by Pratt, Lulu
“Marshall, can we talk?” I heard myself ask.
“Yeah, Ford? You want to talk?” he asked, chuckling sarcastically. “What do you want to tell me? How you plan to dispose of my baby sister like every other woman in your life?”
His words struck harder than his blows. I couldn’t believe that was how he thought of me, but saying it in front of Charlotte left me embarrassed. I knew it wasn’t much of an exaggeration, but I had been open about my lack of commitment or connection to women in my past.
“Marshall, stop!” Charlotte interjected.
“Oh, he didn’t tell you about that, huh?” he asked, smiling devilishly as he turned to me. “Ford, why didn’t you tell my little sister how you dog women? Make them feel like they’re on top of the world before pulling the rug out from under them. Were you going to tell her in a week that you’re not really looking for a relationship? Or was she gonna get the two-week special?” He grinned, but there was no humor in his face.
“It’s not like that with Charlotte,” I stepped forward, holding my hands to my side, hoping not to start another altercation.
“It’s always like that with you. You don’t respect women, you use them.” He glared into my eyes with a disdain I’d never seen from him. “Is that what you want?” he asked his sister.
She looked at me with glassy eyes, searching for explanations to all her brother had accused me of, but I had none. And even if I did, I knew it wasn’t the time to challenge Marshall. Not when he was enraged. I could see the fear clouding her eyes, as though she had just been exposed to my truth.
I tried to connect, as we had so many times in the past, without speaking a word. But the bond between us felt severely weakened as her sight dropped to her feet. She couldn’t even look at me as her brother pounced on her doubt.
“Is that what you want? To be discarded like trash after he grows bored?” Marshall asked.
“Marshall, I would never,” I stepped forward, unwilling to watch him feed lies to her sister.
Charlotte was indispensable to me. I never wanted things to end between us, and I thought she knew that. Now, I was questioning the connection I once felt, if she was so willing to believe something so opposite of all I’d been telling and showing her.
“You don’t get to speak now!” Marshall yelled, balling his fists at his side as he stepped towards me.
“I understand you’re upset. I never meant for you to find out like this. But you must know I never meant any disrespect towards you. I wouldn’t even think of discarding Charlotte.” I paused, feeling the need to declare how deeply I felt for her.
We were connected, and despite the doubt in her eyes, I wanted her to know I cared even more for her. Seeing the possibility of losing her flash before my eyes made it very real. She was everything that was missing from my life. The missing puzzle piece to make everything make sense.
I’d been the happiest in my life spending the past few weeks with Charlotte, becoming more of the man I wanted to be. She had changed me for the better, allowing me to dream in ways I thought impossible for someone like me.
I loved her.
That was the feeling I wanted to shout from the highest mountain. But it wasn’t right to blurt it out in such a chaotic moment. I didn’t want that dark cloud hovering over what should be a bright memory. Charlotte deserved better than that, so I stayed quiet, accepting defeat.
“You’re pathetic, Ford. You know that?” Marshall glared at me. I sighed, unable to fight with him any longer. I was drained, physically and mentally. Exhausted from the inevitable ambush I’d convinced myself could never happen. “Go get your things, Charlotte.”
She paused for a moment and then walked out quietly, her eyes still trained on the floor as she tiptoed across the floor. Watching her go, my stomach sank knowing it might be the last time I saw her in my house that I had only hoped a few hours earlier she would one day make a home.
In a matter of minutes, my life had been flipped upside down, and there was nothing I could possibly do to stop it. My lies and omissions had caught up to me. The karma of my past actions. It was a debt I had to repay.
Ford was right, I had discarded more women than I could remember. So many times, I refused to let a one-night stand turn into more. I never cared to build a relationship, trust, or anything else with a woman. It was all coming back to me tenfold, taking the only woman I’d ever loved.
“Marshall, can we talk about this?” I asked quietly.
“I don’t have shit to say to you,” he answered without even looking in my direction. In a way, I was grateful not to see the loveless glaze in his eyes. It cut too deep to see my best friend hurting so bad, knowing it was all my fault.
Charlotte came downstairs in her clothes, my T-shirt discarded. “Let’s go,” she whispered to her brother, holding her overnight bag in her hand and her purse in the other.
Hoping for a signal, I watched her closely as she followed her brother out of my house. I wanted her to turn and mouth a message, or wink to let me know things were okay and we would talk later. But there was no secret message, no hope for the future. She walked out of my house, and my life, without a word.
Chapter 33
CHARLOTTE
IT WAS UNREAL, riding beside my brother in deafening silence with my thoughts in a tumbleweed of confusion. So shocked by my brother’s unexpected appearance, I was trying to make sense while texting Jackie. Typing furiously away, I realized my hands were shaking, still in disbelief.
I’d never needed my best friend more, unable to unpack all that had happened on my own. There were so many questions – how he could have possibly known I was at Ford’s? Or if he even came over with the intention of finding me? Was it possible the entire catastrophe was a coincidence?
I couldn’t believe it was random. Not with the look in my brother’s eyes when he saw me standing in the kitchen. Closing my eyes, I felt cold wash over me as the awful memory replayed in my mind repeatedly.
