Forgiving Tess

by Kimberly M. Miller

  Tess crawled inside the tree house. She stood, smiling. “Pretty great, huh?” she asked as she sat. “We can talk here, and no one will care.”

  Josh sat next to her. “This is great. But I think you need to understand that I’m not OK with this as a solution. We shouldn’t hide. We aren’t doing anything wrong.”

  Tess laughed. “Aren’t we? Don’t tell me no one has commented yet.”

  Josh didn’t want to lie but admitting to the truth was dangerous too.

  “Right.” She sighed and stood, pacing the small space. “Well, how did it go today?”

  “It went well, I think. Will you be in church tomorrow morning?”

  Tess shook her head. “If they see me there…”

  Josh started to protest. “I wanted you to say different. But I get it…even if I don’t want to.”

  Tess smiled down at him and reached out to touch his face. “It doesn’t mean I’m not praying for you…or that I don’t want you here or in my life.”

  Josh closed his eyes, taking her hand in his. “I know.” He waited for a moment before smiling at her. “Did you think any more about getting baptized?”

  It was clear Tess wanted to say something, but she stayed quiet.

  Josh didn’t want to push her, so he waited.

  “I’m still working on it,” she managed to say. “Morgan thinks it’s a good idea, so does Uncle Stu…but God knows who I am. I shouldn’t have to rehash my sins in front of a town that already gossiped them to death anyway, right?”

  Josh squeezed her hand. “It isn’t about you,” he said gently. “It’s about Him.”

  For a long moment they held hands silently.

  Tess squeezed his hand, smiling before she released it. “We should go. You’ll want to review your notes for the sermon and get a good night’s sleep.”

  Josh nodded as he stood. “Tess.”

  She turned to him before setting her foot on the top step. Josh smiled. “I’m pretty sure the job is mine, barring any major screw-ups tomorrow. I guess we’ll need to think what that means for us.” He swallowed hard. “I mean before this goes any further. There is an ‘us’ isn’t there?”

  Tess grimaced. “There shouldn’t be. For your sake.”

  “That’s not what I asked.”

  Tess sighed. “I’ve been handling this town on my own but I don’t want to lead you on. I want out of here. I don’t want to hide in a tree house, Jed. I want to date someone openly and it not be the subject of scrutiny or gossip. I need to be with a man who can be proud to be with me. I don’t think that’s too much to expect.” She drew a deep breath, “So if you really think you need to stay here…”

  “I think I do. I mean, that’s the answer I keep coming up with.”

  Tess nodded. “Well, maybe this should be it. Our last…whatever this is.”

  Josh smiled. “Date?”

  She laughed wryly. “Sure. Date.”

  Puzzled, Josh wondered out loud. “I’m not sure why God would make two seemingly-opposed things so much an obvious answer to prayer,” he said, his eyebrows knitting together. He regarded Tess cautiously. “Let’s pray.”

  Tess sat, and Josh did the same. He held her hand tightly as he spoke the words that burned all the way to his core when he realized his courtship wouldn’t be at all what he wanted or hoped it would be.

  “Dear Lord, we come before You now in confusion. Please, in Your name, make things clear to us both so that we might live to serve You through our relationship if that is Your intention for us. Help us to understand and accept Your will and to abide it. In Your name, Amen.”

  Josh raised his head and met Tess’s eyes. Under the light of the moon that filtered through the windows of the tree house, he noticed the tears sparkling as they rolled down her cheeks. Josh gently wiped them away with his thumb, desperate to bear her pain for her, but unsure how to do so. He hated that his spirit was still so heavy despite his constant prayers. “Can I ask you something?” he asked softly.

  Tess shrugged, waiting.

  “Why Harrison’s place?”

  Tess turned away.

  “Come on…” Josh’s voice trailed off. He didn’t want to beg, but it made no sense to him why there would be animosity between Tess and the elderly man whose family had owned the town’s pharmacy for generations.

  “I can’t defend myself,” Tess said.

