by Dawn Gray
As I drove closer to the house, with trees on one side of me and ocean on the other, I began to vaguely recall the first time I had driven down here. The four of us girls were in the back of a mini-van, and I was staring out the window, vaguely listening to Beth and Laura debate over the best color of lipstick to wear to the beach. Connie was asleep beside me and I watched, in fascination as the view of the ocean grew.
This time, when I pulled up to the front gate of the house, a young woman in a booth stopped me. She smiled at me as I rolled down the window and handed her a five dollar bill, the entrance fee to the park. She smiled and handed me a ticket, marked with the date, and it took me a moment to work up the nerve to ask her a question.
“Could you tell me if the man who owned this house about six years ago might still be around?” I inquired.
“Oh, yeah, actually, Mr. Deveraux and Mr. La Rouge both still live here.” She replied, cheerfully.
“They do?” I asked. She nodded again. “I thought they turned this over to the state.”
“Well, sort of.” She smiled. “They decided to open it to the public and since Mr. Deveraux owns a large company that employs quiet a large number of the people who live here, the state decided to name it a state park.”
“I don't mean to be so nosy, but are they home at the moment?” I asked, as butterflies danced in my stomach.
“Would you like me to call up to the main house?”
“Um, well, I...I'm not sure if I'm going to see them, but, I just wanted to make sure, just in case.”
“Are you a friend of the family?” She asked, softly. I shrugged.
“I guess you could say that, but I haven't seen them in a very long time.” I replied. She nodded, picked up the phone and inquired about the two of them being in, and then she turned to me and nodded. “Thank you.”
“You're welcome.” She whispered back and sat back in the booth. I pulled the car threw and made my way up to the oval driveway in front of the house.
Out of pure fascination, I parked the car a bit away from the house and stared at it for a while, taking in the whole scene and making sure I wasn't seeing things. It took me a good thirty minutes to step out of the car and walk up to the house, which I did on shaky legs. I reached out, with a hand that didn't seem to be my own and touched the wall of this magnificent house, smiling at the fact that my hand didn't go right threw it, and then I stepped through the large double doors in front of me.
Three women, who were sitting next to the doorway, all stood and smiled at me. The youngest of the three, for they all looked to be in their early fifties, walked over to me.
“Would you like a tour, Miss?” She asked me. I smiled at her, as I looked up at the five chandeliers that hung above me, and shrugged.
“I'm not sure, yet.” I replied. “Actually, I was hoping to see someone that I knew”
I looked over at her, and then down the hallway as a strange but familiar feeling washed over me. He stepped out of the door to my right and I watched the smile fade from his face. It struck me suddenly, like a wave in the ocean, crashing down on top of me. I knew this man.
“Maybe, I could be of service.” He said before really looking at me and when he did, he stopped dead in his tracks and stared. “Caitlyn?”
“Michael?” I whispered and felt the dizziness take over. The three women, who were standing beside me, ushered me to the nearest seat, where I could barely sit on my own. His face came in and out of focus and I reached out to touch the blond haired blur in front of me. My fingers brushed the cool skin on his cheek and his hand came up quickly, pressing my hand against him. “Are you real?”
“Cait, how do you feel?” He asked me, softly, after instructing the women to get the others. What others? I asked myself. Were there more of him? My eyesight slowly faded, bringing me into darkness, with the same unanswered question on my mind. Were they real?
3
It was still bright outside when my eyes did open again, but instead of the chair that I had passed out in, I was now laying on a large queen-sized bed, somewhere in the house. I stretched and turned to look at the window, where I spotted a figure standing. He was tall, almost six feet, and his hair was long, and black. He had his hands tucked in the pockets of his tan Dockers pants and the short-sleeved polo shirt he wore seemed to show off every muscle he had on his arms and chest.
I stood, sliding out of bed, slowly, trying not to startle him, although, if he was who I thought him to be, he should have heard me long before then. I made my way over, towards the window and stood there, staring at him as he looked out at the ocean. I watched the playful smile stretch across his childish face and he turned, slowly, to look at me. I saw him, and his green eyes seemed to glow with love and affection. I took several steps back, taking in his whole being before my body reacted to him standing there.
“Oh, God.” I whispered, then turned and walked out of the room. Why wasn't I prepared for this, for the overwhelming feeling of being near him again? The reason was simple, I didn't remember them, and I hadn't truly believed that they existed.
I could hear him saying my name as I rushed to get down the flight of stairs in front of me, slipping down the last four as I went, only to be caught by the arms of another familiar soul. I looked up into his hazel eyes, and even though he smiled down at me, I couldn't help but feel fear towards him. I backed away, knowing exactly who I was looking at but not sure how I knew. His name was David Tarrot, and he looked at me oddly, and then turned to his left as Michael walked into the picture.
“Cait, it's going to be alright, just take it easy.” He said, as he put a hand up and made his way towards me.
“Stay away from me!” I ordered, stepping back from him.
“What's going on here?” Another voice interrupted and I turned to the right to see the third one walking over. He was tall, much like Julian, with the same black hair and green eyes, but the difference was in the feeling, as he sent waves of darkness and danger towards me. “Caitlyn?” He asked a bit shocked to see me. He turned and looked up the stairs, which made me look at the man who was calmly walking down behind me. “What's with her, Julian?”