The recollection began with Ford’s smile, lying in bed with him as I woke up to see him watching me sleep. It was one of the most romantic things I’d ever experienced. Even more so than our bath together the previous night. The look in his eye sent butterflies fluttering in my belly, the emotion visible and endearing.
I felt like I could see my future with Ford, waking up to him every day. It was the beginning of a fairy tale. He’d even gotten groceries for me to cook for him for the first time, something I’d wanted to do since we began dating.
The idea that I was dating Ford Delvey brought a light heart to my chest, but it was quickly dissolved with the memory of Marshall’s face when Ford opened the front door. Again, my heart sank as though it was just happening, the memory still too sharp.
So wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn’t realize Marshall wasn’t driving towards our house until he pulled into the near-empty parking lot of the mall. Before I could ask why he was stopping, my phone vibrated in my hand. It was Jackie, asking where I was. I quickly typed the location as Marshall pulled into a parking spot and turned the engine off.
The silence hung in the air for a few more moments as the tension grew even thicker, something I thought impossible. My thoughts had distracted me from the discomfort of riding without speaking a word after the most awkward experience of my life.
My stomach began cramping with anxiety as Marshall’s glare threatened to burn a hole into my cheek. My heart was pumping so hard, I could feel my pulse everywhere from my temples to my toes. Slowly, I turned to see his reddened face, his blue eyes ice cold with an emotion worse than anger.
“I am so disappointed in you, Charlotte.” He confirmed my suspicions with a stern voice, his hands still tightly gripping the steering wheel.
I could feel my blood pressure rising, feeling months and years of buried feelings bubbling in my chest. It was an overdue conversation I’d been putting off for far too long. Stunned by his ambush at Ford’s, I had been raddled too hard to find my words.
; “You have to…” he continued, but I interjected, unable to hear another of his lectures.
“Marshall, you have sacrificed a lot for me,” I started, pausing to breathe slowly, feeling the nerves building. His frown was distracting, his brows almost touching. “I appreciate all you’ve done for me. I’m not ungrateful, but I can’t live my life for you forever.”
“Live your life for me? This has nothing to do with me,” he barked, his tone abrasive and unapologetic.
“Yes, it does. Everything in my life has to do with you, apparently.” I glared at him, unwilling to back down in the slightest. “You think everything I do is about you!” I yelled too loudly.
“Watch your tone!” He pointed his finger sternly.
“No! I will not let you lecture me for living my life! You’re not my dad! You don’t get to tell me you’re disappointed in me for following my heart!” I screamed, feeling the warm tears stream down my face.
“Follow your heart?” His words were laced with disbelief and what felt like disgust.
“Yes! Believe it or not, my and Ford’s relationship had nothing to do with you! He wanted to tell you, but I knew you would react like a crazy person, because it’s what you do every time I’m happy!”
“I’m acting crazy? I just found you at my best friend’s house looking like yesterday!” he barked.
“And it’s none of your damn business!” I returned his aggression, wiping the tears from my eyes as the anger and embarrassment faded.
How could he show up and embarrass me like that? Ruining my perfect morning was the least of it. My brother had also started a fight with Ford, shoving and punching him so hard I worried he had broken bones.
“You are my business!” Marshall challenged.
“No, I’m not! I get to make my own decisions about my life, and you’re not going to keep treating me like a child forever.”
We were turned to face each other, staring into our matching eyes as a woman walked past the car, unaware of the tension inside. My phone again vibrated, another message from Jackie. I glanced quickly before continuing the stare down.
“I would treat you like an adult if I trusted you could make decisions like one,” he growled, speaking through his teeth.
“My decisions are mine to make, good or bad. This is my life, and I’m going to live it. I’m done hiding things from you to appease your control issues. And I’m not going to sit here and let you berate me for having a life,” I said, turning away as I finished.
Reaching for my bag, I opened the car door, refusing to continue the argument. Marshall had ruined too much in my life, excusing it as protection. I was sick and tired of being treated like a child, forced to follow his every instruction.
“Where are you going?” I heard him ask just before I slammed the car door behind me.
So tired of explaining myself and asking for permission, I didn’t bother to answer. Instead, I blended in with everyone else heading to the mall, though my mind was anything but relaxed. Looking over my shoulder, I looked for Marshall, unsure if he would follow me. But instead, I saw his car still parked. Even from the distance, I could see his head in his hands, leaning on the steering wheel.
A rush of sympathy rushed over me just as I reached the front entrance of the mall. I was seconds from turning to go and check on my brother, as he always did with me, when I heard my name.
“Charlotte!” The concern was clear in Jackie’s voice as she rushed towards me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.
I hugged her close, squeezing tightly, grateful for the comfort after such an uncomfortable morning and confrontation with my brother. Fighting back my tears, I took three deep breaths before releasing my best friend. She searched my face for understanding as I gathered my words. I’d been very brief in our text exchange, but urgent enough for her to drop what she was doing and come to my aid.