  “I’m not asking you to.”

  Tess’s shoulders sagged as she spoke. “I was home, at my lowest point, and alone… His wife worked with my mom for a while and she’d tell mom all about how her granddaughter was the softball captain after I graduated, then she went to college on a full scholarship.” Bitterness crept into her voice. “She got hurt too, but of course she didn’t make the choices I was making. Of course not. She never pitied herself or made bad decisions.”

  Josh took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “I’m sorry.”

  Tess shrugged half-heartedly. “I finally hit my limit. They’d get Mom angry. And suddenly I was alone. No more school, no direction, no Brody. Even Stu and Dad were off working. So, I’d get riled up. It was a perfect storm.” She paused. “And once I got started it felt impossible to stop with the pranks and vandalism. It was as if I couldn’t help myself. At least then someone paid attention again.”

  “But you’ve apologized,” Josh said, trying as much to convince Tess as himself. “And you’ve made amends. You two might never be friends, but Tess, you can’t worry about him.”

  Tess snorted. “Except that he also has the power to crush you too. I can’t have that on my conscience with everything else.”

  Josh shook his head, hoping she’d believe him. “I can handle it.” He kissed her hand softly. “We can handle it together. Because I still believe we’re supposed to move ahead. Together.”

  She nodded but said nothing.

  With little left to say, Josh stood and pulled her with him. There was nothing else to do but take her home.

  ~*~

  Tess woke the next morning and rolled over with a groan. Her cell phone had been vibrating for nearly an hour but she’d managed to ignore it several times and fall back asleep. There was no ignoring it now. She sighed and picked it up, scrolling to find three texts from Josh.

  The first read: Hoping you changed your mind. It would help to see a friendly face

  The second read: blue tie or red?

  The third: Whatever comes today, I’ll still be praying for you—and us.

  Tess smiled. She wanted to believe him. That the people’s opinion of her didn’t matter, and that nothing would impact his chances for a job. Deep down she knew better. Surely Harrison Flynn would be in the congregation this morning and if he caught her in his church… She couldn’t go.

  The phone buzzed again, this time with a phone call.

  She sighed heavily, pressing it to her ear. “Yeah?”

  “Hey, Mouthy, want me to pick you up for church?”

  “I don’t think so,” Tess said as she sat up. “Besides, I work later and…”

  “Not until, what, three?”

  Tess bristled, wishing he wasn’t so on top of things. “So?”

  “So, I’m bringing Marlene. I want you to meet her. I’ll pick you up at eight-thirty.”

  Tess groaned but didn’t respond because he’d already hung up. And that was how Uncle Stu worked—how he’d gotten her to behave and focus. He hadn’t given her a choice.

  With a heavy sigh, Tess rolled from her bed and went to get dressed, wondering if she owned a pair of glasses and a mustache.

  ~*~

  Josh hardly slept all night. He finally got out of bed around five o’clock in the morning, made a cup of coffee and sat reading his Bible and praying, unsettled by what he understood to be true but as yet could find no way to fathom. He was in love with Tess Carson and she was in love with him. But everything appeared to be against them. What Josh still couldn’t understand was why. He struggled through his mixed-up thoughts.

/>   His father texted him: God is good. Praying you’re in His will today.

  And a short time later, his sister Caroline also texted him: Hoping to catch up with you today. Good luck!

  Josh smiled. If he moved he could form a relationship with his sister who lived only forty-five minutes away from the church. And he could be an uncle—a real one—to her three children. Tess wasn’t the only reason he wanted this job. Josh went to his knees and prayed from the bottom of his soul for an answer—a clear answer.

  ~*~

  “We’re set,” Dave said as he stepped back into the green room behind the main stage of the sanctuary.

  Josh nodded with a smile as he glanced at John who was sitting beside him.

  Dave went back to the stage and the music began.

  It was energetic and motivating and Josh was certain he could get used to worship being that way every Sunday.

