That Summer

by Michelle Flick

  I have an overwhelming urge to punch something. I don’t. I won’t. Instead I make eye contact with a picture on the wall of my Grams and Grandpa. I take a deep breath, focusing on them. The memory of them calms me. My grandmother’s infectious laugh, grandpa’s easy smile. They were great people. I breathe deeply again. And again.

  I am still agitated. I replay the conversation in my head. I don’t even know when the conversation took such a bad turn, but it definitely had. He and I had a distinctly different perspective about what happened the day before I left. The pain of the memory of him walking way was enough to subside the anger he had caused today.

  “You’re still going to go?” he asked, and I could hear the surprise in his voice.

  “I told you at the beginning of summer, Jack. I was here until I go back to college.”

  “But I thought you were happy?”

  He said “you”, but I knew he meant, “we”. But I thought we were happy and I realized where this was coming from. He thought I was leaving him, but it was not that.

  “I have to finish college. I can’t quit school and live off my grandparents. I need my degree to get out of this crappy life I find myself living.”

  His emotions were flashing across his face and the saddest one was the pain I see laced with the rest of the emotions. He’d thought I was going to stay in South Shore.

  “Stay,” he said simply. “I can be your future. I can be all you need.”

  The tears threatened to spill down my face, but I wouldn’t allow them to.

  “No.” He didn’t understand. I didn’t want to rely on anyone. I needed to be able to take care of me.

  “Remy, stay.”

  “South Shore is not enough.” My words were a slap in his face. He even rubbed his jaw as if there had been physical contact.

  “I’m not enough,” and my heart dropped to the floor. I couldn’t believe he would say that.

  “Jack, that’s not what I said.”

  “No? Then why are you leaving?” The frustration was building in his voice. I had never seen him in any other way but calm.

  “Because I need to finish school.”

  “You’re only thinking of yourself,” he snapped at me.

  ‘That’s not fair,” I said quietly. College was the first step in the adventure I wanted. “I want to get away from screwed up and see the world, and college is my first step, Jack. There’s so much more in this world out there and I want to take it by the balls and live.”

  “You mean there’s so much more out there than me.”

  “Can I say anything right to you?”

  He turned away from me, facing the railing, his back rigid, and the anger coming off of him in waves. I touched his shoulder, tentatively, unsure of how he was going to react. I didn’t know how to handle this Jack. He stiffened when my fingertips made contact, but he didn’t shrug me off.

  “Come with me,” I said softly and when he didn’t respond, didn’t react at all, I thought he hadn’t heard me and my words had gotten lost in the sound of the tide.

  “You want the world and I want South Shore. South Shore is good enough for me.”

  “It’s not enough for me.” He moved away from me. “Jack, you are taking all this the wrong way.”

  “Am I?” He yelled at me.

  “You are!” I yelled back.

  “I don’t think I am, Remmington. I think you came here, had a great time, made me fall for you, and now you want to leave. You want to go and find something else to do!”

  “Out of everyone in my life, you should know that’s not true. You know how I feel about you!”

  “Then why are you leaving me?” he yelled.

  “I’m not! I’m going to college.”

  “So you’re going to come back? South Shore is where you want to spend the rest of your life?”

  That was a whole lot of future he threw at me.

  “I know I want to go to college. I know I’m crazy about you. I know these two things. Isn’t that enough, Jack?”

  “No,” he said and I’m not sure what to say or do, but he was being ridiculous and pushy.

  “Well, excuse me, for not being so sure of the future and what I want like you. I mean, congrats, Jack. You’re twenty-one and you have it all planned perfectly. Work for your dad. 2.5 kids. Wife. Dog. South Shore. Perfect little plan. Sorry, I didn’t grow up with a perfect life. I’m sorry if I don’t have my shit together like you. That I’m unsure of what I want in life.”

  That hit a nerve.

  His eyes narrowed and his mouth formed a tight line. “I thought I was what you want.”

  “I can’t believe you can be such a jerk.”

  “I can’t believe how self-centered you are.”