“Leave her be, Quinn.” Julian's soft voice invaded my mind and he looked from Quinn, his younger brother, back to me. “I don't think she quite remembers who we are.”
With those words, images flashed through my mind, like an entire three hour movie in about five seconds and I remembered everything, right down to the last thing he said to me before I lost him. I stared at Julian, digging deep into those green eyes, with my own and I stuttered, trying to get the words out, but I couldn't and I turned and walked quickly toward the door.
Julian followed, his presence was not all that far behind, as I made my way, in the down pour of rain that had started shortly after I had left the bedroom, towards my car, which was still halfway down the driveway.
“Caitlyn! Caitlyn, wait!” Julian's voice yelled above the beat of my heart and the echo of the rain in my ears. I stopped, just beside my car, with the keys in my hands, and I looked at him, tears running down my face. I understood, at last, the strange emptiness I had felt for so many years, and I understood that the only one who could fill it was him. He stopped, five feet from me, and stared at me, the two of us completely drenched, through the wet hair that fell into his face. “Please, come back inside.”
“Where have you been?” I asked him, feeling stupid for assuming that he would know how I was feeling. “Why haven't you shown yourself to me? Why haven't you come when I called on you?”
“Come inside and I'll explain it all to you.” He pleaded.
“No!” I yelled at him. Julian stood straight and silent as I started to move towards him. He didn't move when I raised my hand and slapped him square across the face, and his eyes closed as he looked to the side, waiting for my raised hand to strike again, but as I brought it down, I rested it on his wet skin, and turned his face towards me. Slowly, his eyes opened and came to rest on mine. I stared at him fo
r only a moment then smiled. “I remember you.”
His arms came up and he wrapped them tightly around me as he held me close to him, breathing deeply, no doubt taking in everything about me, then he backed up and kissed my cheek.
We need to get inside, before you get sick. His mind said to me and I smiled as I looked at him, because it was obvious that if he opened his mouth to talk the tears that he was holding back would break loose. I nodded and he took my hand, holding it firmly, as we walked back to the house.
Later on that evening, after I called Connie to let her know that I got in fine, and changed into a pair of sweat clothes, which ever of the four they might have belonged to, I sat staring at the ceiling in the sitting room, remembering how many times I had looked at it before, and from which angle. I looked down, only to get caught in Quinn's eyes as he handed me a hot cup of tea, then watched as he went to sit down in the chair across from me. Michael and David were also in the room, but they didn't seem at all interested in staring at me the way Quinn was doing just then.
The television was on, but no one seemed to be watching it, and the volume was down so low I couldn't hear it, but I was sure the boys could. And, as I continued to look around the room, taking in what I could remember, Julian walked in and smiled at me. I stared at him, making him my focus point this time, and he stared back, with a witty smile on his face, like he had a joke to tell, but couldn't get it out.
“Are you two just going to stare at each other all night?” Quinn asked which made his brother look over at him, as Quinn shifted in his chair. “Because if you are, then I'm going to bed.”
“It would be just like old times.” David laughed, which made me look over at him. “The only thing they ever did was stare at each other all day.”
“Either that or you couldn't get them apart.” Michael smiled, and I watched as the three of them talked as if we weren't in the room. “Their faces were surgically attached.”
“Funny, guys!” Julian mumbled under his breath, only glancing at them, before focusing back on me. I looked away and turned towards the window, which caught their attention.
“I don't know what I remember.” I whispered and set the cup down to cross my hands over my chest. “It's like a strange haze goes over my eyes when I try to look back. When I saw Julian on the stairs, I could see my past so clearly, but now it's just a blur, with bits and pieces flowing towards me.” I turned back to them and blinked. “Right now the only thing I can think of, the only memory that stands out clearly, was when we met.” I smiled and looked at the three others in the room, then looked at Julian again. “The first time I came here alone.”
“Yep, that was an experience.” Quinn replied, sarcastically.
“It was a night, just like this, my sisters were fighting, my parents were threatening to send us all back if it didn't stop and all I could think about was getting here, to feel safe. The rain was coming down in thick heavy sheets and the front door was locked so I had to come in the back. It had started to thunder and lightning outside, other than that, the house was dark, but I knew that Julian was here, I could feel him.” I turned and looked at the fireplace, keeping the faces of my listeners in view. “When I finally made it in the door, I was drenched and standing in the middle of the hallway, a puddle was forming on the floor below my feet. The only thing I could see was the lightening reflecting off from those chandeliers.
“I walked down the hallway, I think it was towards the stairway and I started to shake, from the cold and the fact that Julian hadn't answered my calls, mentally. I thought about who was in the house because he had mentioned the three of you to me, but I don't think I really believed that you would be here and that's when I saw the red lights coming towards me.” I looked quickly towards Julian, trying to catch my heart as it began to beat faster, because I was feeling, as if for the first time what I felt that night. “The red lights turned out to be eyes in the darkness.”
“Quinn's eyes.” Michael whispered. I nodded.
