Without You Here

by Ashby, Carter

  Wyatt conceded with a shrug. "Mom, dinner's amazing."

  "Thank you, dear. Make sure your lovely lady friend eats plenty. It's good for keeping up her strength." Ettie smiled adoringly at Liza.

  "Honey, I'm trying to dispense some wisdom, here," Charles said. He turned to Blake and Lauren. "I hope you kids look at this as an example of what can happen if you behave irresponsibly."

  Wyatt frowned and nodded. "You should always use a condom, even if you're naked in the river and it's in your pant's pocket on top of a cliff."

  Ettie snorted. "Or if you're in the kitchen and the condoms are all the way in the back bedroom."

  "Or," Liza said, "If you're in the coat closet at your parent's country club and the condoms are in your glove compartment." She arched a brow at Charles.

  Wyatt, Ettie, Blake, and Lauren all turned open-mouthed stares on Charles who stiffened and reddened visibly. He cleared his throat, glanced around, and suddenly grew interested in dinner. "Well. I think I've made my point."

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  That evening we all went back to Wyatt's house. I understood that that was Blake's home and he and Lauren had been staying there when they came down on weekends. But I still thought it would have been nice of them to offer to stay up at Liza's.

  They didn't. So I thought it was going to be awkward when we got in. But as soon as Wyatt stepped inside, he stretched and let out an exaggerated yawn. "Whew. I'm exhausted. Time for bed. Goodnight, kids," he said to Blake and Lauren. Then he grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me back to his room. Of course I was giggling the whole way. He shoved me first into the room, kicked the door closed, and then tackled me into his bed.

  I wasn't sure what to expect. This had been Amberlee's room last time I was here. Was he going to take me in the bed he'd shared with his wife? Did I really want him to?

  But as soon as I walked in, I saw that everything was different. The bed was bigger. And also inadequately made. He only had sheets and a couple of quilts draped over the top. And pillow cases that didn't match. I smiled. It was going to be fun, fixing up my new room some day.

  He rolled off of me, sat on the edge of his bed and bent to take off his boots. He glanced over at me, nodded to my shoes, and went back to work on his. I kicked off my shoes, grinning so much my face hurt. Then I went and stood in front of him. I reached back, unzipped my dress, and let it fall off my shoulders and onto the floor. And since I wasn't wearing underwear, that left me standing there in my birthday suit.

  Wyatt's head lifted and his gaze moved up my body, flooding me with heat from my toes on up. His eyes landed on me and he gave me this big, boyish grin. "God damn," he said.

  I giggled and then tackled him, knocking him to his back. I straddled him and shoved his t-shirt up. He sat up so I could peel it off. I watched the glorious muscles of his abs and obliques tighten with the movement. Then I unfastened his jeans. He reached behind me and shoved them down, kicking them the rest of the way off. Then he rolled me, pinning me beneath him.

  He stopped to look at me. We were both smiling, so happy to be together, so comfortable being naked together. "Say my name," he said.

  I met his stare. "Wyatt." I said it straight.

  He chuckled. "Say it with passion."

  I squeezed my eyes shut and tossed my head side-to-side with each syllable. "Oh, Wyatt, fuck me now!"

  He dropped his head to my chest and laughed. I took the opportunity to run my hands over his shoulders. He looked up at me. "You're gonna say it like you mean it here in a little while."

  "I have no doubt."

  He pinned my wrists over my head and looked me over. "Mmm. Where to begin." Then he took my left breast in his mouth and sucked hard. All humor vanished as my body bucked beneath him and I cried out, "Wyatt!" on a gasp of pain and pleasure.

  I felt him grin against me. But he was too busy kissing and licking every inch of my body to gloat. He made his way down to my clit. He grabbed hold of my ankles and pushed my knees up. He sucked me into his mouth and I was already so hot with need that I immediately fell into that mad, thrashing state of pleasure. I'm sure I cried out. I know I had my hands fisted in his hair.

