by Dawn Gray
There were years that I didn't remember, or that were so hazy, it was hard to make out the truth in my memories, but I had always been obsessed with vampires, since I was a little girl and the foster family that my three foster sisters and I had grown up with had never really thought it was dangerous for a little girl to be interested in bloodsucking monsters, although my therapist wasn't that sure it was a good idea.
It wasn't the office that I was interested in this night, but the small door that lead to a closet, just off to the right of the bookshelves. I moved small boxes out of the way, and then slowly opened the door. There, in the darkness of this small room, were several boxes that had been sent to me by Connie, the sister closest to me, after our foster parents had died in a car accident.
They had been there for almost a year and a half, collecting dust, unopened, because I had been too busy with my son and working to care, but now I was drawn to them. I pulled out the top box and set it on the floor, opened it slowly and looked in at the contents of the box. It was mostly clothes, and jewelry things that our mother would have wanted me to have, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing important at this moment.
The second box was less helpful, more clothing, more heirlooms and a couple documents on the name and whereabouts of my biological mother, not that I cared to know now. It had been, after all, 26 years.
The third box was one that made me stop and stare. Inside there was a letter from Connie to me, telling me about the house that we had visited several times during the years I couldn't recall. She went on to say that she was enclosing the pictures that we had both taken of it and she hoped it would remind me of Julian.
That struck me as odd. I had never remembered ever meeting a man named Julian, but, of course, there was a lot that I didn't know. I was about to find out just how strange my life had been those three years, and it all started when I picked up the book of photographs that lay on the bottom of this last box.
When I flipped open the cover of this small album, the photo on the first page made me smile. There we were, the four of us, Beth, Laura, Connie and I with our arms around each other, standing in a field of lush green grass, smiling at the camera. I shook my head, knowing that I should remember this, but I didn't. It was the next photo that made my heart almost stop. There, on the matted piece of professional photography paper, was the house from my dreams.
I stared for what seemed like hours before I had the nerve to change the page, and like a movie, the inside and outside of this dream house was laid out before me. I felt as if I were on a tour, for there were little captions on the bottom of every page. Oddly, everything started to look familiar and when I finally closed the book, holding it pressed tightly to my chest, I knew that I had to go back there. My mind had surpassed memories of this place and of the years that surrounded our visits to it. For some odd reason, I thought that maybe the dream had something to do with the missing memories, if I could make heads or tails of it. I had to know if going back would bring them to the surface, and to do that I had to call Connie and get directions, but for tonight, it was time to go back to bed.
I closed my eyes as I settled in against the pillow. My husband, Robert, was sleeping soundly in the bed beside me, and I fell almost instantly to sleep. When I opened my eyes, in what I was sure was a dream, I began to see things that seemed all too real. At first, there was a haze around me, and then I stepped out into the bright white light of the day…
The sun shone brightly in the sky above us, and the green grass below our bare feet, was lush and soft. It was the perfect summer day, or at least it was for me. I was only 18 at the time, what felt like eons ago, and it was my first trip to the New London, Connecticut Park, both Connie’s and mine. The two other girls we were with had been there many times before us.
Every time they came home from visiting this place, they spoke of the magic they felt when they were there, and magic was just the word I would use to describe the feeling that I got when I stepped foot on the property. It wasn't your normal state park, to say the least. On the property, was a large three-story house with a high green roof and servants’ quarters.
There were two gardens, one on each side of the house; one was a large oval garden, with a large U-shaped gazebo at the end of it, to give shade to who ever needed it on the hot summer days, and shelter to those who were out in the rain. I loved this place, my heart beat faster as I looked around, with the ocean on one side and the house and its five acres of land on the other. I was almost in heaven.
It was then, as we walked the path that followed the ocean, in what might have been called the backyard of this large estate that I felt this overwhelming sensation come over me and I stopped walking. Connie looked back, her brown eyes smiling at me. I waved her on, thinking that this was probably my overactive imagination kicking in and she ran to catch up with Beth and Laura.
As I looked around, trying to find the spot where the feeling was coming from; I found that my attention was drawn to the steps at the end of the oval garden, the one we were told was called the East Garden. That's when I saw someone looking at me. He was tall, and beyond gorgeous. I was captivated by him at first sight.
From head to toe, he was stunning. He had long, silky black hair, which was loosely pulled back in a ponytail, and the sun reflected purple highlights off it, because of its dark color. His face was childish, full of life, and at the same time, pale as if the sun had never touched it, but it suited him.
His eyes stared at me, and even from that distance, I could see their color. They were grass green, and just as bright, but I saw something else in them, a ‘darkness’, and that frightened me a bit, but also drew me more to him.
He wore a white dress shirt, unbuttoned to his chest, and pulled out from his black dress pants. I could tell that he liked to appear well educated, not that he wasn't. His hands were in the pockets of those black pants, as he stood casually on the steps, looking down at me, as if he were bored of this world. I shook my head, thinking that he was just a figment of my imagination, only because Laura would have been all over him if she had seen him first, but she hadn't noticed him at all.
