Ravage

by Lacey Carter Andersen

  Instantly, I take a step back. Cold fear sweeps down my spine. As a child, nightmares were rare for me, but when they came, they took the shape of the deadly being in front of me.

  Not that I can let him know that. Demons love weakness. And I was anything but weak.

  “Go back from where you came, demon,” I threaten in a low voice, reaching out with my powers for its mind.

  But when I grasp for its fears and anger, searching for an emotion I can use to take control of it, to hurt it, I feel nothing. Not one drop of emotion I can use to destroy it.

  What? Fuck. Even demons should have fear and anger.

  Taking another step back, I put a hand out in front of me, as if that might be enough to keep it from ending my life. “Whoever sent you, I can guarantee they aren’t as powerful as I am. Obey me instead, creature of the fiery pits of hell.”

  His cold eyes burn as he stares at me, and I know he’ll obey the command of his master, even if his master isn’t as respected as a dark fae. Whatever deal he made, it’s worth it to him.

  I also know that even though it’d be safer for me to try to reach the stairs and get help, I’d never put Lucian, Bron, or Dwade in danger like that. The thought of losing them like I lost Rayne tears inside of me, making it hard to breathe, and I make the decision to lead it away from them.

  No matter how foolish the choice is.

  Each time he moves closer, I try to move back, to keep distance between us. But already, I can feel his powers stretching out to me. My skin starts to ache, like I’m standing too close to a fire. And an itch grows at the back of my throat, making it hard to swallow.

  Should the iron demon knock me down and pin me beneath its heavy body, I’ll have only moments to live. The worst part? He’s one of the few creatures more dangerous to dark fae than to light, even though he hurts us both.

  Whoever sent him, sent him specifically to attack me.

  But if I can reach the main building of the academy, there will be guards. There will be some kind of protection against an iron demon. Even my manor has wards against them, so every major building on campus should too.

  Suddenly, I stumble on something, nearly falling back, but smack against the trunk of a tree. My heart races as I try to keep the demon in sight while maneuvering around the thick roots, but I already know that the mistake cost me precious moments.

  Fuck.

  His legs bunch, and I pray I’m fast enough to escape him before he leaps onto me. And then the worst thing imaginable happens: I trip, falling onto my back. I start to roll, but the iron demon is already on me. Its heavy body instantly crushes my lungs. My skin begins to burn, and I know in seconds blisters will form and my throat will close.

  I open my mouth to scream, and the demon’s head is sliced off, falling to my side. Black blood coats my chest and splatters my face, but I couldn’t care less. All I care about is that the demon is dead.

  Lucian is suddenly standing over me. With his sword in one hand, and the blaze of fury in his blue eyes, he looks like a knight out of a movie. One of his big hands reaches down and catches mine, and then he hauls me to my feet and away from the remains of the iron demon.

  Instantly, I’m gasping in air. He sheaths his sword at his back and sweeps me into his arms.

  I hate that I wrap my arms around his neck and cling to him tightly. I’m a dark fae. A powerful dark fae, with the lines of two of the strongest fae houses running through my veins. In all my life, I haven’t faced a true enemy. Anyone who tried to harm me could be killed in an instant. But now, in front of a man I’d never want to see me weak, I was suddenly needing rescue. It pained my prideful soul.

  “It’s okay,” he whispers, shushing me as he carries me far from the demon.

  My teeth chatter as I say, “I’m fine,” trying to sound brave and failing.

  He looks down at me, and there’s nothing of the grinning, golden boy that I’m used to. Instead, he looks overwhelmed with concern. His gaze sweeping over my face like there’s nothing more important in this world than me.

  “No one faces an iron demon and doesn’t feel scared,” he tells me in that soft voice of his that seems to rumble through me. “But if you want, we can pretend you weren’t.”

  Instead of answering him, I press my cheek against his chest, listening to the rapid beating of his heart. After all this time, how does he still know me so well? I remember when I had just turned thirteen. My parents had a big celebration, and I’d reluctantly joined the festivities. I’d even danced with some of the boys. And then, one of them surprised me by kissing me.

  I’d felt panicked. I’d rushed from the room, running for my monsters, but Lucian had caught up to me. His arms had been around me in an instant, and I’d felt like such a fool. Who ran when a boy kissed them? I faced demons, monsters, ghosts, all without flinching, and yet my own kind always seemed to scare me.

  He’d stroked my hair that night and whispered softly, “I wouldn’t want that jackass kissing me either.”

  And I’d smiled. And I’d felt better. Because Lucian always seemed to know what I needed to hear.

  I guess as many things had changed between us, that hadn’t. Maybe I’d done something years ago that pushed them away from me, but the connection between all of us was still there, even if they didn’t care about it anymore.

  My eyes close, my energy drained from the contact with the damned iron demon. With anyone else I might have fought against the suffocating exhaustion, but something inside of me seemed to accept that I didn’t have to fight it, not with this man. Not with this man, who wore a locket with the picture of his grandmother. Not this man, who could sing like an angel, but rarely let anyone hear him. I didn’t even know where Lucian was taking me when I heard a door open and close, and then another door open and close.