  When I came down off it, he was grinning up at me, his hair standing up all over. He crawled up my body, pausing to take pleasure where he wanted it. I felt him hard against me and my body craved him so deeply. But he was going to tease me and drive me crazy if I didn't do something. So I reached down and grabbed hold of his erection. He hissed and nipped at my neck.

  "Now," I groaned through my teeth.

  "Let go of me you little minx, I'm not finished."

  I shook my head. "Now!"

  He groaned and finally gave me what I wanted. He slid into me, moving in slow thrusts, giving me a chance to adjust to his hot, thick length inside of me. Oh, and it felt like coming home. It felt like everything right in the world. I dug my nails into his back and arched into him, panting and gasping. "More! Faster! Harder!"

  "Greedy girl." His voice had gone raspy, though, which meant he was almost as gone as me. He pounded into me, fast and almost too hard. I wrapped my legs around him, deepening the thrust. I tried to hang on, to not climax, but he was grinding against me and I couldn't help myself. The pleasure exploded inside of me and I sobbed, helpless against the onslaught of his fucking.

  His arms were wrapped around me, under my back and waist, holding me, cradling me against him. Sweat was dripping down my sides. And then his breath hitched. "Oh, fuck, Ettie," he cried into my neck, and then he fell over the edge.

  I wrapped my arms around him, comforting him and taking everything he had to give. At long last his body went relaxed. He stayed up on his elbows to keep from putting his full weight on me. But his head rested in my neck and his hips pressed mine into the mattress.

  Our breathing eventually slowed. I felt hot pants of breath against my neck and realized he was chuckling. "Something funny?" I asked.

  "Just an excess of happy." He rolled off of me and brought the blanket up over us both. I turned into him and nuzzled against his chest. My body absolutely ached and I wasn't sure I'd be able to walk in the morning. I didn't want to think that the world might still be turning outside of this room. I just wanted this to be everything, everywhere, forever.

  But then my stomach rumbled loudly. I felt him chuckle. "Hungry?" he asked.

  "I'm starving. But I can wait."

  "Didn't you just eat dinner?"

  "Yeah, but I've been getting hungry a lot more often lately."

  "Why's that?"

  Well why did he think? "I don't know." I didn't want to say it.

  "Say it. Say why you're hungry more."

  I pushed back and frowned at him, trying to figure out what he was after. "Because," I said slowly. "I'm pregnant."

  He grinned real big. "I like hearing it. I like you pregnant." He rubbed his hand up and down my arm, his eyes drinking me in. "There's just something about getting a woman pregnant. Some feeling. I can't explain it. Not pride, really. Just...fulfillment I guess. And possession. I guess a girl doesn't want to hear that."

  "I like being possessed. I like that we have this together. You're right, it links us. I love it."

  I watched him for the longest time. Watched him watching me. He was going to take care of me. And I was going to take care of him. We were going to take care of our baby. He was right, it was fulfilling. My stomach rumbled again and he laughed. "What do you want to eat?"

  I bit my bottom lip and made eyes at him. "Pizza?" I asked.

  He just grinned. "Frozen okay? Or should I go into town for the good stuff?"

  "You'd go into town for me?"

  He laughed and swung his legs out of bed and slid into some jeans.

  I sat up on an elbow. "Are you seriously going into town to get me pizza?"

  "Oh, it's no problem. I'll call it in. It'll be ready when I get there. You'll have sustenance in forty minutes or less or you can tie me up and do bad things to me."

&nb
sp; "Can I do that anyway?"

  "Yes. Now go to sleep so time will pass faster. I love you." He walked out of the room, shoving into his t-shirt.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  Wyatt spent every moment that weekend that he wasn't working, in bed with Ettie. He fed her and talked with her and made love with her. He was nothing but euphoric the entire time. He desperately didn't want her to go, but they told themselves it was only a week. And while Blake and Lauren were waiting for Ettie out in their car, Wyatt was giving her one, last, goodbye fuck against the wall in the kitchen.

  "Thank you!" she gasped, when he sat her back on her feet.

  "I'm at your service, ma'am," he said. He was kissing and licking her face and neck. She'd broken into a sweat and tasted salty. His hands were in her hair, messing it up pretty badly.

