After Me

by Joyce Scarbrough

  We held each other and cried until a noise made us turn toward the bed. The bastard was clapping slowly, as if to say he enjoyed our touching scene.

  I sniffed and looked at Annalee. “I think it’s time for this rat-faced fucker to meet Zombie Girl. What about you?”

  She wiped away her tears and nodded. “Make him suffer.”

  I broke the rope around his neck and replaced it with my hand, lifting him off the bed to hold him in the air like the world’s ugliest rag doll. “Since the fall’s gonna break most of your bones, it won’t look suspicious if I break a few before I toss you off the balcony.”

  His voice was choked and garbled, but he managed to say, “Fuck you, bitch!”

  I’d heard somewhere that a broken femur was supposed to be the worst pain ever, so I gave him a zomjitsu chop to the right thigh. From the sound of the crack, it broke completely in half, and from the sound that came out of his mouth, what I’d heard was true. He screamed for a good five seconds then continued to moan and cry, but even in all that agony, he still tried to spit on me.

  I threw him to the floor and stood on his arms. “Dude, I don’t know if you’re just stupid or you’re too insane to think anymore, but you don’t seem to get that you’re about to die an excruciatingly painful death.”

  He forced out a laugh through his tearful grimace. “No, you’re the one who doesn’t get it, you stupid bitch! I don’t care if you kill me. At least the whole world will finally know everything I’ve done!”

  Hold on a second. This was a way to torture him even more.

  “Not if we get rid of that box of souvenirs and your laptop,” I said. “Nobody will know you did anything except fail big time tonight.”

  Before my words had time to register with him, I felt Annalee’s hand on my shoulder.

  “We can’t do that, Gwen.”

  I turned to look at her. “Why not?”

  “The families of those girls he killed deserve to know what happened to them. You can’t take that away from them just to punish this piece of shit. You have to leave those things for the police to find.”

  She was right as usual. I might not be able to save the other girls he’d killed, but I could save their families a little bit of suffering. And there was something else I needed to do too.

  “You’re right,” I said. “Even Vanessa deserves to know the truth. Even after everything she did, I don’t want her to think I just ran away.” I held up the necklace from Cassie that was still in my hand. “Put this back in the box for me before the cops get here.”

  She took it and squeezed my hand. “I’m proud of you for doing this for her.”

  “Oh, how sweet.” Scornful laughter floated up to us from the floor. “Go ahead and kill me, you stupid little slut. I can’t wait for my fat cow of a mother to find out everything I did so she’ll know how much I hate her. I hope it makes her choke on her Little Debbies!”

  Suddenly, all the things he’d said earlier about calling the shots and nobody telling him what to do made sense. A smile spread slowly across my face as I thought of an even more perfect way to make him pay.

  “Aw, but that’s not the way it’s gonna go down, dickhead. See, you don’t get to control anything, just like the night I died. I played you for a chump and made you kill me before you got to have any fun, didn’t I?” I laughed at the look of dismay growing on his face. “The whole world’s gonna find out you’re nothing but a pathetic loser who needs a gun to get laid, because my best friend here is gonna tell everyone how you were crying for your mommy when you fell to your death.”

  “NO!”

  Annalee bent over and laughed in his face along with me. “Yeah, that’s right. I’m gonna tell them that after you went over the rail and couldn’t hold on any longer, your last words were I love you, Mommy! Please forgive me!”

  “No… I hate her…” His face was a sniveling child’s, and his words became incoherent babbling.

  I jerked him up by the collar and walked to the balcony. “Annalee, wipe off the knife and bring it to me, please. I’m sick of his whining.”

  She wrapped the knife in a towel and followed me outside.

  “Wait a second.” Her tears spilled over again as she kissed my cheek. “I love you, Gwen. I’ll never forget you.”

  I blinked away my own tears. “I love you too. Tell Lew I wish I could’ve told him goodbye.”

  I took the knife and jammed it into my stomach up to the hilt, then I grabbed the scumbag’s hand and forced his fingers around the handle to put his fingerprints on it. He didn’t even try to resist, tears and snot running into his blubbering mouth. I lifted him over the rail and held him dangling in midair.

  “Any last words, Mama’s Boy?”

  He squeezed his eyes shut, and a dark stain spread slowly outward from his crotch.

  I clucked my tongue. “Oops, looks like you peed your cheap pants. Worst. Sugar Daddy. Ever.”

  I let go of his neck and watched him splatter onto the rocks below.

  Then everything went dark.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  I was in Afterlife Admissions again, alone in Flo’s cubicle. I looked around but didn’t see anyone, and the only thing I heard was the horrific elevator music coming from the speakers, this time featuring the soundtrack from Mamma Mia. Kinda appropriate when you thought about it.

  I was about to get up and go look for somebody when Flo appeared on the other side of the counter. “Hello, Miss Gayle. Congratulations on completing your assignment.”

  “Yeah, you can hold off on the party and balloons,” I said. “Not really in the mood for celebrating right now.”

  Her eyebrows rose in surprise. “I would think you’d be happy about your success. You’ve accomplished a great deal.”

