Rough Water (Songbird #7)

by Melissa Pearl

  “If your designs go, you go. That’s the way it works in this company.”

  “Well…” I tipped my head, no doubt looking like a bird as I tried to be strong without making eye contact. “Well, I’ll be pulling my designs if you’re going to be there.”

  I glanced up, making sure he saw how serious I was.

  His jaw worked to the side, and he leaned over my workspace with slightly narrowed eyes. “I would advise against that. You don’t throw away a chance like Paris.”

  “Why not?” I whispered. “I’ve thrown everything else away.”

  His forehead wrinkled in confusion. I glanced across the open office to make sure no one could hear us before leaning forward and hissing, “You’re a married man. How can you stand there looking so smug yet innocent? You cheated on your wife.”

  “Hmmmm.” He stood back, his bottom lip pulling into a thoughtful pout. “It was one night, Sarah. Hardly a love affair. I’m not about to hurt her with the truth. I love her enough to keep our little indiscretion to myself.”

  I’m not sure what my face did then, but it caused his lips to rise into a pitying smile. It made me feel like pond scum. Was my honesty seriously to blame for Justin leaving me? That wasn’t fair! I’d done the right thing, hadn’t I?

  “Good luck with the rest of your preparations.” He nodded, all formal again, like he hadn’t been inside me less than two weeks ago. “I hope you make it to Paris.”

  If anyone else had seen the warm smile he shined me, they’d think he was the world’s sweetest guy, wishing me all the best and hoping I made it to Paris so I could advance my career.

  What the hell did they know?

  The truth was ugly, and maybe it was best kept hidden. Exposing it had only ruined my life. Aside from Justin and Jane, I certainly wouldn’t be telling my dirty little secret to anyone else. Maybe I should never have told them…or maybe it would have eaten me alive if I hadn’t.

  *****

  I flicked out the shiny black fabric on my table and pulled it flat. Stepping back, I eyed the square, picturing how it would fall. The scissors were poised in my hand ready to make the big cut.

  The office was empty. With a couple of New Yorkers visiting, everyone had gone out for mid-week drinks. I declined. Socializing with work people was the last thing on my radar. If anything, I despised being around them; it was hard looking people in the eye. Thankfully, everyone had bought into my virus bug fib, but I had to pretend to be better now.

  If my blue dress was going to Paris, I should really accompany it. And I should really have some more pieces on the catwalk as well. If he wasn’t going to be there, then Paris could be a great opportunity for me.

  “Quiet” by Jason Mraz played in the background. The song reminded me of Justin. Jason Mraz had always been our go-to musician. His voice could calm anybody, but it had a profound effect on us. We loved him. We loved each other when we were listening to him.

  A nostalgic smile crested my lips. I’d been avoiding Jason’s music—it hurt too much when Justin wasn’t there—but for some reason, that night, I was compelled to listen to him.

  Jason’s voice lifted and rose over my workspace, calming the inner storm that had been raging for days. The world was a tumultuous, chaotic place, but Justin and I had always managed to find our peace in each other…until Blake died and Justin stopped letting me in.

  I didn’t know how much time to give him before making my next move. After enduring an encounter with the man, I knew I couldn’t give up on my marriage. I loved my husband, and the Justin I fell in love with was still in there somewhere.

  Throat clearing from the entrance made me look up. I glanced across the wide-open space and my breath evaporated.

  Justin.

  His hair was disheveled, his tie askew. Dark bags shadowed his eyes, his pasty complexion a testament to how little he was sleeping. He peered up at the speakers attached to the corners of the ceiling, his skin paling even more. He almost looked ready to bolt from the room, but then his jaw set with determination. Scrubbing a hand over his evening stubble, he wove around the tables, checking out the large room as he went. He didn’t speak until he was standing opposite me. The only thing dividing us was my large worktable.

  “This place is bigger than I thought. Very…open.”

