by Dawn Gray
“I don’t understand why you feel that I’m not capable of handling this. I just want to go back there and see. Odds are that he doesn’t even live there anymore, so would you just spit it out?” I asked her, feeling this pull in my chest that seemed to be slowly turning into a throbbing pain. “Connie, I swear that whatever happens, I won’t get caught up in it; I just need to see it with my own eyes and not in a photograph.”
“Fine, but you have to promise me that you’ll call if you leave, everyday.” She sighed. “What are you going to tell Rob?”
“That I need to see Grandma, that it’s an emergency and that she’s ill and Damien can’t come. I’ll give him my cell phone number to call, since grandma disconnected her phone a few weeks ago, all she has now is voice mail through her nurse.” I shrugged. Connie smiled at me, and then nodded.
“I’m going to take a two week leave, which should give you enough time to get what you need done. I’ll stay here with the baby and Robert until you come back.” Connie replied, and then looked up at me. “If Julian is still around, give him a message for his friend Nick. Tell him that I’m still waiting for that phone call.” I looked at her questioningly, and watched as she put up her hand. “Don’t ask, don’t tell.”
“So, what’s this place called?” I asked, softly, trying to conceal my nervousness.
“La Amour’ Memorial State Park, just on the outskirts of New London, Connecticut. It looks just like the picture.”
“Julian lives in a state park?” I asked, laughing.
“It wasn’t always a state park. From what I understand, there was a girl in their lives just before you came. She was, apparently, very important to their “survival” but her parents moved her away. After she left, Julian turned all the rights to the place over to the state, who said that they could live there, if they opened the house to the public, which they’ve only recently done.” Connie replied.
“So, who’s this girl?” I asked. Connie shrugged, and then looked at me.
“I don’t know; they never talked about her.” Connie stood and walked over to the door. “I have to go back to work, but let me know what your plans are, okay?”
I watched her pick up her pocket book, pat the side of it, and then look up at me quickly. She moved back towards me and sat on the couch, where from the depths of the black bag beside her, she withdrew a small black book with an eerie red design, nothing recognizable, but still a unique design.
“What’s this?” I asked as she handed me the book
“It’s a journal that you kept from the first summer we visited the house. Mom and Dad found it one day, which is why you stopped writing in it, and took the damn thing. I found it after they died, buried in the underwear drawer of mom’s dresser, and kept it figuring one day you’d remember.” Connie reached over and hugged me then kissed me quickly on the cheek. “Please, say that you’ll be careful.”
“I will.” She made her way to the door once again, waved and then disappeared out it. I sat back on the couch, letting the waves of excitement that I felt wash over me as I placed the book on my lap and opened it to the first page.
“I know.” He whispered, softly, and I looked up into his eyes, being caught in their splendor. “I've been there, I've watched you sleep.” He blinked, seductively, then stepped back and turned, promptly walking away. I watched him leaving, as Connie touched my arm. She, too, watched him walking away.
“Was that him?” She asked. I nodded. “Well, let's go after him.”
“No.” I whispered, and then looked at her, suddenly afraid to have her know even a little about him. “No, we can't. We have to find Laura and Beth. It's dangerous.”
“Are you okay? Did he threaten you?” She asked. I shook my head, but, at that moment, I couldn't say anymore. We walked away and went to find the other two.
I stopped walking, and turned to look at Connie, who was looking at me oddly. She looked quite concerned and then took my hand.
“He did threaten you, didn't he?” She asked. “I warned you about him.”
“He said it wasn't him you saw.” I told her softly. Connie looked at me, strangely, and then shook her head, as if I hadn't made any sense. “He wasn't the one who visited you.”
“What do you mean? That's impossible. I know it was him, he looked just like you described him.” Connie insisted.
“Are you sure? I mean, lots of guys look alike.” I sighed. She shook her head, positive that he was who she saw. An overpowering feeling of dread washed over me, because I had never seen her so sure, and Julian almost begged for me to believe that it wasn't him, and if this was the case, then who was he, and was Connie in danger?”
I closed the journal, set it down on the coffee table, and then got up and took a cup of tea from the microwave. The small photo album, which I had kept out of the box, lay on the kitchen counter and it took me only a moment to reach over and open it to which ever picture it happen to go to. It turned out to be the picture of the ocean from the wooden deck where we had met for the second time.
I walked over to the couch looking at this picture, and then placed it down in the table, picked up the journal once again, and settled in to the sprawling letters before me.
That night I lay half asleep in my bed, staring at the wall. I couldn't think of anything else, except Connie, who slept in the room next to mine, and her unexpected visitor. In Laura's room, which was adjacent to mine, I could hear the sounds of the wilderness music that she slept with, but in Beth's room, diagonal to mine, there wasn't a peep. Finally frustrated with the whole concept of sleeping, I threw the covers from me and got up.
I rubbed my eyes and sighed, then got up and walked down to the kitchen, thinking about Julian's words, about how he knew where I lived, and how he watched me sleep. How could I have been so gullible? Julian wasn't coming and he hadn't ever been here, he wasn't a vampire, and wasn't just going to pop into my house. He was probably just a figment of my imagination, well mine, and Connie's, although he was a gorgeous one.