  I slouched in my chair. “I got rid of two scumbags and taught a few more a lesson. Big freaking deal.”

  “I don’t think you quite understand, Miss Gayle. Eliminating the man who murdered you was indeed your prime directive, but you had another objective to discover on your own. We’re very pleased that you succeeded.”

  I frowned at her a second, then I got it. “Oh, you mean learning to deal with emotions. Yeah, I had loads of fun with that. Thanks a lot for tacking it on.”

  “That was only part of it. You had to discern your true goal completely of your own free will, and the solution had to come from within your heart.”

  What the hell was she talking about? Did she mean the stuff that happened with Lew?

  “Can you stop with the Hallmark Channel crap and just tell me what I did?”

  She sighed. “You forgave your mother, Miss Gayle. When you told your friend to put back your necklace so your mother would know your fate, you finally let go of your hatred for her.”

  “But I didn’t…”

  I stopped because I realized it was true. When I’d found out that Lew dressed and acted like his brother to punish his mom, I’d really thought I would’ve jumped at the chance to do the same thing to Vanessa. Making her wonder forever what had happened to her daughter would’ve been the perfect revenge, but that’s not what I wanted.

  No, the truth was that when I’d read the articles online about Vanessa’s search and seen the reports of how distraught she was over my disappearance, it had secretly made me hope she’d loved me after all. I hadn’t been able to admit it to Annalee, but I had wanted it to be true. And I still did.

  “Okay, fine,” I said. “I guess you’re right. So what do I get for it—a special parking space for Transdead Trustee of the Month?”

  Flo typed something on her keyboard that prompted printing sounds. “No, you get something much more significant. I’m afraid this changes everything.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “So much additional paperwork.” She retrieved several papers from the printer and put them on the counter with another sigh. “You’ll need to sign these forms in triplicate before you go back.”

  I jerked upright. “Go back? Are
you telling me I have to keep being a Trustee because I sent that message to my mother with the necklace?”

  She turned the papers around and pointed to the top. “No, Miss Gayle. You get to go back to your life.”

  I read the heading on the top of the page: DISCHARGE OF LIEN.

  “But…” I looked up at her in confusion. “I thought the whole point of clearing my account was to go on to the Afterlife. That’s what you told me before.”

  “As I explained to you when you first arrived here, Miss Gayle, every Transdead Trustee has a contract with us that must be honored by resolving what was left unfinished in their life, but your prime directive is only part of it. If you’re able to discern your underlying objective and complete it before your mission is over, your obligation is fulfilled in toto. And, as I said before, that changes everything.” She pointed to a dotted line on the paper. “Please sign here and initial here and here.”

  I scribbled on the papers without really seeing them. “But why didn’t you tell me I had some secret goal to figure out from the start? That would’ve made it a lot easier, you know.”

  She sighed again. “Must I get out the dictionary and read you the definition of the word secret, Miss Gayle?”

  I was still too confused to let her sarcasm bother me. “Wait, so does this mean I’m going back to Gwen’s life?”

  Flo took out an ink pad and rubber stamp. “Please pay attention, Miss Gayle. You get to go back to your life, as Jada Celeste Gayle. Since your murder was never confirmed, you will be able to resume your life as though you’ve been a runaway all this time, just as the authorities believed. This is where your talent for—shall we call it fiction?—will come in handy.”

  She paused to stamp ACCOUNT CLEARED on all the documents and secure them with a golden paper clip.

  “The story you invented for the young man about how Gwen Stewart met Jada Gayle at the group home for runaways will allow you to tell everyone that you took her place after she was the one who disappeared. You did it to keep your mother from finding you.”

  I knew all of it was true then because my heart was pounding wildly in my chest, and the sudden need to breathe reintroduced itself with a vengeance.

  “But what about the deal we made that my body would stay there so everyone would think he killed me?”

  “That is why we had to bring you back here for further instructions before we could proceed. When you return in a few moments, you will once again be on the balcony with your friend.”

  “What’s been going on while I was gone?”

  “This entire meeting has taken place in the blink of an eye. It really shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that we are not bound by Earthly time constraints here, Miss Gayle.”

  I had to consciously slow my breathing and was afraid I was about to hyperventilate.

  “Lean over and put your head between your knees,” Flo said. “As you can see, you are once again subject to bodily functions. Unfortunately, that means you will be in considerable discomfort when you return because of your injuries.”

  I raised up too quickly and had to duck my head again before I passed out. “You mean I could still die from the knife wound?”

  “That wouldn’t make much sense, now would it?” Her voice was tinged with exasperation. “Your injury will be serious but not fatal. You will have to recover in the usual manner.”

  I finally got my breathing under control and raised up to look at her. “Okay, I think I understand it all now. But I have one more question before I go.”

  “And what is that?”

  “I met a guy named Wade who’s been a Transdead Trustee for a long time, supposedly because he broke the rules. Does he have a Double Secret Objective that he doesn’t know about?”

  She gave me an impatient look. “You know I can’t discuss someone else’s account with you.”

  “Oh, come on, Flo.” I slapped the counter with my hand. “I know you don’t have a sense of humor, but don’t you have a heart?”