  My lips quivered as I smiled at him. “Yeah, it’s… Echelon’s all about collaboration, so…”

  Justin nodded, his eyes skimming over the sewing mannequin behind me. The cobalt blue dress had gold leaves sewn into the sleeveless bodice. The skirt flared out at the hips and stopped just above the knee with a rippled gold trim. When the model twirled at the end of the runway, it would flare out like a party dress from the fifties.

  His lips twitched with what I thought was a smile before he glanced at me. Our gazes touched for a brief moment, but he pulled away before a true connection could be made. Jiggling the case in his hands, he murmured, “I was going to go to the house, but thought I should swing by the office first.”

  He made his point without saying anything. Yes, he was not the only workaholic in our relationship.

  “I’m just trying to catch up on some things.” I placed the scissors down.

  The song continued to wash over us. I stared at Justin until he looked up. As soon as I caught his eye, I held his gaze with everything I could, willing him to read my mind.

  I love you. I’ll hold your hand through anything. Please forgive me.

  With a few rapid blinks, he dipped his head and placed his briefcase on the stool beside him. “I, uh…” He cleared his throat. “W-wanted to drop these off to you.”

  My face crinkled. Him stuttering in front of me was a brutal blow. I’d hoped it had been a one-time thing, but there it was again, a little “w-w” to slice my hope to shreds.

  The buckles on his briefcase clicked, a sharp disruption to the gentle music. My heart started racing with foreboding as he pulled a large envelope from his case and handed it to me.

  I curled my fingers and rested my hands on the table. “What is that?”

  “Sarah, please just take it.” His voice quaked.

  With a wrinkled brow, I reached for the envelope.

  “Inside are legal documents you need to sign. I’ve tagged the places.”

  “Legal documents?” My confusion came out loud and snappy. Ripping the envelope open, I peeked inside and skimmed the heading on the first page.

  My nostrils flared and I threw the envelope at him like it’d burned me. “I’m not signing those.”

  “Sarah…”

  “No!” My eyes flashed when I pointed at him. “I said ’til death do us part and I meant it.”

  “You also said you’d be faithful.” He slapped the envelope down.

  Crossing my arms, I backed away from it, my chin trembling as I tried to hold back the torrent of tears.

  Divorce?

  He was trying to divorce me?

  I sucked in a ragged, tear-filled breath. The promise we’d made after Blake’s funeral scuttled through my mind. Blinking at the impending tears, I stared at Justin’s broken expression and said, “I’m sinking. I need you. Please don’t let me go.”

  My words make him shrink. He knew exactly what I was talking about. That night. That promise.

  His breaths were rapid and shallow as he punched out his resolve, pointing at the ground with each statement. “We’ve both been sinking for months. This isn’t working. I’m just trying to be realistic.”

  “No, you’re running scared.”

  “You cheated on me!” He threw his arms wide, his loud outburst slicing through the air.

  “It was a mistake,” I countered, in a voice so hoarse it could barely be heard above the music.

  He scoffed and shook his head, throwing me a dark look I’d never seen before. It was more bleak than angry, but it still hurt.

  I fell onto the stool behind me. My insignificant voice barely had the power to fight back. “You said you were going to be there
.”

  Guilt crested over his expression, but it was railroaded by a steely justification. His unflinching gaze told me all I needed to know. With a near lifeless voice, he pointed to the envelope and said, “You’ve got thirty days to file a response. It’ll be easier if you do, but it’ll proceed either way if you don’t.”

  He snapped his briefcase shut then clipped out of the room before I could even form a rebuttal. The envelope sat on the fabric square, a yellow stain on what was meant to be a stunning black dress.

  As if by some sick twist of irony, the song, the one from the night I’d been referring to, started playing the second he left me.

  “Rough Water” had surrounded us the night of Blake’s funeral. We’d lain in bed together, holding one another. Blake’s sudden, horrific departure had made me feel like we’d been tossed into a hurricane. The only thing I had to keep me afloat was Justin. We’d clung to each other.

  And he’d promised. I’ll never let you go.