  “Clearly, we don’t know each other like we thought we did. Clearly, I was an idiot to think you were different.”

  “Clearly,” he said and began to walk off that porch.

  “Don’t walk away,” I yelled in anger. It came out in an audacious tone. It covered the fear and the heartbreak I experienced at the sight of him walking away from me, possibly forever.

  He raised his hand in a single wave.

  A wave goodbye.

  How did this happen? I was just going to tell him I was coming back for Christmas. I was hoping he would come and see me over Thanksgiving. At no point, was this to be a breakup.

  I wanted to call out his name. I wanted to chase after him and throw my arms around his waist. But I heard his engine rev up and him skid out of the driveway.

  How did this happen?

  “Remy?” I heard my grams’ voice, but I didn’t respond. I couldn’t sift through what had just happened and her voice. “Remy?” she said and touched my arm. “Honey, are you okay?”

  “We broke up.”

  “Yes, dear. We were listening, but are you okay?” Of course they were.

  “Grams, I was going to invite him out for Thanksgiving and stay on campus with me. You know I was coming out for Christmas.” He just walked away from me.

  “So why did this happen?”

  “I have no idea,” I said exasperatedly. “I can’t even give him time to cool off. I’m leaving.”

  “So go back a few days late,” she said.

  “I can’t miss the first day of classes. And why do I have to be the one who has to change? He’s not going anywhere. He’s got all the time in the world.”

  And that’s where we had left it. The three of us. He didn’t call. He didn’t stop by, and no matter how long I searched the road and the beach, he didn’t show. I was furious at him. I briefly hated him for it, too. But mostly, I left South Shore heartbroken. We left things so wide open.

  I had told myself we would have broken up eventually. He was too good. I was too damaged. But I knew what he was worth. I knew we would have stayed together and probably had those two point five kids by now.

  I think back on my conversation with Grams almost daily, too. Why did that happen? It happened because we were nineteen and twenty-one. I was scared. He was sure. We both were filled with foolish pride and neither one of us gave in.

  Things would be so different for me had I just returned at Christmas time and said I was sorry. I should have told him, give me college and I’ll come back here. But I hadn’t wanted to. I wanted to travel. I wanted to see what I could do without anyone. I blow out my lips. I got myself a big pile of money and a horrid ex-husband. Pretty sure that cancels each out and I still ended up in South Shore.

  I go and sit on my porch and look where we once stood.

  JM

  I feel terrible about how things had turned out this morning with Remy. I have thought about it all day and when Jared suggests we go to Joe’s for an after work beer, which normally doesn’t happen on Wednesdays, I agree.

  Jared and I have been friends too long. He knows me, but I also know him. Fighting is something Jared avoids. He likes everything to be funny, smooth, and when a confrontation does happen, he wants it rectified immediate
ly. His parents were to blame for that. They hadn’t been good to him and the result was avoidance and a quick forgiveness policy.

  So we sit at Joe’s, nursing beers that we didn’t really want, waiting on burgers that I was well aware Remy would not be bringing out. She hadn’t said a word to me when we walked in. Jared got a smile and a “hey.”

  Her dog gives me more of a welcome. She hasn’t been in the office much, I’ve noticed during daylight hours, becoming friends with whoever walks in the door.

  Another person who doesn’t acknowledge us is Steve. Why wouldn’t he be here? I think to myself. I become more agitated by the sight of him, for the simple reason, he had what I had denied myself eight years ago.

  “She always calms down for you,” is what Jared says. He tries to keep that carefree composure in place for me, to reassure me. And I affirm she would, but I really don’t know. We don’t have a reason to fix anything, so maybe she will just stay pissed.

  Only because I’m watching her, do I realize something is wrong with Remy. Her back stiffens, but she continues to wipe down the bar. I look around the bar, and notice the guy standing in the doorway. I can’t make out his face. The sun pouring in from behind him, makes all of his facial features dark.

  Mia notices him third. She gets on all fours and goes behind the bar, standing next to Remy.