I shook my head and decided that maybe what I needed was a glass of warm milk, which was said to help you sleep at night, so I trotted over to the refrigerator, flipping on the lights as I went by, and poured myself a glass of milk. After drinking the milk, warmed in the microwave, rinsing out the cup, and turning to shut off the lights, I noticed the person sitting on my couch.
I thought of screaming, which would have woken up the other three girls in the house, but as the now all too familiar feelings came to me, I realized who it was. Slowly, I walked over and stood in front of him.
“You weren't kidding.’ I said softly. I watched his eyes glow red, and then fade to a light pink color, before returning to the green ones that I had grown accustom to seeing.
“I never kid.’ He replied. I flipped on the light beside me, and looked at him, again. His green eyes showed signs of sleepiness, but his face was how it had been every time I had seen him, content. “I told you, I watch you sleep. I followed you home that first time I saw you. You made me nuts.”
“Why?’ I asked him, laughing. He smiled, and shook his head.
“You knew what I was, yet you were so unafraid. You looked at me as if you could see right through me, into my soul, into my past, yet you kept looking, as if I intrigued you just as you did me.” He replied. I nodded, that was exactly it. He “intrigued” me, tremendously. He leaned forward on the couch. “Can I tell you my life? Can I trust you with it?” He asked me. I looked at him, taken back by his words, and then I shrugged.
“I'm a writer, if it's good I might use it in a book. I can't promise anything.” I replied to him honestly. He nodded. “I might tell Beth about you, though I'm not sure she would understand that I have a vampire for a friend.”
“You never know what your friends will believe.” He smiled. I sat on the chair across from him and watched him for a while.
“Who was the one who visited Connie?” I asked him. He had grown suddenly quiet and I watched his face grow cold and blank, but as he
looked up at me, he said nothing. I nodded, knowing that he honestly didn't know. “Can I tell you something or, more to the point, can I ask you something?”
“What do you want to know?” He asked, sitting forward. I leaned towards him, stared him in those green eyes of his and licked my lips.
“Who am I?” I asked. It had been a legitimate question, one that I had always asked myself, but I never really knew the answer too. “Do you know?” I asked again, as he smiled and reached out to me again.
Not quite sure if I wanted to be touched by him, I stood and walked over to the table, where my fluffy black cat was sitting. Julian sighed and I looked at him. “Why am I afraid of you?”
“What you're afraid of, probably, I don't know everything, is the realization that we're real. We exist despite the myths.” He whispered. I watched him stand and walk over to me. We stood a foot apart; my personal space with him seemed to be shrinking. “You're afraid to admit to yourself that your knowledge of us is true, that we can be touched, and felt, and heard. You're afraid of the reality of this situation that vampires exist, that I exist.”
“No.” I whispered and stepped back, as far as I could go. He looked at me, and smiled. “I'm not afraid of that. I'm not afraid of finding out you're real, I've always believed it. I'm afraid of you, not the others because they're not standing in my living room. When you reach out to touch me, it frightens me.”
“Because, you know our nature. I won't bite you.” He replied, then suddenly, grabbed my arm and brought me to him. I put my hands against his chest, felt his heart beat at a very slow pace, but it still beat. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me there.
My pulse jumped, my breathing grew heavy and it took all of my effort to look up from the spot on his chest that I had chosen, and looked up into those eyes of his. His face was soft and understanding, as if saying it was okay if I wanted to pull away. “Do you still fear me?”
I watched those deep red lips move and I couldn't move. The heat between us seemed enormous, but my roommate’s presence in the house never escaped my attention. Julian leaned down towards me. His lips not more than an inch from mine. Did I really want him to kiss me?
“You're more powerful than you think.” He whispered. “You're a very special person to us. You hold our history, in your head, locked up in the back. When you were young, very young, you were bitten by a vampire. It triggered your memories, your past dealings with us, to an extent and sent your curiosity soaring.”
“How do you know all of this?” I asked him, moving my fingers across the softness of his shirt, feeling the muscles under it.
“I've been sent to protect you.” He whispered, leaning closer to me. His lips brushed mine softly, and then he backed away as if that little touch was too much to handle. He let me go and stepped back. He looked over my clothing, which was just a long tee shirt, and then he sighed, and said, very softly: “it would be so easy.”
“What?” I asked him as he turned and walked back over to the door, placed his hand on the door knob, and turned it slowly. “Julian, what are you talking about?”
“You!” He whispered, looking back at me. “You would be so easy to give into.” He smiled, softly, and stepped out the door, closing it behind him without another word.
I looked back at my cat, which had jumped off the counter and went upstairs. I watched that door for a moment more, thinking that Julian might return, but he didn't.
I walked back upstairs and went back to bed, though it didn't seem much easier to fall asleep. His words kept going in my head, the ones about being bitten when I was younger, which might explain the two small scars that appeared on my neck one day. They were light now, barely noticeable, but still there. They seemed to have appeared overnight and it really didn't answer my question, but, as I found out, that would be answered very shortly.