  But he lied.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Justin

  Slumping back in my seat, I kicked the edge of my desk and stared at the ceiling until the lights turned into fuzzy balls. Since serving Sarah with the divorce papers, I hadn’t been able to think straight.

  I rubbed my eyes with a snicker. “You haven’t been thinking straight for a long time, you moron.”

  “Rough Water.” I couldn’t believe Sarah pulled that one on me. I still remembered that night with a chilling clarity. She’d been so distraught, letting out all her misery, while I lay there in tortured silence. When she begged me to hold her, I’d had no choice. Anything to wipe that broken look off her face. Her tears had soaked into my shirt, and all I’d been able to do was promise her that I’d never let her go.

  When I’d uttered those words, I’d had no idea how hard moving on would be. No one told me how much of a hole Blake would leave behind. No one warned me just how incompetent I’d feel trying to study for a degree I didn’t want while working a job I hated all in the name of making my parents proud. Meanwhile, I had to try to fake it at home, acting like my head was above water the whole time so I could keep her from sinking. I loved my wife, but I wasn’t strong enough to be the husband she needed…and she proved that by sleeping with another man.

  Part of me wanted to believe her drunken story. Her regret was obvious…and maybe enough for me to forgive her, but…

  She ripped my heart out.

  How could I hold her up again when I had nothing left to cling to?

  “Justin,” Clay snapped.

  I jolted upright, straightening my tie and trying to act like I hadn’t been slacking off.

  The lawyer’s eyes narrowed as he wandered in and dropped a file on my desk. “Got some new contracts I want you to proof for me.”

  Holding my sigh in check, I pulled them across my desk. “When do you need them by?”

  “I have a seven a.m. conference call tomorrow.” He hitched his shoulder, looking mildly rueful. “Sorry for the late notice. I know you technically should be knocking off in five minutes, but I really need this done.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” I forced a closed-mouth smile. “That’s what coffee’s for, right?”

  “It certainly is.” He pointed at me. “Right, I better get home to the missus. Don’t forget to give yours a call to let her know you’re running late. I tell ya, that little trick has saved my marriage. Always let them know where you are and what time you’ll be walking in the door. They’ll forgive you anything if you just communicate with them.”

  I couldn’t respond to his grin and wink. My mouth had flatlined and nothing was tugging that thing north.

  Pressing my fingers into my forehead, I wondered if I could push hard enough to squeeze my brain out my ears. It felt slushy enough, maybe I could. I pushed at my forehead until my fingers started vibrating then gave up with a frustrated grunt.

  Slapping my hands onto my desk, I forced myself to stand then shuffled to the break room. I hoped the coffee machine was still running. I’d take it as black and strong as I could get.

  I was just about to turn down the corridor when a squeal from the front desk caught my attention.

  With a wrinkled brow, I snuck down and peeked my head around the corner. Kelly was unwrapping a little cube-shaped gift on her desk. The smile taking over her face was stunning. I’d never seen her look so happy. Lifting the lid off the powder blue box, she tipped it up and caught the velvet case inside.

  My gut twisted.

  Her lips trembled as she popped it open then touched her chest.

  “I made sure you can exchange it if you want.” Marcus sounded nervous as he chuckled. He pressed his elbows onto the reception counter and leaned into view. I ducked my head back a little so he couldn’t see me.

  Her lips rose into a playful smile. “You did okay, Chapman.” Pulling the ring free, she slid it onto her finger and held her hand out, swiveling it so the square-cut diamond could catch the light. The dreamy smile on her face reminded me of Sarah the day I proposed.

  “Although…” Kelly raised her eyebrows. “Your proposal could do with some serious work. Come on, the office? Really?”

  Marcus gave her a bemused grin. “Who said anything about me proposing? I bought you the ring.” He shrugged. “I held up my end of the bargain.”

  She let out a horrified gasp then started laughing. “You’re still expecting me to ask?”