  The man at the door makes no move to go up to Remy or take a seat. He just stands there, watching her. His stance is distinctly predatory.

  In a small town, you notice newcomers. And he is one that shouldn’t be welcomed.

  Joe’s voice pipes up, breaking my stare on the stranger. “What can I do for ya?”

  “I’m looking for my wife,” is his reply. There is no doubt in Joe’s or my minds who he is referring to. So this is her ex-husband.

  Remy, coolly, looks up from the bar, acknowledging the stranger’s presence for the first time. “I’m not your wife anymore.”

  “Before God we are.”

  “God might have some issues with some of your practices.” Her tone is flat. There is no sarcasm, no hurt, no nothing.

  This conversation takes all of 30 seconds. The stranger walks over to the bar and sits directly in front of Remy.

  Joe takes one step in the stranger’s direction, but Remy shoots him a look, letting him know any involvement at this point is not necessary. She sets down the bar rag, gets a customer a drink, and goes to wash the glasses, about six feet down.

  Neither one of them say anything. Joe continues to openly watch and I continue to watch over the rim of my beer glass.

  “Should we go sit at the bar?” Jared asks. But he doesn’t wait for my response. He goes up almost immediately after he says it. I don’t follow. If this is a problem, Jared to this guy’s right, Joe to his left, and me from behind. It’s better to stay here, so this guy is surrounded

  “Not going to get me a drink?” the stranger asks.

  “No, Tom,” she says slowly, to antagonize him. She is doing this. But I can tell it’s a fake bravado. “I’m not. I know how you are when you drink,” she says with a sneer.

  “You always were a bitch.”

  “Only when dealing with assholes,” she says with a sweet smile. “Now it’s time for you to go. There’s nothing for you here. Nothing.”

  A regular, a guy by the name of Pete, comes up to get a refill on his draft. Remy starts to walk by her ex to get to Pete. She pours the beer and as she goes back to cleaning the glasses, Tom’s hand shoots out and grabs Remy’s wrist. Joe, Jared, and I, plus several others who had been paying attention all along, jump up to interfere. None of them get to Remy before Mia does. Mia’s front paws jump onto the bar. Her mouth is pulled back into a snarl, and her ears are tight to her head. It becomes clear to me why the dog is never far from her.

  “Let go, Tom.”

  Mia continues to growl. Tom seems to weigh his options with the one hundred thirty pound dog.

  “I think it’s time you leave my bar, buddy, and don’t come back,” Joe adds. “You are not welcome here.”

  Tom releases her wrist. “Found some people to protect you, I see. It makes no difference. You know that.” The threat is in his words. A far deeper meaning, and the answer to everyone’s question as to why Remy was really back. She is running from him, hiding from him. My poor Remmington.

  “This won’t end well, Tom. Move on with your life,” Her flat tone is back.

  “Until death do us part.”

  “I said get out.” Joe put his hands on Tom’s upper arm. Tom quickly shrugs out of it.

  “Don’t touch me,” he snarls.

  Joe stands toe to toe with him. “Then get out of my bar.” He handles it much more diplomatically than I would have. I would have jacked him in the face immediately and buried his ass out back in a dumpster.

  Tom stares for a few minutes. But then feels that everyone’s eyes were on him and looks around to see if it is true. He doesn’t shy away, he just takes us in. Clearly outnumbered, he tries to gain some ground, and shrugs almost good-naturedly, plasters on a fake smile, and steps past Joe.

  Remy has disappeared from the bar.

  “Where did she go?” I ask. I notice that Steve doesn’t make a move to follow Remy. I hate him more.

  “Through the kitchen,” Joe says. He takes her place behind the bar. I find Mia and her pacing. I hear her say, “Get a grip.”

  “Rem?”

  She’s startled by me, like she is expecting that loser. This is why she is jumpy. I mean she had told me, in anger, but now I get more. I get why Jared has a soft spot for her.

  She looks sad.

  “What do you want me to say, Jack?”

