by L B Pavlov
“He found out that Daniel had climbed it a few times,” I said, wiping my tears again and feeling a tug at my heart.
“We all knew Daniel climbed that tree for God’s sake. And I was thankful. Charlie, I knew that Daniel would never do anything to hurt you, and he was there for you when your own dad couldn’t be. I mean, the kid climbed that tree on the eve of Mom’s death every year, and Dad turned a blind eye. But the minute he climbed that tree and your heart made you want to leave Stanford, Dad cuts it down? He’s such a hypocrite. Daniel took care of you when none of us could. Dad should be kissing his ass!” he finished angrily.
“Jack, I can’t talk about Daniel right now. My heart hurts so bad, I can’t. I can’t. I need to lay down, OK?” I said, and even I could hear the despair in my voice.
“Well, since he can’t climb that tree to console you, I will sit in your chair until you fall asleep so you don’t feel alone, OK? Can I have the TV on?” he asked.
“Of course. And Jack?” I said quietly.
“Yes?” he answered.
“It doesn’t matter that Dad cut the tree down. Daniel wasn’t going to climb it anymore,” I said. I clenched my hand around my bracelet and my ring, and I went back to my peaceful place, where I didn’t have to think about things or feel my aching heart.
It had been the longest week of my life. If I had known that I wouldn’t see Charlotte again until graduation, I probably would not have been able to go through with what I had done. I felt like someone had cut my heart out of my body. I had no contact with her. I knew that this was what was supposed to happen, but I hadn’t thought out how difficult it was going to be. I thought I would be able to see her at school. The classes that we had together were brutal because I stared at her empty seat and was reminded of the knife I had placed into her heart. I couldn’t go to lunch because we had been sitting next to each other every single day since kindergarten. I hated driving my truck because she was no longer next to me.
I continued to tell myself that I would be able to fix this. Once she was settled at school and the official season had started, I could try to explain everything to her. I couldn’t do it too soon, or she could leave. I needed her to get settled at school in the fall, and then she wouldn’t be as willing to leave. I could use this time to prove myself to her. To prove that she could trust me. Because the truth was, I couldn’t function without Charlotte. I needed her more than she needed me. I was completely lost without her.
The original plan was to get through the school year, but days into it, I knew I would never be able to stay away from her that long. I just needed to make it a few months, but it was painful. I was anxious for graduation because I could finally see her. I missed her face. I missed everything about her. I just needed to see her. I desperately needed to see her. I knew I couldn’t be with her, but maybe just seeing her would get me through today.
The graduation party had been canceled. The rumor at school was that Charlotte had mono. I avoided people as much as possible. I was not in a social mood. I hadn’t attended a single graduation party, and I had no desire to be around anyone. I just repeatedly told people that she had a bug.
Kathleen and Steph were relentless, asking why she couldn’t answer her phone. I said that her father had taken it away because he didn’t want it to disturb her. They had both gone by her house a few times, but they said Jack Sr. was always home now, and he told them she was too sick to see anyone. Jack was doing a fine job of cutting Charlotte off from the world.
After the tree had been cut down, I snuck over to her yard that night, and I took a few of the branches that had been chopped down and left in the yard. I hid them in my closet, so at least she and I could always have a piece of the tree that had held such a special meaning to us.
“Daniel, Mom said we need to get going!” Preston shouted from downstairs. My brothers had come home for my graduation. They tried to talk to me about what was going on, but I couldn’t discuss it. I’m sure my parents filled them in. My parents had been as supportive as they could be, and they knew that I was hurting really bad. They were not happy with Jack Sr., but I begged them not to get involved.
I had stayed in my room a lot when I wasn’t at school. I had read Charlotte’s Web twice in one week and kept it hidden under my pillow. It somehow made me feel close to her. I could hear her laughing and sighing at different parts of the book. I grabbed my cap and gown and headed downstairs.
“Oh, Daniel, you look very handsome!” Mom said, smiling.
There was sadness in my mom’s eyes since all of this had happened. My mom loved Charlotte like she was her own daughter, and this was very difficult for her as well. It didn’t help that there was no movement from the Fords’ house all week, with the exception of Jack Sr. pulling in and out of the garage occasionally. I didn’t know what was wrong with Charlotte because she hadn’t been outside at all. I saw her brother Jack’s car in the driveway, so they must have come home last night for graduation.
James had been texting me and was very upset about his sister. I told him that I hadn’t seen her or talked to her and that we had temporarily ended things. I didn’t want to go into detail, but he seemed to understand. He kept telling me how sorry he was and how angry he was with his father. I didn’t want this to affect their entire family. Jack Sr. was trying to do the right thing by his daughter, and I understood that. I didn’t like how he went about it, but I knew that he loved Charlotte.
I didn’t speak on the car ride over to the school. I was very anxious and desperate to see Charlotte. This was not how I had ever imagined our high school graduation. I couldn’t believe how much our lives had changed in one week. Just the Saturday before, I had been at her state meet. And now everything was different.
We walked in, and Sean and Gomez gave me a big hug. Everyone was excited about graduating. I was searching the room for her.