  "Oh, Wyatt, I have to go," she moaned.

  "I know." He brought her into his arms and held her tight.

  From outside a horn honked for the third time.

  Ettie let out a groan of frustration. Wyatt kissed her and then took her hand, leading her outside. He let her go at the top of the porch steps and watched as she tried to smooth her skirt and her hair on the way to the back seat of the car. She turned back and gave him a smile and a wave. "Next weekend," she said.

  He nodded. "I'll pre-order the pizza."

  She blew him a kiss and got in. He waved as the three kids drove off, on their way to their last week of college. Then he went inside, straight to his bed, and collapsed. He didn't usually take a Sunday nap, but he sure as hell was gonna today.

  Only instead of sleeping, he felt his eyes stinging. And then tears began trickling down the sides of his face. He cursed and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears. But something that felt like grief was filling him up and he had nowhere to go with it. He wound up crying and cursing himself all the way.

  "Wyatt, your feelings are normal," Dr. Richards said on Tuesday. Wyatt was laying on the couch this time. It was there. He was tired. Why not? He had one foot propped on the arm of the sofa and the other planted on the floor.

  "I don't care if they're normal, I want them to go away."

  "Why don't you tell me what it is you want that's in conflict with what you think you have to do."

  He sighed. "It's not that I want anything. There's nothing I want more than to be with Ettie. So, I'm over the disappointment of losing this second bachelorhood or whatever it was I thought I had. I'm going to marry her—“

  "Going to? Or want to?

  "Both. I want to marry her." He sighed. "Someday. I guess."

  "Someday you guess. What is it you do want?"

  "I guess I thought, maybe, we'd do something different. Because she's not conventional and uptight the way Amberlee was. I guess I thought we'd just keep this thing loose and fun. I wasn't counting on doing something as major as raising a kid together. But I would never, never ask her to do that on her own. I'm with her, one hundred percent. I just thought...." He trailed off, not sure where he was going with the thought.

  "Are you concerned about the commitment?"

  "Nah. I'm a one-woman guy. I mean, she might come to her senses one day and figure out she can do better than me, but I don't need to look any further."

  "Is it possible this is yet another step in letting go of Amberlee and that you're grieving?"

  Wyatt got quiet and pondered the question. "I don't want to reduce what Amberlee and I had. I don't want to give Ettie the same things I gave Amberlee because I don't want Amberlee to….”

  "To not be special?"

  "Yeah. I want her always to have this special place in my life."

  "And you think marrying Ettie will reduce that."

  He shrugged. Maybe it was ridiculous.

  "How have you been feeling otherwise? Still good? Still making progress?"

  "Yeah. Just moving steadily along. No more binge drinking. No more depression."

  "Good. Glad to hear it. Listen, why don't you just relax about Ettie. Sounds like she understands and is willing to give you plenty of space. There's no hurry to marry her since you're giving her everything else that's important. Just let it go for a while and if it happens it happens."

  Wyatt sat up and frowned at the doctor. "What the hell kind of advice is that?"

  Dr. Richards suppressed a smile. "I thought it was pretty good advice. You don't like it?"

  "No. I need to marry that girl, so you need to tell me that it's okay."

  "Okay?"

  "Yeah. You're supposed to tell me it's okay to say goodbye to Amberlee. That marrying Ettie doesn't mean my relationship with Amberlee wasn't special. That Ettie is just as deserving of my love as Amberlee was. And that every marriage is different and I shouldn't compare my time with Amberlee to my time with Ettie."

  "Okay," Dr. Richards said. "It's okay to say goodbye. Marrying Ettie doesn't mean Amberlee wasn't special. Ettie deserves your love as much as Amberlee did. And every marriage is different. You really shouldn't compare your time with Amberlee to your time with Ettie."

  Wyatt frowned and nodded thoughtfully, as though the doctor hadn't repeated his own advice to himself. "Yeah," he said. "I think you're right. And I know Ettie getting pregnant was a major screw-up on my part, but it's okay to be happy about that, too, right? No sense beating myself up. What's done is done. May as well enjoy the results, right?"