  “You’re covered in demon blood,” he says, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

  I don’t open my eyes, but that rumbling voice of his makes me shiver. “Get it off me.”

  His hands tighten around me, but we don’t move for a long minute. “I could put you…in the shower.”

  “Yes,” I tell him, even the one word costing me.

  A minute later, a light flashes on. He shifts me in his arms and turns on a shower. Then he sits, and my heavy lids open enough to see that we’re seated at the edge of a tub. He holds me there for a long time, before the shower begins to steam.

  “It’s ready” he says, hesitation in his voice.

  I force myself to sit up, then strip my tank top off, wincing at the black blood coating it. “Help me with my boots and pants,” I murmur.

  He clumsily helps remove my boots, but then his hand pauses at the button to my jeans.

  “Lucian, please,” I say, confused by his reluctance.

  I feel him take a deep breath, and then he undoes my jeans and pulls them from my legs.

  In my black bra and underwear, he lowers me into the shower.

  I stare down at the water, watching it turn black from the demon’s blood. The sticky substance seems to ooze off my chest and arms. My skin underneath is red and painful-looking, but not nearly as bad as it could’ve been.

  If he hadn’t shown up to save me.

  Why had he been out there? Why had he faced an iron demon for me? Any fae would’ve run. They wouldn’t have risked their potentially immortal life for their friend’s little sister. For a woman they hadn’t bothered to call, text, or even email in four years.

  My mind goes back to the last texts I sent this man. I still had them. I still tortured myself with reading them, every once in a while, when the sun shone too bright and the world outside looked foreign and unwelcoming.

  The visit was fun.

  No response.

  Is it nice to be back at the academy? Will you be home the next break?

  No response.

  Did I do something?

  No response.

  And I hadn’t contacted him again. Yes, I was lonely. Yes, they were my only
fae friends in the world. But no, I was a Bloodmore, I wouldn’t grovel for their friendship. If it’d finally occurred to them that they could never be friends with a dark fae, then I’d let them go. I didn’t need anyone.

  Lucian leans forward and uses his thumb to rub the specks of blood from my face, and I lean closer so that he can run his hands through my hair and wash everything out of the long strands. His touch is gentle as he moves his calloused palms over me, something I appreciate when my body feels so sensitive.

  My eyes close again, and I remember so much in that moment. So much of the Lucian who used to play with my brother. He always made me laugh, always made me feel included in a way no one else could. It was never like I was the little sister. It was like I was his friend.

  Now, here we are, years later, and his soft touch is running over me beneath the warm spray of the water. And for some reason, it makes sense that he’s doing this. Since the first time I slept with a man, sex had never been something gentle or loving. A man’s touch was hard and good, but so far from the way Lucian touches me that it almost seems impossible that a man is capable of doing both.

  If it were anyone else at any other time, I’d feel too vulnerable to be seen like this, to be touched like this. But with Lucian, it’s almost…natural.

  “Better?” he whispers.

  I nod, too tired to open my eyes. “Bed.”

  His hands freeze in my hair. “Esmeray, can you dress yourself? Can I get you to your—?”

  “Your bed is fine,” I say, slipping so close to sleep that I’m startled when the water turns off.

  A warm towel wraps around me, and then I’m picked up into strong arms.

  With the towel still around me, I’m settled into his lap. A shirt goes over me. Then, after a quiet moment, he reaches for the back of my bra, unhooks it, and pulls it off out of one sleeve of the shirt. My underwear goes next, although I can feel the weight of the warm shirt and the towel concealing me from view.

  At last, the towel drops away, and I’m tucked beneath soft sheets. When Lucian starts to pull away, my treacherous hand snags his shirt.

  “Lay with me.”

  I hear him moving around, then a little while later, the bed sags beside me. Instinctually, I roll toward him, curling against his side. My skin still feels strangely sensitive from the iron demon, and my body is drained.

  But somehow, I feel safe.

  For the first time since my brother’s death.

  7

  Lucian

  My father once said that being around Rayne’s family had forever corrupted me. That being around dark fae was like catching a virus, that suddenly the darker emotions could take root and grow within us. I never told him the truth. I never said that it wasn’t being around Rayne and his family that had changed me forever, it was being connected to Esmeray.

  Being her mate.

  Were she a light fae, she would feel our connection the same way we do. Like a part of our souls we never knew existed suddenly flared to life. Like we changed in ways that not even we could understand.

  But she isn’t a light fae. While she changes us, we don’t change her.

  Emotions I never thought could live and breathe within me so overwhelmingly do. Like rage.

  For a second I see myself as a young boy standing in front of my grandmother’s cottage as the flames consumed the structure. But I only felt the flames at my back, because I couldn’t turn around. I couldn’t look back. Because if I did, I’d remember that the flames might burn away the evidence of what I’d seen, but it could never erase the images from my mind.

  If I wasn’t connected to Esmeray, I had no doubt that I would’ve accepted my grandmother’s murder. I’d look back at our time spent in her kitchen with fondness, not the bitter-sweetness that I did. But I was glad. If I forgot the pain and anger of that night, then maybe I’d lose my empathy for others when they lose loved ones. I’d walk around this world believing that my future was guaranteed and that the evil that lurks in the shadows couldn’t hurt me.