“Hey, have you seen Charlotte yet?” I asked.
“Sorry, dude, I haven’t seen her,” Sean said quietly. Sean knew that something was going on, but he could tell that I didn’t want to talk about it.
We were guided to our seats. The first speaker was called up to the podium. I searched for her, but her seat was empty. I wondered if maybe they had her in back because she was a speaker. I spotted Jack and his father. I was surprised that Lenora, James, and Eric were not with them.
When the speaker introduced the class valedictorian, he said, “Unfortunately, Miss Charlotte Ford is under the weather and is unable to attend today’s commencement. However, Mr. Jack Ford, Miss Charlotte Ford’s brother, will be reading her speech. Thank you.” Everyone clapped as Jack approached the podium.
I couldn’t believe it. Charlotte had missed her own graduation? She wasn’t giving her valedictorian speech? What the hell was going on? I felt sick to my stomach. I stared across the room until I met eyes with Jack Sr., and he quickly looked away. Coward. I did what you wanted, I thought, and now you can’t even look at me. Jack introduced himself and apologized for his sister’s absence. He said that she had prepared a speech, and he would read what she had written.
“Good afternoon, graduates, parents, and honored guests.
“My name is Charlotte Ford, excuse me, um, Jack Ford, reading on behalf of my sister Charlotte Ford. I would like to thank you for the opportunity to speak today at such a joyous occasion. I am honored to be graduating amongst such an incredible group of people, and I am proud to be a part of the St. Viator’s graduating class of 2012.
“Today I am speaking to a gifted group of individuals. Sitting amongst us is our student body president, Jason Lee, who has taught our class what it means to have a philanthropic heart, what it means to join together to make a difference, and the importance of speaking up when you need your voice to be heard. You are sitting alongside Veronica Pididdy, who will be studying at the Julliard School and is considered to be one of this country’s top violinists. Tony Barber will be attending Harvard on scholarship in the fall as a pre-med major and
hopes to help to find the cure for cancer someday. We have Rachel Steinberger, who has led our cheerleading squad to compete in nationals each year for the past four years. John Grover took third place in the National Spelling Bee championship this year, which is the highest place any student from St. Viator’s has ever received at the national level. Stephanie Stewart, Kathleen Narayan, and Maddie Owens gave me the honor of being a part of a state championship four times eight-hundred-meter relay team this year, setting both a school record as well as a state record, and I am truly thankful to them for the experience. Last but not least is Daniel Hollingsworth, who led his team to their third straight 4A state football title and managed to steal my heart at the same time. Obviously we have a talented group of graduates, and each of the 197 individuals is equally unique and special.
“Over the past four years, we have each grown up and become young adults, and we are ready to conquer the world. My advice would be to, first and foremost, always follow your heart. I have learned from personal experience how important it is to listen to your heart, trust your instincts, and stay true to yourself. I am sure that many of you know that I lost my mother to a terrible illness at a very young age. What many people don’t know is that even though my mother is not here, she has continued teaching and guiding me throughout my life. My mother left behind fourteen books, her personal journals, which I have managed to read many times. The most important gift she gave me was leaving behind her words and her wisdom. My mother believed that love was the most important gift you could ever receive. So I encourage you to tell the people whom you love how you feel each day. Be thankful for the people in your life, and never take them for granted.
“My mother also shared with me how important it is to have dreams. Dreams are something that only you can come up with. They are individual, they are unique, and they are attainable. Your dreams will change throughout your life, but always believe that you can achieve them. Whether your dream is to attend a certain school, to perform on Broadway, or to cure a disease, never allow anyone to deter your dreams. Choose them, believe in them, and then make them happen.
“My mother may not have lived a long life, but she lived her life in a way that was wise beyond her years. My mother was a collegiate national track champion. However, her gravestone is inscribed with ‘Wonderful Daughter, Loving Wife, Adoring Mother, and Special Friend,’ per her request. My mother did not measure her life’s successes by her accolades, which were many. She measured her success by how many people she loved and the people who loved her back, which were far more than the many trophies and medals that she earned in her short lifetime. I only hope that I live my life with half the grace that my mother did and that you take from what I have shared with you to heart.
“So, class of 2012, I leave you with these words: don’t let others choose your dreams, go after your what you want each and every day. Trust your heart and have the courage to not only follow it but allow it to lead you to magical places.
“I wish you all success and happiness in the future. Thank you.”
And he walked away. The audience gave a huge round of applause in response to the very moving speech. My heart sank. She had mentioned me in her speech. She had talked about following your heart and not listening to others, both of which I had not done. Was she trying to tell me something? No, she had written this speech over a week ago, before everything had happened. I could hear her voice reading those words, and it burned me. Her speech was beautiful and eloquent, just like Charlotte.
I was broken. She hadn’t come to graduation, and she would leave in the morning. Maybe this was for the best. Maybe it was better that I didn’t see her. I wouldn’t be able to take it. I found my parents and my brothers, and we left graduation immediately following the ceremony. I didn’t want to take photos, I didn’t want to talk to anybody, and I certainly didn’t want to go to any parties. I wanted to go home and be alone.
