cheek, his face pulled into a sinister smirk as he waved towards the security nearby to escort me out. But instead of letting them get to me to cause even more of a scene, Grayson was already pulling me out of the venue himself, dragging me out of a side door where we ended up in a back alley.

  “I’m good. I’m good. Let me go,” I stated as calmly as I could, shaking him off as I took a look at my hand that was just beginning to throb.

  But the calm didn’t last long once Zalayah bursted through the door after us screaming, “Gabe, what the fuck was that?! Are you out of your mind? You can’t just go around punching people! Especially people with enough money to bury your ass!”

  The thought alone made my anger boil back over as I paced back and forth, though I could only hiss, “Fuck, man. Now you see why I ain’t want nothin’ to do with this shit? Nothin’ to do with these fake ass industry niggas? Nothin’ to do with you?”

  She caught me by the arm, forcing me to stop right in front of her when she asked, “How was I supposed to know Nigel was your father?! Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Cause it didn’t even matter. He’s just another bitch ass nigga who ran away from his responsibilities like a fuckin’ coward. But you know what? I’ve been good without him and I’ll continue to be good without him. Fuck all this shit,” I replied as I finally stepped past her, even though I didn’t have an actual destination other than a few paces forward. I mean, it wasn’t like I could go back into the party like nothing had happened. And I wasn’t sure what Nigel’s move would be, if he’d actually press charges and bury my ass like Zalayah had insisted.

  While I was already thinking about what was next, she was still focused on the situation at hand, releasing a heavy sigh before she said, “I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  For whatever reason, her apology only made me even more annoyed as I turned around to tell her, “Of course you didn’t know. How would you have known? It’s not like he’s running around telling the world, it’s not like he’s ever owned up to the shit. And besides, you’re too busy running around here shaking hands and kissing babies to have noticed anyway.”

  Her face scrunched instantly as she repeated, “Shaking hands and kissing babies? You come in here handling your daddy issues and causing hysteria on my night, and you really have the nerve to call me out on my shit? I’m just doing my job, Gabe! Something you wouldn’t understand even if it hit you in your stubborn ass head!”

  I wanted to be offended, wanted to fire back a shot of my own since she had obviously taken one at me. But I couldn’t because, well, she was right. No matter how much Nigel had me fucked up, no matter how disrespectful he had been when it came to my mother, it still wasn’t right for me to handle it the way I had at an event so important to her. It wasn’t right to cause a scene and make it about me when it was her night to shine.

  Then again, I was never supposed to be here in the first place. The industry crowd was never supposed to be my lane, had never been my interest. Hell, this was exactly why I had stayed away all along, to avoid this predicament, and now seemed like the perfect time to get back to where I belonged.

  So instead of prolonging the inevitable, I told her, “Your job. Right. Well you know what my job was? To produce your album. And according to the clock, my job is done. So I’m out.”

  Zalayah

  “Zalayah, they’re ready for you.”

  I snapped out of the daze I hadn’t even realized I was in, stepping out of my trailer as I prepared to shoot the music video for my first official single from the album that was already a smash according to the Billboard charts. And while it should’ve
been a dream come true to see the album doing so well, to see my risk paying off in such a major way, none of it felt as fulfilling without... him.

  The last time I had saw Gabriel was almost a week ago, the night of the album release party which thankfully hadn’t turned into a complete disaster after his run-in - or one-sided boxing match - with who I now knew was his father. With the help of my mother and Kelly, I had been able to pull it together, return to the party, and smile through it all like nothing had even happened, like I wasn’t missing him. But the truth was, I missed him like crazy. And even now, I was still worried about him, hoping he was alright after being so disrespected by the person who should’ve been the most apologetic.

  I suppose I hadn’t made it any better by rubbing it in his face. I mean, it wasn’t as if I didn’t understand where he was coming from, wasn’t as if I didn’t understand his pain. But to have his pain directed at me was… overwhelming, something I wasn’t equipped to deal with in the heat of the moment. Though now, I wished I would’ve been able to keep my cool as the song - our song - blared through the speakers on set, taking me back to the moments we had shared in the studio before and after creating it.

  We were happy, so damn happy. The vibe was there, the chemistry was flawless, and I had even gotten the opportunity to add my own flare to the arrangement with the impromptu guitar lesson he had given me in the studio, his arms wrapped around me as he guided my fingers to the proper chords as if I didn’t know what I was doing. But I enjoyed being in his arms way too much to tell him otherwise, enjoyed the feel of him pressed against my back and his chin rested in the crook of my neck as if we had been there a million times. In fact, I had already been imagining doing it a million times in the future, confident that there would be more opportunities for us to make beautiful music and much, much more together.

  But now… I wasn’t so sure.

  Through years and years of training, I was able to go through the motions of the video shoot without getting too caught up in my emotions, exhausting myself shot after shot until we had enough footage to call it good for the day. But apparently my convincing performance wasn’t enough to fool my mother considering the first thing she asked once we made it back to the trailer was, “What’s the matter with you, Z?”

  I released a heavy sigh, snuggling up against the couch in the robe that covered up the bodysuit I had filmed in as I replied, “I’m fine, Mama. Just… tired. It’s been a long week, and there’s still so much to do.”

  Between the promotion for the album, the video shoot, the pop-up, one-night-only show I had in a few days, and the world tour that was already in the works, there wasn’t even the thought of a break anywhere in sight. But my mother knew me way too well to believe it was only that, shaking her head as she insisted, “Zalayah, I know when you’re tired from work. I’ve seen you tired from work. This isn’t that. So tell me what’s really going on.”

  A lump caught in my throat before I could speak it out loud and my mom caught on almost immediately, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me into her chest when she asked, “This is about Gabe, isn’t it?”