  She arched an eyebrow. “I see you’ve become well-acquainted with compassion, Miss Gayle.”

  “You’re right,” I said. “I beat both levels of your Transdead game like a boss, so I deserve an answer to my question.”

  She stared at me a moment, then she straightened the already neat papers in front of her. “I obviously can’t tell you any specifics, but usually when someone remains a Transdead Trustee from their own choosing, it’s because they haven’t forgiven themselves for something they did in life. Unless he can do that, his regrets will keep him forever in debt.”

  I thought about that for a second. “And it wouldn’t do any good if I tipped him off, because he still wouldn’t forgive himself.”

  “Quite insightful.” She typed on the keyboard again. “Now if you’ll just sign this new promissory note, you can be on your way.”

  “Promissory note for what? I thought you said my account was cleared.”

  She bent to take a sheet of paper from the printer. “Your Afterlife Account was cleared of your previous obligation. This is for the new promise you made.”

  “What new promise?”

  She sighed again and typed something before turning the monitor around so I could see it. The screen went black for a second, then an image appeared of me on my knees earlier that night, saying I would do anything if Annalee was still alive.

  I scowled at her. “So what do I have to do now?”

  She slid the form over in front of me. “You must promise that you will live a life that means something, Miss Gayle.”

  I tried to wipe away my tears, but I wasn’t fast enough.

  Flo handed me a tissue from under the counter. “Despite your reluctance for candor in your blog updates, I think you already know what I mean. You’ve earned a second chance at life that most people don’t get, so I hope you’ll make the most of it.” She hesitated a second, then she put a hand on my arm. “I know you will.”

  I picked up the pen and signed my name in big, bold letters.

  “Good, now if you’ll also initial here”—she pointed to a yellow box of text at the bottom, all business again—“everything will be documented properly.”

  I struggled to read the extremely fine print in the box, then I looked up at her.

  “I have to serve as a Post-Mordem Peer Partner on a PRN basis? What does that mean?”

  “PRN stands for pro re nata, which is Latin for as the circumstance arises. It’s most commonly used in the medical profession, but it applies in this case as well.”

  I looked up at the ceiling. “Well, thanks for the vocabulary lesson, but that’s not what I meant. What’s a Post-Mordem Peer Partner? And what’s with all the P’s?”

  “It means you must be available in the future to counsel other Transdead Trustees if you are needed. We may not ever need your services, but you must help if you’re called upon. The P’s are merely a result of our Administrator’s fondness for alliteration. Personally, I don’t approve of such frivolity.”

  I laughed as I initialed the box, then I handed the form back to her. “You know, I’m really gonna miss you, Flo. Can I still e-mail you sometimes?”

  She arched an eyebrow again, but I thought I saw the tiniest hint of a smile.

  “It’s not expressly forbidden, so I suppose it would be okay. Just make certain that you change your e-mail address to something appropriate.”

  * * *

  When I opened my eyes, I was on the floor of the hotel balcony with Annalee clutching my hand to her lips, my necklace still dangling between her fingers. I knew for sure I was mortal again, because my stomach felt like somebody had filled it with red-hot coals from a barbeque grill. It was an effort just to breathe, but I managed to squeeze Annalee’s hand hard enough to get her attention.

  “Gwen, I thought you were gone… oh my God, you’re bleeding.”

  “Call 91…” I took the necklace and tried to smile but couldn’t swing it. “I’ll give that to… my mom myself.”

&n
bsp; Her forehead wrinkled, then her eyes widened with dawning joy. She ran to the phone and I heard her telling the 911 operator to send an ambulance and the police. I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open, so I didn’t know she’d come back until I felt her take my hand again.

  “They’re coming. Oh, Gwen, I don’t know why you’re still here, but please hold on!”

  I knew I was about to lose consciousness and needed to tell her what to say to the cops. I mustered every bit of strength I had left and forced my eyes open.

  “Stick to story… for now…”

  * * *

  Sirens approaching. Voices shouting instructions with more sirens in the background. Annalee crying. Tubes and needles invading my body, and still the fire pit in my stomach.

  Welcome darkness.

  Sirens again. I’m in a vehicle moving at high speed. Voices relaying numbers and readings in dire tones. Somebody telling me to hold on, then something covering my mouth. Brief escape from the pain when the darkness comes again.

  Hospital noises and new voices, all of them shouting instructions. People poking and prodding me everywhere. More tubes and needles. Bright lights, beeps and whooshing sounds, then the slow descent into darkness for what I pray won’t be forever, despite what Flo told me.

  Finally, I really do want to live.

  * * *

  I heard Lew’s voice before I opened my eyes, but he wasn’t talking to me.

  “Please let her wake up, God. I know I swore I’d never believe in you again after Drew died, but I take it all back. I’ll do anything if you let her come back to me.”

  My eyes fluttered a few times before I could get them to stay open. Lew had my hand in both of his with his forehead pressed to them, so he didn’t see me open my eyes.

  “Careful with those promises, Triple C. He’ll hold you to them no matter what.”

  His head jerked up and he gasped, then he leaned over to kiss me. “I thought I’d lost you. Oh, Gwen…” His voice broke as he started to cry.