When we pulled up to the house, there was a moving truck in front of the Fords’ house, and the little black VW Bug was being loaded onto the truck. I felt the blood drain from my body once again. This was all really happening. Charlotte was leaving tomorrow. Everyone in the car stilled as we pulled in, and I quickly got out. I didn’t want to talk about it. I stormed into the house and marched up to my room.
I followed Daniel into the house. Preston and Devon were very upset over their brother. Grace had been very sad all week. Daniel had just stormed up the stairs at the sight of the moving truck.
Suddenly I heard screaming and what sounded like glass shattering. Devon hit the stairs before me, but I was right behind him. We took two steps at a time, racing up the stairs to Daniel’s room. Devon pushed the door open, and I saw my son, Daniel, decimating his room and screaming as if he was being tortured.
Daniel had snapped. He had literally thrown and broken everything on his desk, and he had just picked up his football picture and was in the process of shattering it over the desk as we walked in. There was glass everywhere. He was in a rage. He was crying, screaming in pain, and completely destroying all of his belongings. Preston and Grace had come up behind us and were frozen in the doorway. Devon and I lunged at Daniel, and I did all that I could think to do: I wrapped my arms around my son tightly and I hugged him. Devon did the same thing, and we both just hugged him as he cried.
“It’s OK, son,” I said quietly, trying to calm him.
Daniel slowly dropped to his knees, and we dropped right alongside him, never letting him go. Daniel cried like he had just had a limb torn off his body, and in his eighteen years of life, I had never seen him suffer like this. It was very painful to watch.
Grace came over after a few minutes. She was crying. “Daniel, we love you, honey. We are here for you. Please let us help you through this,” she said, touching his face.
“I’m so lost right now. I don’t think anyone can help me through this,” Daniel said, still sobbing.
“Well, then we will sit next to you and hold your hand until you get through it. We love you so much,” she said again.
We all sat on the floor in Daniel’s room for over an hour. Preston and Devon had started cleaning up the glass.
“I’m sorry,” Daniel said in a voice that was weighed down by sadness.
“You don’t need to be sorry, son. We understand. This is a horrible situation,” I said quietly.
“I wanted to see her so bad, and she wasn’t there,” Daniel said miserably.
“I know. I wanted to see her too,” Grace said, and a tear ran down her cheek.
Daniel was exhausted from his emotional breakdown, and after his room was somewhat cleaned up, he wanted to lay down.
I went out front to check the sprinklers, and I saw Jack Sr. talking to the movers. They were loading all of Charlotte’s boxes now. He was getting her out of there as quickly as humanly possible. I walked across the street, and he met me half-way.
“Hello, Tom,” Jack said cautiously.
“Jack,” I said with evident anger in my voice.
“Congratulations on Daniel’s graduation,” he said stoutly.
“Congratulations? Really, Jack, is that all you have to say?” I asked in disbelief, the anger growing in my tone.
“What would you like me to say?” he said arrogantly.
“Well, let’s see? I’m sorry for messing up two kids’ lives? I’m sorry for being a selfish prick? That would be a good start!” I growled, and I was surprised by the words that had come out of my mouth.
Jack looked stunned by what I had said. “I’m not trying to ruin anyone’s life, I’m doing the exact opposite. Those kids are too young. Do you know that Daniel may be sleeping with Charlotte? They are out of control. And I won’t let him destroy her life! I’m sorry if that offends you, Tom,” he shot back in retaliation.
“I have no idea what happens in Daniel and Charlotte’s personal life, and it is not my business to ask. But as far as destroying her life, you are way out of line, Jack! My son has treated her with no
thing but love and respect since the day that they met! This is about you achieving your dreams, or Kate’s dreams, through your daughter. If you cared about what she wanted, things would never have gone this far. You are a selfish man, Jack, and how dare you try to manipulate my son into thinking he is selfish for loving her? You should be ashamed of yourself for what you’ve done! He thought of you as a second father, and Grace and I thought of you as family. You have destroyed that kid. He can’t even function, and I will never forgive you for this!” I admonished, the anger flowing through my body.
I wanted to hit him, but I would not make things worse.
“You will never forgive me? Get in line, Tom! You’re not the first one to dislike my choices. But I’m looking out for my daughter, and I’m doing what I need to do to protect her,” he said staunchly.
“Keep trying to convince yourself of that, Jack. You’re doing all of this for yourself, and you have made a huge mistake,” I said, and I turned and walked away.
I slept most of the day Saturday until my brother Jack woke me up for dinner. “Time to wake up, Charlie,” he said as he gently shook me from my slumber.
When I opened my eyes, they were so heavy. My head was pounding, and I instantly felt the pain in my heart.
“What time is it?” I croaked. My throat was so dry, it was hard to make out my words.
“It’s almost six. I want to have dinner with you. Do you want to go out or eat in?” he asked congenially.
“Um, I would rather stay in if that’s OK. How was graduation?” I asked wistfully.
“Your speech was beautiful, and everyone loved it. You did a great job writing it, Charlie. I think you even hit a nerve with Dad. He was really quiet once he heard it,” he said.