  “He’s good,” John said. “But he’s too young for me. You all are.” He struggled to his feet and smiled. “It’s a packed house today. They’re all curious.”

  Josh laughed and squelched the nervousness that pricked his confidence. “I figured it would be.”

  John smiled and closed his eyes. “Lord, You’ve carried and blessed this church in ways I can’t even begin to say. I pray in this moment that Your guidance will continue to pour forth over this church, its people, and those who most want to serve You in the ministry. Be with Josh this morning, Lord. Let him feel Your presence and know Your will. In Your name I pray. Amen.”

  Josh smiled as he opened his eyes. “Thank you.”

  John nodded as the song came to an end. He motioned for Josh to follow him. “Let’s go worship the Lord together,” he said with a wink and a smile.

  ~*~

  Despite wanting to wallow in her misery, Tess got ready for church in record time. She was confident in her favorite green dress, and her hair did exactly what she’d wanted it to. She exchanged numerous texts with Josh who, she was certain, was nervous about the sermon. Though she said she’d pray for him, she didn’t tell him she was on her way.

  Stu’s car tires crunched across the gravelly driveway outside.

  She jumped from the couch, grabbed her purse and ran outside.

  Her uncle stepped out of the car to greet her.

  Tess nearly gasped.

  Gone were the usual jeans and button-down shirt he wore to church, replaced by dress pants and a sport coat.

  She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen him dressed like that.

  “Not a word, Mouthy,” Stu said as he caught his niece trying to stifle a giggle.

  “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  A woman opened the passenger door and stepped out, her long blond hair trailing behind her like a veil. Stu’s girlfriend was beautiful. While she was only a few years younger than him, this woman was not under any delusions about her age. She was dressed conservatively in a long skirt and light blue top that made her eyes appear to be a deeper shade. She was smiling and reaching for Tess even before she’d completely gotten out of the car.

  Tess liked her already.

  “Oh, Tess. It’s so good to finally meet you,” Marlene said as she hugged her.

  “It’s nice to meet you too,” Tess said.

  Marlene stepped back and regarded Tess before turning to Stu who was beaming at them both. “You really are a man,” Marlene said as she shook her head. “You said she was pretty but my goodness, Stu, she’s beautiful. Stunning!”

  Tess tried to hide behind her long hair as Stu shook his head. “She takes after her uncle.”

  Marlene laughed and turned back to Tess. “He sure is proud of you. And in case you were wondering, he wouldn’t let me meet you until we’d gone out for a while. Said you were too important to him. He didn’t want you think he was…messing around.”

  Tess’s hope swelled. It was a matter of pride that Stu remained single as he’d impressed on her the importance of taking relationships seriously. She’d always imagined that he loved his work and that was why he never married. But now, watching him as he helped Marlene back into the car, Tess was sure there was more to it. He wanted a woman he could love and take care of, not one who was only in a relationship for fun. She smiled at her uncle as he opened the back door for her. “You mess this up and I will hurt you,” she whispered. “That woman is awesome.”

  Stu smiled and kissed her forehead. “So is this one.”

  ~*~

  In no time at all the contentment Tess glimpsed briefly slipped away in favor of familiar anxiety. She groaned inwardly as she followed Stu and Marlene to the front of the church where Brody and Stell were reserving seats in the third row. She’d always hidden in the back rows, staying clear of the judgmental eyes of the congregation. That her brother would force her to the front was just mean.

  Stell smiled as Tess flopped into the seat beside her. “So,” she whispered. “What do you think of Marlene?”

  Tess glanced down the row where Marlene showed she was capable of making the usually somber Karen Carson smile. Tess glanced back at Stell and shook her head. “If he doesn’t marry her, I think I might.”

  Stell laughed. “I think Pastor Thorne might say something about that. Can you come after church for pierogis?”

  Tess shook her head. For Josh’s sake, she wanted to begin increasing the distance between them. “I shouldn’t. I need to be at Pine View later.”