“Yes, Quinn's night eyes, though I didn't know what he was at the time. I could feel him getting closer, but I couldn't move anything to get away, the only thing I could do was shake. I think it was then that the hypothermia set in because I could feel my legs giving out, as if they were separate from my body, and that's when I felt arms around me, holding me up, then there was one under my shoulders and the other was under my knees and I was being lifted. I felt safe, though, as if I knew that whoever it was that was holding me wasn't going to hurt me, so I let my body relax and I drifted into darkness.” I whispered, looking down into the hot tea in front of me. I stopped talking for a moment, and glanced up at Julian, who was sitting with his eyes closed as if he were trying to picture it.
“You must be a writer.” David laughed. “You're very descriptive.”
“She's just remembering.” Quinn spoke up. “Let her be.” He turned and looked at me. “Go on.”
“I remember that the next thing my eyes saw was blurs, colorful blurs one with black hair, the other blond, and a third standing by the fire with almost red hair.” I walked over and sat down on the floor next to the fire and stared into its bright flames. “They focused quickly, letting me see all of you, but I just wanted to lay there and listen and I heard David ask who I was, then Quinn's strong voice interrupted him, telling him that obviously I wasn't someone that could be harmed, though I'm not sure what that meant, but it was Michael's unusual observation that made me giggle letting you know that I was awake. He said that I...”
“That you smelled like Julian.” Michael interrupted. I looked at him, smiling as he laughed. “I remember that.”
“Yes, that was it that I smelled like Julian and at the time I didn't understand why you would say that because I hadn't seen Julian all day. It was only after the fact, when I thought about it that I remembered Julian had come over early in the morning, before anyone else was awake and we had snuck out to the beach. When it was clear to the three of you that I was awake, I remember Quinn, who was sitting on the bed beside me, lean over and look me dead in the eyes.” I looked at Quinn, who had gone back to staring at the ceiling, then turned back to the fire, myself. “I think he was trying to scare me, I really do, but then he just smiled when I didn't shy away from him, and got off the bed.
“Julian came in shortly after insisting on checking me over for bite marks when he found out that the three of you had rescued me and changed my clothes. He introduced each one of you, making sure I knew what to watch out for when I was alone with you, not that I think he expected me to be, and that was that, you were part of me from that moment on, and it's sad that I'm only now remembering how it felt to be part of something that powerful, to have a bond with not one but four people, it felt unbreakable.” I whispered and looked down at my hand a moment before looking back up. “I just wish I could remember what it was that made me forget in the first place.”
I watched as this statement got looks from the four of them, and all eyes turned to look at Julian, who wasn't looking at anything but the floor. I stood up and walked over to him, knelt down close enough to touch him in several ways and put my hand on his knees.
“What is it that you don't want to tell me, Julian?” I asked as I watched him shiver as he reached out and touched my hands with his. “Do you know what happened?”
“Yes.” He whispered, looking into my eyes. “But, I can't tell you, not yet.”
“Why?” I asked him. Julian shook his head and got up, suddenly, moving away from my touch.
“I've just gotten you back, Cait.” He answered with his back to me. “I don't want to lose you, again, not so soon after you've just arrived.”
“Do you think I'm going to leave if I find out?” I questioned, standing up also. The others all turned or, in some way, moved to see what was going on as I walked up behind him. “I have so much to remember, Julian, but the feelings, the overpowering pull I have towards you is already there. I'm not leaving. I won't disappear again.” I stopped and
waited for him to respond then it occurred to me and I put a hand on his back, feeling him tense up at my touch. “Tell me, Julian, did you have something to do with it?”
Silence was all I received as a reply and slowly I removed my hand from his back. I watched his head, bent down, as he looked towards the floor, in shame, and he looked towards the side, towards me and closed his eyes.
“I'm sorry, Caitlyn.” He replied and walked out the door. I turned, slowly and looked at the others not sure if I should follow or not, but as I looked back out at the door he had gone through, I knew that I should stay where I was. Michael's hand rested on my shoulder and he smiled, dryly at me when I looked up at him.
“Did I hurt him?” I asked. Michael shook his head, and then gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze.
“He's been hurting since he lost you.” He replied.
“So, I've made it worse.” I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. “Maybe, I should leave.”
“No.” Quinn spoke up. “You've only just gotten here, you should stay. He'll come around, for you he always did.”
“Connie mentioned Nick.” I said, quickly changing the subject. “Who was he?”
“Ah, Nicky.” David laughed.
“Yes, Nick.” Michael nodded, but neither was giving me a straight answer.
“Okay, if you don't want to tell me about him, just say so.” I shrugged and looked at them all. Quinn shook his head and crossed his arms. “What is he some sort of family secret? A skeleton in your closet?”
“You could say that.” Quinn answered, and I felt Michael's hand move to my lower back.
“I'll let you in on the whole Nick thing in the morning, maybe. You should get some rest.” He answered as he ushered me out the door, and then escorted me up to the room that I would be staying in. When he opened the door, to what I thought would be an empty cold room, I found that it was already occupied, by Julian, who was standing by the window. “Well, this is where I say good night, so, goodnight.” He said looking at me, and then he turned to Julian. “Goodnight.”