  "Seems reasonable."

  Wyatt nodded.

  "But I also stand by my first advice. Which is to relax for a while. Date the girl. Get to know her. And don't worry about the proposal, because when you're ready, you'll know it."

  Wyatt went home that night and slept peacefully for the first time since Ettie had left--aside from the erotic dream he had about her, but that wasn't an unpleasant way to wake up, and he fell right back to sleep after.

  In the morning, he woke up and reached for the other side of the bed, as he so often did out of lifelong habit. Only this time he was reaching for Ettie. When he opened his eyes and realized what he'd done, he smiled.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  Graduation came and the nerves didn't mix well with my afternoon sickness. I was having trouble keeping food down and I was exhausted from not sleeping well. But I was still excited. So many things were changing, and in good ways.

  I knew Wyatt was going to be here with the rest of the family to watch Blake graduate, but the crowds in the auditorium were so large it was impossible to find him. I sat with my fellow accounting majors and waved at Blake and Lauren who were across the room with the journalism majors. I had on a pretty dress beneath my gown because I wanted to go out and celebrate afterwards. I hadn't made any specific plans. I figured I'd get invited with the Jacksons to do whatever they were doing in celebration.

  I sat and listened to the commencement speaker. I stood when my major was called. I threw my cap in the air with everyone else, though we'd all been told not to. And then I let the massive throngs push me towards the exit. It was a slow, grueling process. The whole time I was trying to get to Blake and Lauren. I wanted to attach myself to them so I could go party with them after.

  But I couldn't find them before I was squeezed out the door and into the parking lot. I paused a moment to enjoy the space and fresh air. Then I glanced around for my friends. For Wyatt. I should have made plans with him. He'd just said he'd see me at graduation. We should have set a place.

  I looked for familiar cars when I couldn't find familiar faces. But there were almost as many vehicles as there were people. Gradually the people and the cars began thinning. I went to the area where Blake, Lauren, and I had parked. I was starting to get frustrated because Blake was my ride and I wasn't sure how I was getting home if he left without me.

  His car was gone. I was doubly pissed because my cell phone and purse were in there, which had been stupid of me.

  "Hey, need a ride?"

  I turned to look into the face of Todd Ross, a business major I'd dated a couple years back. "I might," I said. "I ca
n't believe they would just leave without me."

  Todd shrugged and cocked that delicious smile of his. I used to swoon so hard at the sight of that smile. It did nothing for me, now. "Well come party with us," he said.

  Todd had broken up with his latest girlfriend a month ago, so I was not going partying with him. "I really need to find Blake."

  "I thought you two called it quits?"

  "Yeah, but I'm supposed to hang out with him and Lauren and their families."

  "Alright. I'll give you a ride, then."

  I thanked him and followed him to his car. Todd made his two friends ride in back so I could ride shotgun. He took me to my apartment, but when I looked up, I saw the windows were dark.

  Todd grinned at me. "Looks like you're partying with us."

  I sighed. "Let me run up and check."

  I went up and found the apartment empty. So I made Todd drive me to Blake's place. There was a party going on, but it was his roommate's. So I got back in the car and sighed.

  "Come on, Ettie. We're going to After Life. You know you feel like dancing right now."

  He was right. I did feel like dancing. "I should go back to my apartment. One of them's bound to be looking for me."

  "Honey, they've got parents. They're busy. Come on. I promise I'll get you home at a decent hour." He punctuated this with a lascivious wink.

  I argued a little more but in the end gave up. I didn't know what else to do. And I did really want to dance.

  After Life was way too chic of a nightclub for Southwest Missouri, but we were glad it was there. It seemed a little more sophisticated than the college hangouts we'd started out with when we were Freshman. We were full-fledged adults, now. Time to party like adults.

  I just danced, though. With Todd because I couldn't seem to shake him off. The lighting was low and the music was loud. I danced for the better part of an hour before I got too thirsty and tired to keep going.

  "I'll buy you a drink," Todd said, raising his voice so I could hear him over the music.