Slowly, she pulled away, probably too curious to delay it any longer. “What is going on?” she asked, looking towards the parking lot. “Is that your brother’s car?”
“Yes,” I sighed, rubbing my eyes, hoping to wake up from the nightmare in Ford’s bed. “He just showed up at Ford’s house.”
Jackie gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. She knew better than anyone how overprotective my brother could be. “How bad was it?” she finally asked.
“As bad as you can imagine,” I shook my head at the recollection. “Marshall attacked Ford. He wouldn’t even fight back,” I remembered, still unsure why he didn’t defend himself against my brother. Ford kept him at bay with his strength, but he didn’t throw one blow.
“Oh, Charlotte,” Jackie pulled me back into her embrace. “I’m so sorry.”
She was the only person I’d confided in about my relationship with Ford. She knew how deeply I cared for him and the connection we shared. Resting my head on her shoulder, I allowed myself to grieve the ending of my first and only relationship for the first time.
Chapter 34
FORD
MY STOMACH CHURNED with anticipation. It had been two long days since Marshall stormed into my house, turning my world upside down. I hadn’t spoken to my friend in the days since, but this morning, he finally responded to my texts.
Sitting in a booth at Skyline Chili, I twisted my thumbs in circles nervously. It was our favorite restaurant since grade school, so I hoped it would remind Marshall of more innocent times. Unsure of whether time had cooled him off, I insisted on a public meeting to avoid another brawl.
I’d rehearsed my speech to him for hours, determined to make it clear how sorry I was for how things turned out. It was important that I made the distinction about what exactly I was apologizing for. I never wanted him or Charlotte to think I could ever regret my relationship with her. I would never apologize for falling for his sister, but I should have told him, and for that I was sorry.
“Hello! Can I get you something else?” The waitress appeared holding a notepad as she peered over her glasses at me.
“Um, I’m waiting on a friend,” I explained, my eyes trained on the door as they had been for the past twenty minutes.
“All right. I’ll be back around then.”
I’d already had a coffee, which I tried to use as an excuse for my jitters, though I knew the truth. I was terrified of how Marshall would react. We’d never had so much as a disagreement before. Outside of our arguments on the football field, Marshall and I had always seen things from similar perspectives. Being on his bad side was a new predicament for our friendship, one I was not a fan of.
The front door of the restaurant swung open and Marshall walked through, glancing around until his eyes landed on mine. I could feel the blood drain from my face as I swallowed slowly, trying to prepare myself for another confrontation.
He walked around the restaurant, taking what felt like a lifetime before he reached the table. Standing across from me, he paused before joining me in the booth. Failing to read his face, I assumed there was some apprehension about our meeting, so I launched directly into my apology.
“Marshall, I feel awful,” I began before he even started moving into his seat. “I should have never kept this a secret. I’m sorry I betrayed you, but–” I was barely into my speech when he interrupted me by holding his hand up. I froze, unsure how things would go. Marshall inhaled deeply before dropping his shoulders as he moved into the booth.
“You don’t need to apologize,” he said as he sunk back into the seat. It was the first time I noticed the bags beneath his eyes. He rubbed his hand over his face and took another deep breath.
“Ready to order now?” The waitress appeared out of nowhere.
“Oh, uh, are you eating?” Marshall asked.
“If you are,” I answered, still confused by his interruption.
“Just give us two three-ways, please,” he ordered for the both of us. It was our favorite meal, one we typically shared in brighter spirits.
“Anything to drink?” she asked.
“Two Mountain De
ws,” I added, and the waiter nodded before walking away.
There was another silence between us. Marshall’s blue eyes were dull and full of an emotion I couldn’t read. Still stunned by his reaction, I waited him out, watching him closely. Breaking our stare down, he looked to his hands as he nervously twirled his thumbs as I had minutes before his arrival.
“I shouldn’t have barged into your house like that,” Marshall finally broke the silence. I couldn’t believe my ears. While waiting for his arrival, I’d considered many different ways for how the conversation could go. None of them began with him admitting he’d done anything wrong.
“Marshall, I don’t care about that. You’ve never had to ask before coming to my place,” I said. We’d always stopped by each other’s homes without announcements. While I hadn’t yet invited him over to my new house since moving back to the city, I didn’t want him to think he needed to call before stopping by. That wasn’t the type of friendship we had.
“I know, but I shouldn’t have roughed you up like that.” He looked directly at me. It was something I hadn’t been able to get out of my mind since the altercation.
“You didn’t hurt me like I know you can,” I said.
Marshall smiled slightly. It was the first sight of his more playful side. The side I was more used to seeing. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Ford.” He shook his head slightly before continuing. “You’re like a brother to me. I was just in shock by it all.”
The waitress arrived, forcing Marshall to pause his story. She first set the drinks on the table, and then our favorite meal. We always ordered the same thing, which made ordering for the both of us an easy task. The three-way was a plate of spaghetti covered with the best chili in the world, and topped with a mound of finely shredded cheddar cheese.
“Anything else for you two?” she asked.
“This looks great. Thanks!” I forced a smile despite the tension I felt in my gut by Marshall’s last words.