I looked back up at his eyes, and was caught in a stare, his stare, one that I didn't want to break away from. He smiled, handsomely, and it eased the strong feelings of danger that I got from him.
A name whispered in the wind, towards me. I had never heard anything quite like it before, I had never heard the wind talk before either, but it was a strong masculine voice, and the name that it whispered was Julian. My eyes widened, knowing full well that this was HIS name, and I watched as he turned back to the view that he had been looking at before. I looked, quickly, at Connie, who was calling my name and glanced in the direction of the young man, but then looked back at me as if he were not there. Confused by this, knowing that she would at least comment about him, I turned and looked back. The young man was gone.
My eyes opened quickly, and then shut just as fast, blinded by the morning sun that streamed into my room. I could hear Robert talking to Damien, telling him that Mommy was still sleeping, but who could sleep. I had just seen the man that I was suppose to know, the gorgeous, black haired, young man who stole my soul just by looking at him. Quickly, I looked up at the clock, then at Robert who stood in the doorway.
“I have to go to work.” He whispered. “Are you getting up, it's almost ten-thirty?”
“Ah, yeah, I'm getting up.” I sighed and slowly made my way out of bed. Robert looked at me and smiled.
“Are you feeling well? You look a bit drawn.” He asked.
“Fine, thank you.” I smiled back, then stretched and slipped by him into the bathroom. “I just had a late night.”
“I heard you get up, what were you doing?” He asked, again, watching me brush my teeth. I shrugged and looked at him, spitting out the foam from the toothpaste.
“I was thinking about my parents, that's all.” I replied, rinsed and walked out of the room, followed by Robert, who slipped on hi
s coat. He kissed me on the lips, quickly, and then waved to Damien, who waved back then continued to play with his toys.
Shortly after Robert left, I picked up the phone and dialed my foster sister's number. I knew that Connie would be at work, and when her secretary answered, I wasn't sure if I wanted to reply.
“Connie MacIntyre's office.” She answered. I looked over at Damien and sighed. “Hello?”
“Yes, could I speak to Ms. McIntyre?” I asked.
“May I ask whose calling?” She replied.
“Caitlyn Moore.” I answered. “Her sister.”
“One moment, please.” She replied and put me on hold, letting me listen to the sleepy elevator music that was always playing.
“Cait?” Connie's voice clicked over.
“Connie?” I replied. “Yeah, it's me.”
“What's wrong? You sound a bit frazzled.”
“Listen, I need some information.” I replied. “And, it might seem a bit funny.”
“Whatever you need, do you want me to come over?”
“No, but I might need you to watch Damien for a couple of days. Rob's on call and if I get what I need, I might have to take a trip.”
“Okay, Cait, you're freaking me out.” Connie replied, with worry in her voice. “Spit it out, what's up? Did you and Rob have a fight?”
“No, it has nothing to do with Rob and I, we're fine.” I paused, thinking about how to put this in terms that she might get, without getting upset. “It's about Julian.”
“Excuse me; I thought I heard you say Julian.” She whispered.
“I did. I think I remember him.” I sighed. “My dreams have become more vivid, and I decided to look in those boxes you gave me from Mom and Dad. I found the house pictures. I remembered it as if were always part of me.”
“It was, for three years, and so was Julian, but why now? Why not before?” Connie asked, thinking to herself. “I'll come over after work to explain what I can.” She paused. “Never mind, I'll be over after lunch.”
“Won't that hurt your record?” I asked, thinking about her job.
“Cait, what good is it being Junior Vice President with a perfect record if you can't pull any favors now and again?” Connie sighed. “Twelve-thirty, okay?”
“I'll be here.” I replied and hung up the phone.
Damien was sleeping when Connie came in. She smiled at me as I sat on the couch, then she rubbed my head, which she had always done, and sat beside me. She looked at the photo album I held in my hands then she looked up at my eyes.
“He was your whole life.” She sighed.
“So, why can't I remember him?” I whispered. I looked up at her and she shrugged. “When I think about him, and I know what he looks like now, my heart just wants to pop out of my chest. Did I love him that much?”
“Probably more.” She replied.
“Did he love me?”
“Without a doubt.”
“So,” I smiled oddly. “What happened?”
“I don't know. He brought you home that last night, crying, and told me that until you asked not to tell you about him.” Connie shrugged. “If you remembered what he looks like, maybe you'll remember the rest on your own.”
“Where is he?” I asked, Connie sighed.
“Do you really want to chase him? Damien and Rob are your family now.”
“I just want to know.” I shrugged. “I have to at least know, besides, I think I'm entitled to know what happened to those three years of my life, don't you?”
“Okay, well...” She sat back and folded her hands together. “What do you remember?”
“The first day that he and I saw each other, the first time he made his presence known, even then I just had a feeling.” I answered, standing up and walking over to the window to look out. “I remember that we spent most of the day at the park, and I didn't see him again, but I knew that he existed, and I knew what he was. I know that when I told you about him, you basically told me that I was insane and that no one was standing in that spot when you looked over, but I knew what I saw, and what I felt.