  I never wanted to be that naive again.

  It takes me a second to realize that my hands are clenched and that sweat beads my brow. I take a ragged breath and try to focus on the future. To focus on what had brought me to such a dark place.

  When Bron had told me that Esmeray was now on campus, taking over her brother’s old room, I’d felt a need to be near her uncurl within me like nothing I’d felt in my life. After knocking lightly on her door and finding her gone, the way I felt changed. Worry grew. I’d gathered my weapon and set off to find her.

  But when I came across the iron demon attacking her, it was rage that took over. That blinded me. I’d felt things when killing that demon that no light fae should feel…like complete and utter satisfaction that I killed the creature hurting my female.

  And when I’d swept her into my arms and carried her light body to my bedroom, I was complete for the first time in my life. Her body, her touch, things I’d gone too long without, were finally a part of me. Even knowing that it was a false feeling of completeness, that my mate hadn’t willingly came into my arms, that fear and weakness had brought her to me, wasn’t enough to diminish the sense that everything was right in my world at last.

  But now? Now I was a fool, because as she lay against me in my bed, I felt things I should never feel for a woman who cannot love me back in the same soul-ending way that I love her. I stare down at her ashen face, framed by her dark hair, and I can’t imagine spending another night alone.

  “Fucking hell,” I whisper to myself.

  She turns slightly, her brows drawing together, and curls closer to me.

  I clench my teeth, willing myself to stay silent. I might want forever with Esmeray, but I couldn’t have that right now. What I could have… I could have tonight.

  And that would need to be enough.

  8

  Dwade

  Lunch with Lucian and Bron was strange. I felt like we hadn’t yet gotten used to Rayne’s empty seat since his death. We spent so much of our lunch in silence. Rayne was the guy who filled up our time with his stories and laughter. Without him, we stared a lot at his seat. We laughed, then grew quiet. But now that Esmeray was here, all we had were stories about her.

  And yet, the shift was unexpected.

  Lucian had told us about his fight with the iron demon and about Esmeray. It was hard to breathe as he described what had happened. A part of me felt angry with myself for not knowing she was in trouble. A part of me hated myself for not being there to protect her.

  But there was also something inside of me that wished I had been the one to offer her protection instead of Lucian. Never before had I seen him as competition. It bothered me that I was jealous of a man who was like my brother.

  And then Bron had told us about what had happened in their class. Fucking professor asshole is going to regret hurting our Esmeray. But as angry as I was, I was also shocked that a teacher at this academy would stand up so blatantly against the Bloodmores. No one had been that foolish with Rayne.

  The three of us had come to the conclusion that Esmeray was in more danger here than we ever imagined, and that we needed to keep a better eye on her. We just hadn’t decided how exactly to do that with her being so pissed at us.

  When lunch ends, it feels weird to head to our next classes. And yet, I’m looking forward to working out the strange tension beneath my skin. At the gym, I change into my sweat clothes and step out into the huge room with mats laid all over the floors. Fighting for Your Life was a class all students were required to take every year. And although most people hated it, it was my favorite class.

  Until I spot Esmeray.

  I stop, frozen in my tracks. She wears the flowing white top that all the fae women wear, with the short white shorts, but it looks completely different on her. Even though it’s loose at her waist, it hugs the curves of her breasts, and the shorts show off her long, beautiful legs. For a second I can’t seem to remember to breathe, but the
n my gaze meets hers, and she lifts a brow, breaking the spell.

  WIthout a thought, I move to stand at her side. My arms fold in front of me. I silently dare anyone in the room to try to touch her. Esmeray had been hurt too much already, and I’d be damned if I allowed someone to hurt her with me here.

  “Dwade, you’re looking big, as always.”

  I let my gaze slide to her. She’s mocking me. And damn it if I don’t mind one bit.

  It feels like my damn heart is swelling as I look at her. Did we think it was smart to stay away from her until we could offer her everything? Did we want to graduate and come to her as men, swearing our lives, and our estates to her? We’d dreamed of laying it all at her feet and making it impossible for her to refuse us.

  But just looking at her, I know we were wrong to wait. Life wasn’t complete without her at our sides.

  “Still not talking much? Got it.”

  I try to think of something to say, but my mouth opens and nothing comes out. I’m not exactly good with words in any situation, but Esmeray always finds a way to make me feel even more awkward. Like anything I say will end up being the wrong thing.

  “Dwade!” A blonde named Alice comes sprinting up to me, fluttering her long eyelashes. “Do you think you can show me that new move today?”

  “Actually,” I clear my throat, “I think I’ll help Esmeray today.”

  Alice’s gaze slides to Esmeray and her joyful emotions change, instantly radiating jealousy and annoyance before she hides her feelings away. “Oh, so this is Rayne’s sister? I guess I expected…someone more like him. But I guess you boys feel a need to watch out for her. That’s so sweet of you. The poor thing is probably feeling lost.”

  I’m trying to figure out what the hell to say to that when Esmeray speaks instead. “First of all, I’m right here. You don’t have to talk about me like I’m fucking invisible.”