  “Really?” Stell sounded disappointed. “Josh is coming…”

  Tess laughed. “Tempting, but probably more reason for me to go to work.”

  The music minister walked onto the stage and the music began to play loudly. “Please stand with us,” he said. “As we worship the Lord together.”

  Tess stood and let the music wash over her, refreshing her and renewing her resolve—if only for a few short moments.

  When the song ended, the elderly pastor, John Williamson, stepped onto the stage with Josh close behind him. “Welcome,” Pastor Williamson said as the congregation was seated, and the worship team left the stage. “We’re pleased to welcome a delightful pastor here today to share God’s word with you.” He gestured.

  Josh stepped forward, smiling at the congregation.

  Tess gripped her hands tightly in her lap as she drew a deep breath. What was she doing? It was one thing to hide in a tree house and talk to Josh, or spend time with him states away, but this…? Even as she watched him standing there confidently in front of the congregation in his best suit—he’d gone with the red tie at Tess’s urging—Tess was certain she needed to put a stop to their relationship before it got any further out of control. He was good, trustworthy, and moral. She wasn’t worthy of a man like him.

  “I’ve known Joshua Thorne since he was a boy,” Pastor Williamson continued.

  Tess forced her gaze away from Josh and back to the pastor’s words.

  “His father, Paul, pastored our church and worked with us years ago.” Pictures of Josh as a child and growing up, in various mission experiences and work flashed on the screen.

  Tess was horrified that there was one of she, Brody, and Josh as kids. Was he insane? Why would he put her up there in such a public way? She sank down into her seat as the pastor continued speaking. Tess took a moment to steal a glance around the sanctuary and found all of the women’s eyes trained hungrily on Josh. But, of course. He was a single, incredibly handsome, Christian man. Every unmarried woman in the right age bracket—and even some of those who were out of that range—would want a chance. And they all deserved it.

  “I’m certain you will appreciate Josh’s message for us this morning.”

  The congregation applauded as Josh stepped forward to the podium.

  Tess hadn’t listened to anything Pastor Williamson said.

  Stell nudged her with a grin.

  Tess did her best to smile back. She wished she’d gone to work early. Dealing with Ashley-Marie would be much more pleasant than dealing with her personal life.

  20<
br />
  I have chosen the way of faithfulness;

  I have set my heart on your laws.

  Psalms 119:30

  Josh regarded the congregation and wondered what he’d gotten himself into. The sanctuary was filled to almost standing room only and it struck him that the church hadn’t had a new pastor since his father took over for a time all those years ago. His presence there was exciting, sure, but it gave him pause that it appeared they’d stopped the search with him. Surely, he wasn’t the best candidate? Was he? The congregation waited patiently as Josh set his Bible and notes on the podium. He smiled and said, “Good morning. I’m humbled by the kind words Pastor Williamson shared about me this morning. I’ll do my best not to disappoint you. It’s certainly an honor to be here.” Josh drew a breath and tried not to notice that despite her protests, Tess had come to support him.

  His heart beat wildly as his insides danced. She was so beautiful. He prayed he could show half the courage she did. He wasn’t worthy of a woman like her. Josh cleared his throat and turned his attention to the sermon. “I want to share with you a message of hope this morning. A message that I pray will inspire you to understand that God’s plan for you does not include hopelessness and despair, but rather a hope and peace that—as we know but rarely acknowledge—surpasses all human understanding.” He opened his Bible to the first tab and looked again at his flock. “Before we begin, let us pray for His wisdom and blessing.” Josh bowed his head and drew a deep breath, silently praying for God’s word to speak through him as the congregation waited for his words to begin.

  ~*~

  As the service ended Tess trained her gaze on the floor to avoid the many stares aimed in her direction.

  One woman nearby smiled and touched her arm as she leaned in to whisper, “Don’t give them any mind, honey. You belong here. Come sit with me anytime.” She chuckled. “I’m always in the same seat.” She gave Tess a reassuring pat on the arm. “My name’s Sara.”