“I knew he was a vampire, there was no way the wind could carry a name like that and to finally feel one, not just anyone, but Julian, was overwhelming. By feel, I mean the way he felt when he and I connected, as if I suddenly knew everything there was to know about him. I know I saw his past in my dreams for nights after we left, and I dreamed of him when I found out that we would be returning to the park. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't insane, and that what I felt from him was totally real.
“It was later that summer that we went back, by then, I had told you, and Beth about him, over and over, until you were sick of hearing about it. He had become my new obsession. I believed that he was a vampire, but what I couldn't understand was why he had shown himself to me, and then just disappeared. It wasn't until we went up there again that I truly understood the connection.”
“Do you remember the next time you met?” Connie asked. I looked at her, and then smiled.
“I didn’t dream it last night, but it's there now, as if it had just popped into my head.” I replied. “It's funny, but it's like my head is just making this up as I go.”
“It's not.” Connie said, not smiling anymore. “It's real, very real, and so is Julian, but there are things that happened, things that I can't tell you that may scare you. They're dangerous, Julian and the others, even though you’re so distant from it now. I know that this isn't something you can jump right back into.”
“I'm not going to jump right back into it, Connie. You don't understand that all I want is to know what happened to those three years.” I sighed and closed my eyes. “Do you want me to tell you about what happened next, what I remember?”
“Go ahead.”
“Beth and Laura were walking down the beach, collecting seashells and you were lying beside me on the blanket, trying to get a tan. I think you fell asleep because you didn't move when I stood up, suddenly, and I looked towards the wooden walk-way that led from the beach to the green grass at the park.” I closed my eyes then sat down on the love seat that was by the window, trying to concentrate on the visions in my mind.
“There were two reasons why I had even returned to this place, it seemed to draw me to it, it was in my thoughts, and I found myself staring at the pictures I had taken every time I took them out, I felt as if I belonged there.
“And then, there was the matter of the raven haired vampire, Julian. He was foremost on my mind when we came back to this place, and this time I was determined to find him.
“As I stood, looking up this ramp, I noticed the black hair blowing in the breeze just over the small hill, where the sand dunes were. I felt the familiar overwhelming feeling that I had the last time I was there and made my way up the ramp to the deck. He stood there, as I came closer, in the corner of the deck, his arms out on the wooden railing. His head was bent, only slightly, downwards as the stray hairs from his ponytail blew in his face, and he looked up at me with those green eyes.
“He was dressed, almost like he had been before, except that his shirt was a bit different. There was no collar this time, no place for a tie. He watched me come close. His childish looking face seemed quite amused as he smirked.
“I stopped and looked him over. There he was, in living color, the man who had been in my thoughts for what seemed like forever. I looked him over more carefully this time, taking in everything, from his broad shoulders to the way you could see the muscles flexing under his shirt, and I watched as his chest rose and fell with his slow, calm breathing. His sleeves were rolled up, as if he were hot, but didn't want to show it, exposing his bare forearms, which looked like they had been used for doing some sort of heavy work. He was all man, in all the right ways, and he smiled, as I admired him, no doubt reading my thoughts, not that you couldn't just see it on my face as I felt my cheeks blush.
“He looked as if he were about to laugh at me, as I stood there, then I jumped as he pushed himself off from th
e boards, and crossed his arms as he walked towards me. I stood frozen just staring at him as he made his way over to me.
“Don't be scared.” A strong, sexy, masculine voice spoke softly to me. It took me a moment to figure out it was him. “I don't bite,” he whispered, then stopped in front of me, “unless you want me too.”
“I know what you are.” I said, and covered my mouth. The words had just slipped out and it scared me, suddenly. He knew, that I knew, now what was he going to do?
“I know.” He replied. He stood a good six inches taller than I did, maybe more, because he seemed to have to bend down to get close enough to me. I shied away as he came closer, his presence becoming quite overwhelming. “You know a lot about me, but there's still a lot you don't know.”
“Julian.” I whispered, not believing that I was even speaking. He smiled and nodded. I looked at him, suddenly realizing that the voice in the wind was his. “Why are you showing yourself to me?”
“Because, you know a lot about us. About what we are.” He replied and reached out to me.
“We?” I asked and shrank back from his fingers. “There are others?”
“There always is.” He laughed. I turned and glanced down at the beach, wondering if anyone realized that I had gone, and when I looked back, to where Julian had been right in front of me, he was gone.
“How will I find him again? I thought to myself, and if I knew so much about them, why did I feel like such an ass. Why couldn't I bring up any information about them, though I had been studying them, through books my whole life, and if he was one, what was he doing out in the sunlight?
“These were all questions that ran through my head as we left to go home. I cornered Connie, told her about my experience then listened to her lecture me on how I really shouldn’t go off chasing strange men, who happen to think that he was a vampire, no matter how good looking they might be.”
Connie shook her head. “I don’t think it would be a good idea to follow up on this.”