  He raised his eyebrows, his eyes dancing with mischief. “Well, you did mouth that Meghan Trainor song, and although you looked so damn hot doing that, I never actually heard you ask.”

  She slumped back in her seat, shaking her head at him. “You are so unromantic.”

  “Aw, come on, Kel, why should the girls get all the romance? Don’t you think that’s just a little unfair? Why can’t someone sweep me off my feet?”

  “I will knock you off your feet if you’re not careful.” She pointed her manicured nail at him.

  He snickered, licking his lower lip and sliding his hands into his pockets before sauntering around the desk. Taking a knee in front of her chair, he clasped her hands and gave her a smile that could melt any girl’s heart. “I can be as romantic as you need me to be. All I care about is that you know how much I love you and that what we have is real. It doesn’t need bells, whistles, roses, or sparkles—just you and me, Kel. That’s it.”

  Kelly’s lips drew into a quivering smile, her eyes glistening in the warmth of his gaze.

  Marcus took a breath and grinned. “So, Kelly Rosina DeMarco…”

  “Will you marry me?” she finished for him.

  He jerked back with a surprised laugh. “You’re asking me?” He pointed at his chest, looking like he’d just been handed the winning lottery ticket.

  Kelly dropped off her chair, landing in front of him and wrapping her arms around his neck. “Yes, I am. Marcus, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything. So, please, will you do me the honor of becoming my husband?”

  “You know you’ve just made all my dreams come true, right?”

  Her blushing smile was one for a wedding album. My fingers itched for a camera, wishing I could capture the moment for them.

  Leaning back, Marcus gently took Kelly’s face in his hands. “There’s nothing I want to do more than become Mr. Marcus Chapman. No, wait…” He tipped his head, pulling a playful expression while Kelly laughed. “To make you Mrs. Kelly Chapman.”

  Kelly pressed her forehead against his cheek while they laughed together. “You’re an idiot.”

  He ran his hand up her back and squeezed the nape of her neck. “I’m your idiot.”

  She leaned back with a stunning smile, owning him with a soft murmur. “Forever and always.”

  I turned away the second their lips met. It was a beautiful proposal. So simple. So natural.

  But it had nothing on mine.

  Proposing to Sarah had been the most triumphant moment of my life. I’d spent weeks planning it—e
diting, splicing, creating a small piece of magic. Blake, of course, helped me set it up. He knew a guy who knew a guy. Everything fell into place so perfectly.

  Sarah had no idea as we walked hand in hand to the movie theater that Blake and Jane were up in the booth. We settled in for the previews and my clip came up.

  “I Love The Way You Love Me” started playing in time with images of Sarah. Some were stills, some were video footage of the two of us together. People in the audience started murmuring the second Sarah gasped. Her face was like the sun as she gaped at the screen. Three-quarters of the way through the clip, the footage changed to me as I held up individual signs—one for each word.

  Sarah—Will—You—Marry—Me—?

  She covered her mouth, frantically bobbing her head as she laughed and cried. She missed the last thirty seconds of the clip as she grabbed my face and kissed me.

  The clip came to a wistful end, and someone from the front shouted out, “So, are you gonna say yes?”

  Sarah lurched away from me and shouted, “Hell yes!”

  The theater erupted with laughter and cheers. All eyes turned toward us as I awkwardly shuffled out of my seat and dropped to one knee so I could present her with the sapphire ring I’d had made from a design Jane copied out of Sarah’s sketch pad.

  Her sweet gasp filled my heart, her dreamy smile enough to fuel me for life. I slipped that ring on her finger and everything had been perfect.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Sarah

  The divorce papers sat in the middle of the dining room table. I’d dumped them there as soon as I got home from work on Wednesday, and I hadn’t touched them since. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I couldn’t sign them. Honestly. I did not think I could physically do it.

  I’d dated a couple of guys in high school, but it didn’t take me long after meeting Justin to work out that he was the one. He surpassed any guy I’d ever even had a crush on. He was my soulmate, my best friend.

  And I’d cheated on him.