The Writer Behind the Words

by Dara Girard

  Make new friends. Join groups or find another person who is a constant support and turn to him when the going gets tough.

  Kidders

  Next to Wet Blankets are Kidders. Those who make harsh comments then pretend to soften the blow by saying “Just kidding” or “Just joking.”

  This scene is so boring I could use it as a barbiturate. Just kidding!

  You didn’t even go to college. How could you write anything someone would read? Just kidding!

  You really pump out those books like a true hack. Just joking!

  You write like a second grader. Just joking.

  The best way to combat these crude attacks on your ego is to:

  Not laugh. Many of us try to shrug it off and see the humor for fear of being deemed “too sensitive.” Kidding is not funny. Don’t laugh at what’s not humorous and the person will get the message.

  Be careful who you share your dreams and good news with. Some people will not take the hint that their kidding is painful, so don’t allow them to use you as a target.

  Realize that they’re scared. A lot of humor comes from pain. It’s their pain and you don’t need to soothe it.

  Bad Agents and Editors

  Over the past several years, I’ve met enough agents and editors to know that they can be wonderful people and that to have them in your corner is a great asset to your career. Unfortunately, not all agents and editors are good. Some are downright cruel and very harmful to a writer’s career and self-esteem. It doesn’t matter why they behave as they do (they’re going through a hard time; they’re failed writers, etc.). The only solution is to get away from them.

  Because publication depends so much on others, many writers put their lives in the hands of agents and editors and don’t watch their careers. Don’t do this. Not everyone has your best interests in mind. This field is crawling with scam artists. Your best defense is to make all your business relationships peer relationships or partnerships, rather than parent/child relationships.

  How to Spot a Bad Agent

  Typos in the correspondence.

  Promises to make you a “star.” Everyone likes to get his ego stroked, scam artists know this.

  Doesn’t submit your work.

  Sends you form rejection letters. (These are the generic “Dear Writer” letters that publishers send out. Unscrupulous agents just copy them and send them to clients to show that they’re “working”).

  Blames you (or your project) for not selling. Agents must be passionate about your work. Once they lose faith, your relationship is over.

  Charges a fee for anything. Writers NEVER need to pay agents. Agents get their money once they sell the book. It can be agreed that the cost of printing and shipping can come from the first advance check or an agreed upon amount prior to signing the contract. Don’t pay an upfront fee for the cost of doing business.

  Won’t address key questions. You should know your agent’s marketing plan for your work. What happens when they get a “No?” How many times will they submit a project?

  Won’t return your calls or emails.

  When searching for an agent, make sure to research their credentials, have an idea of what you want for your career (don’t let anyone make that decision for you), and make sure they have a verifiable track record. Anyone can say they’ve sold a book to the big publishers. Get proof. Even when you get a good agent you still need to be your own best advocate.

  Bad editors are similar to bad agents, except they get a salary so they can afford to be cruel.

  How to Spot a Bad Editor

  Doesn’t communicate. Doesn’t return phone calls, faxes, emails etc…

  Makes you feel insignificant. Continually reminds you that you’re not her only author.

  Tries to change your writing style.

  Puts you down by comparing you to his bestselling authors or other writers for the magazine.

  Never offers you any encouragement. Every writer deserves a “good job” every once in a while.

  Doesn’t read your manuscript, just sends it into production.

  Never sends you your money on time.

  There are other discouragers out there that may strike. When they do, try the following activities.

  What to do When You’re Discouraged

  Clean out the clutter. Get rid of clothes you don’t wear anymore, remove plates or pots you never use, toss out socks with holes or shoes that have no soles. Wear clothing that makes you feel good; use items that make you feel proud.

  Exercise.

  Get a hug. Sounds silly, but touch really can help. If you can get more than a hug, great. (Come on, don’t be a prude).

  Watch a movie (preferably a comedy).

  Read about successful artists and what they did to overcome setbacks.

  Try something new. Fire your agent, switch publishing houses or magazines. Write in a different style and submit it to new markets.

  Extra

  How to Get Rid Of a Bad Mood

  Natalie had had a dreadful day. She’d received three rejections for the same story, gotten an email from her editor saying that they wanted a second rewrite, her computer had crashed and her husband wouldn’t be home to help with dinner. She had two options: allow the day to make her miserable or work through her mood. She decided to get rid of her bad mood. You can too. Here’s how.