I put the journal down and looked up the stairway. Damien was awake, and so was my curiosity. My mind was made up, tomorrow I was going to Connecticut, and I was going to put an end to this strange daydream I had gotten myself into.
2
Sitting behind the wheel of the car, staring at the long stretch of road in front of me, I could do nothing but sigh, loudly, and keep tapping on the steering wheel. I was edgy, not sure if I really wanted to do this, but then again, was I ever going to be sure. Julian might have been someone that I knew six years ago, someone that I seemed to have loved, but was I really up to seeing him again, after all this time, after all I had done with my life.
I had read the remainder of the journal that I had kept when I was younger, those summers that I had gone down to the house, as I packed my bags this morning. It had occurred to me that I had purposely not put anything really personal in them, for the exact reason that it might be read, or worse, taken away, so, there was little about what really went on with Julian and I to tell me exactly how involved we really were.
Connie had stressed the need to be safe, especially this morning when I had dropped my son off at her house, but no matter what she said, nothing could stop me from finding out the truth. I was going to see if this was real. I needed to, but now, as I drove down the road, alone, heading for a place I remembered little about, it struck me that I wasn't really prepared for anything major. I had taken all of this in stride and never really thought about what was going to happen to my life AFTER this, but I remembered the desperation of words written in the last entry of the journal and my need to figure out what exactly Julian meant by the danger he had put me in.
It went repeatedly in my head and I remember stopping at the kitchen counter, my coffee cup in hand, to read what I had written.
Dear Diary:
Several weeks have passed and I have not yet seen any sign of Julian, and although Connie still insists that the man who comes often to see her is in fact, Julian, I have never seen him. There is only one thing that seems to separate Connie's description of him and what he actually looks like. Connie's young man has a “mop of curly hair” on top of his head, and Julian has straight black hair.
The darkness frightens me and I find that I have to keep the light on for most of the night; I believe my mother turns it off when she finds it on. I've had nasty dreams, ones that I have never had before and most of them make almost no sense to me, but they all have to do with vampires. I wish Julian would come, maybe he could explain them to me...
This entry is the same day as the one written above, sometime in the early morning hours. After many restless nights, Julian has once again appeared, this time in my bedroom. I opened my eyes and looked around the room after feeling the strange presence enter. I noticed the man sitting in the corner, near the head of the bed, hiding between the wall and the dresser. His head was down, his knees were pulled up and he had his hair pulled back in a ponytail, as he always did, but something was different.
He had his hands at the side of his head, and slowly, as I turned over to stare at him; he lifted his head and looked at me. I smiled at him, and got out of bed, then slowly reached a hand down to him, which he took, and the two of us moved to sit on the bed together.
He looked tired and sick, as he sat beside me, holding my hand. I touched his cheek, lightly, with my fingers and smiled at him.
“What is it, Julian?” I asked him. He leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees, then folded his hands in front of him. He looked at me, and shook his head. It was quite obvious to me that there was something very wrong. “Julian?”
“I'm sorry.” He said, softly, and looked back at his hands. “There's something important that I need to tell you, something that is very important.”
“I'm listening.” I replied. He turned to face me.
“You're in danger.” He said, quickly.
“I'm in danger?” I repeated, and watched him nod. “From whom?”
“Others like me, vampires, who want you, hurt.” He said and took my hands. Julian closed his eyes. “I have to leave because of this, but I'll be back. Michael will watch
you.”
“Why, if I'm in so much danger, are you leaving?” I asked him, knowing who Michael was, but not understanding the need for his protection and not Julian's. He kissed me, quickly, on the lips, backed away, and then kissed me again. This kiss was not like the first, not a quick peck on the lips, but drawn out, letting me feel every emotion you could possibly feel from one person.
His lips were hot with passion, and as they closed over mine, they sent chills down my spine. He wrapped his arms around me, trying to fight the strong urge to let go. I did the same, not knowing quite how to respond to this advance, wrapping my arms around his waist, then moving one of my hands to hold the back of his head. Slowly, he moved away, both of us struggling to catch our breath, and he put his forehead against mine then closed his eyes.
“It's too much.” He whispered then looked at me. I sighed, feeling that Julian and I have always been special together. He held the back of my head with his hand and looked into my eyes.
“You're in danger because of me.” He said, quietly. I looked at him, a bit shocked and confused, but I reached out and put the palm of my hand against his cool cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into it. “I'm so sorry.”
“Don't be sorry, Julian.” I whispered listening to his sighing then watched him blink, sleepily. “Just be safe.”
“I won't be gone long.” He whispered. I promise.”
“Don't make a promise you don't intend to keep.” I replied. Julian drew in a deep breath as he stared into my eyes.
“I have to go.” He said, quickly, then backed away, only a bit as if he didn't really want to let go, but then he stood, and I watched him walk to the door. Julian stopped and turned to look at me. “Would it be wrong to love you?”
“No.” I said, honestly. He nodded and walked out the door again.
I don't know what the threat is, Diary, but if it made him leave, after all this time, then it can't be good.
* * * * *