  “How about who the hell was that guy?” I knew, but wanted her to say it.

  “Oh, the giant douche bag?”

  I hope the look on my face, says, “Duh,”

  “That would be my ex-husband.”

  I mean I knew she had an ex-husband. I knew I wasn’t going to like him on the pure fact he married the girl I had once thought I was going to marry. He could have found the cure for cancer and I wouldn’t have liked him on purely territorial reason. But him? That guy is an asshole. Steve is better than him.

  “Remy? Like what the—“ I don’t even have the words.

  “Are you going to ask how did I end up with that douche bag?”

  “I don’t even know how you could.” And I mean this. My Remy needed to be with someone good and fun and found the cure for cancer, not someone who grabs her like that.

  “He fooled me. I fooled me. I don’t even know. I was twenty two and he was handsome and he was going to take me away from my fucked up family life and I believed him and he was charming and I thought I could love him.”

  “And then you divorced him and he didn’t like it.” I need the end of this story. Because the ending I just supplied her is not it. I could see it in her face. She is deciding if she is going to tell me the ending. I think of her and the time she told me about her parents and how they had shipped her to South Shore because neither wanted her for the summer. She doesn’t like it when people know more than she wants and she only wants to let people in when she’s ready. “Remmington, if this guy is a problem, someone needs to know. Joe needs to know. Jared. Hell, Steve. But someone and we need to know what we are dealing with.”

  “I’ll deal with Tom.”

  “Rem, what happened?”

  “He hit me.”

  She won’t look at me and it’s probably a good thing because I want to vomit and hit something and hold her and I really want to hit him.

  “And then you divorced him?” She is staring at her phone. She didn’t divorce him.

  She looks me square in the eyes. Her walls up. Her defenses up. Her backbone turns to steel. “He threw me down a flight of stairs, got money and then I divorced him.”

  I hear her, but my mind can only focus on, “He threw me down a flight of stairs.” My hand reaches over to hers and clasps it in mine. I want to give
her anything that would make that time in her life disappear.

  “Don’t you dare feel sorry for me.” Anger is lacing her words.

  She moves her hand. It’s been eight years and I still want to take care of her.

  “You never should have married him.”

  She snorts. “Understatement of the decade.”

  “No, Rem, I should have come after you. I should have followed you and just travelled with you like you wanted.”

  “Don’t,” she says. “Don’t you dare try to blame yourself for what happened to me. It’s his fault. Not mine. Not yours. His. I know this.”

  “But if we had tried, Remy, you never would have met him. I know this,” and I do, deep down, I know we would have travelled the world and ended up at South Shore in time. We both would have gotten what we wanted and I was just too scared to leave and she was too scared to stay.

  “I should have come back, sooner, like five minutes after I left. There’s nothing we can do now, Jack. You’re happy and I’m happy for you,” and even with the sadness in her voice, I believe her. She is happy that my life seems to be good, and I don’t want to tell her, I think I could be happier.

  “Will he be back?” I ask, my mind going back to that ex of hers.

  “I would say so. I need to call the police. I need to call New York Police Department. I need to be vigilant.”

  “You can call me, if you need anything, no matter what.”

  “I can’t anymore, Jack.”

  She touches my hand and it’s all I can do not to pull her into my arms and kiss her face, kiss away the tears that have dried, to tell her I regret daily not coming after her.

  “Everything ok?” Steve’s voice penetrates my thoughts.

  Her hand falls away.

  Jared was leaning a little to the left and little to the right, keeping his balance on the handrail of the pier off of the bay. My arm was around Remy, and my fingers were tracing circles on her upper arm. I felt the goosebumps rise where my fingers traced.

  “You two just bore me. You just sit there,” he teased us. “I thought we were going to have some fun.” We ignored him. “I thought you were about adventure, Remy.” Her head picked up off my shoulder and she tilted it away from me. Her eyebrow arched at Jared’s challenging words and I’d only known her a month, but I knew she was going to rise to this challenge. God, help me, I was more than likely going to be up on that handrail, too.