  Take a deep breath and, while doing so, tense all your muscles. Hold for a few seconds then release while visualizing all the frustration, annoyance, and anger leaving your body. Now imagine yourself in a place of peace, whether it is in the woods or a jungle. Picture a gentle rain falling, washing all your disappointments and frustrations away.

  Remember that the subconscious doesn’t differentiate between what is real and what is “made up.” Give yourself permission to daydream.

  Doubt

  In the hours of adversity be not without hope

  For crystal rain falls from black clouds

  PERSIAN POEM

  Doubt is a thief that often makes us fear to tread where we might have won.

  SHAKESPEARE

  * * *

  * * *

  * * *

  * * *

  Paul checked his mailbox and halted at the sight of the manila envelope with his handwriting scribbled on it. He tossed it on the table and didn’t open it. He was tired of rejections. After four years of trying and a drawer full of rejections, he was seriously considering giving up. How much battering could an ego take? It seemed no one but his family liked his writing and even they weren’t sure anymore about his ability.

  He’d submitted stories to literary magazines, trade journals, even publishing houses and all he’d gotten were form rejections with a “try again” here and there. He started to believe he was no good, that his dream would never come true. He knew he could never write like the best-selling author X. Unfortunately, he also couldn’t write in the current popular style that seemed to make new authors rich. Nobody cared whether he wrote again anyway. He was ready to quit.

  Months later, Paul finally opened the envelope and inside was a letter from the editor, enthusiastic about his work but asking for a minor revision in order to publish the work. Paul’s heart fell. Because of his doubts, he lost a great opportunity.

  Many new writers let doubt stop them. The “So What?” question echoes. If I stop writing, so what? No one will miss it. No one is waiting for my story or article. I don’t count. Yes, you do. Many writers live with doubt. They write thinking that they have no talent, no gift, no skill but they continue to write. Keep writing. Each draft makes you better. Recognize the days before publication as an apprenticeship. You’re in training like a musician or a dancer. Even if you have published a few books that haven’t done well in the market, consider yourself in training at an advanced level.

  Everyone has doubts; having doubts is normal. After writing over 100 books and selling hundreds of millions of copies, Nora Roberts still worries when she sends a manuscript to her editor
. If she still has doubts, you can too.

  Steps to Handling Doubts

  Read about other writers.

  Repeat an affirmation.

  Read something you wrote that made you proud.

  Write your own happy ending.

  Recognize that not everything you write is meant for publication. That poem that cheered up a friend accomplished its purpose. The article that informed your neighbor of the benefits of mulch finished its cycle.

  Offer your services for free. If the market has made you feel useless, use your talents locally. Help promote a fundraiser, write for your community bulletin, write a play for a school, or help create a brochure for a new business. Writers are always needed somewhere.

  Offer your services for a fee. You never know, someone may pay you double what you expect if you ask for it. Give it a try. You may surprise yourself.

  Doubt doesn’t mean you don’t have confidence. Doubt is normal. We all experience it, but you need to replace it with moments of joy.

  Effort

  What is written without effort is read without pleasure.

  SAMUEL JOHNSON

  * * *

  * * *

  Most people don’t like the word effort. That is why “fast and easy” are always used to market things. Many new writers think that writing should be effortless. It should just flow from the mind to the paper. They think desire and talent are all that’s needed for a successful career. Desire and talent fill up MFA programs all over the place, yet most of those hopefuls will never be published.

  Some will not be published because they refuse to learn grammar, to revise, or to spend the extra time to polish their work; others will not be published because they expect it to be easy. Desire and talent are great nouns, but to survive in this business you need verbs. Effort is what will separate you from the pack.

  Expect slow days, grumpiness, frustration, and fear, but continue to make the effort. New writers usually disappear at the stage where an editor suggests a change, or a rejection comes in, or a story isn’t working. They throw up their hands, believing others have it easier. Some do, some don’t. Don’t worry about anyone else, focus on you. Keep in the game and you’ll reap your own rewards. Doubt hums a haunting tune even to the most prolific, successful writers, so realize that it’s good. It means you want to do a good job and are striving for excellence.

  Now!

  Suffering is caused by wanting things to be otherwise.

  STEPHEN LEVINE

  In order to hear your calling and answer it, you must generously give yourself the gift of time. It’s not how fast you make your dreams come true, but how steadily you pursue it.