  The tears didn’t come, but my chest felt heavy as I admitted, “I think I messed up. I mean, I know I messed up, but he messed up too. And I don’t know what to do about it, even though he hasn’t done anything about it either.”

  “And you’re confident you want to do something about it? You don’t wanna just… let it be?”

  “Mama…” I groaned, shaking my head with annoyance as I sank even deeper into her embrace.

  She landed a comforting kiss on the top of my head as she said, “I’m just asking, Zalayah. Your time is way too valuable to waste on people you aren’t sure about. But since you’re sure, it sounds to me like somebody’s gotta put the pride to the side. Somebody has to be the bigger person and break the silence.”

  “My silence isn’t necessarily on purpose though. I’ve just been so busy with this album release that…”

  She cut me off before I could finish, quick to suggest, “A phone call takes five minutes and a text takes less than a minute, so you can save those excuses.”

  I released another sigh, knowing she was right but finding my own reasons still valid too as I told her, “I don’t think this can be dealt with like that. I need to see him in person. Face-to-face.”

  “Well I know you know where he lives, Z. So what’s stopping you from handling your business?” she asked as if it was really that simple, as if she didn’t understand the high stakes of the situation or the possible outcomes.

  But I had already played them enough times in my head to admit, “I’m... afraid. I mean, what if it’s too late? What if the damage is already done? What if his silence is on purpose and he legitimately wants nothing to do with me?”

  It might’ve sounded like a stretch, but the lack of communication was the proof in the pudding as far as I was concerned. Then again, I hadn’t been in touch myself even though I wasn’t holding onto any bad blood. In fact, it was the complete opposite. I wanted nothing more than to have him back in my life, wanted nothing more than to restore the harmony between us. But I still wasn’t confident that he felt the same way. And somehow the fifty-fifty toss-up felt way better than the potential truth of him already being over me, though it was clear my mother disagreed when she replied, “Trust me, it’s better to know than not. And you can’t carry this forever. You have way too much going on to have a weight like this on your shoulders, baby girl.”

  Again, I knew she was right. But I also knew it couldn’t possibly be as simple as she was making it out to be when I asked, “So I’m supposed to just show up to his apartment and lay it all on the line? Put my heart on the table and deal with whatever he chooses to do with it?”

  Even though I couldn’t see her face, I could feel her nodding as she answered, “Unfortunately, that’s how love works, Z. We aren’t in control of the other person, aren’t in control of their feelings, aren’t in control of their choices. We make ourselves vulnerable and we hope for the best. But no matter what happens, you’ll still live to see another day. I can promise you that.”

  Her words were enough to bring me at least a beat of comfort as I snuggled up against her, closing my eyes as I concluded, “I guess if all else fails, I’ll just pull an Adele and write an award-winning album about my heartbreak.”

  The idea alone made it feel like some sort of twisted win-win situation, though my mother had a better idea when she suggested, “Or you can pull a Beyoncé, go through a crash-course of phases from Lemonade, and have your happily ever after?”

  Even though I had no clue how it would all play out, there was no doubt in my mind that she had a great point. So I nodded, finally cracking a hint of a smile as I agreed, “You’re right. Always be Beyoncé.”

  &

  It felt like déjà vu as I made my way into Gabriel’s apartment building, trying not to cause a scene while also keeping my new bodyguard, Zeus, nearby just in case. With the album still so fresh, it seemed as if fans had been on another level to get to me no matter how well I tried to disguise myself. But Zeus had already proved he could handle the wildest of the bunch, unafraid to do whatever it took to keep me safe.

  I just wished that protection could’ve also extended to my feelings as my hand nervously hovered over the door before I worked up the courage to knock. I didn’t really have a plan for what I was going to do nor a script for what I was going to say. I suppose I was just going to let my heart do the talking and hope it got me the response I was looking for. But things weren’t exactly off to a good start when instead of Gabriel answering the door, it was only Grayson.

  Since I was coming by unannounced, it was clear my presence surprised him, though he quickly shook it off to say, “Zalayah. What’s up? How you been?”

  He pulled the door open to let me inside, giving Zeus a nod of acknowledgment before he closed the door behind us, leaving Zeus to man the door from the outside. And as I did a short peek a
round the apartment for any sign of his brother, I answered, “I’m… pretty good. And you?”

  “I’ve been great. Ever since your release party, my phone has been pinging non-stop with people trying to put me on. I actually have some meetings lined up next week with a few different A&Rs,” he answered proudly, naturally making me smile as I absorbed his excitement.

  In fact, I could remember that exact excitement, finally accomplishing the ultimate goal of getting the big break, everything still being fresh and new, hearing your song on the radio for the first time only to find out later that only the songwriter and publisher got paid for it.

  But there was no way I was going to ruin that from him. So instead, I held my smile as I replied, “That’s awesome, Gray. Congratulations. We’ll definitely have to collab on something when you’re ready.”

  He nodded to agree. “I know. I wish we could’ve worked something out for this album, but Gabe told me it wouldn’t have fit the flow.”

  His response initially caught me off-guard since Gabe and I had only decided against having Grayson on the initial releases, never even getting to the point of discussing having Gray on the album as a whole. And there were definitely a few places he could’ve fit, even if it was only on a remix version of any particular song. But maybe that was just his way of keeping Gray out of the studio so we could have it all to ourselves, free to explore each other within those parameters before we were ready to show off for the world.

  Just the thought of getting back to that place that we were just breaking the surface on, our first official appearance together being at the album release party, had me over the small talk, ready to get to my real reason for being there. But I still kept things polite when I asked, “Speaking of Gabe, is he around?”

  Grayson shrugged, leaning against the kitchen counter as he answered, “Nah, he’s at work. He should be off in a few hours though if you wanna come back.”