  SARAH BAN BREATHNACH

  * * *

  * * *

  * * *

  Someone’s going to reach the finish line before you do and it’s going to hurt. However, writing is a race that never finishes. Remember it is a mission not a goal. One year a certain writer will get his first book or article published. For someone else it may happen months or years down the road. Take your time, it will come, your name will be seen. It’s hard wanting validation now, now, now! You want to write faster, sell more, be rich and be famous. NOW! Enjoy the process. It’s the only thing you have complete control over. Wanting things now gives others power and then critiques will hurt more and rejections may be fatal. Keep going.

  Depression

  * * *

  * * *

  David is a writer of short stories and articles, but can find no joy in his achievements. He is in a dark place. “I can’t write,” he says. “I’m always tired. I hate the morning. I sleep all the time, I can’t think. I have no energy or ideas and nothing matters to me any more.” When sadness turns into something deeper or darker, please seek professional help. The problem may be bigger than you realize and more serious than you can deal with alone. But if you’re experiencing a mild case of the blues, it may be a signal that you need time off. Time to be alone and let your spirit rest. Many writers turn to stimulants to get them through: caffeine, alcohol, food or drugs. At first these choices may seem like a nice quick fix, but in the long run, some of these choices have ruined careers and lives.

  If You’re Feeling the Blahs Try This

  Hide. It’s okay to not want to talk to anyone. To spend all day in bed. Pull the curtains because you hate the sight of the sunny day; unplug the phone. Eat what you want to. Read, listen to music, or cry.

  Get a friend to help you with the tasks you’re too tired to manage, such as mowing the lawn, washing your hair, washing the dishes or ironing your clothes.

  Staying in a cluttered environment or feeling ugly can compound your depression, so have someone help you clean up. If the lethargy slips into the next day or into a week, please schedule time with a trusted friend or a counselor. It may be something more than the blahs.

  Schedule some down time every week. If you have a habit of feeling down, you may be pushing yourself too hard.

  Daydream about how things will be when you’re past this moment.

  Get out.

  Talk to someone.

  When it Hurts too Much

  Suicide is a frightening reality in this field. Being a writer is a solitary endeavor, and it can be painful. It is one of the most overcrowded arts and you will get little respect. In no other field are beginners expected to be giant successes after the first try.

  If you were a new doctor, no one would expect you to become an internationally known specialist after a year of practice. But publish one book, and people will ask you why you didn’t make The New York Times Bestseller List, sell movie rights, or get a $100,000 advance like the teenager they read about. Ignore them. Guard your joy. If people ask you how much money you make, ask them their salary first then tell them if they’re close. Or don’t respond at all.

  It’s okay to be a beginner. It’s okay not to make six figures with your first book (or sixth book), or a thousand dollars for your first article. You are on your way.

  The Ultimate Dream Killer

  Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now, you are a whole, total person not an apprentice person on the way to some place else. Your completeness must be understood by you and experienced in your thoughts as your own personal reality.

  WAYNE DYER

  Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they’re yours.

  RICHARD BACH

  * * *

  * * *

  * * *

  * * *

  Excuses are one of the biggest dream killers in a writer’s life. Something happens and you’re knocked flat. Excuses give you a great reason to stay down and never get up again. They are prevalent and insidious, causing a lot of untold stories and ideas to remain so. Why? Because everyone believes them.

  I can’t write because I don’t have time.

  I can’t write because I’m too old or too young or too hip or not hip enough.

  I can’t write because I was awful in English or never went to college.

  I can’t write because I don’t think I’m good enough.

  I can’t write because I have an illness and that makes me tired all the time or I can’t see clearly or my arthritis acts up.

  There are many excuses, but I’ll address the three most common.

  I Don’t Have Time

  Sure you do. You’re just not spending it on your dreams. Like money, time is something you spend and many people waste hours. They say they’ll wait until their kids are grown, or until they have a better job or until an extra hour is added to each day. The reality is that time will always be taken from you, if you don’t know how to steal it. When I was going to college, working full-time and shuttling my mother to and from different doctor appointments, I would write in the waiting rooms, during my lunch break or on the metro. Another writer strapped for time hired a babysitter, another talked into a tape recorder while driving to work. Learn to seize sixty minutes out of every hour or sixty seconds out of every minute. Becom
e a crafty thief of time.

  How to Steal Time

  Make a list of what you do each day. Find one activity that you can farm out or stop doing all together. For example, is there a TV show you must see every day? Why not tape it? Do you commute by bus, metro, or carpool? Write on the way to work or on your lunch break. If you don’t take lunch breaks, start.

  Use a tape recorder in the car, while cooking, folding clothes, walking.